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The Pope's Exorcist (2023)
The same s#@hit again
The Exorcist changed everything after was released in 1973. It set the framework of every single horror movie about possessions or demons. From the scenery, the way the possessed person acts and the parts of the Bible they quote.
There are good examples that comes after it. Some with the same ideas but new story lines and terrifying demons.
However, this is not it. This is just another silly copycat of what the Exorcist tryed to achieve. It is the same thing all over again, nothing we haven't seen dozens of times in many other failed productions.
It started OK. It had the typical Exorcist vibes. Some funny moments too. But then it is just got everything wrong.
First of all, the story is predictable as hell, you know who is going to be possessed, why and how it is going to develop since minute one.
Secondly, the localization is a joke. Of course, this is and American movie, so they do not expect, nor care, that someone is going to be able to recognize where is set. Anyone that has been in Segovia can tell there is no way that place is in there. Castille, especially that area is dry and with lots of plains. The place looks like it is in the north or in any other country. The actor that portrays the Spanish priest is from Costa Rica, and doesn't look like someone born and raised in the central meseta. Specially in the eighties, when Spain wasn't as multicultural as it is today. The same thing happens with the workers, they haven't seen a Spanish construction worker in their lives.
The plot twist is just nonsense. The idea that the origin of the Spanish inquisition is because some bishop was possessed by a demon is just ridiculous. It is the product of the Spanish black legend. You just have to take a history book to know that there were inquisitions formed all over Europe in medieval times way long before the Spanish one. Of course they were cruel, but it wasn't nothing new at those times, and protestants and every single branch of Christianism did the same when it came to heretics.
Just as we saw in the Exorcist, this movie use the same old Bible extracts and in the same way. They don't even care how silly it looks repeating the same formula since 1973. At least in that movie were trying to be realistic and before they could carry the exorcism they needed the authorization of the bishop and there needed to be a doctor present. Here they are just trying to look cool, with some typical head turning 180°, a demon voice shouting blasphemies and lots of guttural noises. That is not an exorcism, that is just repeating what seems to be worked in dozens of movies before... But failed.
Anyway, I could carry on with many more inconsistencies but this movie doesn't deserve it.
I would skip it and watch The Exorcist instead, when it comes to movies about possessions you don't need any other.
Nope (2022)
It isn't a good movie
I'm amazed at how high is the score for this film. It is just bad. Really bad. The story is just not worth it. The characters are flat, no interest whatsoever. Daniel Kaluuya is a good actor, but not in this one. He has the same face throughout the entire film. Unless he is trying to portrait a depressed person, it isn't the best role of his career.
But what about the "mysterious" entity? Well... I am going to save you some time. The monster looks like a giant plate covered in a big grey blanket. It is not scary, it is not eerie, it is just shabby. And when it attacks it looks like a vacuum cleaner trying to take the sand off the carpet. I cannot understand how someone could think this was a good idea. And for some reason the whole plot revolves around the idea of film it, even though it has killed more than forty people and it is going to do more killings. Why don't you try to talk to someone? No, they just want photos and videos so they can make some money. And worst of all, when they manage to film it, they don't quickly wrap things up and go to safety, no that would make sense. They stay and act like the brainless people they are.
And what about the weird monkey in the first scene? It doesn't make any fricking sense, it has nothing to do with the whole story or the monster. Really don't know what Peele was thinking.
It is just a bad movie. Very bad movie.
Halloween Kills (2021)
Good comedy
Yep, Don't expect a horror movie because the characters are the dumbest you can run into so instead of feel any kind of pity for them I just laugh as hard as I can when they are miserable slaughtered. Thanks Michael for taking care the problem of overpopulation killing the useless. You're just not understood.
Anyway, you can't take it seriously. I enjoyed because I was with a friend and we laughed at the stupidity of the script, but the movie is just a terrible mess, even for a slasher.
Watch it with friends and for laughs because is good comedy.
Wrong Turn (2021)
Just terrible
How it is possible that anyone would invest in this utterly garbage. Really, if I was a film producer or a director I would be ashamed. I wouldn't want to be related with a project such as this.
I can't say anything good about it. It is just terrible written, bad acting and overall a mediocre story. Here are some inexplicable things:
- How it is possible that the authorities haven't investigated the place. There are multiple reasons for that. The so called Foundation isn't as isolated as it seems, so if many people is gone missing in the area and the place is crawling with traps the logical thing to do would be investing.
