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Reviews
Bones and All (2022)
A bare bones movie
Had high expectations coming into this with a quality cast like that. The movie left me somewhat wanting though. This romantic story has a cannibalism theme which is novel but the main issue here is the slow pace. The movie has horror and gore but was too slow for this viewer and it came off as being more boring than anything else despite strong performances by the leads. Timothee Chalamet and Taylor Russell are great but the dead slow pace lets it all down. It is watchable and might provide a quality few hours for some. For everybody else maybe just lower your expectations and you might enjoy it.
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
Like a lesser hi tech version of cabin in the woods
This is an effective thriller where two husbands and their adopted daughter suffer a home invasion by four strangers are faced with a horrible choice. One of them must die to save the world. M Knight is back with a good thriller that is along the lines of his earlier works. Its great to see diversity and inclusion included in the storyline. The husbands are treated like normality in the storyline as it should be and its even cleverly worked into the story with the assumed homophobia of one character. The movie plays like a more stripped back version of the cabin in the woods and is superior to it.
S.I.C.K. Serial Insane Clown Killer (2003)
Picked this up for a buck
Found this in a thrift store. Never heard of it before. Apparently it goes by the name grim weekend. A group of friends staying at a cabin in a forest are chased around by a killer clown. This killer clown only shows up near the end. Up to that not a lot happens. This movie seems to have been shot on non hd digital video and looks it. Complete amateur night and looks like a college movie. Not great and very slow at times. Only spent a dollar on this thank god.
Terror! Death! Revenge! (2018)
Terror, death, revenge, yawn!
This is a movie in three parts/stories like tales from the darkside or bodybags for example: the first tale concerns a the attempts by two parents to cure their odd young boy. The second is about a sudden tenant vacancy in an apartment and the third is a reverse take on the hitcher with a psycho driver picking up a stranded couple. I get it. Its a production done on the cheap meant to be a parody of the genre. But it aint great. The cast could be better. Some gory bits but overall it just plain bland. At least its only over an hour long so youre not investing a huge amount of your time in it. I added a star just for its short running time.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
(The)texas chainsaw massacre
Another one of these movies i went in with low expectations for but came out a believer. Some young people go to a town in the middle of nowhere to transform it into a resort town. They move leatherface and his mother out of a tenement and things go haywire. There are two points about this movie. Its not in any way spooky so if youre watching it for that you will be left underwhelmed and a bit disappointed. If you are watching it for the kills then this movie delivers in spades. There are plenty of gory kills to keep most gorehounds happy. Maybe its not quite on par with the classic 2003 release but its still a pretty good follow up. It could have been so much worse than the reviews would lead you to believe.
Nightmare Alley (2021)
A nightmare running time
The director of pacific rim is the brains behind this remake of the old movie from a long time ago. While this new version is rather slow and those looking for a fast paced thrill ride will be disappointed its still better than the creaky old original and demonstrates the benefits of remaking these antique movies that hardly anybody watches anymore. Toni collete and rooney mara and these women do great work and are a delight when theyre on the screen. Del toro is a good director and has a very good eye for horror, design and overall creepiness. But whats with the massive two and a half hour run time? Its too long for this type of thriller! It would have benefited greatly by being cut by around fifty minutes. The movie has horror elements to it as well and is a refreshing and high quality change from all the low grade horror thats saturating the marketplace out there.
Escape from Cannibal Farm (2017)
Well yes there is a farm and its got cannibals in it
Escape from cannibal farm or cannibal farm as its titled on prime is like a cross between the texas chainsaw massacre, wrong turn and a host of other movies with the exception its set in britain. For a short while i actually thought it was set in australia LOL. Family out on a road trip comes across rural farm and become the target of the psychotic farm owner. The cast are okay and its okay made. I get it meant to be to a homage to the older horror stuff from the seventies and eighties but a bit of originality wouldn have helped too. There is such a thing as overdoing the tribute. Acceptable viewing but nothing you havent already seen at some point before.
The Void (2016)
Watch it and dont avoid the void
Had never even heard of this. Sat down to watch it expecting the worse and to be switching it off after 15 minutes. But amazingly it grabbed my interest and maintained it. Very like the early john carpenter stuff like a combination of assault of precinct 13 and the thing. Even the set up sounds like assault on precinct 13. An injured man is rushed to a hospital only for the place to come under siege by mysterious hooded cult type people. Good of its type with some good creature effects. Actors are up to standard too which is a rare thing in these types of movies. Overall pleasantly surprised by this.
