sarastrahan-61184 Reviews

The Slayer (1982)

Dreamy Slasher

[7/10 · 24 April 2022]

At the very least, The Slayer is trying to bring something new to the table by dispatching of the usual 20-somethings in these kinds of movies and supplying us with a more mature cast while adding in a supernatural nightmarish element not found in slashers until Wes Craven put it into A Nightmare on Elm Street.

The rainy secluded island location is a winner and the special effects will take you by surprise in their skill and craft. A few slower moments aside, The Slayer does a good job.

Night School (1981)

Not the Goriest

[8/10 · 24 April 2022]

Night School doesn't bring on buckets of blood, but it does have some nice atmospheric photography and a memorably imposing villain with a motorcycle helmet and an oddly shaped machete who enjoys decapitating the female classmates of a college course and dunking their heads in liquid.

It leans more towards flat police procedural at times and is at its best when it's letting its scary killer shine.

Graduation Day (1981)

Why Graduation Day?

[5/10 · 24 April 2022]

Graduation Day sets off to capitalize on one of the few holidays not yet snatched up by greedy slasher producers and doesn't do an awful lot with it. There's a 5 minute graduation dance and that's about it.

A few of the deaths are creative, but none of the shocks work due to lack of suspense and the film cuts from person to person, never allowing you time to get to know anyone. It's still far from the worst of the bunch.

X-Ray (1981)

Hospital of Hell

[6/10 · 24 April 2022]

Hospitals have always been great locations for horror films. With their long, dark hallways where the stench of death looms every second of the day and masked surgeons with access to all sort of sharp tools...and that's not even counting all the bills that come later.

Barbi Benton gets herself into a bit of a dilemma in this particular hospital once she goes to pick up some check up results and gets taken from room to room as doctors try to figure out what's wrong with after a killer switches her test results to keep her around longer. The script is silly, but there's never a dull moment.

The Silent Scream (1979)

Chilly Thriller

[9/10 · 24 April 2022]

Of the slashers out there, The Silent Scream doesn't get a fair share of the love probably due to the low body count and lack of blood, but it's a nice starter slasher for those who might be used to lots of gore.

I enjoyed a lot of the characters and it was a great choice to use suspense over blood and guts. It's much more effective.

The City of the Dead (1960)

Great Black and White Horror

[8/10 · 16 October 2021]

Since this one has always been a public domain staple, I foolishly assumed this one wouldn't be worth watching, but I was very wrong. Right from the start, The City of the Dead pulled me in with its moody black and white photography and had me gripped from start to finish.

The film employs a trick midway through that shocked me and felt me uneasy and unsure of where the rest of the film was going to go and I love when films can do that. There's no blood or gore, just a lot of great foggy atmosphere and uneasy performance to rattle your nerves.

Offerings (1989)

As Shamless As Halloween Rip Offs Get

[5/10 · 16 October 2021]

A weird young boy is pushed down a well by a bunch of jerky kids and, a decade later, he escapes from a mental hospital to kill them off, one by one, and leave little pieces of them for the one girl who was nice to him.

If you've ever wondered what Halloween would be like if it were shot in the midwest with less money, a less interesting script, and less talented actors, Offerings will scratch that itch for you. Even with everything going against it, there's solid fun to be had and it keeps up an alright pace for most of its runtime.

Silent Madness (1984)

Dumb and Fun

[6/10 · 16 October 2021]

Due to a computer error, a psychotic patient escapes from a mental hospital and heads back to the scene of his crime many years later which is now a sorority house full of young victims fresh for the picking. A doctor trying to expose the hospital's nefarious plans goes after him and tries to stop him before it's too late.

If seen in its original 3D print, Silent Madness can be a good deal of fun even as the plot drags a bit and the murder scenes are surprisingly bloodless besides one or two. Belinda Montgomery is a likable heroine worth rooting for and Viveca Lindfors is a campy treat as the housemother of the sorority.

Sweet Sixteen (1983)

Decent Time Waster

[6/10 · 16 October 2021]

Teenager Melissa is the lead suspect in a series of small town murders after it's discovered that she was the last one all the victims saw. Is she a murderer or is it someone framing her? Leave it to a teenage Nancy Drew-esque sleuth to find out.

There's quirky charm in abundance in Sweet Sixteen and a surprising number of veteran performers delivering decent work. The murders aren't very suspenseful or inventive, but the mystery has its moments even if the final reveal feels a little confusing.

Crawlspace (1986)

Not Very Good

[5/10 · 16 October 2021]

Klaus Kinski is at his craziest here playing a deranged Nazi who spies on the tenants of the apartment building he manages. He sets up some admirably elaborate traps to slice and dice anyone who comes his way.

As creepy as Kinski is, there aren't a lot of other interesting characters in this movie to keep you interested and you start to twiddle your thumbs until the finale.

Blood and Lace (1971)

Gritty and Dark for a PG Movie

[7/10 · 16 October 2021]

Blood and Lace somehow escaped the MPAA with a GP (modern day PG) and it's hard to understand why. While they're are definitely far more graphic horror films out there, the story and general vibe of Blood and Lace are so grimy, downbeat, and trashy that it deserves an R.

