livewire9000 Reviews

Wrong (I) (2012)

Genuinely stupid and corny.

[2/10 · 26 April 2024]

It's one thing for a movie to be quirky or odd. Odd can be great. But this movie was odd and unfunny. It was absurd and pointless in its absurdity. Some absurd films are phenomenal classics: I'm Gonna Get You Sucka', Napoleon Dynamite and Swiss Army Man come to mind. Sure they're absolutely ridiculous movies, but the jokes are original and hilarious.

It's possible that the humor was simply not for me. I don't think pretending that fecal matter has memories is very hilarious. Of course there was the hilarious moment when a jogger couldn't admit that he goes jogging. Good grief. Just the worst.

Will never watch again. Didn't laugh ONCE.

Zulu (2013)

Intelligent, thrilling, moving

[9/10 · 25 April 2024]

This was seriously one of the best movies I've seen in a LONG time. It was emotional without being overwrought. The characters were relatable and believable,--passionate without being too extreme.

Nothing was very predictable so you really didn't know who would live or who would die. The relationships between the characters were believable and realistic. There was certainly some sad and tragic moments. The flashbacks were hard to watch because the years of the apartheid was so heartbreaking and terrible.

Bloom's performance was excellent and believable. Forest Whitaker was awesome and carried the weight of being the lead star very well. There were multiple story lines, but they all tied in together well and helped to round out each character.

The only shortcomings I can think of is that one, the movie is a bit long., about 1 hr 48 minutes. However, good storytelling does take time. Secondly, the plot seemed a little far-fetched, but not absurdly so. Forgivable.

I read one criticism of this film that claimed that this was a second rate piece of cinema. I couldn't disagree more. I think this film was gripping, full of realistic, yet exciting action, and very well played. The subject matter is tough to chew through, but the historical and social themes of this film are truly not visited enough. Big ups to the director for having the chops to film this movie on-site in South Africa!

Quick shout out to the other actors as well, because even the side characters played their parts well without being too campy.

Well-directed and well casted. GREAT film!

The Whale (2022)

"And the Oscar goes to...:

[1/10 · 14 January 2024]

The pizza. Obviously. The pizza was the only believable, relatable and even somewhat likeable performer in this film.

Other thoughts (randomly shared):

You can tell from the odd pacing, stiff writing and unrealistic interactions that this was written as a melodramatic play. Not a good one, either.

Fatsuit: OK, whatever.

CHARACTERIZATIONS: Didn't we all know from the moment that the missionary showed up on the screen that somehow, SOMEHOW the director would "reveal" him to be a hypocrite? Like, it was UNFATHOMABLE that he would be one of the many courageous, well-versed, grace-filled missionary sharing the ACTUAL gospel of Christ, right? Such gross anti-Christian rhetoric.

Also, who do the Holly-heathens use as a theological reference? EVERY reference they make is ALWAYS twisted, blasphemous, or flatly wrong. Not that it stops them from peddling their toxic pablum to the masses.

The daughter WAS evil.

Liz had a misguided sense of entitlement, one that made her believe she had a right to boss people around then spit acid in their faces. She was especially vicious to the missionary, who was at least concerned about the grievously overweight, porn/food addict who was super close to his death. True, Liz the sister may have some emotional pain. But she was wrong to blame her brother's insanity and self-harm tendencies on religion. Sorry if your father was nuts. It doesn't mean every other religious person is also cruel or mean. Choose counseling over attacking strangers.

Brendan's character was a cowardly, dishonest, spineless adulterer. He had a way of shifting his responsibility for abandoning his own daughter over to the mom (of course). "Your mother wouldn't tell me anything. I always asked..." Meanwhile, while he COULD have been raising his daughter, while he SHOULD have been caring for his wife, he chose to start sexing up a boy toy who was also one of his students. Lol. "Dad of the Year!" The little missionary was right about that one thing: both Alan's and the Whale's flesh-gratifying, selfish behavior DID destroy them both.

Scenery: boring. Bad lighting. Stiff, weird camera angles.

