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Reviews
Alone in the Dark (1982)
Better Than Average
Donald Pleasance, Jack Palance, and Martin Landau lead a surprisingly starry slasher flick where the inmates of an asylum escape during a city-wide blackout and go to the home of their doctor to terrorize his family. Alone in the Dark has more suspense and humor than usual for a film like this, not to mention the great performances from all the veteran actors. That alone makes it worth seeing.
Abby (1974)
Might Deserve To Be Forgotten
There are a few good performances in Abby, but it's never anywhere near as shocking or memorable as the film it's trying copy, The Exorcist. After the midpoint, things take a nosedive and it becomes repetitive and boring as Abby goes out to bars trying to seduce men and her husband and father-in-law trying to find her.
Wolf Creek (2005)
Gritty, Raw, Unforgettable
Wolf Creek won't be everyone's cup of tea. It's unflinchingly violent and the film takes its time in building to that violence which will leave many viewers twiddling their thumbs out of boredom, but once it gets going, there are few films as scary and nightmarish. The idea of being trapped in the outback with no one around for miles and nowhere to hide as a psychotic killer terrorizes and tortures you and your friends is as scary as it gets.
The Devil's Daughter (1973)
Interesting TV Terror Tale
After her mother dies in an apparent suicide, a young woman is taken in by one of her mother's mysterious friends where she meets an array of oddball characters who seem a little too enamored with her from out of the gate. Unfortunately for her, it turns out that she's the daughter of Satan and her new friends want to give her the royal treatment they believe she deserves.
Shelley Winters is fun as the "friend" and a veteran cast of character actors lends great support.
The Victim (1972)
Average Made For TV Thriller
While the setup is good, The Victim does suffer from a predictable conclusion. Once you look at the opening credits and see a star's name, but said star doesn't show up until the last 10 minutes of the movie, you have a good feeling they might be the one causing all the mayhem. It's still got a nice, creepy rain-soaked atmosphere and anything with Eileen Heckhart and Elizabeth Montgomery sharing the screen together can't be all bad.
The Amusement Park (1975)
Different Type of Horror For Romero
George Romero's long lost film isn't horror in the traditional sense. There are no zombies eating people or young men who think they're vampires, but it deals with a more real horror - the horror of getting older in a world that sees you as less than and disposable. I'd like to think that things have gotten better since this was made, but you still hear all kinds of horror stories about how our elders are treated and this film is a sometimes disturbing reminder of that.
Seance (2021)
No Need to Enroll
A young woman arrives at a creepy boarding school haunted by ghosts and a deranged slasher who's been picking the students off, one by one. Will she be able to solve the mystery? Will we care? Probably not, because none of the characters make any kind of impression whatsoever. Even the designated teen movie "mean girl" is unmemorable. The location is creepy and they use it to best of their abilities, but if all you have to recommend is a film's location, that film has done something wrong. Not scary, suspenseful, shocking, or interesting in the slightest.
You're Next (2011)
Great Fun
Most of the characters in You're Next are not-so-great people, but it does give us one of the smartest and most resourceful female characters of the past 20 or 30 years. It has a sense of humor, doesn't skimp on the red stuff, and keeps the pacing tight.
Trick 'r Treat (2007)
One Of the Best Horror Anthologies
If you liked Creepshow or Tales From the Crypt, you're sure to love Trick 'r Treat, a seasonal blend of many types of horror. It features supernatural zombie children, werewolves, mystical creatures, and even good old fashioned crazy humans. It blends them all Pulp Fiction-style in a very smart and clever way.
Amityville: Dollhouse (1996)
Good Bad Movie
A young girl gets a haunted dollhouse that's, somehow, connected to the Amityville house and strange supernatural things start to happen around her family's house.
At this point, the Amityville series is running out of what little steam it ever had, but there's some enjoyably tacky stuff here like when the stepmom starts to lust after her teenage stepson due to the supernatural power of the haunted dollhouse.
Freaky (2020)
A Seriously Silly Slasher
A teenage girl is stabbed by a serial killer with a magical knife he stole from one of his previous victims and their souls switch bodies and they have only 24 hours to get back into their original bodies before they're stuck that way forever.
Freaky takes a little while to warm up, but once it does, it's off to the races. Vince Vaughn has never been funnier and Kathryn Newton makes for a very likable heroine and also manages to pull off the sociopathic serial killer stuff once she's switched bodies. It's well paced with just enough laughs, gore, and even heartfelt moments to make for a memorable ride.
Fritt vilt II (2008)
Strong Sequel
The survivor of a brutal massacre is transported to a hospital on its last legs along along with the corpses of her friends and their killer. Unfortunately, the killer isn't quite dead and he wakes up, ready to wreak havoc on the skeleton crew of the hospital.
