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ninjathesecond
Reviews
Barbie Princess Adventure (2020)
Can we just move on
Never thought i would see one of these again, after all the recent failures, a barbie movie. The woman who is stuck in the 60's with the same old story again and again.
Here is is trying to find who she is, but is now surrounded by the internet and all the modern trappings.
The problems are: she keeps staring into the camera and making statements. Has surrounding characters who could have been removed and it would have made no difference to the ending. Not more animals, the oldest trick in the book.
People watch movies to be entertained. Entertain us and we will not care about anything else. And that is the problem, the movie is not entertaining. Look at big hits like frozen, shrek and see how good stories are written. How characters start off as the anti-hero, then we find out more about them and why they behave in this manner. We find their fears and desires, how they rise up to face these. We feel what they feel and we grow to love them.
This is just another attempt to sell merchandise.
Barbie: Star Light Adventure (2016)
Not even trying
Looks like mattel is not even bothering to put even the smallest amount of effort into these movies.
Just knock them out one at a time and as long as they make money, that's all they care about.
This has got to be the worst of the worst. Clichéd tedious boring, the kids talked amongst themselves, got their toys out, and eventually they had all wandered out of the room, and this is only ten minutes into the movie.
I would advise all parents, do not buy this movie, you are only rewarding bad workmanship and scheming tricksters. Please don't put your hard earned money into the pockets of uncaring con-artists who are playing the same scam again and again: Knock out any old rubbish and as long as it makes more than 10 dollars, they have covered their costs, and the rest is all profit. Please learn your lesson and move on. Do not be ripped off for the umpteenth time. Buy something nice for your children, or put the money into a collection can for charity. By buying this you are giving them the green light to make further garbage.
Barbie: Spy Squad (2016)
Good if you have nothing better to do
Edit: I found this to be Boring and a very extremely totally predictable storyline. As i watched the screen i realised this is another stereotypical Barbie role, same old goody-two-shoes like in all the rest of her outdated and strange movies.
Why are her movies strange and weird? Here's a list:
1. It's always bothered me and i wonder why does it have to be so black and white with this girl, every-single-time, without exception? Why is she so determined to throw herself into danger. People like the modern reluctant hero, the flawed hero. Not this do-gooder, self obsessed, from the 60's, who rushes forward into danger even though she may die in the process. And within 10 minutes of watching a Barbie movie i can easily figure the entire story out. Why is the ending so obvious.
2. People find do-gooders annoying, or suspect do-gooders of being motivated by some other undesirable reason – like "everyone look up to me, look at my squeaky clean image, now go and buy all of my merchandise."
3. Every movie is just a rehashed version of the previous one, taking on all of the world's problems, same old I'm so nice, I'm so kind ambitious yet irritating woman, taking center stage.
4. But just how inspired should we be by fictional women who alienate others. Character flaws in movies are admirable, because as human beings we are flawed and audiences love learning about it, but not Barbie.
5. I don't understand why they don't modern up, move with the times, look at what other people are doing, like Frozen, Shrek, How To Train Your Dragon, and look at all the success they are having.
6. I noticed in the papers Barbie sales are plummeting, what is Mattel doing wrong, according to them: nothing, we are perfect! It's not that i myself or the people around me are tired of Barbie being a princesses it's the stories are garbage. Using friendship/ discovering her true self/ Blah-Blah-Blah Whatever, Barbie defeats all before her and wins.
7. With this movie Barbie Spy Squad there was no inner turmoil or conflict. I could not find a single reason why I should like any of the characters, and I didn't. Flat, one-dimensional, don't people have hobbies,strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, a personality.
8. Okay, kids like pets. I get it. But every single movie. Really? Isn't it time to move on? So tired of seeing some animal crawl on stage to be greeted with gasps of delight and " You're so adorable, You're so cute, You're so cool."
