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Reviews
My Professor's Deadly Secret (2024)
We keep watching the 2024 LMN movies and asking....
Who writes this crap? Do they actually get paid for it? Do the actors get paid for the atrocious acting? OMG the girl who played Lauren was the biggest chewer of the scenery we have ever seen. She was so reminiscent of Alelaide Miller as Gennice Graham in the Seinfeld episode "The Understudy."
The plot line was....well...nonexistent. We kept waiting for something, some clue, as to what it was all about. Maybe that was the secret to the movie. If so, we don't ever want to see another one like this.
The conversation between the cop and "Kristy" near the end was pretty much unbelievable. The look on their faces was like something out of Mystery Science 2000.
Total crap- save a couple hours for something productive.
He Slid Into Her DM's (2024)
Who wrote this, a group of 13 year olds?
This whole movie seemed like a class project for a bunch of middle schoolers- from the horrible filming, to the juvenile writing, to the lackluster plot line.
Characters are totally unlikable- they are all so self centered and self absorbed that you really don't care a lick about them. You almost wish a catastrophe would engulf the whole group.
The gun scene demonstates that the mom would talk right up until the creep would shoot her daughter.
This is absolutely the worst movie we have ever seen. I can think of a hundred, wait a thousand things you would be better off doing than wasting a couple hours on this drivel.
Murder Below Deck (2024)
Who writes this crap?
A girl signs on to work on a luxury yacht for rich clients but we never see her work. She makes out with one of the guests and then turns detective to try to solve what she thinks is a murder. I need a job like that. Usually one thinks of servers working on boats as having a busy work life with little time for fun when the boat is at sea, but this seems to be quite a different setup. You see at least 4 workers on the boat (besides the "captain") but you never see any of them work. The story line would have seemed more realistic if they had all been just guests and then you wouldn't wonder why no one works.
Also, the acting leaves a lot to be desired- no one seems believable. For all the devious things going on, one would think there might be a little more emotion and passion.
If you got two hours you just need to absolutely kill, this might be your ticket. However, if you value your time, I would skip it.
Held Hostage in My House (2024)
Dumb and Dumbest
This movie deserves a big ol' ZERO, but IMDB won't allow a 0 rating. This was absolutely one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. Maybe they were trying to be arty or take a Paige from "The Flight Attendant," but it wasn't working.
I would have given up after the first 20 minutes or so but I wanted to see if the movie could get even dumber and, in that regard, it didn't disappoint. The ending got really dumb and there weren't enough clues (none for that matter) that would allow a viewer to even guess what was going on.
The lead wore so many extremely low cut V neck tops that I wondered if she was trying to advertise something. If so, she wasn't pulling it off.
The one highlight of the movie was something I have never seen on an LMN movie in the closed captioning. "Upbeat harpsichord music!"
The Caller (2024)
Interesting concept- kept my attention
A lot of pressure on actress Andrea Pazmino. She was the only one on camera for about 90% of this movie. She ran the gamut of emotions and did an admirable job in the lead role. Although it may be difficult for some viewers to fathom that Shannon could fall prey to a con like the one in the film, i think it demonstrates that the character had compassion and empathy and was led astray trying to do the right thing.
This was one of the few LMN movies of 2024 that really held my attention throughout. Ms. Pazmino did an admirable job and I hope that i see much more of her in the future.
This one is definitely worth a watch.
Relentless (2021)
Filmmaker sucked in by every story she heard
What a disappointing mess. The filmmaker spent what, 11 years going down every rabbit hole that presented itself- or were presented by the family.
Early on, the filmmaker admitted that she was being misled by the family but she just kept on chasing the stories and rumors. She must have been bankrolled by somebody, or she had a lot of money herself. Who in the world could spend 11 years on a wild goose chase and not have a single thing to show for it- except, of course, getting her film on TV. I guess that is reward enough.
The filmmaker had every chance to take a ride on the clue bus but she refused each opportunity. But heck, she got her film on TV.
I'd stay away from this one.
Stepmom from Hell (2024)
Had possibilities, but...
