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Obsessed (2009)
Two beautiful women fight over Idris Elba
I'll keep this short.
Everything that needs to be said about this movie has already been said. It's melodramatic, corny and lacks any real suspense. Eery music plays throughout the film, hilariously accompanying the malicious deeds of our "spooky snow bunny", but nothing scary actually happens. Honestly, the whole thing feels like an elaborate setup for one of the most underwhelming catfights you'll ever see.
It's no secret that there's a stereotype that white women "steal" black men away in droves. I think the only reason Beyonce is even in this movie is because she enjoys the idea of this stereotypical white woman failing at that. If she can dish out the ass whooping herself, all the better.
Idris Elba actually acts well in this. I'm not so sure about the rest of the cast. I do think the blonde is a better actress than Beyonce, but that isn't saying much. Overall it's safe to say no actor could have saved this mediocre movie.
I guess the only point of real praise for this film is that it's the only movie I've seen where the entire plot centers around a handsome black man and the women that fight over him. It shows black men as desirable and as attractive as any other man. Of course this is obvious, especially nowadays, but back in 2009 I'm guessing that was still a novel idea to some people. So props for that.
I say if you are still interested in this movie, skip through the boring parts and get to the fun and silly scenes. There are a few of them in there worth seeing.
Heart of the Beholder (2005)
The kind of movie they just don't make anymore
If you're anything like me, you're fed up with all the generic overly polished stuff the entertainment industry is peddling nowadays. Yeah the acting is better than it used to be, and special effects came a long way, but that's not enough. The reason you can't find any movies to watch on streaming services isn't because there's something wrong with you, it's cause most of them are well made, but boring!
Lots of things can be said about "Heart of the Beholder", but certainly not that it's boring. This movie takes so many liberties with its portrayal of a story based on true events, it just keeps you entertained. It made me laugh a bunch of times, even when that definitely wasn't the director's intention. It's such a weird blend of odd story twists and good to great acting mixed with horrible soup opera stuff, I can't help but love it.
Most praise has to go to Matt Letscher. He really carries the movie as the main character and I actually cared about him. Some of his acting is downright bad, but in other parts he's surprisingly good. Honorable mention for the woman from SNL (I forgot her name), her character was quite likeable and entertaining too.
So all in all, I say it's worth a watch if you're not in the mood for anything serious. There's some surprisingly strong R-rated scenes and some dialogue that's so on the nose it's downright hilarious. Then at other times it's almost like a lifetime movie. You gotta see it to believe it.
I'll take this "bad" but entertaining movie over a "good" boring movie any day!
Die weiße Massai (2005)
A pretty good movie about a terribly selfish and naive woman
It pretty much goes wrong from the very beginning. The main character Carola cheats on her boyfriend unapologetically with a Massai warrior under the guise of "following her heart". She doesn't show a shred of remorse toward her ex.
Very quickly it becomes obvious that the cultural differences between her and Lemalian are far too great to be overcome. But Carola pushes on anyway. This is her "adventure of a lifetime" after all!
So she actually manages to live with the Massai for a while, which is impressive. She's certainly no pushover. But with all of her European education, she should know that she doesn't belong with these people.
Unsurprisingly, Carola gets pregnant with Lemalian's child. Now that her "womanly task" is fulfilled, she quickly gets bored and tries to open a shop to alleviate that, even though Lemalian makes it very clear he doesn't want it.
She basically refuses to live by the Massai customs even though she's one of them now. Talk about having your cake and eating it too!
As we would expect, Lemalian can't deal with a modern European woman like Carola in the long term. He's emasculated by her abilities as a person, that far surpass his and those of the tribeswomen.
At first glance it might look as though Lemalian ruins their perfectly good relationship on purpose, by accusing her of infidelity even though he clearly knows she's faithful to him.
But really Carola is to blame.
