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Reviews
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
A Good Movie That Had The Potential To Be Better.
**SPOILERS**I first saw this movie, many, many moons ago in the theatre. That's right friends, I'm an old, old man of 24. But seriously folks! When I first saw this movie, I was literally bouncing in my seat, a Halloween installment, how could it be ANY better! Lots of ways, I'm afraid. I recently discovered (thanks to IMDB) that there was an alternate version of this film (The Producer's Cut), which after researching, made me feel cheated and insulted by the pale imitation that was spat out into theatres. I mean, come on! In the Producer's Cut, you learn that Jamie's baby was in fact Michael Myers' (!), the ending is completely different, and the opening spoken intro was voiced not by Paul Rudd (Tommy Doyle) but by Donald Pleasence (Dr. Sam Loomis). I mean, for crying out loud, is THERE ANYONE out there that understands the theatrical version's ending? *Kind Of A Spoiler* Michael's mask lying on the ground next to a syringe and Loomis screaming in the background? I didn't understand it in the theatre, and I didn't understand it last night when I watched it on VHS. If not for the good people at IMDB (who love movies just as much as I do) I still wouldn't understand....it deals a lot with the alternate ending. Look it up yourself, it's too good for me to spoil. For fans of the Halloween series, this one is not to be missed, even though it's nowhere NEAR as good as Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers, which I not only enjoyed, I understood completely. Okay, okay, I understand that Donald Pleasence died and the original ending would have put him in a sequel, but for corn's sake! Don't butcher a movie just to take all that out. Release it untouched and original, and put a In Memory Of......at the end. PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND, but even more, serious genre fans don't like being cheated, and that's how I feel when I compare the two versions of this film. So, here's my final thoughts. Friends, get to EBAY as fast as you can, and try to get a copy of the Producer's Cut that way (It's not commercially available) and then get a store bought copy and watch the versions back to back... Then call up John Carpenter and scream at him for a REALLY long time, asking him, "Why, John why?" Just kidding. But, final deal. It's a good movie, but it could have, should have, and orginally was....better.
Ginger Snaps (2000)
Hands Down THE Most Unique Werewolf Movie Ever!!!!!
When you hear the words "werewolf movie" what comes to mind??? "An American Werewolf In London/Paris," "The Howling," "The Wolf Man," or maybe even the lesser known "Wolf" starring Jack Nicholson? Those are all acceptable answers, but now there is a new spin on the old werewolf legend, and this time....no boys are allowed. The newest edition into the legend of the wolf features two death-obsessed goth chicks, Brigitte and her older sister Ginger, played with real believability by Emily Perkins and Katharine Isabelle. As the movie progresses you really develop a sympathy for the two girls as social outcasts, especially if you were there yourself in high school. Well things go from bad to worse on a full moon, when the girls are attacked by a hairy, slobbering creature that is never clearly shown. Ginger is savagely bitten by the creature and before you can say HOWL, begins to metamorphose into a kind of Girl-Wolf. Notice that I did not say Wolf Girl, as Ginger's transformation leaves her features predominantly human with only a couple of startling changes (at first). The movie features around Brigitte's efforts to protect her sister from herself and from hurting anyone else as she seeks a cure, surprisingly the obvious cure (silver) doesn't work. This is a clever, fresh film that turns the Werewolf Genre of films in a whole new direction.....and quite frankly, it's damned entertaining!!!! A must see. 7 out of 10 stars!!!
Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)
Rock And Roll Will Never Die....It Enjoys Killing Too Much!
Years ago, Valerie Bates and her little sister Courtney were the soul survivors of a drill-wielding psychopath. However, the experience put poor Valerie in a mental institution, leaving her tomboyish little sister and the girls' mother alone to cope. That was years ago, however and now young Courtney has grown up to be a teenage knockout, who just happens to look like Crystal Bernard of the TV show "Wings" fame. She is struggling to live a normal life, despite terrible dreams involving her institutionalized sister, blood, gore, smoke and a James Dean-from Hell looking Rock N Roller, who just happens to use as his weapon of choice, GET THIS, a fire engine red guitar drill! She tries to put her dreams out of her mind by accompanying her girlfriends on a weekend of fun and partying, but her dreams go right along with her, as poor Courtney begins to have insane hallucinations involving the black clad shock rocker from her dreams. As this is going on, her friends slowly begin to disappear one by one. Can it be true? Has the Driller Killer been reincarnated as kind of a demonic Elvis Presley? Or is Miss Courtney Bates ready for a one way trip to the Booby Hatch? While this movie may not be (Ok, IS NOT) the greatest movie ever made, it does qualify as a KILLER B Movie (Pardon The Pun). Besides, let's be honest folks, who wouldn't want to own the Driller Killer's Guitar Drill? The Guitar Drill ALONE makes the movie worth seeing, and the gore sequences and fire special effects DON'T hurt.
Earth vs. the Spider (2001)
Not the absolute best, but far from the worst.
