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Possessor (2020)
Bad timing but fell well
I had a really bad day and potentially this could be the worst possible movie to pick to end it with.
It wasn't. I was mesmerized. No Hollywoodian BS, no over the top nonsense.
Arty and intriguing. In a certain undefinable way, it reminded me of Only Lovers Left Alive (don't know why, hence the "undefinable", is that even a word?).
For those snorefesters out there, pardon my French, but you wouldn't know a work of art if it was shoved up your butthole and timely announced before by e-mail, FB-post and Whatsapp. "Ted and Bill face the music" might be more up your alley. By all means.
But this here one intrigued me and got me drawn in. I still have to get my head around it. I love movies like these. Not being snobby, just happy to find something that tickles my fancy and makes me think. Which, in my case, happens like once a decade. The thinking bit.
Cheers, people. It's a dark year. But there will be light again.
Black Water: Abyss (2020)
Been there, drowned that
This movie is not that bad. But come on, Aussies, you can do far better than the old monster croc movie. Recently, I was very impressed with 'Relic'. Not so much with this one.
The end scene here is what I expected, but hilariously ridiculous. After losing partners and having excruciating experiences in a cave with a blood-thirsty croc, you finally manage to get out and drive away.
And what happens? You crash your car in the lake and meet up again with the old scaly friend. I know it's a movie, but you have to be the dumbest person on the planet to get into that position.
Or the dumbest movie writer to come up with this ending.
The Screaming Silent (2020)
Enticingly dark
So yes, there is a wink to Blair Witch Project (in the movie itself too) and a bit to Apocalypse Now (The Heart of Darkness). Kudos for the makers to put that in themselves and not get people to scream "rip-off".
All in all, I liked this film. The story-telling, the mysterious box, the myth of 200 years ago. Well made and well told.
Beautiful Bella McDiarmid does a good job, so do the other actors. The scenery is astonishing (I hope to get to see Australia one day, but not in the woods at night). Nice artwork too.
The docu-style film genre does get a bit tedious at times (and claustrophopic), but I think here it was handled rather well. And I got an Edgar Allan Poe vibe. And just as I write this, I hear a raven outside. Hope I'm not cursed.
Also I really liked this quote: "People are always talking about the endings of films - oh I didn't see that coming... it's so like life, you never do."
Adonis Complex (2019)
Not that bad actually
All this talk about the ratings people give... Admittedly, giving this film a 10 is quite far-fetched. And checking out the profiles of those who do, you will most likely find their account was created recently and this is the only film they have reviewed.
Could be, could be. After all, we all started at some point and maybe this is a gem that got people off their sofa and onto IMDB.
And then there are those that purposefully rate it a 1, "to counter the ridiculous 10 ratings", which basically is doing just the same thing, but in the opposite direction. Funny.
Anyway, I expected nothing, but this movie is really not that bad. The storyline, the acting, soundtrack and the pace all felt right to me. Loved the little twists too. Also, keeping it brief at 1 hour and 13 minutes. Which I respect.
I never read reviews or watch trailers before I watch a movie. Because I want to go in "blind". And this one pretty much did well for me. Minimalistic and low budget yes, but well staged. Not a flick that I would wildly recommend to friends, but not something I would advise against either.
Tastes and preferences differ, and as always that is a good and perfectly natural thing.
Extraction (2020)
Superb action movie
I had no idea what to expect here, but I was pleasantly surprised.
The movie is compact, focused on its mission (plot). And it offers loads of excellent action scenes. Hemsworth nails it all the way.
What little of background story is offered makes sense without overdoing it.
Just chill, have a beer and some popcorn or a snack and this is fun to watch. Violent yes, but we need that brainless escape, no?
And I hate to go this way, but people complaining about the authenticity of Bangladesh, Dhaka, the accent, whatever. No offence intended, but we are living in a time where the President of the United States suggests injecting disinfectant or having UV radiation against a virus. And you have a beef with credibility details in a Netflix action movie? Seriously?
