Xarathos Reviews

Beavis and Butt-Head: Pool Toys (1994) Season 4, Episode 14

"I finally found myself some good workers."

[9/10 · 25 November 2009]

I saw this on MTV2 once and realized how great this show was. I saw it going way back to its 'Liquid Television' days. The episode was about Beavis and Butthead once again working for Tom Anderson by helping him make a pool by laying down the concrete. Of course, the poorly eye-sighted Anderson is oblivious to the fact these were the same two kids that ruined his house by painting words all over it, burning the shrubs and stealing his lawn mower, so he goes off and gets trapped in one of those gigantic home hardware stores which is hilarious in itself because it's impossible to find anything. The two of them are of course idiots destroying the tool shed and everything in it with Anderson's tractor and get stuck in a concrete filled pool.

'Genius' is the word for this episode.

Saturday Night Live: Jason Priestley/Teenage Fanclub (1992) Season 17, Episode 13

Girl, you are wicked awesome!

[9/10 · 23 August 2009]

What can I tell you about this great episode of Saturday Night Live. Well it's great, for one. Jason Priestly hits the ground running with a great bit where he lampoons Beverly Hills 90210. We never watched the show, but a friend and I found ourselves remarking 'Give me your keys' after his character from the show sees people upset over the area code change. We never watched 90210, but it didn't matter it was a great sketch. As was the dating Sprockets sketch and one of my person favorites which was the Arsenio sketch where Arsenio Hall interviews the New Kids On The Block who were already past the expiration date of their fame. THe NKOTB (As they called themselves around that time) tried to convince Arsenio that they did everything themselves including writer their own music, do their own choreography, do their own travel arrangements, and design their own clothes. No doubt Kevin Nielen did a great update cast, which is challenging since he was following Dennis Miller and he's hard to beat. It's was great to watch this stuff, especially since I usually had nothing better to do.

Star Trek (2009)

This is the new Trek!

[9/10 · 15 June 2009]

I couldn't believe my eyes while I was watching this film, it's brings new life to these movies and Television shows. How many remakes have they done these past years and of course having seen all the Trek movies I didn't think this would work. I couldn't of been more wrong, in fact this Trek in such a new way of looking at the old characters. Kirk is this is a troubled kid with no direction in his life and Spock is a conflicted character who chooses a controversial path. The look of the movie brings up and beyond that of the Star Wars pictures, which is what it needed. The Star Ships are big and stylish, the technology bright and sweet to dark and menacing. I couldn't of asked for a better Star Trek film. All the old characters are in this movie but also are new in so many ways, you get to know them a little more. Scotty was an exiled member of Starfleet and Uhura had something going with somebody you wouldn't expect. It's amazing that Leonard Nimoy is actually in this film playing his old character and was actually in it for more than two minutes and plays a integral role. It seamlessly weaves the characters into the story without looking overly obvious of 'Hello, I'm Sulu, I am new navigator' or 'I'm McCoy the new doctor'. I love McCoy's first appearance, by the way. It explains him a couple sentences: '...all I've got left is my bones.' There is a part in the film where you will realize 'wow, they are really going that way' and you will know when that is. This is the New Trek and it is good.

Angels' Brigade (1979)

"Hey, this is a lot like Charlie's Angels!"

[10 January 2004]

I recently realized that I miss Mystery Science Theater 3000, a show where a guy and two robots watch bad movies. I realized that I had either tossed or thrown out all my episodes years ago. Fortunantly, I found a tape and this one was on it. The movie is about a school teacher who enlists the help of a group of crime fighters with some support from a Las Vegas pop star to blow a drug lab. That's it. With Mike and the Bots fun as had by all. Even through the opening and closing credits. The move is incredibly bad with stale acting and Jack Palance who plays the drug ring middle management guy who has to help the idiot drug pusher employees like Sticks. Sticks is an idiot who get captured by the chicks. The 'seven' first have to get an armored car from Mr. Haney (from Green Achers) and steal weapons from Thirston Howell the third, who is leader of a right-wing militia group. Even though only is it an embarrasing role for Jim backus, his uniform is better than most real militia members. Add in Alan Hale Jr as the singers manager and a song called 'Shine Your Love' and it tops off this horrendous film. Oh, Peter Lawford is the drinking drug kingpin who dies in a pool. Crow (from MST3k) adds his comment:"By this time my lungs were aching for booze." as Lawford lies dead in a pool.

Angel's Revenge (as it was called on MST3K) is a incredibly bad movie. The MSTIE crew really had funny comments through out the film. It's really one of their best in my opinion. My best review of the actual film can be summed up by Mike Nelson when he said of the film: "Oh, this is offending one-celled animals" It was great to see all the seventies references for them to riff on. So only see this film with MST3k. It's Hilarious.

Fugitive Alien (1986 TV Movie)

YOU'RE STUCK HERE!