9. I could not find anything new or innovative here, with the gadgets, Headquarters, laborotories, British boss, etc,it borrows heavily from old stuff like James Bond Spy Kids Totally Spies etc
10. I didn't know the girls had superpowers, but all the way through they perform better than any world class gymnast could even dream
11. And finally we have Patricia who decides to become a team player at the last minute and give up her life of crime – Unbelievable.
12. Barbie needs to step up and change, also hire a decent writer who can craft a story.
13. This doesn't feel like a story to me, very artificial,fake, wrong. It's like they took Shoes, Dresses, Make Up, (like they do every single time) and everything else they thought girls could possibly like and built a story around it. It's too much relying on pandering and very little talent. Too clichéd also, trite, all this Cool! Wow! Totally! Excellent! No one really talks like that.
14. All Barbie movies are the same, just a different career or backdrop, that's why no one is interested in them, why would they when the other studios are producing way better stuff. Our kids would much rather buy a PlayStation game than any Barbie merchandise.
15. In the last movie Barbie went on a hunt to find treasure > treasure found> story ends.
17. This movie Barbie wants to catch a diamond thief > thief gets caught>story ends. So bland and predictable.
Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast (2014)
OK-ish
Don't know why they called it Tinkerbell never beast as she barely makes an appearance, a strange and puzzling direction to take especially considering the popularity of the character in which this is her final appearance.
A very slow movie only picks up at the end.
MY kids did like it, they are big time Tink fans, they did mention it was not as good as any of the previous ones.
Queen clarion was her usual kind and majestic self
We did like take-in-charge Rosetta and her thick accent
Vidia was tall and elegant
Silvermist splashing around was fun.
Iridissa lit up the way
The determination and resolve of fury and chase gave a nice contrast.
Thanks for reading.
Splice (2009)
My two cents
Okay, i watched it all, in stops and starts, Nowadays I'm too busy to sit down and watch a whole movie so i catch a little during my lunch break, then a little more in the evening, in the end it takes about three days for me to watch an entire movie, kids pulling my hair, telling me to turn it off so they can watch turtles, korra etc But i really did enjoy this and would put it on your must see list.
Usually i write negative reviews because Hollywood churn out so much crap, but this is a movie we all liked I know it says in the title description it is a horror but not really it may be very mildly scary in a few places but it's more of a jurassic park scare.
All in all a good tale, well told and acted, worth the price.
Thanks for listening.
Barbie and the Secret Door (2014)
Good fun!
A good movie. I purchased this from Amazon.com and was first in the e-queue but also was a little puzzled, as when I showed the movie off most people had already seen it. Apparently there are a whole load of websites where you can watch this movie for free on-line.
However the kids really did enjoy it and as soon as the movie finished they pressed play and watched it again, which they have not done since Tinkerbell a good sign of money well spent. The scenes were bright and colourful, the story engaging, a little more thrills and fun. The dopey mermaid was funny and the grandmother was kinda cool as well.
For a movie advertised as a musical, regretfully, the songs were weak. The kids hummed away on the old Barbie tunes, but not so here.
Although she does play the part of the reluctant hero, which is good, no explanation is given why she is so reluctant. What happened to the brave and inspiring Barbie of old who fought against all kinds of monsters, wizards, witches etc. "Fighting an evil princess, I don't think I can do that." She plays a cowardly role and wanders around far too much. Barbie was uninspiring.
There was such little characterisation built up, the entire cast seemed one dimensional and we could not make ourselves care about any of them. No matter how much trouble they got into we were so distant from the movie we could not have cared less. This was the movies biggest flaw zero empathy.
When the characters had their magic drained they should have fallen deathly ill, grey skin, feverish, then there could have been a sense of urgency to the plot, that these friends had to push their fears aside, band together and rescue their fellows, quickly, but there was no clock ticking away in the background to add anything so was the usual slow paced offering.
We watched Malucia steal powers, attack people, and we were all very disappointed when she was given such a trivial punishment at the end, there was a real sense of injustice.
Would be keen to see a love story next, something like beauty and the beast(-ish) maybe.