- Why the crazy ones have created a new language? We are told that they founded the town because the believed in some sort of apocalypse thing. So they should be speaking English. What is the point in changing the language? I will tell you: no point whatsoever, like the whole movie. Besides, some people speaks English, why some do and others don't?
- When the father goes to find his daughter to the mountain with two of the locals one of them tell him that he is some sort of an expert, and that they have to watch out for traps. Next scene he isn't leading but instead following his buddy, and of course, he fall into a trap and both die. Wonderful. And why the father would take the rifle and the pistol when he can just take the pistol... There is no danger right?
- What's up with the boyfriend of the daughter? He decide to stay in the foundation. Why? They are just crazy. Is this the anarchist society he was hoping to create at the beginning of the movie? Just... (sigh)
- So what is the point in having walls if you don't have any guard? And if they are so isolated and self sufficient why the hell they go to town to sell cheap jewelry? Why do they need the money for.
- the end is just stupid. The daughter has a baby with the foundation's leader and when she run away he goes looking for her. He introduced himself as the new neighbor to the her political family and then there is a scene when they start fighting, but it is just a dream or something. But then she goes with him to prevent further killings just to kill the leader and their companion in the caraban they use (because isolated crazy tribes know how to drive them)
If you can read this review just avoid this like the plague. One of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life.
Fear Street: 1994 (2021)
Not horror, not even funny
I was looking forward to this three part movies. I didn't watch any trailer or anything because I didn't want to get my hopes high, but maybe I should have.
The movie tries so hard to be funny and also coherent to the story that it achieved the contrary. It doesn't make any sense, specially the idea that the witch's bones are like that, on the surface of a nearby forest. Come on, almost four hundred years dead and the bones can be found so easily.
And what about when they call the surviving girl? Is there always a telephone guide in a science classroom? Really stupid.
But that's not all. Why don't they "kill" the girl in the ambulance while they are driving so the killers can't get them. It's stupid that more than six people die just to save from dying one girl.
The script is terrible and formulaic. There is a reason why slasher movies aren't popular these days, because if you see one you have seen every one.
Black Summer (2019)
The best zombies but no the best story
I must say I love the way it's made. It's all very realistic, the zombies feel like they are dangerous, not like others TV shows. It's one of the best depiction of a zombie apocalypse. However, the story is a little bit confusing and no very interesting as a whole. They are always running from something and it's like every episode is going to be about how they escape from some zombie. There is no real plot like The Walking Dead or even Z Nation. Nevertheless it keeps your attention all the way through.
I like that it is realistic but I must say the second season it's worse than the first one and the carachters make some terrible decisions. Actually I decided to write this because I needed to get something out of my chest after watching the sixth episode. What the hell is wrong with the people that is carrying the big box? I mean, seriously, if you want to move in to the top of the hill, unload it first, take the things to top and then move the fricking box!! It's common sense for God's sake. They seriously deserve what happened to them.
Akelarre (2020)
Terrible movie. Not worth anyone's time
I couldn't finish it. It was desperately slow and dull. I thought it would show how the Inquisition worked in the XVII century. I'm a history teacher and I was thinking to watch it with my students but it's terribly written and historically inaccurate.
The girls accused of witchcraft seem like they were taken from this contemporary time to that century. They act and think like girls from the XX century.
The inquisitors are stupid beyond repair, what they do it doesn't make any sense. None. And is because the writers don't know a thing about history. They just took elements from an average exorcist movie, clichés from the Spanish Inquisition, some postmodernist feminism here and there and mix it up together with no quality or style.
Avoid like the plague.
Army of the Dead (2021)
More plot holes than zombies
I watched the movie the other day and I felt so disappointed. Dawn of the death was fantastic, just what zombie genre needed. But this? This is just bad. Horribly written with so much plot holes and so many stupid decisions. Here is a list of what is wrong with the movie:
- Why the military is always so stupid? An important package is transported by a military convoy and it gets involved in a car crash. OK, could happen... But it's not enough to destroy a military trunk.
- Soon there is a zombie apocalypse in Las Vegas and the city is closed down but inexplicable they make a quarantine zone just beside 50.000 zombies and people go in and out like students in a boarding school. Aren't they afraid of another outbreak?
- The movie doesn't say how many time pass between the first outbreak and the present, but it's suggested that two or three years at least, so why is still a quarantine zone and why some people like the main characters can abandon it and others not? It's clear that they aren't infected so what's the point?