[9 December 2003]

Yes, this story of Captain Joe and the Backus 3 (if I remember correctly) is one humdinger of bad film. I don't remember much except shots of the actors in the ship and stuff happening. Having them in a centrifuge or something to give the effect of massive g-forces on their bodies. Them walking around and fighting like they were the power rangers without the costumes and martial arts (if you can call it that). Of course, I saw it on the Mystery Science Theater 3000 so it was great thanks to Joel and the 'Bots. Watch for the forklift part. Joel does this great impression of chipmunked-cheeked Captain Joe. Wait until he laughs and says:"You're stuck here!" imitating the character. It's the only way to see this film and frankly, I dare not see it with the MST3K version. Find a tape of it. They trade them over the net. Also one of the early KTMA episodes of the MST3K that they did over. Just see the MST3K version. Seriously.

Higgins Boys and Gruber (1990–1991)

SUPER CAR!!

[9/10 · 28 November 2003]

I remember this show from the early Comedy Channel days. It was right there with the first season of Mystery Science Theater 3000. I admit, I don't remember much about it, except that its the Higgens boys and Gruber who sit around on an apartment set and make jokes about stuff and show other shows like 'Supercar' It was like the thunderbirds, except in monochrome. It had a car in it. Even after it was canceled, when the Comedy Channel and HA! merged I'm told, you could still see the three guys in their comedy sketches on the channel. Joel Hodgson did some writing for this show.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (I) (1991 Video Game)

Judgement Day Arcade Grade: Excellent!

[3 November 2003]

I remember playing this with a fist full of quarters with my friend Tim back at the Lincoln Heights Pizza place. We played all the way to the end but never beat it. It consists of a fighting Skynet in the future, going up against the Exo(endo?)skeletons and having stuff thrown at you from and you have too shoot back. As it moves along you have to ward off HK (Hunter Killers) from a beat up truck as it races towards Skynet and then you have to fight Skynet itself. Though after seeing what SKynet was supposed to look like on the Ultimate T2 disk, I am underwhelmed by its appearance. After that it takes you to the modern day to rescue John Conner. Some similarities there, but you have to go to Cyberdyne and stop the T1000 in the helicopter. The part at the very end is where the movie itself ends. I believe the trick was to defeat the T1000 the same way it was beat in the movie, but I didn't grasp that concept when we were plowing through it. Just don't let the T1000 get John. ALl in all, an arcade classic to me. A word to the wise:'Keep away from the Sega Genesis version. THe gun doesn't work and it's terrible.' If I had the money I might buy one of these T2 games for myself.

The Idiot Box (1991–1992)

This was a funny Show

[17 August 2003]

Back when MTV was stupid, yet still not compeletly moronic this show was on for a while. It was just a bunch of wacky characters put together on television. Alex Winter plays a variety of crazy characters including Eddie the Flying Gimp (who doesn't speak a word if I remember correctly), Willard Shrek ( a guy who works for hours at a convience store and gives a show to a security camera, fueled on caffine pills and beef sticks), the burrowing bishop, and one with a aged comedian named Wisey Wisenstein who is partnered up with Sinead O'Conner. Another character was Lockjaw, a cop who stepped on a rusty nail and now has lockjaw and can only yell at people.

He would make fun of family shows by having them viciously fight each other then have the wacky neigbor come in the middle and cry out in pain. "Who took my beloved vira and stuffed her in the trash?" THe dad just raises his hand as if he were guilty of going 30 in a 25. The old man looks as if he's about to break down and attack the father then breaks out in laughter and hugs. "She was old and baggy anyway." Of course this show as called 'The Huggins Family'.

The Animatrix (2003)

A review of the first one.

[3 May 2003]

It is rather hard to believe that these machines would suddenly become so good, so fast, and so aware as too their own situation. It's harder to believe, because they would only be programmed to do their work. When you present fiction you have to make the characters, in the case the robots, sympathetic. In this short which is called 'The Second Renaissance Part one' all the characters don't even have expressions or are given any lines.

It's not surprising how cold it is. The Matrix itself was so stylish and souless that towards the end I thought it was getting too long and that I didn't care too much about the outcome. It also seemed kind of juvenille, all the while trying to convince people that there was some deeper level to the film. What's the deeper level of shooting a room full security guards that did nothing but do their job in guarding a building where the real bad guys work. Not to mention, after all is explained in the film, you start thinking about how it works and you realized that most of the explanations of the conflicts don't make sense. In Star Wars it doesn't matter that you don't know how the ships fly or that some of the science is wrong, because the focus is on the characters, the themes, and the story. They were interesting enough you actually cared about what happened to R2, even if you laughed when he got shot. You don't see that hear. A robot with circles for eyes and mouths don't give off any sense of self or emotion.

A very disturbing aspect to this short was the fact that it turns the U.S into a psuedo-Nazi Germany. Indeed, I also didn't miss the robots hauling the large block of a pyramidal structure mirroring the Ten Commandments. Of course wouldn't they construct this building like all the others today, not three thousand years ago?