Blame (2021)
Blame it on the snow
Despite being warned not to do so a group of friends travel into a snow storm and end up crashing into a tree. They take shelter at a school and one ends up dead. Oh yeah and before all this happens they conveniently put away all their cellphones to completely isolate themselves... not the smartest of moves writers. Much has been made of how in the movie the group manage to crash into a tree in seemingly growing in the middle of the road. But maybe the tree toppled over at the last second? There is a storm after all. Its slow moving but pretty okay acted with good drone shots and photography that ups the production. As low budgeters go its okay if not exactly groundbreaking.
Magnetic (2015)
Not too magnetic at all
This is scifi done on a literal shoe string and it shows. Something has happened to the sun and the earth will be destroyed. It is up to a girl called alice who has to try to piece the plot together which is a good thing because we cant so any help wading through this story is greatly appreciated. This tries to be a thinking scifi on the level of say tarkovskys solaris. It tries real hard to be meaningful and baffling but just comes off as pretentious. The plot is hard to follow and its clearly trying to be the type arty scifi festivals and critics rave about. If it had been more straightforward and less experimental it probably would have been much better. As it stands there are a few pretty ok visuals which is an achievement as it was clearly done for a low budget. Otherwise ill pass.
Shadow in the Cloud (2020)
Retro in a good way
This reminds me of a more action packed version of that episode from the twilight zone movie where the guy is seeing things on the wing. Except swap the thing on the wing for a creature inside the plane, add the feisty moretz and more action and you get the idea what this is. Some good visuals here too. Its strengths are in the claustrophobic setting of a bomber during world war 2. While it has a good first half it does make a few slips in the second. Some of the cgi is questionable too to say the least. Still its more than entertaining enough to pass the time and is a great role for moretz.
Fractional (2011)
So bad it's embarrassing
Ok so im just after noticing that my first review of this movie has disappeared LMAO so this is my second attempt as the first one seemed to offend someone close to the production LOL. A shrink tied to a chair in the middle of a dirty warehouse is being toyed with by his psychotic patient. Original concept eh. Yeah right. Definitely inspired by saw this even has a bloody limb against a white background for the poster and has no originality whatsoever. Feels more like a parody of a horror movie than a real horror movie. Probably should be renamed farcical. Very little of interest happens during a short running time that still feels twice as long. Weak cardboard acting too. A distinct lack of energy is the biggest issue. Nothing to recommend it overall. Too slow and boring.
Fight or Flight (2010)
Zombies in a building
An angry veteran sets off a virus in a building and turns the office staff into even angrier zombies. Put quarantine and 28 days later into the blender and the terror experiment is what comes out of the mix. It has a lot of unknowns in the cast along with old reliables like judd nelson and c thomas howell. There is some action but the whole thing can come across as being a little bit funny, silly and slow at times. The zombies are not really zombies and more like infected living people. If ever there was 2 am viewing this is definitely it. Watchable but nothing too taxing.
Agoraphobia (2015)
Strange happenings in da house
A nervous woman inherits a big spooky house only to realize shes not alone... This is one of those movies that is sold on the strength of a name actor in the cast (candymans tony todd). But then it goes and does what a lot of movies of this type does: it rips off the audience. You think youre getting a genre name actor and of course it turns outs the actor is not even in the movie that much. I understand they have to sell the movie but so many movies of this type does this so often its not even amusing anymore. There are a few bits of good suspense to be had in this one along with a few twists so its not a total waste. Theres a lot worse out there in the streaming rabbit hole.
Jungle Cruise (2021)
A laughing all the way to the bank jungle cruise
Time for another one of those cynical disney money making schemes based on one of their theme park rides. This indiana jones-pirates wannabe has state of the art effects... That is if we were still living in 2005. Most of the cast is fine but it would have been so much better had a nathan fillion or a ryan gosling being in the lead male role other than dwayne johnson who is just too bland. This is passable but not exactly wonderful entertainment. Theres some action but it all feels so lame and half hearted as if the director decided at the last minute to just let the visual effects guys work it all out. Disney can probably do better than this. You can definitely do better than this.
HazMat (2013)
Reality show turns bloody
Some expendable people go to a creepy building for a reality show called scary antics. A prank goes wrong and triggers a killing spree. Lots of hysterics, screaming and running around dark hallways ensues. The killer in this seems to have been borrowed from my bloody valentine and as such loses lots of brownie points on originality. Could they not have come up with their own unique killer? That being said its not entirely horrible and there is some entertainment to be had. If youre into low budget horror movies done reasonably well you might like this one.
