arthurcrown Reviews

Ali & Ava (2021)

A complicated story with unexpected results

[9/10 · 30 April 2024]

All the norman expectations don't apply for this complex and well-crafted filum. The main characters Ali and Ava are both emerging, wounded and confused from collapsed intimate and somehow unfinished relationships, where thier extended families are niether 'in the know' nor understanding of their errant family members who are attracted irresistably to each others intuitive understanding and love for one other's ability to function in the haze of half-realised, shadowy phantoms from their family dynamics which hint at the profound disorientation and lack of cohesion in their daily lives.

Uncomfortably desperate, they cling to on another like the children they care for and inspire in their separate lives. As if, nothing else matters, their love for on another blossoms as they find a deep and unusual understanding in the other as they each seem to give each other the propect of what they need to progress with their struggle. Their love unlocks a boundless fund of caring and much-needed mutual love despite the cultural and racial differences between them.

Safe Haven (I) (2013)

Plenty of surprises and plot twists

[9/10 · 30 March 2024]

Well. I never expect anything less than a great story, well told with intrigue and passion from the gentleman who directed "The Cider House Rules" and this story is no different. Well it's got different characters.. but as a wise young medical student once observed about her future patients and colleagues "wherever you go.. it normally turns out that the people are human beings.

This story and people's relience and ability to adapt to challenges and stresses to create new relationships out of lost family members and new oportunities show through is every aspect of this well crafted film - with a few surprises to catch you out.. right up to the very end frames.

Watch it a second time.. in case you missed something the first time around.. and if you didn't watch "The Cider Hoiuse Rules" for a second dose of Lasse Halstrom's golden medicine.. It's full on an even wider variety of human beans !

Love Without Walls (2023)

Literally Chalk lines on the floor

[9/10 · 29 March 2024]

A totally captivating film that is all the more captivating as the actress in the lead role is already 'known' from 'My Feral Heart' which handles a difficult subject with sensitivity and a mature understanding of a Downs Syndrome child whose mother dies leaving the boy adrift in a community that barely understands him.

In this film, Shana Swash plays the other half or a married couple who slip from waving to drowning in an unstoppable sequence of events which leads understandably from precarious to dire in less time than it takes to draw the plans for their dreams in blackboard chalk on the ground.

I've certainly been in the situation where a reasonable place to stay suddenly stops being a home.. but never like this.. as a couple.

They soon run out of options as 'living in a car' in an ordinary street becomes unbeararble. The next unfathomable development leaves them separated and disconnected completely. As if nothing could possibly get worse.. a desparate move by Paul brings the nightmare to an end.

Never Rarely Sometimes Always (2020)

A powerful dramtisation

[8/10 · 29 March 2024]

As a 68 year old Englishman who cares deeply about the situation of women, this was a real eye-opener as far as the system in USA as far as terminating an unwanted pregnancy goes.

I've seen for instance films like 'Vera Drake' where unofficial, unregulated 'help' was available to women who had nowhere else to go for real help - to films like 'The Cider House Rules' and 'The Magdalene Sisters' that chart the fate of girls who were consigned by social and religeous perssures to enter arragements that nobody would choose as a way out of a tough situartion - I found this film intersting in so many ways from the pre-termination questions which spawn the title of the film to the effect the process seems to be having on the girl whose life is the subject of the film.

It focussed my mind on what is clearly an unbalanced situation where males manage to walk away from the situation where the female participant is more or less left carrying the result ? A film like this is maybe bound to create more questions than it answers and if that's the intention.. it certainly succeeds.

Great acting as it starts to unpick the many threads that permeate this difficult subject.

My Feral Heart (2016)

Had me 'Foxed' to begin witth

[9/10 · 24 November 2023]

I first saw this on BBC TV and er.. it was puzzling in so many ways.

Troubling in the subject matter - Fox hunting with hounds and dogs.. whereas if I want to cull (kill) a fox, I'd shoot it with a 0.308 rifle or a 12 gauge at close range with SG cartridges. Certainly NOT by chasing it around on horse back, digging it out of its burrow with long-legged terriers and finally dispatching it with a 0.22 blank in a 'captive bolt pistol'.

In this film there are so many difficult 'Hang on ?" moments.

