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Monkey Man (2024)
I don't understand the good reviews, not one bit
This movie could've been amazing, too bad the plot and cinematography was botched by inexperience. You can really tell its his first directorial debut about 30 minutes into the movie, when your eyes start itching to look away from the gratuitious shaky cam and the terrible, overused screen cuts.
The worst part of the movie was the lack of payoff. If you spend over 10 minutes on close up shots and zoom ins on a picture book about a mythical monkey, the audience is going to expect that mythos to tie in to the story beyond just a monkey mask and meritless comparisons. Everything that happened in the movie, beginning, middle and end, was too predictable.
Above all, this movie feels pretentious; trying to tackle political, socioeconomic and religious themes at the same time while not providing a single meaningful viewpoint or observation about any of these issues. The entire movie boils down to powerful, corrupt people bad, main character good. If this movie simply embraced itself for what it is, an action revenge story, it could've been a hundred times better.
Additionally, for a movie with this many fight scenes I would've hoped for more creative choreography and less shaky cam, which made this movie all the more harder to watch.
Now that I think back to the promo I watched for Monkey Man, I have to laugh at Patel and others in the promo for emphasizing the physical aspect of his role. There were clearly more than a few close up scenes where he tried to make his body look good, but am I the only one that thinks he doesn't have nearly enough muscle density to brag about how brutal and demanding his training was? His body type is attainable in a month with consistent cardio, and not a single weight needed to be lifted from the looks of his womanly shoulders, tiny chest and small arms. All the more reason to not take this movie seriously in my opinion.
Dave Chappelle: The Dreamer (2023)
Wow, what happened to Dave
What happened to the comedic genius in Killin Them Softly and For What It's Worth? All of Dave's new jokes feel more like an attempt to be quippy and not an actual attempt at making people laugh.
How the audience keeps laughing at some of the blandest comedy I've ever heard is beyond me, he must have hired people to laugh on purpose. I've patiently watched each one of his netflix specials hoping that at least one recaptures the magic that made me laugh out loud at back to back jokes in Killin Them Softly.
I don't care if his jokes punch down or punch up, the fact is that this guy simply isn't funny anymore, and hasn't been for a while. I've literally watched seven of his new specials; I don't know if there are any more, and not a single joke made me laugh or even smile despite understanding the context and what he tried to make me laugh at. The only decent joke he's had for two decades is the one about Jussie Smollett, and it didn't even make me break a smile, just made me say, 'eh, thats a decent joke that sounds like one a funny friend might have made up'. Make fun of anyone, even the handicapped all you want Dave, just please for the love of comedy make it funny at least!
Incredibles 2 (2018)
Many incredible parts, but not so incredible put together
There were a few parts of the movie I enjoyed, but they all felt like disconnected shorts and not part of any hour long movie. Jack Jack's powers, violet's visit to her crush's restaurant, and the frozone fight scene were all highlights and spectacularly animated.
But at the end of the day, the audience showed up to watch an amazing storyline followed with meaningful redemption just like the first movie. Yes, the humor and action is great, but I can't in good conscience vote this higher than a 6 when it ruined my favorite childhood memory of watching the first incredibles. In my mind, this movie does not exist. The movie feels like its writers just went on their social media pages and checked off things that people were nostalgic about, instead of focusing on delivering an entertaining, gripping story like the first one.
You can tell that not one coherent thought process was involved in making this storyline when you take a look at its main villain. Her actions don't fit her agenda and none of her plans fit her motives. The worst is that they portray the villain as smarter than her sibling, smarter than the supers, and smarter than syndrome. Syndrome and Screenslaver both had harebrained schemes but at least syndrome's plan and motives actually made sense. It was also a really bad move by the writers to resolve everything so quickly. Syndrome was introduced as the villain in the first half of the first movie; this is not the case with the villain here.
I know I am preaching to the choir on this, but what's a guy gotta do to get a villain in an incredibles movie with actual superpowers? Not only does this seem like a no brainer step up from the first movie, but it would've been a thousand times more entertaining than what we got here; especially if it's a suprise reveal that the villain has superpowers at a crucial moment.
Barry: tricky legacies (2023)
I really don't like the time jump
Yes, kill Cousineau to save your dead boring life with your repulsive psychotic wife that doesn't even touch you, Barry. Someone as impulsive as Barry would've found an alternative lifestyle a long time ago.
The most infuriating part of this episode was that all of it was just building up to reveal that outcome, and the writers literally could've reached the same conclusion without the timeskip. It seems the only real reasons for the timeskip were to introduce the son and to show how successful Sally's friend became. My goodness I'm disappointed with how far this show has fallen in one episode. Worst episode of the season yet.
Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)
A disappointing big blue fever dream
This movie fills a particular niche since its visuals are incredible. It is actually a perfect movie to watch after taking a couple edibles, but watching this sober is honestly a chore. There is zero reason to rewatch this movie other than for the visuals. The underlying message is as simple, inconsequential and one dimensional as the first movie; genocide and colonization is bad, nature and family is good.
Cameron once again shows two different perspectives between life among the blue people and the sky people to show this message. Avatar has always been just a fantasy dream of natives being able to fight off settlers with more advanced tech than them, but I think the audience was expecting a bit more intricacy this time in terms of the plot. Unfortunately, the story here is even more predictable and boring than the first, and you won't care about any of the characters. If this movie didn't look so good I would've rated it a 4 or 5.
The Founder (2016)
Slow paced and too long but has its moments
I was aware some restauranteur named McDonald was given the short end of a stick by some businessman, but I wasn't aware he had a brother. Or that the businessman he was duped by was some milkshake salesman. Very good acting by the main characters involved; made it seem believable.
I'd likely have rated this a 6, maybe even a 7 with a strong ending. The ending monologue given by Ray bragging about how successful he became due to his hard work and persistence really ticked me off. I'm not sure if the ending was supposed to piss you off, but the reality is he didn't become successful through perseverance. It was just straight dumb luck, even in the film.
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)
A movie made for REALLY dumb people
I'm not even going to bother talking about all the inconsistencies and plot holes in the writing because there's too many to bother with. The fact that the writing was bad enough to bother me while I was baked outta my mind means you'd have to legitimately pay me to watch this movie sober.
The proper way to watch this movie is to shut your brain all the way off and just skip to the good looking visuals they burned so much money on. Do not watch the entire thing or you'll surely regret it.
The one positive in this movie is that the villain is more fleshed out than other marvel villains; unfortunately the villain is still bad. I couldn't take the guy seriously everytime they showed the pants he was wearing. Showing the dead queen speaking in a vision to Shuri against a still green screen background was pretty funny too even though they wanted it to be serious.
Cyberpunk: Edgerunners (2022)
Closer to a 9 than an 8; I just don't round up
The last adult themed show that got me excited to watch animation was arcane, and I finally got to relive that feeling watching this show as well. It's made with enough detail and interesting characters to warrant at least one rewatch.
The latter part of the season is rushed and a bit weaker than the first half. In my opinion they made a mistake not making episode 6 the end of season 1; then they could've stayed with David for season 2. Now instead of people getting invested into the possibility of a second season, the hype and attention around this show will die off before this year ends. Episode 6 was their magnum opus that they should've saved for their season ending; if they tweaked their story a little the show definitely would've earned a 9 or higher like arcane.
Nope (2022)
A whole lotta build up to a whole lotta nothing
You can actually feel Jordan Peele's pretentiousness while watching this film. Black screens with different animals' names on them are shown periodically throughout the movie as if the audience doesn't understand the UFO is just another animal; despite this fact being repeated verbatim by characters in the film. No, the movie's title doesn't mean anything other than the word being repeated by different characters throughout. None of the characters' motivations are fully fleshed out or relatable.
The monster is shown to possess little to no intelligence based on the way it was killed, which makes it all the more unreasonable that it waited months before making its first move. Holst's character inexplicably commits suicide after uttering some supposed profound last words; just another example of Peele's pretentiousness at play. This movie is first and foremost classified as a horror movie, but I didn't find myself scared at any point during the entire movie. Even if a prepubescent kid watched this, they wouldn't have been scared at all. Additionally, critics praising this movie for having a unique, different concept are completely wrong. The entire premise of this movie is, what if a UFO was actually an animalistic alien possessing no intellect? Just because a concept has never been explored before doesn't mean it should be; an excellent example being this mediocre film.
Finally, it seems people are scared or unwilling to give honest criticism to a movie that features black actors and a black director. There was no discernable story and no reason at all to get attached to the story or any of its characters. This movie was hot garbage, yet people are apprehensive to say the truth for fear of being labelled a racist or a bigot. The movie definitely does not deserve its inflated rating. It's sad and pathetic that this is the state of modern cinema today.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
One of a few rare movie sequels that outshines the original
After a few years of less than remarkable movie releases, watching Top Gun: Maverick feels like you finally get to eat cake and ice cream on your cheat day after decades of chewing on bland chicken and broccoli. This movie spoils the audience in more ways than one: the abundance of fantastic cinematography, perfect use of tension, and stellar actor performances; which all culminate in a satisfying tie up to the story of Maverick.
