Saiph90 Reviews

Mercy Falls (2023)

Okish.

[5/10 · 6 March 2024]

A group head off to a cottage left by a dead father to his daughter, with flash backs the daughter sees her father kill an injured horse, which haunts her. They are joined by a mysterious girl who has survival skills but turns out to be ex army and surfering post tramatic stress disorder. She turns out to be bonkers and starts slaughtering them all, final scene is the two girls fighting and the daughter survives. Not a bad film, could be better, the script is limited and the sounds poor. The plot is a obvious from the moment they drive past her in the car. At least trying to male a point about something "relevant".

6:45 (2021)

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

[3/10 · 6 March 2024]

This is, I actually cannot be bothered describing it but I have 537 characters to fill. A couple descend on an Island she has her throat slashed and he has his neck broken. He the wakes up to his alarm at 6:45 and the day with alteration repeats and repeats and repeats. This seems to go on endlessly, unfortunately watched this on a plane and at one stage thought about requesting a parachute to escape. When she was killed for the 302nd time I was beyond bored. The film comes eventually to an ending and surprise, surprise it is the boyfriend who killed her. The two main characters looked as bored as I felt by the end.

13 Minutes (2021)

Not sure it knew what it wanted to be.

[3/10 · 6 March 2024]

Starts off if it is the start of a miniseries, introducing characters, the gay cowboy afraid to come out to his god fearing, Christian parents, the two hispanics trying to craft a life, the biggoted inkeeper, the weather man, the woman in charge of disaster rescue, the pregnant girl. A lot of themes are unfortunately forced down our throats, the woman taking the ultrasound who is portrayed as a mad as a box of frogs Christian. Then we get the tornado, which we barely viewed and then it is over and the battered survives emerge blinking into the light looking for the plot but obviously it has been blown away. Everyone survives and it ends, bewildering.

Island Zero (2018)

Awful

[3/10 · 6 March 2024]

Starts with a good premise, an Island cut off from the rest of the world, people missing. The project had legs, we could develop he characters build up tension, focus on the breakdown as food and heating run out. No. Let us cart off most of the cast and have them via a radio, killed off. Saves on visual effects and then we bring the monsters, a collection of badly drawn squidgy things. Being apex killers with the same brains of humans we can trap them with candles and a beat box and set the house on fire. Some really bored acting. Plot holes the Titanic could sink into, a woman oaring across the flat as a pancake Atlantic as an ending.

Chariot (2013)

Creative idea

[7/10 · 31 December 2023]

When there seems a lacking of ideas for films this one had a different scenario, I am bored witless by horror films where "4 friends rent a cabin not knowing what is in the woods" 7 strangers wake up in a plane to discover that America is under nuclear attack, and they had been chosen to survive the attack. The problem is Andrews's airbase where they are meant to land is cinders, but the pilots are on radio silence and are unaware. The story has a few plot holes, why was the agent willing to kill her partner if it is merely a dry run? And why was the woman secret service agent so desperate to not land at Andrews when she knows it is a hoax? Also why select the truck driver who had saved her son for a dry run? Listen to the end as you can hear the plane land safely.

Mrs. Brown's Boys D'Movie (2014)

Everything funny about the TV is not in the movie.

[2/10 · 25 December 2023]

The worst thing a comedy can do is be unfunny, but this movie achieves it. I stumbled across this on TV and enjoy the TV comedy, but this sadly does not work, the interaction with the audience is gone with anything remotely funny. The story line is threadbare and relies on a lot of racial stereotyping, the joke of the Indian bloke being called Jamaican is absolutely flogged to death. The joy of the TV comedy is situated around the kitchen table and the dialogue, the main characters in the TV series are given next to nothing to work with and look absolutely bored along with the viewers, as this was made 10 year ago next year I take it the movie side has been thankfully binned.

House of Gucci (2021)

Excellent performance from Lady Gaga

[8/10 · 25 December 2023]

I really enjoyed this film; it was my wife's choice, and I was not too sure but there are some great performances. There is an excellent cast, Lady Gaga, Al Pacino, Jeremy Irons, Adam Driver, Jared Leto, Salma Hayek. The story of blinding ambition, betrayal and murder, Patrizia looking for a rich husband and meets the naive Maurizio Gucci the heir to the Gucci empire. Her ambition burns bright having Maurizio reconcile with his dying father and then setting out to destroy the rest of the family and take charge of the Empire. Unfortunately, Maurizio is more of a playboy than a CEO, he meets an old female friend and separates from his wife and she plots to have him killed, really enjoyable movie.