I was a bit lukewarm on the original Cold Prey when I saw it several years ago, so it took me a long time to seek out the sequel, but I do think I enjoyed this one a little bit more than the first. It does take nearly 40 minutes for anything of note to happen which kind of spoils things a little bit, but once they get going, it's worth it and it's a very satisfying sequel that turns up the intensity a good deal.
There Was a Little Girl (1981)
Gripping Thriller/Slasher
A teacher finds out that her evil, deformed twin has escaped from a mental hospital just in time to make their birthday the most unforgettable one yet.
Madhouse has that Italian style even though it was shot in America with all American actors. Trish Everly is really likable and endearing in the lead role and I'm surprised she didn't do more. The camera loves her. A lot of the stalk/slashing sequences are effective and the ending is unforgettable and incredibly well done, but I wish they'd dug into the two sisters' childhoods more. Where are their parents? Did the evil sister kill them?
L'uccello dalle piume di cristallo (1970)
Argento's First Giallo
An American gets trapped in Rome after witnessing an attempted murder and has to try and solve the case himself in order to be allowed to leave, but the murderer isn't done killing yet and might make him one of his next victims.
Dario Argento leapt onto the scene with this film and it carries many of the hallmarks of his work that was still to come. It's not quite as polished as some of his later films, but the potential is more than there and he's still able to craft a compelling story with a genuinely surprising final twist.
Savage Weekend (1979)
Proto-Slasher Surprises
Some friends take in a weekend at a secluded country house and are put in harm's way by a mask wearing psychopath.
Savage Weekend has the distinction of being a slasher film before many were being made and that's neat and all, but it's clear that the formula hadn't been perfected yet. It's nice to see characters who are a little more mature than usual in one of these movies. That's one of the fun parts about watching these pre-Halloween slashers. The rules hadn't been fully established and it feels like anything can happen. The horror scenes aren't very scary, but there's a fun DIY aspect to it that keeps you engaged and I don't think there's ever been another murder by hat pin on screen.
Psycho (1960)
All These Years Later - Still The Best
Stuck in a dead end relationship with a man who doesn't want to get remarried, Marion Crane makes the rash decision to steal money she was supposed to put in the bank for her boss in order for her and her boyfriend to have a cozy life. It's a fateful stop off at the backwoods Bates Motel that changes Marion's life forever when she meets Norman - the boyish motel manager who has a strange relationship with his emotionally abusive mother.
Hitchcock created his most perfect film when he decided to adapt Robert Bloch's novel of the same name and turn it into the movie event of the year - even going as far as to tell patrons they wouldn't be seated until the previous screening had come to a close. Hitchock's daring twists are still shocking to this day and his visual language is out of this world.
Amityville 1992: It's About Time (1992)
Underdeveloped
Andrea has been taking care of Jacob's two teenage children while he's out of town even though they broke up because was a controlling turd. When he shows back up with an antique clock, things start going wrong in the household, Jacob starts unraveling like Jack in The Shining and, somehow, this clock can change time and their entire living room can turn into an infamous torture chamber simply by flicking the light switch.
Don't expect explanations, because It's About Time seems like a rush job from the start and I'm assuming there weren't many drafts of the script. There are a handful of imaginative moments such as a teenage boy being enveloped by the basement floor and turning into goo or a helpful neighbor being impaled by the beak of a stork on a diaper delivery service van, but these characters are so hard to care for from the start that we couldn't care less what happens to them. This just makes holding out hope for another gory set piece more trouble than it's worth and I'm still not really sure what this movie even has to do with Amityville. Was the clock brought from the house before it was bulldozed and is the film saying that this clock was what made the house haunted in the first place?
A character named Leonard comes in midway through and offers some levity and one of the better performances in the film. It made me wish he was the lead instead, but the film does end on an empowering note for Andrea when she finally utters the film's immortal tagline "it's about time" and storms out of Jacob's home, refusing to stand for his behavior. Is that was this film is about? Is it a metaphor for abusive relationships? I wish that was developed a little better.
They All Laughed (1981)
I Hope Someone Laughed
They All Laughed has to be one of the least funny and interesting screwball capers ever committed to celluloid. If it weren't for John Ritter and Colleen Camp, I'd have turned it off 30 minutes in when it becomes clear the filmmakers have no desire to let the audience in on what's happening at all. It becomes very frustrating as we're forced to piece together the story for ourselves and not in a fun way. We haven't been given enough information to draw any major conclusions at all.
Audrey Hepburn and Ben Gazzara are wasted in their roles and that's a huge shame. This whole movie is so empty, dull, and painfully unfunny.
