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Reviews
Blackwater Valley Exorcism (2006)
Horrifically bad! ***SPOILER ALERT***
Even worse then the incredibly boring "the Exorcism of Emily Rose". It started off decently, and right up until the mom said to the dad, "See I knew she was possessed", in an I told you so voice. It was a terrible line, spoken badly and it foreshadowed the rapid demise of this amazingly bad movie. Every family member has an issue from the past with the priest. The dad starts to accuse everyone of either liking his wife, or actually having an affair with her, culminating with him killing his buddy, then himself in the obvious instant lucidity after he realizes his friend hadn't slept with his wife after all. People are dying, others are coming under possession, and by this point most viewers don't even care anymore. Except for their employee Miguel, none of the characters in this movie was actually likable, making it hard to care, about any of them. The acting was terrible and the writing even worse. Glad I saw it for free; although I feel that for a movie this bad someone owes me money for the time I lost.
The Messengers (2007)
Worst Movie of 2007! **SPOILERS**
Wow, this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. From the god awful script to the complete lack of story to the title that is absolutely meaningless to the film. This movie is so bad that the moron who directed it, Oxide Pang Chun, should be executed to stop it from happening again. From a technical point of view this is a real movie. Good lighting, clear shots, good sets, decent leads, actual theatrical release. That is unfortunately where any resemblance to a real movie ends. The story, what there is of one, is slow, uninteresting, and simplistic. Most of the things that occur in the movie are never explained, the moldy wall, why the ghosts attacked the family and not their killer, why the killer was invisible in the prologue, what Ben was in the hospital for, why the basement floor turned to quicksand, etc. This is really just a poorly done thriller, that has ghosts in it, although I'm still unsure why it has ghosts, besides the obvious reason that the murderer killed them in the home. Dylan Mc Dermott must have really needed the money to be in something this bad. Still the worst thing about the movie is the name, which of course has nothing to do with the movie. Their are no messengers, there aren't even any messages. save yourself some time and just jab an icepick into your eye, it will be far more pleasant then watching this piece of trash.
Silverado (1985)
2nd best western of the 80's
Easily the best western made in the 80's after Clint Eastwood's "Pale Rider". The one place that it far outshines Pale Rider is in the large amount of humor. Pale Rider is a fantastic movie, but depressing. Silverado is a fantastic movie that leaves you smiling and wanting more. The cast is great including Kevin Kline, Scott Glenn, Danny Glover the always overrated Kevin Costner, Brian Denney full of menace, a very slick Jeff Goldblum ( until recently engaged to a girl from my town of Winnipeg, resulting in regular sightings of him here ), and even an appearance by John Cleese from across the pond. Everybody gives great performances. Even Costner is decent, probably because he only has to play a man-child. If you enjoy a good western then this is for you. The movie starts off strong and keeps up the interest right through till the end. The length of the movie is nice too, it is long enough to develop a serious story, but not of epic lengths such as the Lord of the Ring movies, which were far too long.
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)
Laughed so hard it hurt!
Without a doubt this is the funniest movie I have ever seen. Sacha Cohen shows an absolute genius for pushing all the right American cultural stereotype buttons. Do not worry if your not already a fan of his, as I for one hated Da Ali G show but loved Borat. The laughs start immediately and don't stop until well after the final credits have rolled. It is a travesty that at last nights Golden Globes "dreamgirls" at half the gross and 4 times the cost beat Borat out out. Shows how absolutely meaningless the globes are. I cannot wait until this movie comes out on DVD, as every scene left in the movie is hilarious I expect some treasures had to be left on the cutting room floor. As a side note try to see Sacha's appearance on Conan O'Brians show which is as funny as any scene in the movie. If you only see one comedy, make sure this is it
Jackie Brown (1997)
Wow, so so boring!
As you may have guessed I hated this film. It was so boring I kept looking at the clock to see when it would be over. The premise of playing the same scene over from different points of views might have worked in an interesting movie, this however was not. Acting was weak and rather dull. Pam Grier may be the worst actress I have ever had the displeasure of watching. Quentin Tarintino is an amazing writer/director, unfortunately this is by far the worst movie he has made. If you liked Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs, you'll hate this. If you like good intelligent movies, or just well written thrillers this is NOT FOR YOU! save 2 hours of your life and pick the lint out of your bellybutton!
The King of Queens (1998)
Jerry Stiller Rocks!
King of Queens is comic genius. Kevin James, whom plays IPS deliveryman Doug Heffernan is extremely funny, Leah Remini who plays Doug's wife Carrie is incredibly hot ( # 19 on Stuff magazine's hottest 102 woman list ), and very funny. The true magic of the show However is the scenes with Jerry Stiller, they are the funniest in the show. Jerry, a comic genius, plays Carrie's father, Arthur Spooner, whom lives in Doug and Carrie's always cold basement. I must admit that I never watched this show until this year, 2006. Whenever I had flipped by it previously it never seemed funny, but with the cancellation of Friends, Still Standing, and Yes Dear, I needed some new comedy. Actually giving The King Of Queens a chance I discovered that it was absolutely fantastic. So funny in fact that I downloaded the first 7 seasons and watched each season in 8 hour blocks. I strongly urge anyone whom has not seen this treasure to check it out. You will not be disappointed.
Haunted Boat (2005)
A simply terrible waste of Film!
This is easily one of the worst 5 movies I've ever seen. It's not scary or any of the other things suggested in the plot outline. This movie is agonizingly slow and I was bored for almost all 98 minutes. While the acting is mediocre at best, the biggest problem is the script, which is poorly written, slow and plodding with no real direction. Occasionally an eerie mood is set only to be broken by some useless line or event. I'm not surprised that the entire cast was sick and throwing up between shots, they did after all have to try and digest a terrible script. As a huge fan of good horror movies, I'm always irritated that something this bad gets made. Save yourself 98 minutes you'll never get back.