Run Rabbit Run (2023)

Slow going

[6/10 · 9 July 2023]

The acting was first class, the script was poor, there was a lot of plot holes. Like the mother is a doctor but does not take her daughter for help when getting random nosebleeds and taking on the persona of the mother's missing sister Alice. The main problem with the film is the length, it desperately needed editing and half an hour chopped off. That is the negatives, what I enjoyed was the acting, the heavy atmosphere, and some excellent cinematography. The story could do with fleshing out, this could have been achieved with a better script, it seemed like every conversation was left unfinished. Pleasant surprise to see the rabbit make it through the film, as soon as the rabbit appeared I was thinking it would turn up dead.

Come Play (2020)

Just not that scary or interesting

[3/10 · 4 June 2023]

First you can see why the husband wanted out, barely got through the door and she was having a go at him for bringing something back for the child and playing the hero. The story is a bit repetitive light off, bulbs exploding. It must have cost a fortune to keep replacing, impressed how she unscrews burning hot bulbs. Larry went between walking at a funeral pace to outstripping a speeding car, he could only enter this world if someone completed the story but wait, he completes the story himself. Nothing too scary or that interesting, acting run of the mill and you do not have much empathy for the characters.

The Believer (2001)

Rather loses its way

[6/10 · 24 December 2022]

Ryan Gosling does an excellent job as a self-loathing Jew who turns into a Neo Nazi. The first two thirds of the film is ok but it totally loses its way in the final third. When he misses with the rifle and the other bloke discovers he is Jewish they get into a fight and he shoots him, this is never mentioned again. While desecrating the Synagogue he protects the roll and shows amazing knowledge of the writings, really, in front of fascist thugs. The last part just becomes incoherent and messy, the relationship with the girl just does not pan out, the right-wing family with Billy Zane and Theresa Russell just does not make much sense. Not the worst film I have watched but rather poor last third.

Full English Breakfast (2014)

Dear god this is appalling.

[1/10 · 27 November 2022]

The film thankfully was free on Netflix, I cannot believe anyone would actually pay for this tripe. The acting is pretty appalling, the sound dubbed on after the film which had me checking my Wi-Fi as the actor's mouth start moving after the words were spoken. This is like an awful school project, the camera work is like the cameraman is on drugs, The unnecessary gratuitous violence. It plods along, the script is terrible, plot holes are greater than actual plot, characters supposedly having recently arrived in the UK from Afghanistan speaking like Danny Dyer, thankfully Danny Dyer is not actually in the movie.

Wounds (2019)

Dogs' dinner

[2/10 · 19 September 2022]

Muddled hardly does it justice, several story lines, non are resolved, it appears the producer/director simply had no clue how to bring the threads of the story together. The ending is pathetic, it is like the movie is 75% complete and then ends. Personally, I found the lead man the least convincing of the actors. I have avoided going into the plot as there is absolutely no point as nothing is linked together, this modern idea of letting the audience interpret the end is nothing more than pure laziness as it lets the creators off the hook to bring together the threads of the movie. Avoid this movie as it is not a horror movie or particularly intriguing, the only emotion your left with is anger that you wasted your time watching it.

Incantation (2022)

Unnerving

[8/10 · 21 August 2022]

From the start with the Ferris wheel and the train this movie draws you in, being a different culture and believes it is far superior to the usual, inherited a house and a hidden entity is in the house movie being churned out. The story is excellent the acting superb, the atmosphere is heavy and oppressive, this film had the hairs on the back of my neck standing up something I rarely experience with modern day films. It has its flaws it could have been edited back and at parts the timeline is confusing. Overall, a really excellent film which will leave you unnerved.

Dragon Day (2013)

Good lord!

[1/10 · 21 July 2022]

I thought the premise sounded promising, The USA defaulting on their debt to China and the Chinese retaliating by closing down their microchips. So planes start falling from the sky, no expense is spared on special effexts and I do mean literaaly no expense was spared. To show the carnage we simply see smoke in the distance, next it appears the whole cast are doing a talk through of the script, I have rarely witnessed such wooden acting. There are more holes than plot, so whole thing is an utter dogs dinnner.

The Devil Below (2021)

Horror, that I wasted time watching this turkey.

[1/10 · 5 June 2022]

So, it starts with a group of blokes trying to find an old, abandoned town which is beside an on fire mine in the Appalachians. They are led by a female guide who spends the film acting and talking as she is bored to death; she should try enduring this movie. They stop at a garage for water and coolant and get the usual redneck response, "Turn around and go home", I really wish they had and spared us the rest of the film. They eventually find the mine with some vague story about wanting to find anthracite. The entrance of the mine is closed by chicken wire to keep the creatures below, below, of course they let the creatures out. We now enter the dark phase of the movie, which was like watching a black screen with the occasional scream or unintelligible script, you have giving up caring. Usually I use the phrase 'could have driven a bus through the plot holes' with this it could be an aircraft carrier. One of the characters, Stuart says early on "We shouldn't be here" then why sign up for the expedition. Why not concrete the exists to the mine, why not call in the army? Why not surround the hole and flamethrower them as they came out, what did the creatures live on? Lots of questions but to be honest no one is that bothered to find the answers.