I will never understand the film industries bashing of its own country. It's very subtle sometimes, but you can see it in many films, some multiple Oscar winning ones I might add. Our countries not perfect in any way, but it's uncalled for. Which brings me to a point about the Matrix original film. Why did the make the Matrix like our towns, though I'm not a fan of Sydney's architecture. If they wanted audiences to want the Matrix to be destoryed, why not make it like communist China?

The point at which I really hated this short was when they assaulted the robotic woman. They tried to make our civilization look like an anarchists dream. I really hate the entertainment industry, with their audacity at trying to stick these insipid labels on us. This film was so souless, violent and cold. Its every films students dream to make violent films like this it seems because they are taught that its realistic and important. Perhaps its not the robots or the common folk who will ruin us, but the film student themselves. Metropolis it's not.

Wild C.A.T.S: Covert Action Teams (1994–1995)

Comic books of the Early 90s

[19 February 2003]

Ah yes, it was the early nineties (about 92 to be more accurate) and a new company called Image had just began composed of famous comic creators Todd McFarlane, Rob Liefeld, Marc Silverstri, Jim Lee, and Jim Valentino. Though let us not forget Whilice Portacio who had to leave the new company for personal reasons. Jim Lee's entry was WILDC.A.T.S a X-Menish little book boasting great art (as Lee's work always is) and some crazy characters. I had little to no idea what was going on. I've read the first four issues of that book so many times, closely trying to decipher it's plot. As with many Image books it lacked in plot. All I could make out was superheroes, aliens, bad-guy aliens, Orb, Timetravel, fate of the world in the balance, Liefeld's Youngblood shows up, and Vice-President Dan Quayle is possessed by an alien for some reason. Boy that guy got no respect during his time in office.

Now the cartoon. What can I say? Bad animation. Poor story telling. I bet the audience was as confused as I was when I read the book. At least the book had great art. I know the people at Image wanted their books to make great impacts on and off the page as Marvel and DC had, but it never happened. They just didn't have the soul or the writing. This cartoon's qualities were too poor. I didn't even care about the stripper chic that they dressed up, naturally. I don't remember anything of the two episodes I probably saw, however I do remember how bad the animation was. Let's play taps for Image comics and their dreams of stardom.

M.A.N.T.I.S. (1994–1995)

Curse you, Mantis!

[16 February 2003]

Yes, it was a poor series. So poor, in fact, that I could tell you the entire plot of the episode within about two minutes of its start. Sam Raimi produced this nightmare I believe and boy was I surprised. I really thought it would turn out OK. It went on right before the X-files, a spot which became legendary for its cancelled shows. The acting was poor, not due to the talent of the actors I believe, it is just hard for people to buy into this stuff into the first place.

I can't remember much about the plots of the shows since its been almost ten years, however there was this one where this buff guy turned out to be a robot. The writing was so lame. In comic books a decent writer can make a super hero come to life and comic fans (like me) buy into it, here I just gasped at how uninteresting it was. I only watched because I wanted to watch a show about superheros.

On a positive note I was flipping around the channels when I saw the unaired final episode of Mantis on the Sci-Fi channel. And god bless Raimi's heart, the main character mercifuly dies at the hand at of an invisible Tyrannasaurus Rex, his main squeeze by his side. Quite lame, Quite appropriate.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993–1999)

Star Trek goes to war

[17 October 2002]

Starting off I didn't really care about the politics involved in DS9, yet it was Trek so I kept watching and eventually it became a powerful, dramatic show that I anticipated watching weekly. The twists and turns that lead up to and continued in the war with the Dominion were great and really something that made this a great addition to the Trek mythos.

The characters become people that I was interested in knowing and learning more about. They had feelings and histories that made the show great. I even cared about the minor characters. Actually Garak was favorite of mine, You didn't know if he was telling the truth and sometimes wondered if he knew he was telling the truth or not as well.

Given, a war with other alien cultures wasn't exactly what Roddenberry might have wanted. he would seek a peaceful situation, however in a future that had a matured human race that had resolved their differences it still stands to reason that others would not have.

One point of critism though, during the last two seasons There were moments involving Sisko's visions and events involving his connections with the 'Prophets', they were a few that were reminiscent of scenes from Star Wars. Someone says to Sisko 'You life will travel along a different path' like Obi Wan said to Luke before departing deactivate the tractor beam, or when the prophets were cut off from the Bajoran people and worm hole closes, Ben Sisko does a Obi Wan faining spell reminiscent of when Alderan was destroyed.

Leaving that aside, I love this series and have only one thing to ask: 'where is it'. It seems odd that Paramount can't keep this show in sindication. >

The People Under the Stairs (1991)

A lot of social commentary in this one.

[5 September 2002]

One of Wes Craven's better films. I didn't realize this when I first saw it, but it has a lot of symbolic goings on in this house. The wealthy and morally inept couple who live in this nice house that is basically a large dungeon. The people trapped in the basement who can't speak, much as some people would argue is the plight of many people in this country.