She knows what she's doing by living amongst his people. She can't possibly expect a Massai warrior living a, for the lack of a better term, "primitive" lifestyle, to understand or accept her modern feminist attitudes.
So in the end she gets fed up with him and leaves, taking their child with her. End good all good for Carola. Becky has her cute mixed baby. Hooray!
Meanwhile Lemalian is probably ruined for life, emasculated and childless, even though SHE was the one who sought HIM out by travelling all the way to the boondocks to find him.
In the end it's a pretty good film, based on a true story. But boy, anyone who thinks Carola's actions are redeemable must really be wearing rose-tinted glasses. She is beyond selfish and super lucky to get away with all this unscathed.
Freeheld (2015)
Stellar cast, mediocre movie
I hate to say this, but I just gotta be honest. I adore Page and will watch pretty much anything she's in. But this movie just fails to make me care about the two main characters. And since they're the foundation of the film, it doesn't really work.
Maybe it's just the huge age gap between the two actresses, but what's really missing for me here is some chemistry between them. All I kept thinking is "It's so nice of that young girl to help this old lady who's dying of cancer". Most of the time, it had more of a grandmother/granddaughter vibe than anything else. They're supposed to be lovers but it didn't feel that way.
Micheal Shannon is honestly the best part of this movie. I cared more about him then I did about the two main characters. His struggle to be loving to his friend while trying to stay true to himself was quite believable. Still, the fact that he's the best character does not really vouch for the movie as a whole.
This movie is based on a true story. I understand why they adapted it to film, it's a good story, but something about the way it's being told feels lackluster. It's hard to put my finger on it, but there is something missing.
If I were to compare this movie to another lesbian love story, like My Days of Mercy, I'd say that movie had much more of a soul to it. I cared about the main characters romance, as well as the dramatic backstory they were involved in. Whereas in this movie, neither of those aspects were very engaging.
That's not to say I didn't feel anything during this movie. I did feel quite sad when I saw Stacie sitting on the beach all alone at the end. It's nice that they won the case, but I can't help but feel the house they built together holds nothing but painful memories now.
The highlight of this movie for me was the scene where Stacie has to prove herself at the garage. That was pretty cool.
Logan (2017)
Great movie if you're a fan of X-men, otherwise just decent
I watched this movie without having seen any other X-men film. Some might say that's stupid, but I think it makes me unbiased. It allows me to see this movie for what it is.
In my eyes, it's decent but not much more than that. The movie did seem to assume some prior attachment to the characters being represented, which I didn't have. As a result, I wasn't emotionally involved on a very deep level.
I've heard people talk about Logan as if it's the holy grail of superhero movies. I can't say I agree. I don't watch Marvel films but I made an exception for this one because people rave about it so much and the basic concept appealed to me. If this is the best Marvel has to offer then I feel vindicated in steering clear of their movies during the last decade. Because even though I don't regret watching this movie, that would mean the others are barely worth a watch.
What else is there to say? The old "let's militarize this creature as a weapon" plot has been done so many times. I honestly don't understand why they can't leave the kids alone. Logan's story is pretty convincing I suppose, from a psychological/emotional perspective. Patrick Stewart is engaging enough. But nothing in this movie is anything beyond just decent.
Maybe it's an unfair comparison, but when it comes to gritty R-rated movies connected to the superhero genre, I think Joker does a much better job.
Låt den rätte komma in (2008)
Good movie? Yes. Miles better than the American version? Nah
Being European myself, it's rare for me to defend an American remake of a European film, but in this case I really have to. This Swedish version is more subdued and arthousey, but that doesn't make it better. The supposed subtlety that the American version lacks according to many, is nowhere to be found in the original book both movies are based on. I realise the remake was unnecessary, but it's wrongheaded to insist the original is so superior and I'm going to tell you why.
I saw the American version of the movie first, then read the book, then saw the Swedish version. In my opinion, both movies give about an equally adequate though rather shallow retelling of the novel. And I'm not even a "the book is better than the movie" type of guy. I actually prefer movies in general and I don't read much.
