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13 Reasons Why (2017)
13 Reasons Why you shouldn't bother watching this:
1) Triple S protagonist. Stupid, Selfish, Sassy drama queen who thinks that everyone can read her mind 24/7 and then should do everything to please her and even if it does happen: still unsatisfied and angry.
2) Sloooooooooow pacing. 10 Os. You probably got a hang of it by 2017 in all of those series but... It's just painfully slow here, cause it's a full-drama-kind-of-show.
3) Insignificant problems which lead to a disaster (which is a suicide obviously). I don't know, I not from NA, but I honestly think that if people would be offended so much by things depicted in this show then NA would be a suicide park, not a country. Yeah, there were a few disturbing events but they were never addressed properly and escalated solely because of how stupid and ignorant protagonist is. She's 17, not 7, for Christs sake.
4) The plot thickens. Wait, no, it's not, it's actually hanging by the balls. It's just so painful to watch how those characters doing stupid things and talking bs throughout the whole thing just to advance this nonsensical show forwards. Cringe worthy.
5) Over-dramatization of everything. Again due to our wonderful protagonist. Well, and her "friends" too. This lemon got thick skin, I hate it, it hates me, it doesn't care about my feelings, gonna kill myself, literally.
6) Pointless characters. All kind of them. Generic bully, generic mystery booster, generic douche etc. At some point you'll ask yourself, "Why? Why they are here, what's their mission, what's their purpose? Probably it's gonna be revealed towards the end". Guess what, they are here to just annoy the hell out of you and leave wondering even after credits.
7) Senseless, forced and unnatural dialogues. Yes, the precious plot must go on, this way and no other.
8) Weird male protagonist. He's a shy nerdy introvert, but somehow getting attention from all sort of girls, almost never gets bullied (unlike other similar characters) and turns into cyber-avenger from time to time, depends on his mood. Really weird and inexplicable character. Just be prepared to watch this guy chewing on his snot most of the time.
9) Bizarre parents. 2017, every kid got a phone, laptop, PC, tablet w/e, with all the media going around they still fail to recognize what's going on with their kids and can't decide how to handle them, it's just stupid and unbelievable.
10) Complete ignorance to certain events, again, for the sake of the plot. It only makes it more silly with each episode, but I doubt they ever thought about it.
11) Logic. Nope, not here. You'll be always amused by their decisions, ALWAYS.
12) Gay problems. I am not homophobe, no, but it's just... Too much this time around I guess? "I am gay, didn't you know?", "You have two gay dads", "I am just a thin f****t", "You're too afraid cause everyone will know that you're gay?!", "Why are you spending so much time with this BOY?". These are actual quotes from the show, I sheet you not. I was really fed up with this and so will you, trust me. I really don't think that every other character should be gay just for the sake of it and have those "gay problems" going around in 2017 just in tact.
13) Moral point? Do everything and do nothing then maybe it'll workout the way you want. I need to drink something.
Wait, there's more, I'll add a bonus 14th reason!
14) Just kidding, I want to thank IMDb and it's users for this beartrap-of-a-show with 9.0 rating, seriously - thank you very much, it's my 31st birthday today and I've spent it watching this atrocity. Never forget. 3 Stars for the (usual nowadays) high production values, decent acting and a few other minor things.
Iron Fist (2017)
Formless. Shapeless. Like water.
Season 1 Review.
Let's be honest: when you're watching a series about a guy who trained in a mythical monastery and can concentrate chi in his fists and, uhm, break or kill anyone in one hit - you expect what? That's right, "stuff gonna be full of amazing fights, gotta watch it!" - you think, then you actually starting to watch it and... Yeah, it's just turns out to be another sheety drama with a made up story (well, it's called ADAPTATION and my hopes for them to not mess up a simplistic story written sometimes in the 70s while bringing it to the big screen are long time gone and I am not gonna debate here about the their annual made up plot either) and borderline unwatchable combat scenes, I facepalmed waaay to often, they were so cringy, unnatural, slow and without any kind of impact. And it's, again, in a story about a guy who basically should create impacts 24/7. There were a few decent moments of course, but for a 12 hour show it's, well, it's nothing.
Acting wasn't great either to say the least, Finn Jones and Jessica Henwick are both like empty watermelons, completely lost sometimes and unable to produce necessary emotions. Jessica Stroup still seems to be suffering from her trash horror movie endeavors. Carrie-Anne Moss being Carrie- Anne Moss, nothing unusual here. I was really surprised by Tom Pelphrey and mr. Faramir (David Wenham) though, they had a really good synergy throughout the whole show and Tom Pelphrey in particular did his job just great in my opinion, from a big-bossy-top-manager to a junkie and to a scared kid, phenomenal and I never even saw this actor before.
What we got is another soap opera where lead actor knows nothing about martial arts and the whole show falls short in basically the only category where it should've been successful. If you're up to another 12 hour soap bath then jump right in, it's pretty decent for what it is and if you expect cool fights and amazing combat choreography then it's certainly not the show you should be watching.