I remember watching the original Top Gun and having a few moments where my attention would go elsewhere and my eyes wandered from the screen. This did not happen once during this movie. Even while following a somewhat predictable plot structure, Top Gun: Maverick never fails to capture your immersion from the first minute. Additionally, a few lines of dialogue in the movie felt cheesy just from reading the subtitles, but the actors involved really sold these lines to make it all but imperceptible.
Writers for this movie understood our protagonist and what makes him click with the audience, and were able to incorporate this into the story masterfully. Unfortunately this cannot be said for the vast majority of tv shows and movies regurgitated by mainstream media today.
Better Call Saul: Saul Gone (2022)
Threw it all away.....
For Kim's boring new life? C'mon man.... was hoping the ending would be more meaningful or at least more exciting.
But hooray for Kim's happy ending I guess.
Prey (2022)
Really wanted to give this movie a 7
The cinematography was beautiful to look at in this film. Adding onto this positive, I enjoyed the action sequences where the French trappers and the main character's brother take on the predator. These positives would have made me score this movie a 7 despite the cheesy dialogue and general lack of tension.
The lack of tension came from the fact that the predator let Naru escape either 3 or 4 times throughout the movie without giving chase. Presumably the predator let her live because it doesn't see her as a threat; however this becomes a plot hole later on. The movie shows the predator going out of its way to kill an unarmed amputated victim that posed no threat to it.
Prey is a sci fi flick, so I went into this movie expecting to suspend my disbelief a moderate amount. I'm ok with ignoring some rules of physics in a predator movie, such as the scene where a flimsy rope attached to an axe doesn't break when dragging the predator across the ground; a movie monster that definitely weighs enough to break the rope just by tugging on it. I can ignore physics in a sci fi movie; unfortunately the plot holes are too obvious to ignore even if you turn your brain off.
Additionally, the predator itself doesn't behave or act the way you would expect it to. Naru's brother was doing well fighting against the predator until it decided to cloak itself and stab him in the back. Judging from previous predator movies, it was extremely uncharacteristic for this predator to end the fight like that. The predator is intriguing because while it remains a largely unstoppable force it still shows honor and doesn't back down from a fight when hunting humans.
Finally, while reading some reviews I see the word "woke" being used a lot. When users call a movie woke I assume it means that the movie is bad because it lets a political message carry the movie instead of the plot. In that case, movies like Captain Marvel are certainly "woke". However I didn't think this movie had problems due to wokeness; and I was one of those people that disliked Captain Marvel as well as the Falcon and Winter Soldier tv show due to the fact they both sacrificed characters and plot over political correctness. The truth is, even if you change Naru into a male, the major problems this movie had with plot holes and lack of tension still remain.
The Old Man: IV (2022)
Here we go again...
Another television series going downhill from writers not being able to come up with compelling female characters. I'll admit Emily is interesting, but what was the point of painting Zoe as a sympathetic character the last two episodes if you show us now that her husband may have been justified in leaving her? What an irrational way to twist this story.
I have a feeling Zoe will turn into Ozark's Wendy, another famously hated television character, who was written so terribly by writers trying to make her seem independent and infallible that it completely ruined the show's later seasons.
Ozark (2017)
Overpraised, fluff filled waste of time
This show had a solid idea of how to work with the premise of the story and keep viewers engaged throughout their first season. It had compelling character development and it was actually entertaining to watch different characters interact with one another. Unfortunately it seems they used up all their best ideas in season one of the show. Afterwards every episode became a bunch of fluff filled nonsense.
Many shows are made so that ninety nine percent of the runtime is supposed to be just talking between main characters. Although that sounds boring, a lot of shows have managed to make watching dialogue for 50 minutes interesting because the dialogue is important and engaging; it moves the story forward. One such example is Better Call Saul. However, Ozark is different in that most of the dialogue that occurs is yawn inducing and completely meaningless. This in turn makes the majority of their show a fluff filled waste of time. What do I mean by fluff?
The overly drawn out, zoomed in face shots that take up ninety percent of the show. The pointless shots taken in the rain. What am I supposed to be looking at, rain and a black SUV for 6 minutes? Every character talks slow and in a somber tone, which is good for naptime, but extremely dull for entertainment. Additionally, every time a character is finished talking or a conversation ends, you can make a sure bet that the camera will zoom into their faces for an extra twenty seconds while they leave the room or just sit there, doing nothing. We don't need 40 minutes an episode staring at a face to figure out a character's emotions after dealing with the cartel. It's pretty obvious how they feel already. And finally, the yawn inducing dialogue that does nothing for character motivations or for the story. This show seems to think that overtly zooming into actors' faces for the majority of the runtime and wasting time disguising it as stylish cinematography is enough to cover the fact that after season one, there is no compelling story worth watching. Now that I've finished season four, it's obvious to me that the writers had no endgame in mind when they came up with this story, and are now just milking it for as long as they can.