Gloria Grahame runs an orphanage for unwanted teens and she kills any of them who try to escape so that she can continue to collect the checks she gets for each body. Even weirder, she doesn't think they're really dead if she puts them in the freezer because she thinks they can be brought back to life at some point.

The Attic (1980)

Sad, Haunting Film

[8/10 · 16 October 2021]

Carrie Snodgress plays a depressed, alcoholic librarian still living under her abusive father's roof after her fiance disappeared years ago under mysterious circumstances. When she finally finds a little tunnel of light at the end of her life of horrors, she gathers all the strength she can to pull through and find herself a better life.

Anyone expecting thrill-a-minute horror will probably hate The Attic, but if you let the great storytelling and performances wash over you, you might find yourself falling under its unique, downbeat spell. You yearn for the lead character to find happiness even as she's knocked down at every turn until the wallop of an ending.

Cathy's Curse (1977)

A Classic Laugh Fest

[6/10 · 16 October 2021]

The unholy spawn of The Exorcist, The Omen, and The Bad Seed, Cathy's Curse feels like a made for TV or family approved riff on all those movies without any of the scares. Poor little possessed Cathy won't curse like Regan in The Exorcist, but she will call people "fat cows" with a nice amount of vitriol.

As silly as it is, there is some great low budget 70's ambiance in here that keeps it from being a total misfire and it's not a very long movie, so it won't feel like a complete waste of time.

HauntedWeen (1991)

Entertaining No-Budget Slasher

[6/10 · 16 October 2021]

For such a cheaply made, no-budget movie, HauntedWeen is at least entertaining for the most part. Acting, as expected, is about as bad as it gets at times with most of the cast either striking a chord somewhere between flat and monotone or so overly enthusiastic as to appear subhuman.

Some good kill scenes, effects, and setups that reminded me of newer films such as Hell Fest and Haunt. It's not a movie that anyone needs to be in a great hurry to see, but it kept me entertained.

A Bucket of Blood (1959)

Short, To the Point, and Fun

[9/10 · 16 October 2021]

Cult icon, Dick Miller, stars as Walter, a coffee shop waiter with big dreams of creating great works of art like all the patrons he serves. When he accidentally kills his cat, he wraps it in plaster and turns it into art which stuns everyone around him and, suddenly, he's showered with praise for his realistic art. Unfortunately, his fans want more and more new art and he has to find other lifelike things to encase in plaster and display.

A Bucket of Blood is a fantastic example of smart horror on a tight budget. There are a limited amount of actors and only two major sets and the film never outstays its welcome at just a little over an hour. In many ways, it feels like a more darkly comic episode of The Twilight Zone.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)

Spooky Simplicity

[9/10 · 16 October 2021]

The Autopsy of Jane Doe is about as perfect as modern horror gets. It places a father and son in a funeral home they run tasked with trying to figure out what exactly happened to a seemingly well preserved female body that's just been found buried in someone's basement. Strange things start happening, leaving them to believe that this body might not be any normal corpse.

Jane Doe keeps things simple with just two main characters (three if you count Jane Doe) and one location. It uses sound and lighting to create most of it's tension and scares and very little (if any) CGI to pull you out of the story.

It Follows (2014)

Great Setup

[6/10 · 16 October 2021]

It Follows has a intriguing setup involving an STD-like curse that follows you forever until it finally catches you and kills you. It's the kind of stuff your parents would tell you a cautionary tale about or something you'd hear circled around a campfire late at night.

Soaked with brooding atmosphere, It Follows works well for a good majority of its runtime, but its simplicity becomes its enemy midway through when we come to realize we're following characters who aren't very interesting or well developed. At that point, it becomes difficult to pull for them as they go through one repetitive close call with the curse after another.

The Descent (2005)

Not For The Claustrophobic

[10/10 · 16 October 2021]

Still coming to terms with a major loss, Sarah joins her friends for a weekend of cave exploring that turns deadly when creepy creatures appear and raise hell.

Neil Marshall casts an appealing group of women who seem like they would actually be friends in real life which makes all the difference once they've put in jeopardy. The Descent features some of the most intense and pulse pounding scenes of suspense and horror that I've ever seen, especially the first appearance of the creatures. If it doesn't make you jump, you might want to check to see if you have a pulse.

The Ring Two (2005)

As Bad as Sequels Get

[2/10 · 16 October 2021]

Say goodbye to just about everything that made the original film so terrifying. Naomi Watts is back and still the lead, but her character is given much less to work with and the stakes seem, somehow, less extreme than they were before.

This time, Rachel and son Aiden have moved away from Seattle and discover that supernatural murderess Samara is still terrorizing people via a cursed video tape and, this time, she wants to come back into the real world by possessing Aiden.

A similar idea was explore in the 2nd Nightmare on Elm Street film with more fun results. The Ring Two takes its self too seriously to ever be much fun and there aren't any big scares that don't come across as laughable like a horde of CGI deer attacking Rachel and Aiden in their car.

The Ring (2002)

Seven Days!