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
Outstanding Visuals
It was about time for another, more serious adaptation of Hansel and Gretel. It's long been one of my favorites of the Grimm's cannon and it lends itself the easier to a horror adaptation. Unfortunately, this one doesn't always go as dark as it probably should and trades in scares for coming of age drama, long silences, some inaudible dialogue (a la The Witch), and endless dream sequences.
If you like dream sequences, you're in luck, because there are about 400 of them here. I think we spend more time with Gretel in her dreams than we do with her in reality. There's also some very questionable and unneeded narration by her character throughout that just annoys more than informs.
Visually, the film is practically perfect. The set design, costumes, lighting, and shot composition create quite the unnerving mood that the script constantly struggles with. Make no mistake about it - the technical aspects of the film are the highlight and it's a classic case of style over substance. The script never really seems to know what it's trying to say or accomplish. There are a few attempts at girl power feminism, but it feels undercooked and more like pandering than anything meaningful about female nature.
By the time the film finally comes to life, it's already over and you might feel a bit underwhelmed. It might still be worth seeing for production design and cinematography hounds.
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! (1989)
Painful
If we're being honest, the Silent Night, Deadly Night franchise isn't exactly horror's finest hour, but most of them at least have enough tackiness, cheese, or "so bad, it's good" charm to keep one entertained. Not so with this sequel.
Billy survived his injuries at the end of the last film, has apparently had a full face and body transplant, and wears a weird fish tank on his brain to...keep his brains intact? He has visions of a blind girl named Laura and he breaks out of the hospital and terrorizes Laura and her family.
There's enough worthwhile ingredients to make you think this movie might be going somewhere semi-interesting, but you'll likely tune out 30 minutes in and just hope Billy kills everyone and fast. It's not fun or cheesy - it's mind numbingly mundane and boring without a single worthwhile moment or surprise.
Snow White and the Three Stooges (1961)
Has Its Charms
As an adaptation of the fairy tale, it's rather spirited and inventive, but as a Three Stooges vehicle, it's humorless and sort of sad. They were clearly on their last legs by this point and going through the motions. It doesn't help that skater, Carol Heiss, is the leading lady and she's about as interesting to watch as paint drying with a monotone, high school play line delivery.
On the plus side, Patricia Medina and Guy Rolfe are fun villains and seem to be having a blast camping it up as the evil queen and her companion/evil wizard. Some of the musical numbers aren't completely awful either.
Bombshell (2019)
Fantastic Cast and an Important Story
Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, and Margot Robbie have never been better than they are here - teaming up to defeat John Lithgow's vile Fox News head, Roger Ailes. It's hard not to want to stand up and cheer when they finally show him who the real boss is. It's not quite hilarious 9 to 5-esque feel good revenge, but it's more realistic and possibly more satisfying as well. It helps that Connie Britton, Allison Janney, Kate McKinnon, Malcolm McDowell, and a whole array of brilliant actors show up to offer support. It's really a must see!
Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989)
Still Fun
It's pretty hard to top Unhappy Campers in the campy slasher department and Teenage Wasteland doesn't really try that hard to. It doesn't help that all the murder pay offs have been shaved by those evil folks at the MPAA. It's still enjoyable even if the pacing is less exciting and fun than its predecessor. Pamela Springsteen still seems determined to get a few laughs out of Angela - the homicidal trans killer who only offs people who have it coming. Boy, are there ever some people who have it coming in this movie including racist rich girls, dangerous thugs, and all sorts of teens who don't know how to respond to "no." Honestly, we could probably use an Angela in this day and age. Who knew a movie from the late 80's could still feel so strangely relevant in today's age.
Paganini Horror (1988)
Totally Nonsensical
This one has been hard to find for years (at least in semi-watchable form), so I'm happy to say I've finally seen it and it's ok. A dubbed Donald Pleasance plays a creepy music peddler or something who gives an all-girl pop band an old piece of sheet music that was apparently composed by a crazed composer who used human heartstrings for strings on his violin. They end up in a secluded country estate owned by Daria Nicolodi to shoot a music video for their newest hit and they end up opening up a portal to hell or something to that extent.
To be honest, this movie was confusing as all hell. I never knew what was going on or what the rules were, but it's a pretty short movie and there are some fun effects and sequences that kept my interest. It's definitely far from the worst horror movie I've ever seen, but it's hard to not see it as a missed opportunity. The ending has a fun twist, too.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
Scary Paranoid Thriller
It's hard for a lot of movies to truly get under my skin, but there's something about Invasion of the Body Snatchers that does the trick for me. When the actors are all this strong and people behind the scenes are this talented, something's bound to give and we're lucky to have the final product. Fans of non-gory horror will love its more cerebral take on horror.