As things develop, Steve Brandon's portrayal challenges the audience to say "Hang on.. OK Luke's Mum has died - but he's not a person unable to look after himself - we've already seen that ?

But in his new and difficult environment.. Luke gets help and gives help.

And er.. Hang on.. is that Pixie Lot's character that makes the first vixen call that Luke hears and responds to ? It's really a reenacted of the parable of The Good Samaritan ?

She's ensnared when he finds her - and treats her with respect and kindness. When a vixen makes that sound in late autumn - she's inviting gentlemen callers to service her urgent physical needs.

But Luke is treating the girl as the frightened, injured, ensnared animal he has chanced upon. And he somehow knows that dicretion is appropriate. Somehow Luke realizes that (like his elderly mother) she needs kindness, understanding and careful handling - which he supplies instinctively.

The rest is just the madness and cruelty of fox hunting and the people who do it.

Dirt Road to Lafayette (2018)

Zydeco ? What..

[9/10 · 5 June 2023]

If the music of Louisiana and the 'French South' is a mystery to you - this film with a combination of professional actors and professional musicians colliding by a combination of personal tragedy and accident good luck will enthrall you ?

We see the bereaved Murdo and his shell-shocked father reeling from the death of his mother AND sister. Yet as the film unfolds and Murdo's talent for playing the accordian begins to shine as he espouses a black accordion playing family and their Mexican associates which somehow transforms his life both presently and in the future ?

A great film that links Scotland to Louisiana as an unexpected story emerges. Some fine Scottish actors of international standing also take the story forward.

You've guessed where they're headed, haven't you ? Lafayette !

The Titfield Thunderbolt (1953)

Beeching Go Away

[9/10 · 21 April 2023]

The Admirable Crighton has produced a topical 'Ealing comedy' which captures and fires public outrage and anxiety over the Beeching plans to close less profitable branch railway lines in favour of fossil fuelled (diesel engined) buses of 'omnibuses' as they were known in 1953 (three years before I was born).

The Titfield (a village near Bath) is threatened by the closure of its railway - and through humour - all the genuine social upheaval which accompanies great social and economic changes, the 'wicked bus company' seeks to take over the function which the heavily capital intensive railways have previously held.

Local opinion, in the film represented by the Church of England Vicar and his Bishop (both keen railway enthusiasts) are joined by the ancestral railway builders (reprsented by John Gregson in a 'bullnose' Morris motor car) prevented from reaching the last departing train by Sid James driving a traction engine (Road Roller).

If there was any doubt that this isn't a 'Carry-On' - all that's missing is Barbara Windsor and Kenneth Williams et al.

The people running the railway are the forerunners of Richard Branson's Virgin Trains.

Out of Comedy in 1953, comes the modern reality of 2023 privately run airlines, railways and bus companies !

The Titfield Thunderbolt showed us the Shape of Things To Come ?

Cider with Rosie (1998 TV Movie)

Slad in aspic

[9/10 · 5 April 2023]

This version of Laurie Lee's childhood memoir includes the author, reading in later life the words from the book. The screenplay is written by John Mortimer and shows a deeper understanding of what Laurie wrote as an adult, looking back. John's characterisation of the soldier who's hiding in the wood near their cottage contains a level of understanding that will have eluded the children when he visited the cottage kitchen for some breakfast. But in this scene Laurie's mother betrays her hopes that her absent husband will truly return to her some day. In this version, directed by Charles Beeson, the family is rich in complexity. Laurie would go on to write a lyric prose-poetic novel which - like George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' - even a child can understand and enjoy.

Laurie's elder brother Jack went on to direct films such as 'A Town Like Alice' and another with Dirk Bogarde. These children of the Slad Valley gave back to us all a rich and insightful version of mankind, rooted in their childhood home.

I'm 67 years old now and am able to see my own life in a warmer, softer light than I originally experienced it, thanks to Laurie and Jack.

Land and Freedom (1995)

Could be Eric Blair

[9/10 · 15 March 2023]

This unexpected journey in David Carr's dead end life in England paralells the life of 'George Orwell' who wrote both 'Animal Farm' and '1984' after he had been shot in the neck as a volunteer on the side against Franco in the Spanish Civil War.

