mitchincoo Reviews

47 Ronin (2013)

This is not the worst Samurai movie ever made.

[4/10 · 22 April 2014]

This is not the worst Samurai movie ever made. There are many, many movies that could vie for that title. And I can't even say I was disappointed, having recently seen the ridiculous Man of Tai Chi. Of course, the dialog and acting were bad, but that has not stopped me from enjoying other mindless flicks. So I need to find the reason this movie only rated 4/10 for me. Well, how about the completely unnecessary graft of The 300 into a completely meaningless fight scene on the Dutch ship? Speaking of which, how about the complete waste of a make up job for the dude hanging out on the Dutch ship? How about the complete botch of costumes? The complete botch of how to bow? No, these all add to annoyances only. Ah, I have it. Samurai films are about honor, its loss and its futile chase, only to die at the end. This film has no honor. No character displays it. No character grapples with it. No character has it to lose. Oh, and the action scenes suck.

The Bourne Legacy (2012)

Think of it as an appendix

[7/10 · 18 February 2013]

I enjoyed The Bourne Legacy like I enjoyed the numerous appendices in the book, Lord of the Rings. You wouldn't want to watch this movie without first having watched the other three films more than once. You are always aware in the Bourne films that they are operating against a backdrop of other events. Legacy peels back one layer on some of those events. Just like Tolkien provided tons of back story for LOTR that ultimately became their own books, Legacy allows us to follow a parallel story line that amplifies the main story line of the Bourne films. Yes, we never get to know Aaron like we know Jason. Yes, the plot line is slight and the dialog limited. Yes, the motorcycle chase scene is a pale copy of the (fill in your favorite Bourne chase scene.) Yes, we have seen roof top chases before. So what? As a piece of entertainment it held my attention and I would like to see more more back story developed. Now that we know Pam Lundy is in big trouble for her role in Bourne's escape, maybe we can find out more about Aaron as the forces of black ops chase him across the globe. I'd pay $1.50 at Redbox and 2 hours of my time to see what happens next.

Dragon Tiger Gate (2006)

This movie is so bad, I am writing this review while watching the movie

[2/10 · 13 December 2011]

Plot is not important. This is martial arts. Something about avenging the master's death, I suppose. The lack of plot is not what makes this movie unworthy of my full attention. It is not the bad acting, the bad dialog (although the bad English language version may not be helping) or the bad fighting sequences. I've sat through worse and enjoyed the films. There is just no feeling to this movie. No core. No central something to make the bad elements add up to something half way decent. I've written about the highs and the lows of martial arts cinema. This isn't doesn't even register. Wow. I can't finish the film. Now I'll never know how the brothers get together and defeat the guy with the metal mask.

Zu Warriors (2001)

Good defeats evil

[14 October 2011]

I thought I would open with the spoiler in case you were wondering which why this ultimate good vs. ultimate evil thing works out. Good wins. Now that we have that out of the way, people, get a grip. This is not the greatest fantasy martial arts movie ever made, nor is it DBZ writ large. It is a very enjoyable, typically confusing, battle of the gods. We are mortals trying to explain thunder and lighting. It's the gods battling on Zu Mountains. Get it? You want plot? Go watch Crouching Tiger. You want to understand the development of the characters or what motivates them? Don't watch kung fu movies. You want to watch a bunch of cool weapons with immortals going at it to the bitter the end and beyond? Invest and hour and a half and check it out. Oh yeah, there's a moment when it looks like evil will win but don't worry. Harmony will be restored to the universe.

The Tsunami Warrior (2008)

If you like bizarre fantasy Thai martial arts set in Indonesia, this is for you

[28 September 2011]

This film is meant to be serious and that is probably a drawback. It is not funny in the Pirates of the Caribbean sort of fantasy way, yet it has similar characteristics and might even be considered a rip off, if Pirates wasn't already a rip off of a cheesy Disney ride. So put all that aside. The story is epic and full of holes, based on a magical type of martial art where you fight with fish. OK, you don't actually fight with fish, but you use fish as part of your power. Got it? This is serious stuff, fighting with fish. Anyway, people breathe underwater, make sonic screams, and hang out a lot with fish. Just saying, if you like bizarre Thai martial arts films, this is certainly one of the more bizarre. Oh yeah, there's one guy with a sword that really kicks some serious ass.