Palm Springs (2020)

Enjoyable but not really a comedy

[7/10 · 20 March 2022]

I enjoyed the movie, it was not a comedy in fact quite dark, I will have to tick spoiler as you can not write a review without mentionong the main premise. At a wedding two guests are trapped in a time loop, there is no escape, each time they fall asleep they start the day again, not even death will free them. It was quirky but hardly a romantic comedy, they do well to make each day unique and it keeps its interest until the end.

The Black String (2018)

Not a bad story of the descent into mental illness

[6/10 · 6 March 2022]

Frankie Muniz works at a stop and go liquor store, lonely he rings up a 1-900 chat line and hooks up with Dena, they go back to his place and have unprotected sex. He then falls into a phsycotic illness believing that it is the work of witchcraft. Superficial a horror story but deeper is more a story of paranoia and the losing grasp of reality.

Witches in the Woods (2019)

No witches but decent

[7/10 · 2 March 2022]

A group of young friends take a shortcut along an unfamiliar, snow-covered road but end up getting stuck in some woods in Massachusetts, previously some witches were hung after a trial and the area is cursed. The car gets stuck, and we do have a good claustrophobic atmosphere as they turn on each other. For a Saturday night film, it was ok, the acting was decent and a few scary moments, one of the problems I find is in several off these types of films the characters are pretty unpleasant, and you end up not caring if they survive. At least it was better than the normal someone inherited a house which turns out surprisingly to be haunted.

First Signal (2021)

Apalling acting

[1/10 · 2 March 2022]

I would love to be able to write a full length description of this film but I could not get beyond 5 minutes of some of the worst acting I have ever seen. If these actors got the parts you wonder how bad were the actors who did not get selected. The brief part I did watch looked like it was in a hotel conference room and the acting was so stilted and looked like they were reading from an autocue made us switch off, it is unwatchable.

Bundy and the Green River Killer (2019)

Really odd movie

[3/10 · 20 February 2022]

Just found out the film was made in the UK with British actors, unfortunately the acting is really poor. It comes across as if they are doing their first read through of the script, no pace, no suspense. The man playing Ted Bundy is decent, but the rest is incredibly boring, thankfully free on Netflix. The bloke in real life who was made chief must have been no great shake as a serial killer murders 49 people around him.

The Ghosts of Borley Rectory (2021)

OK, based on true events.

[6/10 · 2 January 2022]

I do not believe in gods, ghosts, paranormal but I still enjoy a good horror. This was ok but a bit lacking in pace, a few decent jump scares, apparently based on a true story of a journalist was a over used imagination. Also with Toyah Willcox to add to the mystery.

Brotherhood (I) (2019)

Beautifully filmed but lacked pace.

[5/10 · 31 December 2021]

The film was well acted and beautifully filmed and has a great historic feel, but was unfortunately rather boring, the cutting back and forth just did not work. Better would have been a chronological film and we might have got a bit more character development. The scenes in the boat are so dark at times you can barely make out what is going on and the sound quality is poor and the dialogue mumbled,

Countdown (III) (2019)

Actually very good

[7/10 · 27 December 2021]

This is a movie which does not take itself too serious, the plot line is the characters download an app to predict their time of death, except they failed to read the small print. A few good jump scares, a film were you can hear the dialogue and it is well lit, there are too many films were you end up staring at a black screen for large segments. It is not a horror in the usual sense but a comedy/horror, decently acted and a coherent plot and of course they ended with the hope of countdown 2.

Don't Look Up (2021)

Brilliant satire

[9/10 · 26 December 2021]

This was a satire on the modern world, politics, TV. Social media, it takes a big dig at Trump and his nepotism. This was also one of the funniest films I have seen in a good while, I believe it is a satire on the deniers of climate change and covid, the brilliant idea if we do not look up it will not exist, this film is a joy on so many levels.

The Wilding (2016 TV Movie)

It just ends.

[2/10 · 25 December 2021]

This had the potential to be a good film, three story lines which required knitting together, I can only guess at two things, one it was a trailer for a series that never got made or they ran out of money and simply ended the film mid scene. I have not a clue what this film was about, pebbles, numbers, a strange man who broke into the car, nothing develops or is linked together, I have read other reviews and they are equally as confused.