Rocket Hunter (2020)
Not even bad enough to laugh at
Some movies are so bad that you actually enjoy them, laughing at the silliness, preferably with some alcohol involved, and friends.
This isn't one of them.
It's more of an insult. The wooden dialogues, the cardboard settings (did I actually see some of the 'actors' glancing sideways to read their lines??).
The "special effects", well let's not go there.
If my 12 year old cousin (I don't have one, but bear with me) would present me with this film, I would be very impressed. And I would wish him well in his future as a potential director/screen writer.
But this actually got made and released, and that's quite an insult to the year 2020. And to movie viewers.
Greyhound Attack (2019)
Please say this was meant as a persiflage
But apparently it's not.
Stephen King says "there comes this time when you put down a book and think: hell I can do better than that! ".
If there is one reason to watch this film, it's to get inspired to do better. Or at least to learn how it should not be done.
It's hardly imaginable that this movie even got to see the light of day.
I just can't begin to say what's wrong with it. Well actually I can. Everything.
Please don't spend money on this.
Yesterday (2019)
Not bad, not great
The concept is interesting, though hardly explainable.
The problem is nothing is really done with it, besides being used as a coat hanger for the usual British romcom.
"Hey, what if someone wakes up from an accident and finds nobody else (but a few) remembers who The Beatles were?"
"Great! Let's use that and then fill in the rest with the habitual romcom template".
"Done".
"And yes, The Beatles, that should draw a bit of a crowd. Add in the so-called conscience of the uprising fake star, a meeting with John Lennon and a psycho manager who is being held off by the only more or less portrayed side-character who can finish his role playing Hodor".
The backstage camera scene in Wembley made me gag.
After confessing the fraud, the "biggest genius of the world" proclaims his cheesy love and the audience goes wild. Yeah.
The movie started off promising, but pretty soon it was all too clear which way it was heading. Which was a shame.
Jexi (2019)
Ridiculous
I have seen a comment on IMDB saying people should watch at least 7,500 movies before they are allowed to leave a review.
I have seen people complain about too high ratings and too low ratings.
Well guess what.
Until you have some way of checking people have watched at least 7,500 movies before leaving a review: stay quiet.
If you give a 10 but you scold people for giving a 1 or vice versa: stay quiet.
So much arrogance and judgement.
I give this movie a 3 and I have no idea how many movies I have seen in my life (anybody who does, cool for you, but who on earth keeps track?).
The only merit of this movie is the consciousness of the constant phone presence which tends to drive me nuts. I wish people were more present than online. That would help.
For the rest: silly jokes, unbelievable romance, slapstick and the habitual top sauce of vulgarities which are meant to make it look badass, but are actually not working at all.
'Her' is based on pretty much the same concept. But that movie is on such another level. It's a "serious" movie, yet it gave me more smiles than this supposed "comedy".
Actually, Jexi gave me no smile at all.
Now plug me out.
The Great War (2019)
Re-enactment does not make a movie
I understand the importance of highlighting forgotten issues. And the effort made into doing so.
But honestly. This movie is really really bad.
So bad that it became funny.
A spectacled German sniper, just standing there, beside a tree. It made me spit out my coffee (okay okay, it was beer).
German soldiers falling like flies with a few gunshots.
Enemies meeting each other on a straight (!) path just staring at each other, then starting to shoot and charge.
Blood that looks a lot like the ketchup I had earlier on my food.
Bates Wilder did a pretty good job though. Perlman and Zane... no idea what they were doing there.
Again, all respect for the historical references and the sacrifices that have been made at the time in the Great War.
But I'm looking at not just the message, but also at the movie.
And quite frankly, this movie sucks.
The Irishman (2019)
Pesci! Pesci!
Massive respect to Scorcese and the top bill actors in this movie.
It was all just too long and too... tiring.
The de-aging doesn't do it for me. De Niro's eyes are spooky and the actors all move like old men. The action scene at the grocery store made me cringe.
Why not stick to the old formula and just use younger look-alikes for the young scenes. Would add some dynamics.
Pesci calling De Niro "kid" made me laugh a bit.