If you prefer your bizarre Thai martial arts films to be less fantastical, may I recommend "Chocolate?"

Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

Beautiful martial arts film

[9/10 · 28 May 2011]

Since I typically watch 3 or 4 great martial arts films a week, KFP2 was a typical outing of great martial arts, with a story recognizable to every one who has ever seen more than 10 chop socky flicks. There are few sequences in here that aren't familiar. That is no dig at the film. What it lacks in originality, it far surpasses in sheer beauty. Like the greatest of martial arts films,its beauty is its motion. Each expression is artistry. Like all great martial arts films, there is no wasted motion.

From the opening piece, to the old school flashbacks, to the nod to every Jackie Chan film made in the good old days, this film fit the bill.

The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)

Haven't I seen this one before?

[21 April 2008]

Look. I love martial arts films. Why, I could have been the role model for the kid who gets picked on and escapes into kung fu fantasy land. And who wouldn't love to see Jackie Chan and Jet Li fight? So why did I spend the bulk of my 1 hour and 53 minutes wishing the film would end? The opening sequence was wonderful and held great promise. I thought the use of old Shaw Brothers movie posters was wonderful and it set the tone for what could have been a great homage. It had all the elements to be a classic - young kid trains and becomes a kung fu adept, beautiful kung fu girl seeks revenge of parents' death against an evil immortal warlord, smiling Buddhist children training to be martial warrior monks,praying mantis versus tiger claw. But for this viewer, the parts failed to add up to a pleasurable sum.

All kung fu movies have plot holes that you can drive a truck through (see all kung fu movies) but this movie's plot failures, listless and predictable dialog, terrible acting by Michael Angarano sink the flick before the first punch is thrown and blocked between Chan and Li.

Oh yeah, the spoiler. The kid overcomes all odds and succeeds. Wake me for the exciting conclusion.

The Manchurian Candidate (1962)

Dated enjoyment of serious political film

[7/10 · 1 August 2006]

The Manchurian Candidate is like opening up a long forgotten time capsule. It's a little bit of an embarrassment to realize it is so dated but still enjoyable. While Frank Sinatra as Marco makes far too many mistakes as an intelligence officer: telling details of the case to Eugenie (Janet Leigh), letting Raymond Shaw (Laurence Harvey) and Jocelyn Jordon (Leslie Parrish) go on their honeymoon, letting Shaw leave for his assignment without a tail, he still has the distinction of taking part in the first chop socky fight in a Hollywood movie, unless you consider the ass whooping that Spencer Tracy gave to Ernest Borgine in Bad Day at Black Rock. Also, you have to laugh out loud at the dialogue between Marco and Eugenie on the train ride.

But it is all worth it to watch Angela Lansbury and James Gregory in their roles as the Washington power couple. Gregory is perfect as bully senator and buffoon husband. Lansbury is dead on as the ultra manipulative bitch, ready to sacrifice friends and foes with equal dispatch.

The blurring of sides must have shocked early 1960's audiences and the films disappearance from the movie world following the Kennedy assassination clearly added to the mystique and confusion. We live in a far more jaded time and expect twists and turns and betrayals in every political movie we see. But in its day, the film packed a heady punch.

Still, every time I come across the movie on TV, I will dial in, just to see the flipped out dream scene with Khigh Dheigh and the Russian and Chinese running dogs. Too far out: a brain washing garden party with an evil Chinese mastermind who laughs at the absurdity in every situation. They don't make 'em like that any more. Except maybe for Austin Powers. Or In Like Flynt. Or Casino Royale. But wait, those are comedies and this is a political thriller.

OK - so dated political thrillers become funny. I can watch that.