Thanks to his return to England and return to writing, two of his most impressive works were produced in the aftermath of war.

Once recovered, he worked as a teacher - but the greatest achievement was to write a book that a whole generation of schoolchildren would understand and enjoy - taking the political message to heart, hopefully ?

This unexpected journey in David Carr's dead end life in England paralells the life of 'George Orwell' who wrote both 'Animal Farm' and '1984' after he had been shot in the neck as a volunteer on the side against Franco in the Spanish Civil War.

Thanks to his return to England and return to writing, two of his most impressive works were produced in the aftermath of war.

Once recovered, he worked as a teacher - but the greatest achievement was to write a book that a whole generation of schoolchildren would understand and enjoy - taking the political message to heart, hopefully ?

This unexpected journey in David Carr's dead end life in England paralells the life of 'George Orwell' who wrote both 'Animal Farm' and '1984' after he had been shot in the neck as a volunteer on the side against Franco in the Spanish Civil War.

Thanks to his return to England and return to writing, two of his most impressive works were produced in the aftermath of war.

Once recovered, he worked as a teacher - but the greatest achievement was to write a book that a whole generation of schoolchildren would understand and enjoy - taking the political message to heart, hopefully ?

This unexpected journey in David Carr's dead end life in England paralells the life of 'George Orwell' who wrote both 'Animal Farm' and '1984' after he had been shot in the neck as a volunteer on the side against Franco in the Spanish Civil War.

Thanks to his return to England and return to writing, two of his most impressive works were produced in the aftermath of war.

Once recovered, he worked as a teacher - but the greatest achievement was to write a book that a whole generation of schoolchildren would understand and enjoy - taking the political message to heart, hopefully ?

An Irish Goodbye (I) (2022)

A whole lifetime in a short filum

[9/10 · 15 March 2023]

As we follow Turlough and Lorcan through their grief at their mother's death, with unexpected inspiration from Jesus' local representative - the boys find renewed faith in their love of one another.

'Mum's List' was never written down but was profound and far reaching ?

As we follow Turlough and Lorcan through their grief at their mother's death, with unexpected inspiration from Jesus' local representative - the boys find renewed faith in their love of one another.

'Mum's List' was never written down but was profound and far reaching ?

As we follow Turlough and Lorcan through their grief at their mother's death, with unexpected inspiration from Jesus' local representative - the boys find renewed faith in their love of one another.

'Mum's List' was never written down but was profound and far reaching ?

Manchester by the Sea (2016)

Scars that won't heal

[9/10 · 29 March 2022]

Kevin Lonergen's film shows an insightful view of the ups and downs and thrills and spills of a family of fishermen-cum-handymen on the US east coast. The effect of deaths over a long period whose grief and pain periodically resurfaces with unexpected explosions of anger and self-rebuke that bubbles away deep in the toubled minds of the characters is salutary. A true-to-life tale, well told.

From inside the lives of the characters, their feelings are, perhaps unfathomable and their transgressions unforgivable; but as they move forward they are protected by the tricks and safety valves that their own minds come fitted with, as standard. Great acting to make things seem 'normal' when in fact they are anything but.

Casey Affleck and Michelle Williams' portrayals show powerful insight into the people they are pretending to be.

Iris (I) (2001)

Forgettable

[8/10 · 29 March 2022]

This biopic shows two high-functioning intellectuals who are nevertheless succumbing to the 'life-in-death' disease 'alzheimers'. What Billy Connolly said about 'Parkinson's' disease applies even more to the dementia that is this disease being portrayed.

Alois Alzheimer identified a disease that would cause the sharpest of souls to be unable to recognise their closest and most beloved relatives. Thank God Judi Dench and Jim Broadbent are only pretending at the time the film was made. Later in their lives, who knows ?

The Firefighter (2017)

Impact of the fire on a Fire Officer attending - Ricky Nuttall

[9/10 · 18 February 2020]

Roy Khalil's compelling and moving film portrays the profound and long-lasting psychological effects of the fire which broke out in the Grenfell Tower building in West London on 14.06.17

The fire raged and the lives of 72 residents were lost and 70 more injured before the fire was finally brought under control in the early hours of 15.06.17

The Firefighter particularly focusses upon the shattering emotional impact of the fire upon Ricky Nuttall; a fire officer attending from Battersea Fire station, who witnessed some of the deaths and injuries. His witness statement to the Grenfell Fire Enquiry runs to over twenty A4 pages

Ricky's account of 14th June 2017 in the film is in the form of an elegaic poem which reflects his depair, grief and incredulous bewilderment at the events of that night.