Keeping in mind that this is not a 20 million special effects block- buster but rather a TV movie, or to be precise, a straight to Showtime movie, I would like to say that this movie is not bad at all. A young security guard, obsessed with comic books and super heroes and the like, secretly injects himself with a top secret (and highly unstable) new drug, hoping that it will give him the incredible powers of a spider and thus make him into a loved superhero. Well he does garner the powers he craves, super strength and super agility, but at a ghastly price. He develops grotesque deformities, kinda like Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly" (1986), and also a terrible hunger that can only be sated by a particular dish, one that struggles. This movie, like earlier stated compares easily to "The Fly", the tragic young man loses his love due to becoming a monster, and he also was a lonely, mousy kinda guy, like Jeff Goldblum was. But, unlike "The Fly", this movie was not shown in theatres nationwide, nor did it have a booming budget. You can tell, however, than Dan Ackroyd is having a blast hamming it up as a nervous cop in a bad marriage, who hunts the monster as it kills and kills. Let's be honest, folks, Ackroyd doesn't need the money. This movie has a 50's camp feel to it and as a matter of fact, it's a remake of a 50's movie by the same name. So hey, if you are lucky enough to have Showtime on your cable, check this flick out. Final judgement....it's a remake of a 50's camp classic, modernized with gory special effects. You'll love it. You have my word.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
My thoughts on a film that was much better than it should have been.
Man! What is there to say about Freddy Got Fingered, the latest offering by our strange Canadian friend, Tom Green. It's vulgar, offensive, brutal to the senses, shocking, thought provoking and most importantly, one OF THE FUNNIEST films I have ever seen in my life!!! The movie stars, of course, Tom Green as Gordon Brody. Gordon is a 28 year old guy who dreams of being an animator, although his characters are shall we say, a little unusual. As the movie starts, Gordon is finally, to the thinly masked delight of his father Jim (played snarlingly by Rip Torn), leaving home, saying that he plans to work in a Cheese Sandwich company in Los Angeles. However that's just an excuse to persue his dream of cartoon animation. As the movie progresses, it's classic Tom Green zaniness. The "Scuba Gear" scene had me in tears, I was laughing so hard. Along the way, Gordon has many "adventures." Meeting the girl of his dreams (who just happens to be a rocket fanatic in a wheelchair), delivering a baby (complete with a unique way of severing the umbilical cord), Having security guards sicced on him by Cameo Appearance Of The Year, real-life wife Drew Barrymore, and inadvertantly breaking best pal Harland Williams' leg. This is an excellent movie. It shouldn't have been. It should be taken with a grain of salt, because, despite its many offensive moments (the "I'm a farmer" scene), it has many zany off the wall perfomances, one of the most notable being that of Eddie Kaye Thomas, who plays Gordon's younger brother, Freddy. You may remember him as the guy who, "did Stifler's mom" from American Pie. Anyways, friends, the point is see this movie. It was written better than this review, I'll give you that. See this movie, or I'll be under your bed tonight, and I'll bring X-Ray Cat and a bag of buffalo eyes with me!
Cecil B. Demented (2000)
One man's look at a twisted, modern day genius.
Sweet Mercyful Lord! Not very often do I see a movie that not only leaves me speechless but begging for more. Enter John Waters newest look into the heart of modern society and you might just draw back a knub.... Cecil B. Demented! Visionary, heartthrob, modern day Movie Messiah! I have a vision and his name is Cecil B. Demented. Melanie Griffith shines as Honey Whitlock, an average, ho-hum screen queen who, one day, is dragged kicking and screaming (literally)into the world of the quite insane underground director, Cecil B. Demented, played like a psychotic roller coaster into Hell, by Stephen Dorff. Demented's goal (along with his motley crew of deranged misfits)is to make the ultimate low-budget movie to send his message of Anti-Capitalism in the modern world of the Motion Picture Industry.....by any means necessary. After all, what's murder, mayhem, and explosions when you have a movie to make? This is an EXTREMELY funny black comedy that will have you screaming with laughter and raising your arm as you scream "DEMENTED FOREVER!"
Rush Hour 2 (2001)
One ordinary man's thoughts of a blockbuster action/comedy!
Oh man! Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan are back as Detectives Carter and Lee in this slam bang, laugh a minute sequel to the mega blockbuster Rush Hour. This time, the shoe is on the other foot as Carter and Lee travel to Hong Kong for a little R and R but before they know it are dragged into a battle against the Chinese Triad, led by ganglord Ricky Tan, who plans to use black market money plates to become a counterfeiting kingpin. Joining Tan is the young and decievingly beautiful, yet psychotic, Hu Li, played by the savagely sexy Zhang Ziyi of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon fame. This movie is a perfect example of what the true meaning of Action Comedy truly is. One minute, you'll be laughing hysterically and the next minute you're gripping the arms of your seat, wide eyed, as you wonder what to expect next! So take my word for it.....jump out of your chair, grab your car keys and head for the nearest theater as fast as you can go. Unlike the DISGRACEFUL Scary Movie 2.....This one's worth it.....BRING ON RUSH HOUR 3!