I get, I get it. It's an epic story. But been there, seen that.
Pacino is not Hoffa, but Pacino. Hot-tempered, menacing Pacino. As always.
There is very little to no humour in this movie. Not a spark. Expect for the big ears joke (which I didn't get at all).
And Keitel! What a small part for that gem of an actor! At some point I wished The Wolf from Pulp Fiction would step up and clean up (and spice up) this movie.
So good however to see Joe Pesci again. I missed him.
To be honest, the main achievement of this movie for me was to make me run and watch "My Cousin Vinny" again.
And I had a better time.
The King (2019)
Wow
I don't care about historical accuracies. I don't care about Shakespearian references. This is an entertaining and gripping movie, smashing it with the acting and cinematography. Good stuff.
Sugar Mountain (2016)
When you watch actors reading their script lines instead of a movie
I woke up at night due to a storm and looked for some entertainment. This movie caught my eye, unfortunately.
It is a principle of mine to always finish a movie, out of courtesy. This time it was tough. Way too long, I had to force myself not to fast forward.
Empty characters, forced interactions and dialogue, a ridiculous concept to begin with.
All in all, pretty bad. If you watch this and feel any kind of sympathy or any kind of feeling towards any of the cardboard characters, then kudos to you.
Geostorm (2017)
Very moving
I cried at the end of this movie.
Not because it was moving, but because it was so bad and I keep getting drawn into crap like this.
Bread and circuses...
Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Too much
This movie is a bit longer than 2 hours, it took me about 4 hours to finish it.
Why? Because I paused frequently. To check this, to do that. Basically, I was bored.
It was too jumbled, too many heroes in the same room. First half in: way too many jokes. I swear I was expecting someone to fart at some point.
all the others looked pretty worn out and tired as I felt at the end of this movie.
Not many sparks. Mostly CGI and fan fiction. And dramatic music, pretty much non-stop.
No soul. No soul is the death of love.
Hacksaw Ridge (2016)
Three acts
Act 1: the youth of Desmond, sketches of his upbringing, the abusive tormented dad. Fine fine fine. Then the romance, cheesified into a cake. Fine fine.
Act 2: the military training. Been there, done that (not personally, movie-wise). Punishments, badgering, nicknames...
And then quickly to Act 3: the battle scenes. What everyone was waiting for, right? Vince Vaughn wielding whatever weapon looked quite unbelievable.
But that's not my point really. My point is: this could have been really good if not so much *pathos*.
As for the real-life character: kudos for all that bravery and commitment. Wish more people would be so consequent and standfast.
But that is it: belief in self. "Lord, let me get another one" is a challenge to one self's engagement and perseverance. I got lost on the Bible thing. The Bible is just a made up book. There is no Lord. That story is way too old to still survive. We've adjusted our calendars even to a fictional character.
Your own true friend and accomplice is yourself. And that's very powerful. But other than that, there is no one looking out for you up there, friend.
Long Shot (2019)
Oh God
Well. Good comedy movies are hard to make, I grant that.
This wasn't one of them.
It might hit the spot with some people. Also granted. Good for you.
All I wanted was some comic relief for my troubled mind.
Nope. Did not happen.
Funny they referenced Aniston. I much more preferred 'We're the Millers' and 'Murder Mystery' to be honest.
Moving on. Sigh.
4 latas (2019)
Very enjoyable
I like road movies. There is the journey, the destination, and well, you're on the move, with the characters.
Very nice little movie, good cast, good chemistry, and lots of desert!
I very much liked the actor that played Tocho. Though, secretly, I would have loved to see Javier Bardem take that part.
Whether you're feeling cold or not, this movie will warm you up.
Point Blank (2019)
If you have some time to kill...
Then I'd say go for it. But only if you have nothing better to do.
I won't get into the story as there is not much of a story other than what we've all seen before. Template stuff, I like to call it.
And the soundtrack... Things work in measured ways. Like an old disco song at the beginning of Polar, or in Deadpool (Careless Whisper!).