Ths film is the companion to "Fire in Grenfell"; Brooke Colman's equally compelling film which tells the story of the awful emotional impact of the fire upon two survivors; female children Yousra and Johara whose relatives lives were among those 72 lives lost in the fire.

The Enquiry into the fire reported in October 2019.

Fire in Grenfell (2017)

Impact of Fire on Residents - Child's Perpective

[8/10 · 18 February 2020]

Brooke Colman's compelling and moving film portrays the profound and long-lasting psychological effects of the fire which broke out in the Grenfell Tower building in West London on 14.06.17

The fire raged and the lives of 72 residents were lost and 70 more injured before the fire was finally brought under control in the early hours of 15.06.17

Fire in Grenfell particularly focusses upon the shattering emotional impact of the fire upon two survivors; female children Yousra and Johara whose realtives lives were among those 72 lost in the fire.

Ths film is the companion to "The Firefighter"; Roy Khalil's equally compelling film which tells the story of Ricky Nuttall, a fire officer based at Battersea Fire Station who attended on the night of 14th June and attests to the profound effect on him and other fire officers from different stations who attended in 70 appliances.

20 ambulance crews and countless police officers also attended the fire.

The Enquiry into the fire to reported in October 2019.

Keeping Faith (2017–2021)

Keeping Faith, whilst 'soliciting' in Oxford Street fashions

[8/10 · 28 July 2019]

There aren't many TV dramas which leave me (even when slightly pissed on Saturday evenings listening to Liza Tarbuck's radio show and fearing that I will soon be too old to be listening as a card-carrying member of the 'unexpectedly free' travel sector of the general public) yearning to be "fully Welsh" instead a just an old-fashioned, part-English 'Welch'.

Like every country solicitor who slips seamlessly from probate to conveyancing to petty theft in the Magistates Court, yet who wishfully dreams of petty theft in the morning and then - encloaked and bewigged - for murder in the afternoon in the Crown Court like Faith Howells (Eve Myles) with a pre-school child Rhodri (Oscar Unsworth, Seren Letherby) and a duplicititous, mis-begotten husband Evan (Bradley Freegard)

And what better resolution could there be to the shamelessly stereotypic 'foreigners'; than when the timely disclosure of unrequited love by homespun, practise secretary Delyth Lloyd (Betsan Llwyd) is met, not with ridicule, by retired, born-again, loved-up, founder-partner Tom Howells (Anieurin Hughes) but with warm reciprocation ?

That and managing to persuade accessory-to-marriage, Evan that attemped suicide with a kitchen knife that would hardly stand up in court as an 'offensive weapon', is fundamentally inadvisable on a 'not in front of the children' basis.

I hope I've done justice to what is 'really good telly' and may be finally admitted - gaga - (in a non-electric wheelchair - pushed alternately by Tom Jones, Anthony Hopkins and the ghost of Dylan Thomas) to an Eisteddfod.

Just for the record, I'm totally committed to spelling every word containing 'l' with two 'l's in my alphabetti, spaghetti in future - in deferential reverence to any Italio-Taffy residents of that chapellesque country; irrespective of gender, age, colour or sexual orientation. Even my banking will be switched from turqoise bank to the green one with the big, black horse grazing in the front garden.

Keeping Faith (2017–2021)

Welch ...please ?

[8/10 · 27 July 2019]

If there's any more compelling reason for wanting to be Welsh, than this series.. I'd rather not see it.. in it spoils things. (I'm only half-Welch, you see)

Keeping Rosy (2014)

Feeling anything but Rosy - instinct takes over - more than once

[7/10 · 3 April 2019]

Steve Reeves film, whose screenplay was written with Mike Oughton, tells the story of the what Charles Dickens might have described as "the worst of times and the best of times".