Arrow (2012)
Fillerama
I somehow endured 3 seasons of this, just because I had nothing to watch. It's not even THAT bad if you think about main story line, just a relaxing show, everything is pretty mediocre, but the main problem here is... Fillers. 23 episodes each season, about 7-8 of them are actually tied to the main story line, rest of the episodes they're dealing with maniacs, serial killers, robbers, drug dealers etc. It's totally pointless, cause you always know who will win and you always know that no one from the "good guys" will be seriously hurt/die in the process. Later it gets even worse - they're re-using same filler characters, they magically resurrecting, escaping from prison and other bs, but at least you're aware right at the start of an episode that it's going to be a lousy filler yet again.
Really don't understand why they need to make 23 episodes each season when most of them filled with stuff like I described above. It's really painful to watch and kills any amount of hype so that you don't even care about main story anymore.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
Ignorance Level 99.
So I browsed some IMDb user reviews before watching this movie and amazed by a quantity of 1-star ratings, I thought, come on its just a TMNT movie, it cant be that bad, right? But it turns out that its even worse than 1 star...
I don't know even where to start. I like the turtles design, they look pretty cool unlike those old nickelodeon cartoonish slug-turtles. Well, and thats about it.
Now to the bad things.
The story is just ridiculous. April saves turtles and Splinter from a burning lab only to bring them to the culvert and leave there on their own..!? Bullshit.
Splinter is just a plain mutated rat, not Hamato Yoshi or even his pet. The question is - how the hell he knows ninjutsu? The answer is simple according to the writers - he found some old ninjutsu related books down in the sewers and mastered them to perfection in no time. Oh, he also taught it to 4 mutated turtles and they also mastered it in like 10 years. Sounds "great".
Turtles seem to have super strength, destroying cars, brick walls and other huge stuff with little effort. They are supposed to be NINJAS not freaking HULKS, although Raphael looks almost exactly like Hulk from Marvel Comics... They also seems to be somehow totally bulletproof.
Shredder... The pain. I would fire and then kill a person who's responsible for his costume. It looks even worse than some Chinese plastic figures from the 90's. Hell, even super Shredder from The Secret of the Ooze looks better than this trash can with a swiss knifes. And not to mention he's a 2-liner, he just said "This city will be ours" and "Tonight I dine on turtle soup", thats surely in top 10 worse developed villains of all time.
Karai. I doubt I even heard her name once, but I assume this is Karai portrayed by Minae Noji. I think she only got slammed in the wall once during whole movie. Yes, that was her role.
Eric Sacks. WHO THE HELL IS THIS!? Why they invented such a boring and pointless character? What is he doing in this movie? Working for Shredder to get money? He's living the dream in the huge villa, I suppose he already has "some" money, no? Like there are no other characters from TMNT universe which could participate in the movie instead.
The Foot Clan. Is a joke. Just a masked mercenaries with firearms shooting left and right, nothing more to add.
Action is there yes, but again, coated in such ignorance - any enjoyment just fades away after you learning a few things about this movie, action scenes becoming pointless to watch.
Whether you are a TMNT fan or just a person who want to see a superhero/action movie - stay away, this is clearly not what you are looking for. This is CGI pop-flick completely ignorant to the roots of TMNT and common sense in general.
1/10.
As Above, So Below (2014)
One cliché on another.
Another movie from John Erick Dowdle, sadly it just rehashes old ideas from BWP, REC, his own Quarantine and some other movies.
So whats wrong? A few stoned actors made this look even worse than it actually is, but worst part is that it just teeming with clichés.
Lets count for a bit:
1) Group of youngsters in the catacombs: check.
2) Instantly disappearing walls/exits without any reasons: check.
3) Possessed hobo lost in the catacombs long time ago: check.
4) Spooky lady that haunts the party: check.
5) Blood instead of water (please stop): double check.
6) "Deal with your fears and we'll survive" type of thing: check.
7) Randomly appearing objects from characters fears: check.
Well, there're many more then that, I just pointed out some really old and repetitive tricks. To top that - its not scary at all.
Another thing here is that there's no explanation on why & what's happening followed by a mere happy end. That was just gross, if you ask me.
Movie will probably make claustrophobic people feel uncomfortable at times, but other than that there are almost no scary/remarkable death scenes (well, one of them is kinda original, I have to admit) or moments.
I'll give it 3 stars, since it's an atmospheric movie, but cant really say any other good things about this.
Totally passable experience.
The Purge: Anarchy (2014)
Probably cant be worse... Oh, wait!
Oh, boy... First movie was a mess, though watchable, but this one is a complete flop. Did you hear that, Coral?
Few pointless characters with minimal to no stories attached to them meets up during the purge hours and here begins their quest for boredom. Well that's it about the plot, really. All events they were involved in were so generic and boring that I don't even want to describe them.
I want to point out that its marketed as a "horror/thriller" movie, not to mention that its about people killing other people legally during 12H period with any means possible. And there is NOT A SINGLE remarkable death in this trash, yes, NOT A SINGLE ONE. All you'll see is cheap shooty-booty-chasey throughout the whole mess with abysmal CGI effects.
I guess no need to mention that there are no moments that will scare you or even just make you feel uncomfortable. And that's in a horror movie.
So, about good part - music! Pretty tense and cooperates well with some decent presentation scenes, they did a really good job on this part.
I'll give it 2 stars, 1 obligatory and plus 1 for the music, but that's it!
If you somehow a fan of the first installment - you'll be totally disappointed with this one, if not then just skip it for sake of everything good in a horror movies.