Don't take that idea and spread it all over your movie when it doesn't make sense and only distracts.
Now I'm dreaming of a re-remake of Blade Runner, set in like 2185, the soundtrack being with songs of Billie Holiday, Miles Davis, Bing Crosby and the likes. That might actually work...
Shazam! (2019)
Pretty bad
To each his/her own opinion of course. I genuinely don't understand the high ratings. 10/10? Some call it a "classic"??
For me, this was an all-round bad movie, from start to finish. Full of clichés, rushed and unbelievable "magic" and silly jokes. I like Mark Strong but in this he is a cardboard villain. Deadpool for children, I get it, I get it. And then Xmas thrown in for the extra (foster) family warm feeling.
I don't know what kind of audience this movie was aimed at. Maybe my non-existing goldfish?
Maybe kids will like it.
Total Recall (2012)
Yawnie yawn
Sorry, but that's how I felt about this movie.
The remake was not necessary. And I missed Schwarzie :p
Beckinsale kept showing up like an annoying mosquito on a summer night. Colin I like. Expressive face. But I always feel like he's just playing a part, robotic like. A bit like Harrison Ford. It bothers me.
Farrell is supposed to be the super dude yet struggles in a fight with an older dude... And more of that.
Might be your thing. Wasn't mine.
Cold Blood Legacy (2019)
What a mess
Yup it reminded me of Polar too. Whereas Polar did not need a ridiculous thriller plot to be gripping. This one does have a thriller plot, but is not gripping in the least.
It's not going anywhere. I could only appreciate Reno in this.
And the girl saying stuff like "I sometimes forget you killed my father and why I came here and I hate that". Sorry, wut???
For me, not even good enough to be a brainless entertainment spell. Just simply ridiculous. "Yea I'm coming to kill you and avenge my father but I'll just randomly crash near you so you can take me in" (risking to kill myself in that act instead of coming at you in stealth with all my "skills"). And Jesus wept.
Finished watching two minutes ago. Forgotten already.
What's up you all script writers of movies and series lately? Are you on a strike or something? Or seriously underestimating the intelligence of your viewers?
Moving on.
Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne (2019)
Chess
This reminds me of chess games.
Where in the first few moves it's great and you think, wow this guy (girl) is good. I better watch my step. I'm into it!
And then a bit later it goes off book (read: off the documented first moves to make in any opening). And it falls apart. And you realize they were just following the recommended moves.
D&D had to go off book. And things turned sour.
Ned Stark should feel good about how it all ended. Rightfully so. Then again, he'd turn several times in his grave knowing how this great show's ending got so... beheaded.
This was for me the greatest TV show ever. Until it went from "WOW" to "Wait... what?!".
Goddamit.
Karppi (2018)
Not doing it for me
Granted, I only got to episode 4 so far. But I'm disappointed. I love Saga Noren but she (Karppi) isn't her. It's all so recognizable. And weird. And so much happens so fast. A blow on the face, miraculously spotting a suspect high up on a crane, a burglar (??), a car blowing up just at the moment they approach it. An actress being kidnapped on a movie set by a guy in a mask... Lol.
Who wrote this?? I'd say D&D but that's unlikely.
And who teleported her partner from the 80's, what with the hair and all.
While we're at episode 4, when the masked guy (Leo I think) tears off her mouth tape at around 23:18, have you ever seen skin so reluctantly comply? Lol.
I will follow through, but I highly doubt it will manage to change my mind.
Polar (2019)
Almost perfect
Fifteen minutes into this movie, I was already sold. The soundtrack, the initial scene, the incredible Mads. Since Vivian I've been answering my calls with "Speak." Because it's so cool :p
This movie could have been right up there. If it had not been for Matt Lucas playing Blut... I'm sorry Matt, I am a fan of you (Little Britain). But you ruined this movie for me a bit.
I didn't mind the clownesque assassination team, they were a nice colorful antipole to the dark grim Kaiser, but Blut... was made into a cartoon figure. That actor had to be someone as dark and grim and menacing. Not a lollypop character.
Other than that: totally badass movie.