Opening up the movie with a very obese man jerking off to gay porn: unnecessary, not endearing.

THE END: The godless blasphemer ascends into God's holy heaven at the end of his life? Ha ha ha. Hollywood, the toxic lies you tell.

Just another poorly written vehicle for immoral rhetoric.

Odd is an Egg (2016)

Imaginative and Sweet

[10/10 · 28 December 2023]

Great storytelling. High quality animation work. Very entertaining with a surprising twist. Great for the whole family. I've only seen a version with subtitles, which I typically prefer for foreign films. The voice-acting work is high-quality as well (great inflection and never too "over-the-top."). Was it a sweet, quirky, boy-meets-girl sort of film? Absolutely! But it's so amusing and very well done. Beautiful artistry.

The movie is sweet without being saccharine or preachy. The film was a winner of the Jury award for best animated short at the Tribeca film festival. It was also nominated for the Crystal Bear for best short film in the Generation KPL. UST competition at the Berlin International film festival. Well deserved honors!

7 Semanas (2016)

When the incredibly selfish get pregnant...

[5/10 · 30 March 2021]

MANY SPOILERS AHEAD: So imagine you're an idiot, and you're spoiled and you get pregnant. How did it happen? Because you're acting like you're a grown-up and you're having sex with a guy. Then, surprise! You get pregnant. But instead of having your family condemn you, they EMBRACE you, and support you. Instead of your friends shaming you, they CELEBRATE you and the new life to come. But wait ...does your boyfriend abandon you? NO! He immediately starts thinking of names for the baby. He wants to go shopping for baby clothes. He wants to make love to you, and seems to feel like you're the most beautiful woman in the world. But does this matter? Are you satisfied? Nope. Why? Because you want to pretend to be a dancer. You want to reverse time, undo your sex act and not be a mom. You want to have the experience of having sex, but NEVER get pregnant. So you decide to abort the baby. But what about the father of the child, does he have rights? Of course not. The grandparents all have to mourn the loss of the baby you are about to murder. The father of the child has to mourn the loss of the baby you're about to murder. And you don't want anyone else's input about this decision. This movie is just an exploration in what it's like to be a selfish fool of a girl who doesn't want to grow up & doesn't appreciate the comfort and support of those around her. She only wants to live for herself. I felt totally sorry for the baby and the father of the child. I felt no connection and no sympathy at all for the pregnant little narcissist.

Lucky Grandma (2019)

Funny, not overwrought

[7/10 · 24 December 2020]

An overall good movie. Safe for 12 and up to watch. Amusing, with a few good laughs. The actors were engaging and entertaining. The film didn't drag much, kept a pretty good pace. Semi-believable story line. Fun to watch.

Embers (I) (2015)

Melancholy, but honest

[9/10 · 18 December 2020]

You won't necessarily like any of the characters. You won't exactly enjoy the story that's being told. It's dystopian in nature, so there's a generally depressive feeling throughout the movie. But tiny touches of light, kindness and hope are also there. There are some generally sweet moments, plenty of tragic ones. A few frightening and violent ones as well. Be prepared to be disappointed, saddened and even somewhat angered. Truthfully, you can fault find and pick any story apart. But this movie was a quality, interesting film. Well acted. Believable portrayals and engaging dialogue. Worth watching.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

Deliciously bizarre

[8/10 · 4 October 2020]

I'm not going to pretend to be a pseudo critic. This film was simply weird and awesome. There are times when you could tell it just wasn't taking itself too seriously. It was funny, but smart. Bill Murray was flawless. Cate Blanchett played the most relaxed and down-to-earth character I've ever seen her play. Anjelica Huston was 100% Anjelica Huston and the same could be said for the inimitable Jeff Goldblum. Stellar cast! You'll connect with the characters. The dialogue was fresh and interesting. It seems like Bill Murray just can't go wrong these days. He brings such charm humanity to his films, his performances. Suspend reality a little and enjoy the animation & imaginary creatures. If you don't get caught up in whether or not something is "real" then you'll just 100% enjoy the film. The film is all around enjoyable, but it even includes a few laugh-out-loud moments. A lot of it was surprising, very awesome. Owen Wilson was charming and likeable. Recommended!