Mark Kermode, a well known British movie reviewer who's opinion I really respect, claimed the Swedish version is a movie about lonely kids who don't fit in, with vampires in it, whereas the American version is the other way around; a movie about vampires with kids in it. I feel that, whereas the portrayal of Oskar and Eli as two lonely children is indeed the heart of the novel, both movies fail in equal measure in the attempt to even approximate how well Lindqvist depicts loneliness. So in the end what you get is one rather spectacular yet shallow retelling in the American version, and one almost equally simplified Swedish retelling that barely deserves an R-rating. In my opinion, the American version is more entertaining at least, although the Swedish movie is a bit more atmospheric.
Kermode said that the Swedish version focuses on "what you don't see" when it comes to the horror aspects, but this is clearly because they simply didn't have the budget to portray it! All of the gruesomeness that's in the American version, is in the book, and then some! "Let the right one in" was never meant to be a subtle story, it's very bloody and nasty. It's about blood, piss, death and mankind's worst inclinations in contrast with the innocent love of two lonely and tormented children.
Another good reason to defend the American version is the following. There are two loose ends in the Swedish film that aren't in the American film (Spoilers ahead). One being that Hakan, the man who enables Eli, falls out of the window and, unlike in the American version, doesn't die. Yet there is no follow up for this. In the book, Hakan is the real monster, a practicing pedophile who preys on boys and comes back for Eli's body in an undead state after he falls from the hospital window. The second being that it is shown Eli has a scar where her sex organs should be. Whereas the American version didn't bother with that part of the book at all, the Swedish film rushes it and doesn't treat it properly. I'd say both of the things I just mentioned are better left out of the movie than rushed or left unfinished. The American version is more concise plotwise, whereas the Swedish version has some holes in it because of this.
So in all in all, I guess the book just puts both movies to shame. After having read it, and then watching the Swedish version, I must admit I felt very little emotion during any of it. It definitely isn't scary. The book is incredibly raw. It contains pedophilia, gore so graphic I wouldn't even want to see it on film, and also tells you how Eli lost his genitals, is actually called Elias, and it refers to him as a boy throughout a large portion of the story. But the movies don't broach any of this controversial subject matter. Both movies feel watered down and censored, which takes away the sense of dread the original story had. The way Lindqvist describes the process of turning into a vampire and the infection, is so vivid and well done. The characters are so grounded and you care so much more about them, especially Lacke and Virginia, the woman who burns up in the hospital.
I'd say the original movie only deserves more praise because it's the original, and because it at least tries to make you care about Lacke and Virginia. As a movie about a story of two kids, it isn't that different from the remake. I guess my advise is, go read the book if you actually want an emotional rollercoaster that's both sad, gross, scary and heartwarming at the same time. The movies are both good and worth a watch, but they don't even come close.
Dark Shadows (2012)
Mixed Bag, but mostly enjoyable
Reasons to watch this movie:
-Christopher Lee is in it for about 30 seconds
-Alice Cooper is in it
-Jonny Depp is funny sometimes
-Vampires
-Eva Green is hot
-Chloe Grace Moretz is awesome for the short time she is in it
-Cool old mansion as the production centrepiece
-It's unpredictable
-It's not boring
-Lots of people die
-Bella Heathcote's earth shatteringly phenomenal chin
Reasons not to watch this movie:
-To spend a nice evening with your kids. The age rating for this film is too mild, not suitable for children
-To get scared, it's not scary for adults
-The plot. It's very weak and there isn't much of a payoff at the end
-If you get jealous easily. Johny Depp gets all the girls in this movie =P
-If you want a serious gothic horror movie. The tone is very inconsistent and mostly whimsical.
