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F. Mt. Pleasant
Reviews
I Am Sam (2001)
And I Am Horrified
This movie is so insulting in its depiction of mentally handicapped people it makes "The Other Sister" look like a lovingly crafted documentary about Down's syndrome. Aren't retarded people cute? Aren't they earnest? Why... they're almost like us real people!
Sean Penn plays a sweet autistic/retarded man who has somehow fathered a child (when and how and with whom? never really explained) and Michelle Pfeiffer plays the cliched overworked, no-time-for-her-family, badly-needs-to-learn-what's-important-in-life-from-a-retarded-person career woman lawyer who is shamed into defending Penn's character in court when he is threatened with having his daughter taken away from him. It goes on forever, for no reason. Top it all off with one of those child actors who speaks as if she's forty-five years old playing the daughter, and you're all set to run at the screen with a machete. Penn and Pfeiffer surely must have thought they were earning their places in Heaven when they signed on to overact in this condescending, absurd, overwrought trash. Or maybe they did it to win prizes. If there is a God, they will be denied anything shiny for their collective hubris.
I don't want to overstate how offensive this thing is, but seeing this movie is tantamount to saying, "I hate retarded people".
Kate & Leopold (2001)
Chivalry Is Dead
Absolutely charmless and the most unwelcome piece of misogyny to come along in years. I wish I could say that this movie has an insidious streak of woman-hating in it-- but truth be told, its hatred is presented rather blatantly.
Meg Ryan plays Kate, a terrifying shrew (although I think you're supposed to find Kate adorable because she's played by Meg Ryan) who is doomed to be alone because she has a career and wears pants. Hugh Jackman plays Leopold, surely the most enlightened man in all of the nineteenth century, who suddenly finds himself in 21st century Manhattan thanks to a poorly developed script device. There are many, many condescending scenes of women being charmed by Leopold's courtly, old-world manners-- boy, ya gotta love any movie that asks ladies to romanticize a time when women were denied the right to vote and were essentially treated like empty-headed two-year-olds.
As this mess grinds on, Kate, against her better judgement and repellent nature, starts falling for Leopold. Leopold, in turn, falls for Kate, for no discernible reason. Eventually, thank God, it ends. But not before Liev Schreiber delivers one of the most convoluted, insincere, embarrassing monologues ever committed to celluloid. Perhaps he can undergo hypnotherapy and forget he ever agreed to do it. Pray for him.
This "film" made me yearn to travel through time myself, to an age before Meg Ryan was ever born. Everyone who made this movie possible should be ashamed. Crummy.
Quarterback Princess (1983)
Girl Power, Football Style
I first saw this film when I was 12 years old and I remember it as if it were yesterday. Every frame, every line of dialogue sticks in my mind as if with glue. Is it Helen Hunt's mesmerizing voice or John Stockwell's magnetic high school sexuality? Who could ever say, but that log rolling scene does tip the scale in his favor. That's my opinion and I get to have whatever opinion I want because this is my square of writing, alloted to me by the IMBD. Thank you, IMDB, for letting a guy blow off some steam on a Wednesday night. Steam that's been building up for 25 some odd years. Steam a quarterback needs to win the big game against St. Stephen's. And Helen Hunt has got what it takes to bring home the cup or chalice. I can't remember anymore. So, good then. See it, but don't buy it. It's no good if you have to pay for it. Try to catch it on PAX some afternoon when you're in bed with the flu or chronic depression. Go team. love sincerely, F Mt. P