Finally, this is the biggest problem of all. Most shows have deeply flawed main characters, but we are still able to empathize and root for them. This is impossible to do with Ozark. Since season one, Wendy has been unbearable to watch on screen; not because she is a bad person, but because there are no redeeming qualities to make her a compelling main character. There are no character traits that make you care about Jonah or Charlotte either. Every character other than Buddy and Ruth is just horribly written. There are zero stakes in this show because I don't care if Wendy or her children are killed off; in fact I found myself continually hoping for her death every episode I watched. I got so annoyed and fed up with Wendy's illogical antics and meaningless temper tantrums throughout the show that I started to despise Marty as well for being too weak to break ties or even stand up to her. Seasons 2 through 4 were a colossal waste of time. I just thought I would save people a lot of wasted hours by saying that nothing worth watching happens after season one.
Tokyo Vice: Sometimes They Disappear (2022)
Pointless
The stylish cinematography fails to mask the weak storytelling behind it. The episode did not move the plot forward enough, and actor performances were just enough to carry the scenes. The entire episode was boring and unnecessarily convoluted for the sake of adding pointless scenes that added nothing to the main story.
Moon Knight: Asylum (2022)
Disappointing
I'm quite convinced a good portion of the high ratings are fake or otherwise bought off. The tone of the episode was all over the place. It's hard to empathize with the hardships the main characters went through when you are being constantly reminded they are dealing with a literal humanoid hippo. The only good thing this new Egyption hippo goddess brought to the story was 2 seconds of comedy at the end of the last episode. She basically took over the narration and became a bland plot device this episode.
It's also extremely annoying whenever mainstream media tries to depict what childhood abuse looks like and gets it wrong every single time. I would've given up my left nut with no hesitation if it meant all I got beaten with was a belt; wielded by a woman with stick arms no less. That kind of change in personality does not get brought around by a few welts on your back. It would've been more realistic and easier to understand if they just showed his brother's death and cut out the parts about their mothers' reaction.
6 out of 10 for the entertaining performances from Ethan Hawke and Oscar Isaac. They really saved this show from becoming unwatchable.
Le Cinquième Élément (1997)
We need another movie like this, with modern special effects
I watched this with skepticism since this movie came out the year I was born, and most older movies don't hold up well for me today. However the level of detail to the different sceneries and backgrounds caught me by surprise. When combined with the writing and humor, this movie instantly became one of the best sci fi films I've ever seen.
This movie is better watched baked. I'd imagine some of the cheesy dialogue would bother viewers watching this sober. A couple scenes with special effects look bad due to the limited technology at the time. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that if they used computers to help make this at all, those computers would've looked like brick top stoves. Additionally, the ending is weak compared to the rest of the movie. Despite all this, this movie is more enjoyable and thrilling to watch than any movie released recently today.
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Watched three times, still can't make up my mind
The movie is obviously good, otherwise I wouldn't have rewatched it twice. I guess the part I'm having trouble with is deciding how good it is.
On one hand there are the visuals and matching cinematography that make you wonder if this should be considered a masterpiece. Additionally, there is dynamic, over the top entertaining spidey action the likes of which audiences haven't seen since Sam Raimi's Spiderman 2.
On the other hand, there are a few classic marvel comedy injunctions that miss their mark, even though this technically still is the funniest marvel movie after Thor Ragnarok. Additionally, there are a few glaring plot holes conceived in both the dialogue and the actual unfolding of the plot. These problems make me hesitant to pull the trigger on calling this title a masterpiece.
However I remember rating infinity war and into the spiderverse as 9/10 titles as well, before I realized I likely wouldn't see the quality presented in those movies within the next few years. After enough viewings I subsequently changed their ratings to 10's, and I'm wondering if that'll happen with this movie as well. If anything, this movie is the most I've been on the fence between a 9 and a 10 because it definitively joins the list of all time superhero epics such as TDK, Logan, and Infinity War in terms of quality and writing. Maybe with enough viewings I'll decide this movie is a masterpiece after all, because I can't imagine seeing anything similar anytime soon.
Dexter: New Blood (2021)
Got spoiled on how the series ends
I'd recommend this if you're willing to relive the feeling of ending a great series on a terrible conclusion. Knowing what happens in the ending you can see a clear parallel to Dexter's season 8 ending. A controversial, purposely unpredictable ending that goes against pretty much everything the original series built up.