Charlotte (Maxine Peake) - a driven, ambitious and astute lawyer - stumbles over the fact that her male employers have betrayed her and passed her over for a promised promotion in favour of another lawyer, whom by virtue of gender alone has been unfairly selected for promotion in unjustified precedence over her.

Reeling from this straightforward and underhand duplicity, she struggles with feelings of furious anger as she travels home and tries to take in what has happened to her. Her career has been truncated unexpectedly; but she is a trained lawyer and tries to unscramble her feelings and rationalise them as she jouneys home to her 10th floor appartment.

Her hapless, impoverished, immigrant cleaner Maya (Elisa Lasowski) is smoking while hoovering the flat. It is Maya's birthday and in her bag she carries both a gift of of sparkling white wine and a card of good wishes from her partner or husband.

Misdirecting her fury at her unfair dismissal towards Maya; Charlotte replicates her own constructive dismissal by summarily dismissing Maya, who is no less angry at the outcome than Charlotte has been earlier.

Mistakenly, and no less unfairly, Charlotte falls into the misbelief that Maya has stolen the bottle of sparkling wine from her own fridge, where Cahrlotte has placed several bottles. They fight. Charlotte seizes the bottle and strikes Maya on the head - who dies shortly afterwards from a concussive cerebral haemhorrage. Only when her inert body is laying on the floor does Charlotte discover the birthday card which accompanied the bottle she has used to murder Maya.

Events continue to deteriorate as Charlotte foolishly tries to cover her tracks. Maya's infant child, Rosy, is still in the car where her dead mother has left her. As the action plays out, Charlotte developes a deep bond of affection with the child and involves her sister in covering up the awful crime.

More subterfuge, blackmail and a further suicide and murder ensues; but the audience is left with a sense of genuine remorse as Charlotte eventually acts in the best interests of Rosy bequeathing her to the care of her sister.

But the more responsible among us wonders; where's Dad, then, who bought the card and the bottle of bubbly for his wife's birthday ? Where's he in all this ?

Hyeongsa (2005)

Love in a sword-fighting world - Everybody needs somebody

[7/10 · 3 April 2019]

This Korean film industry masterpiece written by Hae-jung Lee and Myung-se Lee - directed by Myung-se stretches across continents to reverberate and resonate with David Selsnick's 1939 film "Gone With The Wind" tells a poignant love story much older even than even Greek Drama from before the birth of Christ.

Namsoon (Ji-won Ha) is a young woman police officer in a time of turmoil and strife. She notices Sad Eyes (Don-won Gang) and, without fully understanding what is happening to her, falls deeply in love with him and he with her. She is working with an older, fatherly, police detective Ahn (Sung-ki Ahn) who has to contend with the realisation that his beloved daughter will inevitably leave his care and make her adult life with the well-connected boy with sad eyes.

But their courtship is couched in the ancient, aggressive, martial art of kendo. Kendo is a Japanese, highly stylised form of sword-fighting using blades of the sharpest and most potentially fatal kind.

As Namsoon and Sad Eyes battle with one another according to the strict rules of Kendo - the matrial art - it is the human language of love which transcends all cultural differences that is raging.

Watch the film and enjoy. My money's on the girl getting the boy and the boy getting the girl - but there is so much counterfeit money around, who knows ?

What's Left of You (2015)

Can't Buy Me Love

[7/10 · 20 March 2019]

Abdullah Oguz's film of Levent Kazak's screenplay tells the story of a boy of 18 who suddenly inherits a fortune. He smothers his 18th birthday cake by jumping onto it and squashing all the candles.

Driven home, drunk, by his girlfriend Emma (Wilma Elles) - in a Ferrari sports car - Ozgur (Ekin Coq) declares that he will be eating her up - later that evening.

But then he's reined in next morning by his father's lawyer, but finds true love with Elif (Nesilhan Atagul) on the cheap.

I can hear The Beatles singing their 1964 song 'Money Can't Buy Me Love'. By the end of the film arrogant Ozgur has gained the humulity and insight to understand the wisdom of what Lennon (24) & McCartney (22) from Liverpool, England were singing about in 1964, under the group name "The Beatles".

A visit to the Orphanage and the vision of Elif, whom he perceives to be his mother, completes the 18 year old's beginning on the path to wisdom and adulthood. His epiphany (which a Christian moralist expression for a sudden and almost instantantaneous growth of insight and maturity) occurs when an explosion wrecks the orphanage in the village and his mortality is appreciated.