She's Out of My League (2010)

A little worse than bad

[2/10 · 24 May 2020]

You know how a movie comes out but you never bothered to watch it because you know it's going to be bad? This is one of those movies that was even worse than what I thought it would be. The main character, Kirk, was most likely supposed to be "a lovable loser." Instead, due to Jay Baruchel's clumsy and weak acting skills, the character was never more than charmless, boring and pathetic. The blonde who played the lead was only that: blonde. Not funny. Not interesting. Not even truly pretty. Just blonde. I never laughed once in the 22 minutes I suffered through. The plot was beyond predictable, but that would have been sufferable had the writing or acting been competent. No chemistry between ANY of the characters. Just a very lame, poorly written film. Gave this movie a shot and it just fell horribly flat.

Exposed (III) (2016)

Excellent Compelling Brave

[10/10 · 19 May 2020]

This movie drives you crazy a little bit waiting to see how everything ties together. But it's actually quite clever in its plot, very different from any movie you've ever seen before. It was a brave, unflinching look at the serious harm that is caused by violent, dirty cops. Children deserve to be protected! This was a story worth telling. Awesome film.

While You Were Sleeping (1995)

Splendid, Sweet Storytelling

[10/10 · 31 March 2020]

This is the kind of story you instantly fall in love with. You'll love Sandra Bullock's main character. You'll be swept up in the romance of story. Bill Pullman is at his best as a somewhat hateable, yet somewhat likeable main character well. And the actor that plays Peter, is absolutely gorgeous! A man with legendary good looks. He has great comedic timing too. Love the whole gang! You'll love the family dynamics. The loving mom, sassy, yet endearing grandmother. The loudmouth, yet caring and protective dad. The movie is a bit of a fanciful tale, and the tiniest suspension of disbelief is required. Still, the film is so relatable and sweet. This is the kind of movie you can watch with the kids and the entire family. It has the whole holiday feel-good rhythm to it as well. Overall, just a sweet, wonderful film with a playful, endearing soundtrack to boot. Absolutely no nudity, very little to no profanity, no irreverence. Absolute total gem!

Priceless (2006)

Sly, funny and adorable

[9/10 · 31 March 2020]

Careful! This is a movie you could very easily overlook. There's never been a lot of hype about it ( at least not in the US). I honestly just stumbled upon it while browsing the Kanopy catalog. Very little to no nudity. Quality, clever writing. Funny without ever being irreverent or vulgar,-- which is SUCH a rare treat these days. Audrey Tautou was ADORABLE throughout the whole film, absolutely gorgeous. Great players, sub players, and good settings. If movies like Amelie, Cinema Paradiso, While You Were Sleeping, and When Harry Met Sally are the type of movies you love, then you'll also love this film as well. Bon appetit!

Paradise Hills (2019)

Derivative, unimaginative, predictable

[2/10 · 30 January 2020]

It was just barely Stepford Wives reimagined. Poor, over the top acting. Silly. Over the top costumes. Big budget liberal ridiculousness.

Corrina, Corrina (1994)

Very sweet, well crafted movie

[10/10 · 15 January 2020]

This movie is just so likeable and sweet. It really touches on the healing power of love. It shows how romance can blossom in unexpected places when friendship, patience and human decency are valued above cultural expectations and raw sex appeal. Whoopi has never been noted as a beautiful woman by most, but in this movie she plays the part of Corrina, a smart, thoughtful, talented woman with a great sense of family. This movie is what I would call "safe for the whole family," free from a lot of today's liberal agenda. A very sweet, tender, funny and romantic film. GREAT endearing performances!

La La Land (2016)

A Clumsy Mash-up of a thousand Cliches

[2/10 · 16 July 2019]

The uninspired dance routines. The over-the-top body language and facial expressions. The utter lack of subtlety. The clumsy, lousy dance routines. I just hated it all. Gosling's acting was bearable, definitely the most talented, believable actor in the movie. Emma Stone has a decent voice, but is no dancer. So she was honestly a very odd choice for the lead. A few fair moments, but mostly just a disappointment.