All in all a good movie, well worth a watch or rent.
Barbie: The Pearl Princess (2014)
Good!
Although she has been through a slump, it is good to see Barbie is getting her career back on track in another adventure. She is much improved and the kids really enjoyed the latest movie Barbie the pearl princess. The one drawback the movie is slow paced, lacking in tension and intrigue, and I am scratching my head wondering why the script has been written in this plodding manner. Of course a very obvious way to build up tension is to have a threat of imminent danger hanging over the protagonist's head. But for some reason this did not happen. Barbie sailed through the movie, cut peoples hair, explored the castle, made new friends, and for some reason the "aunt" had the threat of danger, as she had to poison the king along with the risk of getting caught. Why this lopsided approach? It did not work. Barbie was in some danger but it did not come across very well. The aunt stole the show in this respect. We all know "The hero's journey" And there is nothing worse than a movie in which the hero wants to go on the adventure/quest. The reverse should be; every step must be forced, conflicting emotions, divided loyalties, danger/risk of undertaking the quest versus the big payoff. When Barbie wanted to go to the castle, and did so, this was a major turn off and really hurt the movie. All in all a good offering, probably the best for quite some time.
Barbie & Her Sisters in a Pony Tale (2013)
Getting better
Well my kids enjoyed this one. The last few barbie movies they got bored and walked away, ever since she changed to a modernised barbie. The old stuff (which sold the best and is brilliant)they still love and watch.
In this one they dumped the writer and got someone new in, still felt like the same writer but it worked better.
I don't think barbie is outdated, and getting away from all that laptops, web blogs crap immensely improved the story.
Listen Mattel: if at the beginning of a story you deliberately mention a pearl handled pistol from 1908, all the way through the audience is going to be thinking, why did they show that pistol and when are they going to use it? If at the end of the story the pistol is never used at all, this leaves a sense of frustration, why bother showing it?
The same, if you fill your movies with computers, the internet, mobile phones and these are never used or play a part in the actual story, this leaves a sense of frustration in that you are trying to manipulate the situation as it has no relevance to the story. It doesn't make sense. And drives the viewers away.
That said, this movie is an improvement over recent barbie offerings, doesn't flow very well in places.
Recommended.
Barbie Mariposa and the Fairy Princess (2013)
Overall Average
What a breath of fresh air from the last few terrible Barbie movies.
For some reason 2 years ago Mattel changed and created a modernised Barbie, and it all became about laptops, the internet, web blogs etc It seemed as though they had surfed the internet, found everything that is popular and then used the slightest excuse to shove that into their movies.
The last movie, Pink Shoes, mixed the original and modernised Barbie but did not work and was unsuccessful.
Now the latest movie is back to original Barbie again YaaY! But unfortunately is so boring, my kids walked away. Nothing happens, characters meet, then talk, then meet up again and talk some more. There is virtually zero action, zero suspense, and moves at the pace of an anorexic turtle.
Overall i welcome the return of the old school Barbie, but this movie just plods along, a pale comparison to Diamond Castle, Rapunzel, Swan Lake etc.
Illegal Aliens (2007)
Good potential, only average release.
A decent enough movie, loved the costumes, the chemistry, and natural charm of the girls. But with no real explanations: why the girls took it on themselves to risk life and limb becoming superheroes? What were the motivating factors? After all, it's a dangerous world.
Thought from the opening they wanted to go to Hollywood and be models, or something.
Would have been nice to bring the characters' backgrounds into play and give more depth and motivation to them. But this was ignored.
And a little clichéd. After all, saving the world from some madman/woman bent on its destruction is hardly new.
Think it would have been better, if one of the girls got pregnant (by me), and the resultant hybrid baby swiftly grew up, and went on a world wrecking rampage. That way there would have been a lot more tension and excitement, divided loyalties, girls fighting against girls, and the mother defending her baby from the world, blind to the dangers, some motherly instinct kicking in. Well, that's just me.
Would love to see a part two. THE END.