The Miseducation of Cameron Post (2018)
Solid down to earth film about a real issue
As a European, watching a movie like this realising it's inspired by real experiences and events that happened not long ago is bizarre. Gay conversion is something that deserves to be taken seriously solely because of it's negative effects, otherwise it's a joke. I'm not sure if this is still going on in the USA, if so, for goodness sake cut it out once and for all.
What really carries this movie is the characters. Let me just start off by saying Adam was my favourite. He's funny and honestly pretty based. The female roommate of the main character was also really good. You can easily tell she's sexually repressed and you're just waiting for it to come out. Honestly there wasn't a flat character in the movie. And let us just have a moment of silence for poor councelor Rick. Felt so bad for him throughout the whole thing, especially the ending! Really a victim first and foremost. It shows how, often times, the councelors are as tortured and lost as the patients, if not more so!
All the acting is done well and there are two or three riveting scenes that stand out for sure. The film has good pacing, with plenty of drama but not lacking in lighter moments. It's definitely a drama, not an action movie. The odd thing is how this film feels like it's 100% based on a true story, but in actually it's only loosely based on actual events. I guess that should be accredited to the writers. It's all very believable and grounded.
As for any negatives? This film is definitely not "woke" or anything like that. It tells the story as it is, without preaching to the audience. So that's not a valid criticism. I suppose the one part that felt a little weak to me was the relationship between the main character and her same sex lover. It doesn't have much depth in the story and seems to be based mostly on sexual intimacy and not much else. That's a lost opportunity.
So all in all a very solid film that really tugged at my heartstrings. I also think it would serve as great educational material on gay issues for students, since it feels very realistic.
I'm tired of handing out 7/10 scores. It's so corny. But this movie is not an 8 to me. Yet also definitely better than a 6. The current score is 6.6. Definitely a bit harsh. I would rate it 7+
Greta (2018)
A personal review; something like this could have happened to me
Oddly enough, this movie is relatable for me. Maybe this make me biased. Hear me out first.
Ten years ago, I ended up in a form of friendship with an old man. I was very gullible, like the protagonist in Greta, and probably lonely as well. Also my grandfather had recently died, so maybe I was looking for a grandfather figure, much the same way the protagonist in this movie is looking for a maternal figure to replace her dead mother.
I don't think imdb is the place for very personal things, but, long story short, he asked me to look inside a creepy dark storage space for some reason. He didn't push me in like it would happen in the movies, but he did touch me very inappropriately later that same day. It was only afterwards I realised what a risk I'd taken looking inside that storage space, even though I did so very carefully and with serious hesitation (after all, why would I?). After he touched me inappropriately later, I understood the situation I was in and got the hell out of there.
To this day I'm still not sure whether he really intended to lock me up in there, but I do know that he was a pervert who used me because he was lonely. Don't worry though, somehow I haven't been traumatised by any of it. If I had, I wouldn't have been able to sit through this movie so easily. So yeah, people like the protagonist in this movie do exist! I was really stupid!
The main criticism of this movie seems to be that it's not believable. Given what I've just told you, maybe you can understand why it's different for me. There are two scenes I kind of struggled with, where indeed I wondered why the old woman in this movie wasn't simply physically overpowered by the younger, fitter protagonists. Overall though, I was so into Greta that I didn't feel like that at all.
The fact the story of Greta managed to convince me, has to be credited not just to my personal experience but also to the acting performances of the main antagonist and protagonist. I don't think I've ever seen Huppert in any other role, but she's phenomenal in this. Like a female joker, meets sad old lady. Nothing like the old man I talked about, much more shrewd and manipulative. Moretz is great too, but then she always is, so it hardly needs mentioning. I was really worried for her throughout the film, like the movie wants you to be. I cared.
There's one scene in Greta involving a dream, that really stood out. It's my favourite scene and it's really well done. Very relatable for me, as I'm claustrophobic. I'd say the movie is worth seeing for that scene alone. I also loved the ending personally. I didn't see it coming, though others might.
