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Doctor Who (2005)
agaist the laws..
..of the doctor.
Although several other complained about the "preachy" side of the new show, which I can only agree, is a bit out of scope in this show, that is not what bothers me more.
Doctors change with every new reincarnation, and ok, let's say that if one loved the fez, the other likes to lecture.
I could find a logic in that.
But it ought to be hinted at from the beginning, rather than slapped on our face episode by episode, like if one of the sidekicks had a gimmick to say "oi doc, quit it!" when it become too obvious.
Whatever.
No, what really disappoint me is how this doctor is made to accept weapons, and kills, and destruction as "normal". And a lot of other stuff that other doctors explained for long were not to be done.
So now, she handles grenades, and accept people to shoot, she has no ideas other than "let's fry the enemy with a bolt", where an older version would instead find a way to save the planet, and yes, let the enemy self destruct; but there is a difference when you push the button yourself, and that, the other doctors never accepted.
Now she can go back in time to shape a future that she is already aware of, but would not happen without her intervention, thus creating a loop paradox. But now it's allowed.
And every episode is more like "god save us" rather than "we have to save them all".
The sonic screwdriver is both useless and almighty, now able to bolt a wooden door!
Gives the feeling that writers want to put characters in an impossible spot, then don't know how to get them out so they use a blast to cleanse everything away. Watch the spyfall episodes and you'll get a good taste of this.
Also so much action happening on earth, and even when away from it, all we see are human, or dressed-up humans (so a scorpion queen has human eyes.. guess the black eyeballs were too expensive?). In comparison, previous series (from the new franchise) had a lot of stuff happening in space, on other planets, and sort of "real" aliens as enemies and outsiders. Budget may have gone down, but hey, you don't need money to have imagination.
Finally the accents are killing me, in the wrong way. So strong, so English, I guess for a Londoneer they are already hard to understand, imagine for foreign people. I need captions to understand some dialogues; can accept it for the sidekicks, but the doctor? She ought to speak a bit more clearly.
I agree with others, the show seasons should be separated. This twelfth one is a 1, others were much higher, hence the average four.
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
an elephant gave birth to a mouse..
I am sort of sorry that the rares time I write a review, it is not a kind one.
But I am sorrier still that the rares times I watch theater movies, it is because of high ratings of previous reviewers.
Yep, that is how i chose this one.
"Astonishing", "perfect", "masterpiece", "9 out of 10" were some of the comments and ratings around, so I thought, this must be it, if I have to see one movie this year, it's this one.
But honestly :
Special effects, are good.
Plot is so plain you understand what is going to happen and how it is going to end in the first ten minutes. And there are no twists whatsoever.
Everything is pretty much recycled from other movies - not talking about "avengers" or marvel series; rather, just any SF movies out there were used as ideas sources to fill this one. Nothing new, nothing different.
Yeah, there are a few nice jokes, and some fat, both so badly plugged you can see the stitching (you'll understand when you see it). In the past, when heroes were making jokes during a battle, it was to show they mastered the situation, and it was fitting the atmosphere and pace; in this one, you can see at some point the director absolutely wanted to put a joke in the middle of the main battle - broke the rythm and half spoiled the mood just because of that.
Movie is three hours long.
I just watched two episodes of an old anime series from the 80's, and in those 46 minutes, there was pretty much as much action and stuff going on than in these almost-three-hours of medium paced show. So although people say it was needed to fit all the references to previous marvel movies, i'd rather have less references and more things happening in this one.
As it often happens in these follow-ups, previous movies created such an intricate situation that this one solved in such a straight-forward way, it felt as if somebody wanted it rushed to the finish.
And in order to do that, it took the party of a lousy quantum physics theory (which is actually wrong, btw), and left some important side question unanswered
And not to talk about the mania from the producers to destroy stuff that went on for décades, or millennia, all in the timespan of a few years! We had ragnarok, the death of Odin.. And now.. this?
Well without spoiling the movie for those that want to see it, I'd say it looked like they wanted to make sure that this put an end to the story. Even if that meant to break the logic of these movies : "Thus far and no further we shall make avengers movies"
God complex, perhaps?
All in all, it wasn't any better than an old Flash Gordon movie, except for the SFX that are of course more modern. I'm giving it a 3 out of 10, as 1 and 2 are reserved for movies that don't deserve watching till the end.
But I believe that once the paid comments and the avengers mania will be past, many other will downrate this, that definitely did not deserve all that advertising and praise it received so far.
Definitely a cash movie, nothing more.
Somnus (2017)
not Kubrick
yes, i gave it a 3.
Because it is the kind of movie i hate, but they (those who wrote the plot and ads) tricked me into watching it.. Oh, my.
The story: there are 4 little pigs on a ship. They try to go to the market and..well, you can imagine the rest.
There are so many slows, and stops, and things that looks like wannabe "2001 space Odyssey", but they are just heavy waiting times put there to achieve a couple of hours where it could last only 20 minutes.