200 Degrees (2017)
Better than expected
Grade A for Ahole stockebroker is held in a kiln until he can pay a million dollards to his captor.... So you sit down to watch this and the first thing you assume is that its just another saw clone. With the scary voice thats used in the movie... well it clearly is. But this primarily one man show done for the most part in one location is an effective thriller. Yeah its another Saw but it held my attention throughout. The story and set up is good and the lead actor does a great job with the role. Pleasantly surprised by this i was.
Coffin (2011)
Average low budget movie
A good idea will be replicated endlessly. Just take one part Buried and a host of other movies based around people trapped in tight places such as car trunks and the like and its what you have here with coffin. Watched this as i became aware of coffin 2 first. Now that i have seen this i am unsure whether i will bother with coffin 2. Its not that gory so it fails even at the torture p0rn it halfheartedly sets out to be. The budget seems to have been mostly spent on the actors salaries. Not bad just not great. Definitely late night watching with a can of beer at hand.
Beyond Re-Animator (2003)
Herbert goes to jail
Despite being killed at the end of both of the first two movies (?) Dr herbert west somehow ends up in jail for his crimes. After meeting another doctor with a similar obsession with bringing the dead back to life West is soon back to work reanimating more corpses. Needless to say chaos eventually reigns in the prison setting. Is it as good as the first Reanimator? No. Its not even as good as the second one and that was a step down from the first. And maybe im missing something but i still dont understand how west is alive at the beginning of each one despite being killed in the previous (lol). Overall perfectly watchable and entertaining. Jeffery combs is still good as west even if his heart isnt quite in it anymore.
Pitchfork (2016)
Fun weekend on the farm
Clearly an attempt to create an iconic character along the lines of Jason Freddy or Michael this cheap n cheerful movie introduces the Pitchfork of the title. It starts off with some potential but goes into the usual stalk n slash territory. Shouldnt be surprising really as these movies have become so formulaic you kinda know at the start what youre getting into but you do it anyway. The actors do an alright job in this and there is some fun to be had with some good jump scenes. But it would be nice to see one of these actually stray occasionally from the well trodden path. Even if its trying too hard to be a classic of its type (and falling short) till not the worse of its type. Theres much worse cheapo flicks out there than this one. And if you like silly dance scenes in movies then youll love this.
Terrifier (2016)
Low budget but slick
This is a throwback to gory movies from the 80s and it shows. But its done very well especially for the lower budget side of things. Good gorey bits and the guy playing the clown is great in the role. Yes they were doing good scary clowns here BEFORE pennywise made it all fashionable. Theres a dark sense of humor to this which makes the movie all the better. Check it out
The Basement (2011)
Those pesky teens are in trouble again
A group of teens barricade themselves inside a house to escape a creep who is a bit of crackpot... It pretty much goes where these types of movie usually go with its usual screaming, darting and escaping. The ending is a bit of a surprise admittedly and it gets extra brownie points for that. But the characters are just... uggh... and also annoying and unlikeable in equal measures. Watchable... to an extend I suppose. Maybe put it on while vacuuming the floor or doing something else
Extraction (2020)
Tries to be special but isnt
Okay so thor plays some guy who has to get some teen away from kidnappers in india. Hes haunted by his past or something... This movie tries hard to be meaningful but fails becauses its so artificial and insincere. Theres a big action scene in the middle everyone talks about cos its continuous but like... whats the point of that? I had to watch this movie in two sittings because its so uninvolving. And the way the plot is done... it comes across as being more confusing rather than clever which it tries so hard to do. By the time thor simply phones up the guy whos been trying to kill him for the entire movie I kind of lost my patience with it
Scarecrows (2017)
This movie is for the birds
Theres a good idea in here: big mean psycho farmer hangs his victims out in his fields to be used as scarecrows. Thats hell of a concept. For the first half everything is like it should and fun in a good way but then it seems to miss the mark a bit after that. It has its moments but its not that scary. It looks nice at least though. The cast is good and there is stuff to enjoy here but sadly its missing something by the end. It pretty much concludes in the way these movies usually do. Okay if theres nothing else on i guess
Decay (2015)
A movie about a crazy mommys boy
Slow paced thriller for sure but keeps things moving just enough to keep your attention. Some good surprises and the actor playing the lonely guy is rather good as the clearly disturbed mommys boy. It is a tad depressing in some ways I guess but theres enough in here to keep you entertained. Overall a well done flick done on a lowish budget. Looks pretty good too. Strangely I probably would recommend this