A great film which charts the growth in human insight of a young man embarking on adult life and embracing love and another person who is no less immortal than he.

Café de Flore (2011)

Staying away from Beefeaters forever

[7/10 · 16 March 2019]

Jean-Marc Vallee's film is a study of of love at different stages and conditions of life. It explores the complications and havoc which disability, drugs, violence, jealousy and plain old human instinct play in a process which is equally perplexing whichever side of La Manche or L'Atlantique you live on.

We see the changes in love between professional DJ Antoine (Kevin Parent), his wife Carole (Helene Florent) and what his daughter calls his 'Bimbo' (which is rather discouteous both en francais et en Anglais) Rose (Evelyne Brochu)

Excusez moi, if I slip between languages, while reviewing this film - I am thinking of Isadora Duncan while the young Downs Syndrome boy Laurent (Marin Gerrier) - whose days are numbered - cries "Au Ciel" as he is pushed back and forth on a swing by his mother (Vanessa Paradis) who loves him more than any boy-child could reasonably hope for.

As if we did,t need it, les deux amours Antoine et Carole sont enacted par la fils actuelle (Émile Vallée) et (Chanel Fontaine).

I'm noticing that 'love' and 'slave' are only two letters apart en Anglais and that 'amour' and 'armour' are only un seule un personnage different entre Francais et Anglais.

Anyway, I could go on all day, and often do. Voir ce film et decider toi-meme ? Je suis en bateaux au midi de La Manche en pecher. Je ne comprends rien !

Au revoir.

Isadora (1968)

Free Spirit, strung up without a fair trial, but whodunnit ?

[7/10 · 16 March 2019]

Karel Reisz's film of Melvin Bragg's telling screenplay explores and portrays the incredible life of Angela Isadora Duncan.

Vanessa Redgrave stars as the daughter of a bank fraudster from San Francisco, whose first step to sexual and artistic emancipation was to ceremonially burn her parents' marriage certificate.

We see in the film a woman who after a faltering start as an ambitious caterpillar is tranformed into glorious and irridescent butterfly who promotes and innovates a wholly new approach to dance and art in general.

Fortuitous meetings with Gordon Craig (James Fox) - an artistic soul mate; and Paris Singer (Jason Robards) a financial supporter and father of her second child.

A life less ordinary. You couldn't make it up !

Treacle Jr. (2010)

Lost : but not in Time or Space

[8/10 · 16 March 2019]

Jamie Thraves' haunting film about personality breakdown tells the story of Tom (Tom Fisher) and his descent into a profound confusion which challenges his comfortable everday life as a suburban husband and father. He is led in a somnambulant state to central London where, he is proptly robbed while sleeping rough.

He is briended, confused and (for the time being) penniless, by eternal optimist Aidan (Aidan Gillen).

Though just as challenged emotionally, Aidan shows Tom - by example - how to ride out the storm that is raging inside him. Aidan is shacked up with fellow-sufferer Linda (Riann Steele) an emotionally-damaged prostitute whose unimaginable history comes out in her violent outbursts.

But the real stars are stunt-cat Treacle and her younger replacement, eponymous stunt-kitten Treacle Junior.

This deeply moving portrait of a man's descent into and recovery from a bewildering identity crisis depicts the restorative effect and support given almost instinctually by Aidan, Treacle, and Treacle Junior - whose hapless lives are the catalyst to his recovery.

A great film with a much happier ending than hope alone would predict. Thank you, Eternal Otimists everywhere.

Mister John (2013)

Irishmen Abroad

[7/10 · 16 March 2019]

This Christine Malloy / Joe Lawlor film is the latest of their incisive and sensitive features I've had the privilege to watch.

With outstanding performances from Aidan Gillan (Gerry Devine), Zoe Tay (Kim Devine), Michael Thomas (Lester), Claire Keelan (Kathleen Devine), Michael Walsh (the late and floating John Devine) and newcomers Molly Rose Lawlor (Sarah Devine) and Ashleigh Judith White (Isadora Devine); this film about sexual exploitation and systemic child abuse shows not only the nobility of the human spirit underlying the intractible consequences both biological and emotional of the innocent lives rent assunder; but also the ripples in the lake of human suffering stretch far back into Eire and England.