I've seen a lot of stupid things in movies, but this one takes the cake. The heroine watches as the "Stepmom from Hell" drugs and then kills the family doctor and then watches as her step sister gets slugged by the evil secretary, AND SHE DOESN'T TRY TO INTERVENE IN ANY WAY!!!. Pure garbage. No one would do that, whoever wrote that in has very little concept of real life.
The movie had some good moments and the precept was good but the
The actor who played Dana, Bri Ana Wagner, was good, but all respect for Izzy was wiped out when she became a spectator for a murder and an assault.
Tell the writer "You're fired!"
Big Little Lies (2017)
A sad, pathetic series about rich entitled women
With all the big names, one would think this would be an amazing watch. But, no, it strings out the plot to fill the time and it displays a sad but true side of American life- the rich, entitled people who think they and their kids are the most important people on God's earth and they deserve everything they can get, however they go about getting it.
It was totally depressing and disappointing. It would probably have been better if the cast had been lesser known actors as you would then not go in expecting something great.
If I had it to do over again, I would avoid it. The saddest part is that it is most accurately a true portrayal of rich Americans, who never have to work a day in their lives to get all the things they think they are entitled to, due to rich mommies and daddies.
The Girl with No Name (2024)
Good story- kept our attention
We like Kabby Borders and she did a really good job in the lead in this movie. She played the role well and her emotions fit the scenes to a T. The music fit the film much better than most of the other LMN movies we have seen lately, so many of them have music that is just irritating. The script was good and it kept our attention throughout. The cast was well chosen and did a good job. Storyline was good and, although we had some suspicions, we did not catch on to all the bad people until near the end. This one is definitely worth a watch. It's a top notch 2024 offering from LMN. Hopefully there will be more of them.
Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin (2022)
low rent knockoff with little redeeming qualities
I have watched all episodes up to and including Season 2 episode 5. Started watching this series because of the (really) original series that was so good. This series has turned out to be simply a low budget knockoff with little redeeming qualities.
There is not a single character that gives viewers any reason to care for them. And there is really no overarching theme, rather the episodes rely on blood and gore for the few thrills that exist
The f-bombs and other curse words in the real Pretty Little Liars were few and far enough in between that they had some meaning. In this knockoff series, there is so much cursing that it has little meaning and little effect.
Shame on the producers for trying to build an audience off pandering the name of a truly remarkable series.
A Deadly Threat to My Family (2024)
One of the better LMN movies of 2023 and 2024
First of all let me say that any movie that has both Jessica Morris and Gina Vitori is definitely worth watching. The plot of this movie was one of the better ones we've seen in the past two years. That said, the end of the movie in the cottage with the cult members was a little weird and over the top.
The script worked diligently to make us think that Gina (Serena) harbored evil intent but I had faith that Gina would turn out to be good in the end.
The 'man of the house' was really a tool and did not show his wife true care and we were disappointed that Jessica (Marielle) let him get away with it.
Worth a look.
Dangerous Waters (2023)
Slow moving unthriller
Wow. You could have left about 45 minutes of this crap on the cutting room floor. The story like was OK but it took FOREVER for anything to happen.
Odeya Rush was good in the lead. Too many unbelieveable things- things that would have killed any human in real life were just flesh wounds to the people the writers wanted to keep alive for later.
It's sad that Ray Liotta passed away during the filming but I have a feeling he wouldn't have been especially proud of this movie.
We stuck with it for the entire time but we are sure it would have been a much better movie had they cut out some of the boring nothing happening parts and tightened it up.
The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
How Dumb is Jordan?
That would have been a better name for this movie. Oftentimes you have to forget reality to get into Lifetime Movies but, in this case, one would have to forget all they know about life to get into this one.
You can't blame the cast, there are some good ones here. The problem lies in the script. It's 2024 for goodness sakes. LMN has years and years of experience in these movies. You would think scripts would be getting better and better. Not true in this case.
It's funny- near the half way point our recording went blank and stayed that way for about 5 minutes. My wife said "maybe it's putting us out of our misery."
Don't waste your time on this one.
The Girl Who Escaped: The Kara Robinson Story (2023)
Finally a 2023 Lifetime Movie worthy of a 10
Wow! This movie was amazing. Katie Douglas did a top notch job as Kara R. The actors playing Sgt. Jennings, Lt. Rowland, and Sheriff Price were also star worthy.