[10/10 · 16 October 2021]

20 years later and The Ring still packs a major wallop. Gore Verbinski drenches his film in rainy, grey dread throughout and Naomi Watts gives one of her best performances as Rachel, a journalist who's niece dies under mysterious circumstances that she discovers revolve around a creepy video tape that causes anyone who watches it to die seven days later.

How they die is anyone's guess and that's where the dread of the film plays a huge part. We all know that seventh day is coming, but we don't know exactly what horrors await us and the characters. The mystery is compelling as well and keeps the audience invested until we get that final, terrifying answer.

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Different Type of Movie Than the Original

[7/10 · 16 October 2021]

Anyone hoping for a film as deep and filling as George Romero's original zombie classic will go to bed hungry after witnessing Zach Snyder's remake which replaces commentary for non-stop action.

He's assembled a strong cast and crew to bring his vision to life and it works if you're in it for the action and gore over anything more meaningful. It's a fun movie and the perfect kind of movie to play in the background at a Halloween party. The effects are fantastic despite some corny CGI moments.

Perfect (1985)

Doesn't Know What It Wants To Be

[4/10 · 21 August 2019]

Perfect has a big identity crisis. Is it a satire on the health club craze of the 80s? Apparently, but it's not witty or biting enough to ever come across that way. At best, Perfect comes across as a bunch of scenes strung together with absolutely no connective tissue to hold them together.

John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis are both incredible talents who have made their fair share of brilliant choices and bad choices, but this ranks among their worst. They're both given precious little to play with and, while they look beautiful, they never connect with the audience.

Surprisingly, the actor who comes across the best here is Larraine Newman, a Saturday Night Live alum who is given one of the more realistic and well defined characters in the film. She's a health nut who struggles with body image issues and perhaps a sexual addiction. Maybe the film should have focused on her instead.

Never Been Kissed (1999)

"I'm Not Josie Grossie Anymore!"

[9/10 · 22 July 2019]

Who doesn't wish they could go back to high school with a little more mileage and knowledge in your back pocket? Never Been Kissed brings this fantasy to life when Josie Gellar, a pathetically un-hip copy editor/wannabe reporter for the Chicago Sun Times is assigned to pose as a high school student so that she can give the paper a look at the modern life of a teen. Before long, she's making new friends (who are as tragically uncool as she is), trying to fit in with the popular group, and falling for one of her teachers. But will her secret stay a secret for long?

With an excellent concept, lovable characters, and an adorable leading performance from Drew Barrymore, Never Been Kissed is easily one of the best teen films from the 90's. It's sweet without being cloying and the story is just realistic enough to work. The movie flies by in a flash and has a killer soundtrack to boot.

If you're into smart teen comedies (about 20-somethings), Never Been Kissed should hit all your sweet spots.

A Sinful Life (1989)

Anita Morris Sizzles

[5/10 · 30 June 2019]

A Sinful Life wants desperately to be a lovable quirk fest like Female Trouble, Desperate Living, or any other John Waters film, but it's more shrill than witty or truly funny. Thankfully, it's anchored by a spirited performance by the impossibly sexy Anita Morris who gets about as many laughs out of the script as anyone could.

Morris plays an unwed mother to an overgrown daughter who speaks in baby voice (one can never understand if the daughter is actually an impaired teen/20-something or if they just cast an older actress instead of casting an actual child) who is currently in danger of being taken away by a bitchy teacher due to the less than stellar residence where she lives.

Dennis Christopher comes in as an over the top religious freak who wants Morris and Morris decides to use him as a way to make herself seem more respectable. There's also a drag queen neighbor, a rageaholic handyman, and other strange character who pop in and out at whim.

It's easy to tell that A Sinful Life was based on a stage play as the film rarely leaves Morris' apartment. It makes for a strangely claustrophobic experience and feels more like a depressing chamber drama like Night, Mother than a rip roaring farce like Boeing, Boeing or Noises Off.

There are a few light chuckles here and there and Morris is always a treat to watch. Still, A Sinful Life feels like it plays things too safe and almost feels like what would happen if your good Christian mother decided to send up John Waters movies. It's too respectable to ever go off into delicious, sleazy camp like his films do.

Terror in the Aisles (1984)

Entertaining Horror Compilation

[9/10 · 28 June 2019]

This is a hard one to review, because it's not really a movie in the traditional sense, but it's a well made, incredibly well-edited clip show of some of the best horror/suspense/thriller films up until 1984 (meaning stuff like A Nightmare on Elm Street just missed the cut).

It's hosted by Donald Pleasance (taking a break from hunting Michael Myers) and Nancy Allen (probably fresh from her divorce from Brian De Palma) who are their usual charming selves. They spit out a few bits of psycho babble about why horror films are popular and important as they sit in a crowded movie theater with people who talk and yell back at the screen.

There are some of the usual suspects in here (Psycho, Halloween, The Omen, Carrie, The Exorcist, etc.) and even some more obscure and random films (Vice Squad, The Seduction, Ms. 45, Alone in the Dark, etc.) It moves along quite well and it's great for a beginner horror fan to get a nice sampler platter of some of the best the genre has to offer.