- The quarantine zone is a complete joke, not just because the security is nonexistent, it's because it's supposed to be a zombie outbreak where are the scientists? Why do they need volunteers? It doesn't make any sense. The whole army should be there and it should be a restricted area.
- Why Tanaka, the guy who hires the team, hired them? I mean he is supposed to be rich, why not hire professionals who wouldn't even go against you? Because when it's revealed what he needs they don't want to do it. Besides it's stupid that they go for that much trouble just to get a zombie head. I believe that is quite easy.
- Now let's talk about the protagonist and his daughter. Yes, she is a volunteer is the quarantine zone and the team need her to go into the city and of course at first she doesn't want to go in but when she realizes that some friends have gone inside Las Vegas she joined them and put the whole team at risk because she is a useless.
- The other characters are specifically picked because of their qualities, well at least in the movie because they are casted like Netflix does, not because of their talent but for the sake of diversity. We have a Latino woman, some black dudes, strong women, a German boy that looks like a hipster that tell people off when they are politically incorrect... I know these things in EEUU are somehow important but in Europe we see this as laughable and sad. And don't worry there are references to how men (always white) are evil when it comes to women.
- How is it possible that a guy that works in a hardware store knows how to open a casino vault? I think he is wasting his talents as clerk.
- At some point the protagonist daughter flees to look for her friends that are being held by some clever zombies (who knows why) but she seems to have a sixth sense or something because she knows exactly in which casino she is. And of course, when his father realized that she is missing he goes to look for her and he knows exactly where to look. And of course, the casino is huge, laden with rooms and quite destroyed but they found each other quite fast.
- At one moment the daughter starts shooting zombies in the head without fail even though she has never shot anything in his life.
- In the end the remaining team flee from the city when the nuclear bomb is coming and they are in a helicopter crash that in the real world would kill everyone inside. Not here, the daughter and the father survive, but he has been bitten so she has to kill him...
- At the beginning of the movie we see that once your are bitten you become a zombie in seconds. Well, one of the characters managed to survive hiding in the vault and escape for a secret passage (Kanata didn't know that even though he gave the team a detailed blueprint. He has been bitten but not only he doesn't become a zombie in second but also he survives the radiation of the nuclear bomb. And of course, he finds a car in perfect condition.
There are more of inconsistencies but I would be writing more than I spent watching this garbage. I don't recommend it.
The Unholy (2021)
Good premise but bad execution
It started off good. The story is different and the idea of a false virgin Mary can be interesting. The acting is acceptable and CGI average.
However, it fails to nail everything down. The last half of the movie is just a bunch of walking clichés. It's like they fired the writers they got and hired the cheapest ones. Very disappointing ending. Nothing we haven't seen a thousand times before.
30 Monedas (2020)
Oh dude, you gotta see this
It is hard to explain what this is about. It starts weird and ends even more weird... But I need to know what is going to happen...
As always Alex de la Iglesia does a great job to surprise the audience and in this case you end up saying "what the heck just happened?"
If you like weird and extremely original series this one is for you.
I really like the actors by the way, for the Spanish audience they are pretty recognizable.
No matarás (2020)
An all right thriller
Mario Casas is a great actor, he is the whole movie really. The story is simple but it gets your attention, a little bit predictable. It is a very minimalist movie, just a few scenarios and a bunch of actors. The ending is very sudden and it leaves you a bitter taste.
No more than six stars I'm afraid.
The Haunting of Bly Manor (2020)
As always the end is the problem
I think there are two things that are really difficult for a horror TV show to get right. One is the ending and the other is to make the mystery that is unrevealed interesting. This serie couldn't do it right in my opinion.
The story is interesting and it kept me seeing it but in the end it's just not that good, they failed to give good reasons for the appearance of the ghost and the end it's just really simple and predictable. I don't know, that happens as well with the previous one, they just can't make a good ending.
Patria (2020)
The story that needs to be seen
To be seen, not just to be read. The novel by Aramburu is a masterpiece and this serie achives to show it on the screen. The atmosphere is exactly what it needs to be. The elements of the rain, the moving camera, the faces. Everything is well made.