Sweet Bean (2015)

Sweeter than Doriyaki

[7/10 · 24 November 2018]

This is a sweet, tender and (dare I say it) important film. Gently explores a rarely discussed (or even mentioned) social reality for an little recognized group of human beings. Who knew that there existed an entire community of human beings who are being REQUIRED to live their lives in the shadows of our society? I loved Sweet Bean as a film. Very moving. Deeply human, without being preachy. A bit sentimental, but not overly so. Well done.

Dan in Real Life (I) (2007)

Dullsville

[3/10 · 28 October 2018]

This when will rock you to sleep. It looks like the director was going for a very slow, boring, realistic depiction of everyday life ennui. And boy did they hit the nail on the head. After a short while you can tell that it's going to be the average Boy Meets Girl love story. But it's just so dull. I couldn't get through it.

Love the Coopers (2015)

Scattered nonsense

[1/10 · 27 October 2018]

This movie was nothing more than boring, nonsensical, scattered vignettes. It was doing the whole I'll show you this character's life, and then I'll show you this character's life, and then I'm going to amaze you because... Wait for it, they're all related! We've seen this before. Other directors have done it so much better. You will be bored. I got to the part where the cop came out to the psychoanalyst/ housewife that was in his backseat. And I was done.

Alice's Restaurant (1969)

Weird Hippy Nonsense

[1/10 · 28 August 2018]

Disorganized. Weird. Hard to follow. Scattered. I think the movie was supposed to be meaningful and touching, but it was just annoying and boring. Such crazy, lost, often sad souls. The movie came recommended as one of the funniest movies ever. Are you kidding me? It certainly was not a comedy. Think the people who wrote this movie were high on something. Would be better classified as a musical, except most of the music sucked. Bad directing. Crappy acting. And there you have it.

Mistress America (2015)

Cool writing, Good acting, Poor directing

[6/10 · 8 August 2018]

Overall I liked this movie. There are moments that just genuinely surprised me, and in a movie world full of tiresome cliches that's always a really really good thing. I think the casting was done well. I was surprised to see the blonde actress playing the lead. I don't even know her name, and I'm not going to Google it. But I've seen her in smaller roles and she was much less entertaining. This was a good role for her, she did really well in it. The problem with the acting was that it was very turn-taking. "I'll say this this now it's your turn to act." At many points the acting seemed more like a script reading than actual acting. Didn't care for the beginning scenes and set up of the movie. It felt rushed and chaotic. Some of the scenes seemed as if they had been shot with a low-end camcorder (specifically dorm scenes). It's not a life-changing film at all. Slight moral lesson included, which always adds value to film. Entertaining.

Blue Jasmine (2013)

The Ugly Fall from Glory: aka "From Riches to Rags"

[8/10 · 8 August 2018]

I would call this a well-told story about how a person falls apart. Honestly there wasn't one single character in the story whom I honestly liked. They were all broken people with their own unique ways of being broken. But each character was so honestly drawn that it was easy to appreciate the brutal honesty of the portrayal. These were not perfect people gathered together to feed us a fantasy. There wasn't one caricature antagonist versus one superhero protagonist. I think most filmgoers have outgrown that kind of film,--I know I have. Instead what Allen managed to create was multiple beautifully intimate, highly detailed, realistic "peeks" into lives ranging from diamond-encrusted socialites to clam-munching "grease monkey." The one thing they all have in common: Boy, do they like to drink! I'll admit there's a sadistic entertainment to watching people make horrible decisions over and over again, completely destroying their lives,--and the lives of other people. Most of the characters were liars who were thoroughly selfish, which also made the film VERY true to life. It's not a comedy. I wouldn't even call it a so-called "dramedy." I suppose you could call it a modern-day moral tale that is not at all preachy or full of propaganda. It's a well-directed, compelling, solid film that proves highly engaging. By the end I did feel a little sorry for the main character. Though she was thoroughly unlikable, the poor dear, just had to deal with way too much.