I noticed one reviewer who wished to see more of the trauma the girl suffered- my gosh, there is already plenty of that on other movies.
Another reviewer says it was sugar coated.
A little research reveals that this movie wasn't just inspired by actual events, it stuck to the facts of the real life abduction. Kara Robinson (now Chamberlain) says that she acted and reacted exactly as Katie portrayed.
I loved the part that demonstrated that Kara (Katie) was the adult and her mother was the child.
A great movie with some great performances. The big takeaway from the movie is that, in life, not everyone reacts to trauma the same- and we are in error if we try to pigeonhole each person's responses as needing to be the same.
Trapped in the Cabin (2023)
Wow! A Double Header
Two number ones for the price of one. First, the dumbest pretext for a movie ever! The agent being the aggressor. Even with that terrible premise, it could have been a much better movie had they kept his identity secret for a while- could have built the suspense a lot more.
Second, the dumbest woman ever on a Lifetime movie! She knows the handyman for what- 5 minutes- and has wild shower sex with him. She furthers the stupidity by (after thinking he trashed the cabin and went through her stuff) by crying and moaning about "losing" him. Then, when the masked maniac is outside the cabin she LEAVES the cabing and runs right into him.
But she does make one miraculous recovery. She is limping around on her injured right foot and then she ends up giving Jason several vicious kicks with the miraculously cured right foot, but then she ends up limping again as if it's broken.
And, the fight scene at the end- pure malarky. And Jason's miraculous recovery to attack her again- terrible. Jason also is not a very good shot.
SKIP THIS WORTHLESS JUNK.
Her Deadly Night in Paris (2023)
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
Really likes Shifra Zuckerman- nice to see teenagers- not 20 somethings trying to be teens.
Decent movie, but so little reality in it. 18 year old American escapes- not once, not twice, not three times, but four times. And she does it so easily. Definite escape from reality. She escapes from the American Embassy, she escapes from a Paris Police station, she escapes from a police woman who has a gun, and then she escapes from a killer who knows he will die if he doesn't kill her. And each escape was easier than the last. More realism in these scenes would have gotten the movie a higher score. It gets a 7 for Shifre.
One Deadly Decision (2023)
Not a likable or relatable character in the bunch
Who wrote this drivel? Better question: who cast this drivel? The is not a likable character in the bunch. Each of them was snide, cruel, self-centered and selfish. Overacting seems to be the only qualification for inclusion in this cast.
You'd think that in 2023 with all the movies being made that LMN could come up with something better than this. Please give us at least one character that we care about. Maybe we were supposed to care about Eliza, but she was sooooo dumb, she just kept digging the hole deeper and deeper. And she made the dumbest decisions, decisions that would have sunk anyone's career- and she made them with her eyes wide open.
We gave this movie the full time to show us some reason to care, but it failed on all fronts.
Sins of the Preacher's Wife (2023)
Boyd says, "Do it for the family...."
...Tell them not to watch this stinker!
Anna Marie Dobbins is one of my favorites, but this is not the vehicle she should have chosen for 2023. Terrible script, horrible acting, and a premise that is just out of left field. Even someone like Anna could not save this horrible film.
It would appear that whoever cast this movie just went to some little town and grabbed people off the street to be the actors. The sheriff was comical, Jim and Marion need to go to acting class and Dan was just a tool.
I don't think this plot line would have a chance to be a decent one- no matter what.
Every year we hope for Lifetime movies to get better but, for the most part, we are sadly disappointed.
Nanny Dearest (2023)
Ugh.
Just after I got done praising Lifetime for finally having a good movie (The Man with My Husband's Face) in 2023, they come out with this stinker. I can honestly say it is the first Lifetime movie my wife and I have ever shut off in the middle. It was pure crap and life is short.
The acting was pitiful and the story line was, well, even more pitiful. The mother (not the biological mother- the other one) was so over the top with her actions and reactions (can you say over-emote?) And the crappy opening with the boyfriend falling asleep on top of the baby, killing her, and then burying her in the back yard?!? C'mon, could we come up with something with a little bit of believability??
Don't waste your time with this crap- I'm glad we had the good sense to shut it off before we lost too much time.