The voices remind me of a "star wars making" interview: at some point, people looking at Darth Vader and asking each other "really, is he really going to have *that* voice? (assuming the Scottish accent of the actor was an anti-climax). Well, here you got just that: the actors voices, making them look dumb whenever they were trying to look tragic.
Half of the movie, i didn't understand.
Sort of flashbacks from the pilot that lies sleeping nowhere, a co-pilot screaming like a little girl and then acting like Rambo I to IV all together, the mad computer that nobody can stop until a guy just pop open the impossible-to-open-door and kills it (yep, just like a snap.. why didn't they do that before everyone was killed?), the train thing at the beginning, and even a recycled stargate to signify the end of the world.. not to mention the flight instruments that came out of a 70's cargo plane rather than 23rd century cargo spaceship. With analog speedometers! (or something like that).
I am not sure i'm being objective writing this.
All i can say, i went to look a sci-fi sort of action movie, and ended up in some director's mental puzzle.
And the "exciting ending" is nowhere, honestly.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
When homer Simpson meets the force..
I had heard so much good about this movie, and seen enthusiastic people interviewed while coming out of theaters and saying "it's great, they did it, there's everything from the previous episodes.. they did it".
Well, didn't get sarcasm. But it was true, there's everything from the previous movies.. and that's all that there is. Twisted and stripped of all that is interesting.
I will try to use the same narrative technique as they did to scramble the movie.
- A (very) small girl is abandoned on a sort of desert planet. And she becomes a scavenger. All by herself. I mean, nobody taught her, nobody helped her, she was just parked there by her parents and with no apparent support she a) finds an old spaceship that apparently none other is interested in to live in; b) survives and learns a job; c) is not selfish at all, and takes risks to help a machine she hears from far away.
- the same girl will have loads of chance-happening, and learn by herself what other took ages to grab. Not only the force, but also how to pilot and repair a never-seen-before spaceship like millennium falcon. Somebody forgot to tell us she was an highly-gifted!
- Next scene transport us in the space (just like that!) with old acquaintances: Han solo and chewbacca. Yes, no surprise, they just jumped in out of nowhere, as a character in the Muppet show: "tah-dah, here we are!"
Hah summarizes the story to give some sort of explanation on how it could have happened, and that is like eating marmite, actually, love it or hate it, there will be no in-between.
Next scene, the destruction of several planets. You are lost? Dunno how we got there, so suddenly? Well, neither do I. But this is the effect it does when watching the movie.
Hop, we move next, and this is the part I mostly laughed at: Han meets Leia: she doesn't look just "old", she looks as if she sat somewhere 20 years earlier and just waited to age. You wouldn't say she was a fighting princess, rather a fatty queen.
Well, there was the need for some sentimental and sexual scene as in all Hollywood movies, so it will be them two kissing each other. OK, that's done. Thanks God they didn't get undressed.
Well, so they meet, and she says: "my son is still good, I feel it". Then Han parts from her, and he goes meet the son, and the son kills him (I warned it was spoiled, but don't worry, you knew this would happen since one hour before the scene actually develops).
And at * THAT * moment, when climax is at its highest, we have a wonderful shift on homer-Leia Simpson, who does a magnificent figurative face-palm, closing her eyes and, I swear, I was expecting her to say "DOH!" high aloud.
Seriously.
Perfect pitch.
Then there are the force(d) scenes, where the highly-gifted girl learns to use her magic superpowers to free herself, recover her weapon in a will contest with the bad guy, and blast the enemy with a couple of light-saber hits; and there, half-dead, he lays on the snow near a hole (it was a rock near a lava river in episode III). And at that point his big boss says "bring him to me, i'll finish his teaching (if you have seen the end of episode III you know what i'm talking about)" Well, maybe if he had trained him before, the scene could have been less ridiculous.
And then there are the fighters going in the machine that kills the planets and shoot at it, but because the film-makers had exhausted their budget they just copy-pasted the scene from episode IV and attached to this one.
And then it ends on the highly-gifted girl finding the guy they were looking for since the beginning of the movie. Yes, just like that.
But what for? She already knows everything he could teach her!
Oh, no, wait, I know: it's because she wanted to give him back his sword. Told you she wasn't selfish.
Because of course, when you spent ages trying to find somebody, and finally get a map that allows you to reach him, you send a just-met-now girl ALONE to meet him.
Oh, and did I mention that the evil guy is a Gothic emo who has cramps on his arm? He is standing for ages, hand wide open, arm pulled forward, making strange faces, when trying to interrogate a prisoner.
Oh wait, maybe he was mimicking a force-user.
You know, one of those whose movements actually were like dancing on an unseen energy, to help them focus their will on it.
Except this one looks like a kid that copies the movement from the magician seen in a theater, freezing when he has finished, and desperately hoping the magic will happen for real.
And this is how the movie starts, runs, and ends. Yes, like this.
A nonsense, from beginning to end.
I really don't understand how this can be rated 8/10.
IMDb ought to really do something about their scoring system. It made me write this review to help others avoid the pain of watching.