Café Society (2016)

Uninteresting, Slow

[3/10 · 8 August 2018]

The movie had the typical expected rhythm of a Woody Allen movie. Jessie Eisenberg=a boring, unattractive, hunchbacked waste of space. I couldn't feel any connection with ANY the players, even though one of my favorite actresses (Parker Posey) was in this film. She played her role well enough as she usually does. But the movie just seemed to be a cheap rip off of other movies, including some earlier (better) Woody Allen movies. It wasn't funny. It wasn't suspenseful. It wasn't compelling. It was a long. I got bored of looking at Kristen Stewart pointy chin, and inexpressive face. The movie had very little charm and didn't tell a great story. Would not recommend it to anyone. But if it helps, it was also largely predictable.

*batteries not included (1987)

Where did they get the bricks?

[2/10 · 12 March 2018]

Tons of spoilers ahead. So be warned. I'm not going to lie. I deeply disliked this movie for various reasons. I'm giving it a review simply because I disliked it so much. But I'm not going to try and present my objections to the film in any organized fashion. This movie is not worth that much effort. So right off the top off my head, in no particular order: 1. Where did the aliens come from? Why didn't we ever get to see their home planet? We didn't even get to see any cool phony shots of them descending to earth from outer space. I knew the premise of the movie before I ever watched it, so I knew that some aliens were going to show up. But when I saw Jessica Tandy's window open, I thought, "That better not be an alien flying through that window without so much as ONE lousy glimpse into outer space." But sure enough, it was. What lazy cinematography/special effects. I am forever disappointed. 2. The ships did not CONTAIN aliens. The spaceships WERE the aliens: What? WHAT?! What ridiculously unbelievable pablum is this? There are no sentient, hyper intelligent beings who are responsible for piloting these small clunky bits of tin across the galaxies? Instead, the robot hubcaps are themselves electricity-hungry, benevolent, artistic machines who are inexplicably sentient? Okay. Fantastic. -_-

3. These robots were clunky, awkward and relatively brittle, but they somehow navigated themselves though the volatile, combustible ravages of space? We're supposed to believe that these robots can survive meteor showers. 1000s of degrees of heat when entering the Earth's atmosphere and withstand the crushing power of the sun's gravitational pull, when all it took was ONE good hit from Carlos's axe in order to "kill" the daddy robot? Something is amiss. 4. Where'd they get the bricks, leather and paint? Okay. So you're a little robot who knows how to work a screwdriver, and you like to eat nails (or so we're told by the senile old lady in the film. That's fine. I imagine that means you can fix a wonky toaster. But how in the world did you seamlessly and effortlessly "repair" torn, paper photographs? You can't fix a photograph with nuts and bolts. You can't repair old busted up leather chairs or windows with a screwdriver. So where did they get all of the materials they need to repair everything? Bricks? Mortar? Paint? Leather? Glass for new window? Fricking caulk and drywall? These robots could barely fly through the halls without bumping into the walls. But somehow they can magically flip an entire apartment building, complete with new plumbing and freshly painted walls in less than 24 hours? Okay. Fantastic. 4. These robots from outer space magically have outlets that fit 120V DC outlets. Okay. You can't even plug in a radio from the US into an Eu outlet without connecting a $50 power converter. But somehow these sentient, benevolent, space-traveling robots are designed to plug perfectly into US outlets? And how in the world did these robots travel a million miles across space, if they have to recharge themselves every 8 minutes? My cellphone has more battery power than that. 5. The robots had babies? Small ones? That will someone GROW? Whaaat? 6. The pregnant lady and the artist are falling in love. Right. Because we all know that selfish, 20-30 something self-absorbed artists are just WAITING in long lines to love and father the children of plain-faced women whom they barely know. 7. The artist called the "military" and "NASA" to see if they were "missing any robots or technology." Right, because our military intelligence is just waiting to field questions from random citizens so that they can disclose super-sensitive, highly classified information with you. And what number did he call? It took me 3 hours to even find the right number for the IRS to find out if my tax refund was ready, but somehow this unknown, unsuccessful, son-of-an-RV salesman artist knows just who to call to discuss a possible alien invasion. Okay. Fantastic. So yeah, I'm done. I was so annoyed with this movie. Just weird and stupid. Too insulting to one's intelligence in order to be enjoyable.