In sum, a really strong movie throughout for me. It builds up the tension really well, making you wonder constantly just how bad of a person the antagonist could possibly be. Or maybe she really is just a sad old lady? Very much suspense horror, psychological thriller type stuff. No fancy effects or gruesome gore needed.
The final grade I give this movie is a 7.7. I want to rate it higher, but I'm bias checking myself seeing as I realise this movie isn't relatable for most people.
Hick (2011)
Come on people, this movie deserves at least a 6 star rating or higher
Only very minor spoilers ahead
This is one of those movies that compelled me to leave a positive review just to counter the negativity. It's current score (5.6), is just too low. It's not often that I'm taken back by an imdb review rating like this. Usually it's somewhere in the ballpark, but the rating made me think it must be a bad film. It definitely isn't.
For starters the performances are all great, especially from the main character and the antagonist. There isn't a single boring character in this movie. All the acting is well done and so are the dialogues. Some people complain that not enough happens during most of the film, making it boring, but I couldn't disagree more. The movie is largely a road trip, and it has the relatively slow pace that works best for such movies. I didn't lose interest for a single moment.
Another thing I like is that this movie subverts your expectations, or at least mine. It stands out mostly by the things that you think might happen but actually don't. Then it takes a dark turn that wasn't like I expected. This definitely takes away from the more pleasant road trip vibe a lot of the movie has, but in the end makes for a more interesting story. Personally I liked the ending as well and it didn't feel out of tone with me. Fact is, the main character didn't know the people she meets in this film for all that long, so it makes sense to me for her to move on quickly. All of it feels in character as she seemed quite unhinged from the very start. She is just a child basically, who forms emotional bonds just as quickly as she can sever them. That doesn't mean the tone is inconsistent.
One more thing about the negative score on imdb and elsewhere. It seems most people think the movie is inconsistent in tone and they're bothered or uncomfortable with how the main character is treated given her age. Personally I don't see why. The main character actively seeks out an older man for starters. This sort of thing happens a lot more than people think and just because the subject material makes you uncomfortable doesn't mean the movie is bad. Also like I explained earlier, I didn't feel any major inconsistencies in tone. I simply see the protagonist as an incredibly strong person who can overcome adversity very quickly, doesn't give up and never forgets how to smile.
I could give this movie 10 stars just to shift the balance in the rating, but I won't. I give it a 7.3 to be exact.
We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story (1993)
A great movie for children
I'm writing this positive review purely to counter all the awful and misguided cynicism that plagues many other reviews of this film.
Rating this movie 8 out of 10 might seem high, but I'm reviewing this purely from the perspective of my inner child, which I'm very much in touch with. Much more so than most people, judging by many of the reviews.
I grew up watching this movie, and absolutely adored it. What makes this a great movie for kids is the fact that it's based on a simple but brilliant concept which perfectly reflects how children view dinosaurs. Children love dinosaurs, and want to be friends with them, but at the same time, they are scared of monsters. The fact that the creators of this movie saw this basic essence of the childlike view of dinosaurs and made it the central idea for a whole movie is pure brilliance in my eyes. The monster like side of dinosaurs is portrayed very literally, while their friendly side also translates to a direct transformation of their appearance. This makes the tension between the two views of dinosaurs very graspable for children.
As for all the technical aspects of the film; these are also solid. Voice acting, music and animation are all well done. Some of the visuals in this film are truly remarkable and unique. I have never in my adult life seen anything like it again. A space ship kidnapping dinosaurs, the creepy circus, the dinosaur parade sequence; these are all iconic scenes in my (admittedly nostalgic) view. There's a very catchy song in the movie, but luckily not more than one, as I disliked movies with many songs even as a child. This was also one of the reasons why The Land Before Time was my absolute favourite as a kid, since it didn't have any songs. "We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story" is one of the few movies that rivalled my love of that film when I was a child, and that's saying a lot.