Quiter and more insidious than the open secret that was the Magdelene Laundries and the Industrial Schools of rural Ireland; this film explores and explains the social problems that ordinary people will take generations to begin to face, let alone resolve.

Another new chapter in the textbook of human suffering. Our thanks to Christine Malloy and Joe Lawlor for spelling it out so unmistakably in words and pictures.

The Theory of Flight (1998)

Mile High Club Application Rejected

[7/10 · 9 March 2019]

The main difference between Richard (Kenneth Branagh) and I - in 1998 - is that I'd have given Jane (Helena Bonham-Carter) what used to be called "a good seeing to" in a remote shed in Wales in the late evening without any hesitation - as she is obviously gagging for it and nobody's about.

She's shown in a care institution watching space age crash dummy porno films with a realistic panting and moaning audio track. She's also spent two or three weeks, solid, fully encoding (@one keypess per minute) a long and prevaricating message on an NHS communication device, whereas "please ***k me" would have done the trick. Only 14 keypresses and hardly any f*nnying about (unless particularly requested). Job done. Film - only a short and well under budget.

But Englishman Paul Greengrass was directing and this is the (English, fully-sexually-repressed) movies.

In reality, in 1998 (even in England) you bought a Contact Magazine which was full of adverts with polaroid photos (stone age instant photography) - to avoid the roll of film conventional film being rejected by censors Boots the Chemist as pornographic when you put it in for developing and printing). Contact Mags were full of dodgy couples whom you could meet in shady pubs; then being careful to wear condoms to avoid the bacterial diseases that were curable with antibiotics and avoiding a.i.d.s. by refraining from anal sex or any sex where skin is broken and blood fluids exchanged - you went back to their place for seedy sex.

In 1940's Hollywood every chorus girl who wanted a starring role had to be personally f***ed by the director and possibly several other production executives to get the job in the first place.

In Shakespeare's day, all the girls (even those with motor neurone disease) roles were played by rent boys. That's why only gay directors and gay leading men thrived in the theatre.

Anyway this is a great, English 'will the young man ever work out where to put his penis ?' film in which Richard's chances of ever leaving the ground in a pile of old scrap metal are about as likely as Jane's are to get him to politely insert a working dildo with a new set of batteries into her willing vagina - or even have the straightforward ingenuity to hot-wire it from the battery on her three-phase, space-age, wheelchair.

But I'm not going to spoil the magic "Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid - 1969" moment where one of them admits "I've never shot anybody before ! / I can't swim !" you'll have to watch it youself to find out. The rumour that I get any residual on Netflix and Amazon viewings is laughable, but possible.

When a strange kind of aeronautical intimacy is finally achieved you will understand why the Civil Aviation Authority and British Airways Flying Club doesn't let Ken Branagh and Helena Bonham-Carter up in real aeroplanes in googles and leather helmets - however much they get paid for acting.

Children in those days were very naughty - well into their thirties. I wonder where babies really come from - my gooseberry bush is not working at all. Perhaps I need professional help from a horticulturalist ?

Bloody Sunday (2002)

Humbling Story Of Massacre In Derry

[8/10 · 8 March 2019]

Paul Greengrass film inspired by Don Mullan's book Eyewitness Bloody Sunday tells the awful story story of Irish civilians shot by British soldiers on 30th January 1972. The first British massacre carried out since my own birth in England in 1956 or was it ? The first had been the massacre of Indian nationals (Sihks) in Amritsar in 1919. The second was at Croke Park on 21st November 1920 where 14 civilians attending football match were shot dead.

30th January 1972 was the day we paid our renewal subscription to the International Massacre Club, unequivocally re-joining the ranks of Amritza in 1919; Dublin in 1920; Maille in 1944; Sharpville in 1960 ; My Lai in 1968; Derry in 1972.

If there were an awards ceremony for massacres, Britain would have won the Oscar, with a hat trick, easily.

At a time when Britain was feeling as self-satisfied at having its first female Prime Minister as the USA may have felt when the first black President was sworn into office in 2009.

A great film that shows the British Army at its brutal worst.