The Trip (I) (2010)

Funny, intelligent, true

[8/10 · 11 March 2013]

I liked that this movie was intelligent and funny, while at the same time it didn't try too hard to be either. I feel very unfamiliar with the personality types of both the main characters, but at the same time I felt like I understood them very well. The depictions were clear. The humor was multi-layered and enjoyable.

It's true that there was some serious food porn in this movie. I have never wanted to try scallops so much in my life. Scallops with baby Jerusalem artichokes with a horseradish based sauce. I would pay a good damn bit of money to get my hands on a dish that was similar. I envied the characters a little. I wanted to be on that trip with them trying those delicious small plates, those exotic and chocolaty desserts. But enough about the food...

There were moments in the film where I found the impressions to be annoying. But I also thought that this was a point in the film because even the characters in the film seemed to have their patience tried by the same.

I found this to be an honest and intelligent film. I am utterly sick of films about teenagers. Teens just aren't that damn interesting. I knew that even when I was a teen. I want to hear the thoughts of people who have lived an interesting life and who in result have something interesting to say. I want to see complex personalities depicted in film. I expect vulnerability and some amount of bewilderment and disappointment in the characters. This film delivered.

I would agree that this film is not for everyone. It's not a sex romp, a rambunctious comedy or a romantic comedy. But it is a good film, tender in some moments, ridiculous in others.

I enjoyed Steve Coogan very much. The years have softened his face and he was actually handsome in some parts. (That's just a side note).

Small, Beautifully Moving Parts (2011)

Dull, self-indulgent, pointless movie

[2/10 · 11 March 2013]

I'm getting very tired of these types of independent films, these pointless, dull, self-indulgent movies created by vapid, corny filmmakers who have NOTHING interesting to say and NOTHING to add to the world of film. An independent movie should have an opinion, it should have a valuable and interesting perspective. Better independent films have humor, usually quirky, and they dare to tell the rarely told tale. And they tell it well. They speak of taboo or unusual subjects in an interesting way. They shouldn't exploit topics just to seem interesting or valuable. Again, the good ones, I mean.

However indie films like this one are self-indulgent, boring and pretty universally corny. What we were supposed to be interested in? The fact that the baby's father was a Black man? That could have been an interesting factor had the character of the Black man been INTERESTING. Instead he was just a regular guy, highly interested in the wellbeing of his pregnant girlfriend and future child. It's nice to see that finally reflected in film, but it still didn't save this boringly told story.

From the beginning to the end, I found it very difficult to care about the main character. Initially they gave her the characteristic of being a techie. They showed her being interested in the inner workings of pieces of technology. She took an old clock apart in the first six minutes of the movie and seemed highly enamored of what she found. And then, it evaporated. There was no more mention of it. The movie became a story that was exclusively about a boring pregnant girl from New York (of course) who is looking for her estranged mother. Oh, and she has a cellphone. And oh yeah, she talks on it a lot.

I kept trying to be concerned about the main character. I kept looking for a real reason to give a darn about whether or not she found her mother. In the end when she did find her mother, her estranged mother was ALSO boring. The mother was just an old fruitcake who had nothing interesting to say. Nor did she leave us with any compelling words of wisdom. She didn't even LOOK interesting. Which I'm sure someone would say was the point. After the entire search, everything comes up as "ZERO." Well, I've got news for you. This movie was ZERO from the beginning.

Odd camera angles (and useless footage that does not forward the story nor add to a film) does not an indie film make. It makes your film dull. The actress who played the main character HAS to be the director of this film because she kept her face in the camera the whole time. The camera only barely moved away from her face for mere moments. Then it came right back dead center to her face. Yes honey, you're sort of a cute girl and we all appreciate that your teeth are nice and white, but you didn't need to make this long, pitiful movie to prove it.

This movie is such a "pass."