The Grudge 2 (2006)
It's bad, so bad.
Please God take my life, I begged, as I watched the worst movie of all time. Anything, just put me out of my misery. I thought the first grudge was kinda lame, but this, ripped off, uninspiring, suicide inducing lamefest of a turkey had me doubting my sanity. Memories returned of recent flops, such as "The Covenant." But that was brilliant compared with this. I would seriously advise cinema-goers to save their hard earned bucks and watch The Eighth Plague, Beerfest, The Departed, Jackass, instead of this, as these are far superior movies. What were those crazy nutters, rejects from the asylum, handicapped motherlovers, turd for brains asswipes thinking. Probably thought, we're so brilliant, so clever, people will just see the name and the stars, and flock to the cinemas to watch it. Jeez, get a life.
The Da Vinci Code (2006)
For Religious Nutcases Only.
Why is Tom Hanks always playing the good guy? Love to see him in a nasty role for once.
The movie itself has so much religion and philosophy mixed in, it's easy to start losing interest. Unless you are deeply into religion, then it might be okay. Far too much, hushed conversations behind closed doors, robed figures, religious principles and ideology just rolling off the tongue, most of which the average Joe would have no idea about, or be able to visualise. Confusing, boring in places, and too much specialised knowledge needed to understand what on earth this movie is trying to say. Probably will be a hit at the box office, but only because of the names involved, rather than any serious entertainment value, or interest. Divine intervention needed to save this one.
Inside Man (2006)
Made no sense.
This rough story just had nothing to it. First, in walked Denzel, with an ego so big, I was surprised his head fitted through the door. He mostly played the part of a hostage negotiator, even though he wasn't a hostage negotiator-if that makes any sense.
Not far behind was Jodie Foster, who looked seriously wasted. Like she had a big-time drug problem, or was totally anorexic, or whatever it is that the Hollywood elite get up to. She was probably brought in to help break up the story into bite-sized chunks, or scene switching, as it is known. But her role was so flimsy, you could have cut her out of the story all together and it would have made no difference.
The story itself revolved around a gang of bank robbers, who raided a bank, but stole nothing?? Apparently, this was done to draw the police's attention to a safety deposit box, which held evidence linking the bank's boss to Nazi dealings, during the second world war. What the exact nature of the dealings were, was never revealed.
The bank robbers must have been very righteous and honourable people, risking a lifetime of imprisonment simply to get the truth out. Why they couldn't have gone to the police, got a search warrant, and disclosed everything, is beyond me. Instead, they beat, humiliated and stripped the hostages, who amounted to nothing more than innocent civilians, and probably traumatised them for life. It is difficult to build sympathy with the public, no matter how righteous your cause, by degrading helpless captives like this. I fully agree that Nazi collaborators should be exposed and punished, but victimising the most vulnerable people in our society, namely the old, and children. Yes, a young child was also in there, is difficult to swallow. It did not seem to fit in with the honourable intent of the bank robbers, to tie, drag and traumatise these people. Overall, not a bad movie. Could have been better with more thought.
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Could have been great.
If it ain't broke, then why fix it? If only the Hollywood people could get this into their heads. First the black costumes, then the re-hashing of all the characters. Vinne Jones as Juggernaught, with a heavy British accent, terrible. Why are they always fighting Magneto? It's like the Ninja Turtles, up against the Shredder. Are all the other supervillans on holiday or something? Phoenix was supposed to be an awesome mutant who destroyed entire worlds, and was a threat to the existence of the universe itself. But in this movie, she just walked around with a silly pout on her face. Where was the danger, the immediacy, that meant she had to be killed before she wiped out all of creation? And to make matters worse, where are all the characters? Most of them did nothing. Professor X and Cyclops were killed at an early stage, and as for the rest of them, you could have cut them out of the movie, and it would have made no difference at all. After saying all this, i feel the movie will be a hit, but only because of the names associated with it, not for the quality of the script. People will leave the theatre with thinking: what on earth was all that about?