Encanto (2021)
7.9
Although I rate this a 7, I believe the imdb score is underrating this movie a tad. The fluid animation and the movie's song about Bruno is so well made I was contemplating rating this an 8. But based on the plot setup, resolution and its diverse characters this movie would be a solid 7. Unfortunately the main character is boring compared to the side characters. I'd rather have watched a movie about characters that didn't get enough screen time, specifically Camilo and Dolores. On the plus side, it's a much heavier serotonin dose than Disney's Raya and the Last Dragon.
Arcane: League of Legends (2021)
Best example of visual storytelling this year
Arcane has proven itself to be a series that can tell a story through visuals without the need for dialogue. Its medium as an animation lets it use lots of creative techniques that are interesting to watch. Arcane undeniably usurps Castlevania and Invincible as the number one tv contender for western animation.
Dune (2021)
Weak second half drags the movie out
The first half of the movie built up a lot of potential with its worldbuilding and perfect use of tension. However all of this tension that was built up simply dissipates in the latter half of the story; the second half felt more like a few tv episodes stitched together.
The sandworm, aerial chases, and Duncan's escapades all happen in the first half of the story, which are the most notable parts of the movie.
Although they hinted at it in the movie that the body shields make them somewhat invulnerable, I'm confused why they fight with swords when they are capable of interstellar travel? Do controlled explosions or explosive projectiles to bypass these body armours not exist in the Dune universe? Not even sound waves can penetrate these shields? It wouldn't make sense that it can't withstand a few swings of a sword but it can take on kinetic energy from sound or explosions which should be several magnitudes higher than a sword swing.
If the movie hadn't dragged so long in the second half, it could have been a highly entertaining standalone movie that deserves a scoring of 8 or better. Most critiques of this movie are spot on; the visual effects were impressive but I had little to no emotional investment in these characters. Also in my opinion, the use of prophecies as foreshadowing and as a plot device hardly ever works well. I've rarely seen instances of it being executed well within any narrative. However I'll hold off my judgement on this segment until part 2.
Heavyweights (1995)
Not Funny, a 5 flat
I watched this movie based on reviews saying this movie is hilarious. Fat people are inherently funny to me, so I figured this might be worth a watch. However this movie fell completely flat on the comedy side. The best it got out of me was a slight chuckle when I was watching the fat kids belly dive into the lake. And well, the premise of the movie does not turn out a very entertaining story. I watched this movie mainly for the comedy, and it wasn't funny at all.
I had some hope for this movie since this movie concept probably wouldn't have been able to be made today. However the fat jokes were pretty bad, a lot of them revolving around candy and drive thru restaurants. There are so many ideas off the top of my head that could've made this movie much funnier and actually watchable. It's not that this movie COULD'VE been funnier, it's that this movie SHOULD'VE been funnier. Anyone can see the premise of the movie, a bunch of fat kids in training camp led by a former fat kid, would've been a treasure trove of gold comedy material. Even something as nonchalant and low effort as seeing a fat kid oinking in a pig costume would've made me laugh.
Really this movie deserves worse than a 5 rating since its a comedy movie that didn't make me laugh once. However you can tell some effort was put into churning out a good story in terms of the plot. The plot still isn't good, but they earn a 5 for the obvious effort. However if they were putting that much effort into making the story work, they should've changed the message. No, being fat is not something to be proud of or be content with. I wouldn't have even cared about this faulty message if the movie was funny. But if a comedy movie isn't funny, it should at least have a good storyline with a good message. Heavyweights did not deliver.
All in all, this is a guilty pleasure movie someone might've enjoyed when they were young. That's the only reason someone would rewatch this movie.
Loki (2021)
Best of the Marvel TV shows so far
Episodes 1, 2, and the ending were amazing, Owen Wilson's character was amazing, and Loki's acting was amazing. Unfortunately an extremely poorly written episode 3, "Lamentis" really brought the series down a tad in quality, seeing as there is only 6 episodes. Any future watchers of the show would do well to skip this boring episode altogether.
They also missed a grand opportunity to explore Loki's history in the show. I mean what's the point of revealing he's a frost giant in the MCU if you're never going to bring that race up again after Thor 1?
This show is also not very rewatchable. I rewatched a couple episodes afterwards simply for the cinematography, but there is not much reason to rewatch the entire season in one go.
Based on my personal enjoyment, I give it a 7.7.
What If...?: What If... Zombies?! (2021)
7.8
This has to be one of the most entertaining episodes in this series. I never considered how fun it would be to watch a zombie Captain America. It's a zombie that can shield itself from bullets and even grenade launchers. What a blast.