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House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Sick, Twisted, Evil... just plain wrong.
I love horror movies. I can a handle a little twistedness every now and again. I watched Faces of Death when I was 11. I still watch shows like HBO's Autopsy today. I have a thick skin for just about anything.
But this movie is sick, twisted and evil, for the sake of being sick, twisted and evil. Yeah, it's definitely scary. I never saw a movie that scared me until I saw this. But it's scary in the worst possible way. Sure -- we see a lot of really f***ed up sh*t in this world. But to make a movie that so graphically needs to remind us -- the idea that this kind of movie even would be made -- is just... crazy.
Just my two cents.
Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
Never Watch This Movie
Horror films rock. Even campy ones. Thirteen Ghosts? This was a terrible piece of filmmaking that should embarass anyone who's anyone who had anything to do with this production. "So completely not scary" wouldn't be an accurate enough comment to describe this piece of utter crap. If you watch it knowing nothing about it or the original film, you might even mistake it for a comedy... except the only thing that really makes it funny is just how bad a movie it is. Ack.
The Smashing Machine (2002)
A Brutal but Moving Inside Look into Ultimate Fighting
Like many people who have commented on this movie, I too was a big fan of the UFC when it first came about. I eventually stopped paying attention to UFC after a few years because they started making so many rules, it went from being a human cockfight to a mundane wrestling match. Why I would want to watch two men beat one another within an inch of their lives is a question better answered by the psychologists. The only viable answer I can give you is the fascination of seeing so many different forms of martial arts square off against one another. (After all, seeing a 450 lb. Sumo wrestler get choked out on the mat by a 165 lb. Jujitsu master is quite a spectacle.)
But it's a lot more fun and glamorous to watch -- or at least so I thought. I was lucky enough to go to the opening of The Smashing Machine and did not find myself cheering on the blood and gore as I did when I used to rent UFC on pay-per-view. You see, when you watch the UFC, you don't get to know the people in the ring. You almost forget that these are real people, in many cases, just trying to put food on the table for their family. For as much as we see these people as insane and deserving of their punishment for voluntarily choosing such a career path, these are real people - just like you and I.
The Smashing Machine is a brilliant documentary that follows Mark Kerr and Mark Coleman on a multiyear quest from UFC in America to the spectactular Pride competition in Japan. You see the befores, the afters and the inbetweens. You get inside these peoples' heads and hearts and can feel the emotion that courses through them at every moment of their journey. It is not glamorous by any means.
This documentary is very powerful in its ability to tell the human story while still satisfying the audience who loves the brutality -- with clip after clip of knees crashing repeatedly into unprotected skulls and eye sockets and blood spilling out as though it were poured onto the mat from a bucket. The narrative is compelling. The sequences are dramatic and hard-hitting.
I had the privilege of meeting both Mark Kerr and Mark Coleman at the premiere of this documentary. I cannot say I still wasn't shaking my head and asking "why?" but for them this sort of thing is their badge of pride -- and in many cases, their only paycheck.
Check it out.
Death to Smoochy (2002)
I hated this movie.
I like bizarre movies. Really, I do. I don't know if this was just a big miscasting job or maybe I missed something, but I can only tell you that it just plain seemed to suck. Too long. Too pointlessly odd. And too painful to see a good actor like Robin Williams wasted on such nonsense. Just my two cents.
Tales from the Crypt (1972)
A somewhat funny but twisted set of tales...
Perhaps because I was so young when I first saw this movie, it still to this day has a bit of a haunting effect on me. Though each tale is shallow at best, each one incorporates an eerie twist that will linger with you long after you've seen the movie. Could it be the bizarre idea of coming back to life after you've been embalmed? Or just the voice of the creepy cryptkeeper himself? I'm not sure. But this movie is a horror classic in my book. HBO might agree. They recently made it available on their In Demand network much to my delight one very dark and quiet evening. If you like horror and suspense, especially from the early 70s, definitely rent this one night. You could do much worse...