Man with My Husband's Face (2023)
Finally, A Great New Lifetime Movie
It's about time. We have been watching and hoping for one of the 2023 releases to be good and we have been utterly disappointed...until now. This was a very good movie with a very good plot- and a couple of twists that kept even us guessing right up until the end.
The movie held our attention all the way through and we were as baffled by the twists as Katrina was. Katie Page did an excellent job of playing the two faced mistress and I was stunned when she turned out to be not the person Katrina and I thought she was.
This is a must watch movie, although it would not be good a second time through as all the twists would be known. Watch it!
The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 (2022)
Silly
I can't just write silly and I am afraid if I write silly 100 times (to cover the 600 character minimum) they won't accept it....or maybe figure I came from the movie The Shining.
This is a miserable piece of crap that should not be shown. It seems anyone can make a film these days and subject poor viewers to an hour and a half of misery.
I taught middle school and my middle schoolers could have taken the first ten minutes of this film and made it into a really good movie. Since I am teacher I will grade:
Casting- F
Acting- F
Writing- F
Plot- F
Directing- F
I would not want my name on any credit for this miserable excuse for a movie.
Horizon Line (2020)
Famous words from "Airplane"- I say let em crash
Never have I ever....seen a dumber movie.
The acting was atrocious, the characters were unlikeable, the story just plain couldn't work due to the laws of physics, gravity, and nature. Multiple choice for the dumbest (because it just couldn't happen) part of the movie:
A) Jackson climbing out of the plane and crawling around then FIXING THE GAS LINE WITH LOOSELY APPLIED DUCT TAPE
B) Jackson (probably 185 pounds) free falling and being pulled by one hand back into the plane by Sara (what maybe 125 pounds or so) and not strapped down
C) Sara pulling herself along the wing (they should've used a stronger fan) the wind would be whipping much more violently
D) the plane flying for 30-35 minutes on 5% fuel
E) 3 liters of rum raising the fuel level by 15%
F) the seat belt flying the plane for several minutes (they should have had Otto from "Airplane"
G) ALL OF THE ABOVE
Favorite lines that should have been struck from the script "You got this" and "You're amazing.
Road Trip Hostage (2023)
Slow Moving Snoozer
I had high hopes for this movie, but now wonder 'who wrote this crap?' No thrills, no scares, no excitement....just boredom on and on and on. And no cop would ever let the mom of a hostage victim ride along and run up to crime scenes and ruin some evidence. And c'mon, the mom-not the cop- does the talking to the bad guy at the end?
Research shows that this might be the first movie for Veronica Ramirez. If so, it was a very poor vessel for her debut. She looked good early with the dancing and dialogue. I would like to see more of her, but in something that would allow her to show some versatility. Don't waste your time on this boring stinker- I am sorry that I did.
Falling for a Killer (2023)
This had lots of potential....but got stupid
The first hour or so of this movie was pretty good- up until about the time of the duck dinner. We have heard a lot of killers go off on a tangential soliloquy about their reasoning for why they are doing what they are doing, but Thomas in this movie takes the cake. On and on and on he goes. Maybe he had to explain everything because the movie was disjointed.
And then the poison that worked so well on the maid barely slowed Thomas down. At least it gave the mother a chance to throw in some really ridiculous one-liners.
Finally, the last little segment introducing viewers to Thomas's brother- well, that was over the top and they had Darcy go all ga-ga over him.
One can only pray that this was not a setup for a sequel.
Chaos on the Farm (2023)
Don't know where to start
So many improbable things you have to buy into to have this movie even seem possible. No pictures of the Aunt and Uncle. No one worried when none of the messages were returned. An attorney who would not deliver the check (that's something they get paid for.) Sam discovers a body and then runs into the house to hide with the women. Car battery dies for no known reason. When Jessica decides to head back to the house, she could have gotten the sheriff's gun or just used his radio that was attached to his shoulder- but instead she got his car keys. When she got to the cruiser, the hood was up so she should have known it wouldn't start, but she tried anyway, not thinking about the noise the car starting would make or apparently even thinking about Sam.
And then, when she is in the cellar "in fear for her life" she pauses to have a poignant moment looking at pictures of her aunt and uncle.
It was like Lifetime told someone- we have X amount of money- go make a movie somehow.