But above all else, what is important is the story. I won't tell anything about it, just that shows the terror of ETA, that hideous gangs of murderers that called themselves liberators and democrats. This is something that we, as a country, cannot forget. We can have different opinions on politics or which is really our nation. I don't care, we can't forget who was and is to blame. Remember always that nationalism is a cancer, specially the violent one.
I whish a lot of people see this in other countries and know the reality of this so called "conflict".
Voces (2020)
Scary as hell
I really liked this movie. It's very scary and it gets you every time. A must see if you like horror movies
Dunkirk (2017)
Enjoyable but lack the essence of war
War is ugly, cruel and merciless so if you really want to make a movie about war you need to take those facts into account. Nolan is a good film maker. The movie is all right. I really enjoy the air plain fight and Tom Hardy's rol. He is always great, such talent.
But you can see clearly how Nolan has sold his soul for a bunch of more viewers. A war movie without blood? A stuka throw a bomb right into a crowded platoon and there is just some little blood here and there? Where are the screams? The mutilated arms and legs? Learn from Spielberg. Saving private Ryan really IS a war movie. You really see the dead bodies, the hideous destruction.
Dunkirk is just a light war movie, predictable at most parts. Nolan here disappointed me, he made a movie for a twelve year old who want to see some soft action but is afraid his parents don't let him if there is too much blood. Yes, there is dead, bombs, shootings, but it is just soft. Completely overrated in my opinion.
Cursed (2020)
Netflix, just so you know...
You'll have more luck finding the Holy Grail than black dudes in the early medieval England. Really, it's OK to varie the myth, in the end it's just a myth, but if you want people to take you seriously try to have a minimum of coherence.
And people, it is not racism. I would say the exact thing if a white dude is casted as Otelo or as Mohamed Alí. It would be make no sense at all. One thing is make a serie modern of diverse and other just mix everything just for the sake of it.
If you continue to produce series as terrible as this you would lose many subscribers. Just letting you know Netflix.
Temptation Island (2019)
I just wanted to say that...
This is the embodiment of human decay... The result of a slow but inescapable death of the potential of western civilization...
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
From a Far Far Away Galaxy with no Love
Let me say just this: Nothing, NOTHING, NOOOOTHING makes any sense. This new saga is terrible and this movie is just another example of that.
I could go over to all the things that doesn't make any sense but I believe many people has said them already so I will say this. The people that is defending this garbage, it's legitimate of course, should try to give reasons, not just saying that the ones that hate it are needy nerds or haters. Please, a little bit of criticism or some points to take in account.
What Dysney has done with Star Wars is unforgivable.
Midsommar (2019)
The horror is in watching it
I love watching horror movies. I do it a lot with my friends and maybe nothing surprises me anymore but I believe I can distinguish between a good one and a bad one.
This movie is just no entertaining at all. It's insulting to consider this as a horror movie. I know there's a lot of different ways to explore horror. There's gore, psychology, ghost and so on. I've seen all of them and this is more like a tedious trip to nowhere. EVERETHING is predictable as hell. It really is. You know from the beginning that there's something seriously wrong with this crazy tribe from somewhere in nowhere in Sweden. It's formulaic and very slow. When they explain something is just simple and with no interest whatsoever. The plot never thickness and there is nothing, absolutely nothing to be scared about. Not in a psychological way, or a sick way, NOTHING. I can't imagine how the actors and the director can stand watching this garbage twice.
I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It's just dull as watching a fly move is legs for two and a half hours.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
Lacks of imagination
I love Star Wars. I've watched every movie and played many of the games. I love it's universe. I didn't like that Disney was behind it, but I coped with it.
The movie is entertaining and I won't get in details about performances, effects or things like that. I think there's plenty of critics that talk about it so I won't be original.
However, I'm writing this because one thing that I really can't help keeping for myself. The main antagonist is pure garbage. Not Kylo Ren itself, but the First Order.
They don't make any sense. How it is possible that the New Republic didn't know what was happening? Come on! They literally just have won a ver hard rebellion with everything against them. Where is the senate? Where is the political part that play a big part in previous movies? Did they just vanished in thin air? Where is the republican army? Seriously, when the republic was at war against the Federation of Commerce and the separatist there were very big battles, many plots at play.
In this movie the story is just lazy and formulaic. "OK, now, OUT OF NOWHERE, we are going to have a powerful but absolutely secretive empire in the darkness with no real reason to exist whatsoever and that strikes so efficiently that put in danger the New Republic in one minute".
With that massive amount of money I believe they can think up something better.