sluido Reviews

Sharper (2023)

Conning the con artist should be harder

[5/10 · 31 March 2023]

The first twenty minutes are really boring and eventually when it starts to have a story you also need some time to actually get to the juicy part. This entire movie could be a 45 minute TV episode at the most and even that is stretching. The main reason this isn't TV quality is that Julianne Moore and supporting cast raise the bar.

The worst part about the movie is the later parts when you realize who is actually conning who. It was sort of predicable because nobody would expect the trophy wife to get away with it, but the way she was conned is just stupid. For one her and the younger lover would easily have spotted a con if they have experience enough which obviously they should have. Then the con itself is massively flawed - a gunshot to a specific spot if they trained really long to get this right is not exactly easy. She could have checked if he had a pulse. Playing dead on the floor isn't easy especially if someone would have tried to help you out, not to mention they just leave him there in the open? You'd think they throw the "body" in a bush or whatnot. Why not actually have the police come and check because worst case you get a manslaughter charge but with the guy backing you up that it was self-defense and all that money in the bank this would not have lasted long in court. Seeing that there wasn't a body this would have been a laughable end to the con anyway, something I would have enjoyed a lot more than the real plot. Lastly being a drug addict won't give you a clear head to pull all this off, and pretending to be on drugs - I don't buy it. All this made the movie experience sour because the con wasn't smart - it was just stupid. In the end it wasn't smart enough for my attention and I don't feel for the winning team at all because they aren't charming or lovable in any way.

The cast is good, overall quality of the movie is acceptable but I find it too slow. A 20-30 minute cut of scenes would have helped make this more exciting because setting up the couple at the beginning didn't really do it for me, especially with all the plot distracting afterwards. If they were a couple for the entire movie trying to plot revenge and we see them struggling here and there then I would have liked it more but the plot twist didn't work out as it was obviously coming and I already knew how it would spin out towards the final scenes. Someone in the creative process must feel really good about redemption or something.

C'mon C'mon (2021)

Not falling for this again

[3/10 · 27 December 2021]

Roma, US Version? No thank you. I know it got huge praises but if you check the negative reviews it's people writing they can't get through it, it's all arty to hide the fact that there is no real story. Same here, again. It all looks like a documentary about regular people in black and white. No thanks. I don't need the social commentary in a movie, that's why I want to watch a movie in the first place. If I want social commentary I would switch on the news.

Glad I only spent 15 minutes on this dreck, although I realized my mistake of even trying to watch after 2!

High rating with only ~5k people voting doesn't mean it's actually good. Don't be afraid to regard it as negative just to fit in!

The Everlasting Flame (2009)

China Glory, no thanks

[4/10 · 21 November 2021]

Going a different direction of Olympic documentaries, rather than showing many events and highlights of the 16 days of glory, this one went with a few individual cases before the tournament and how they prepare, not very new and unique but okay, and then moving on to their performances. Overall very, very boring to watch.

Worst part of the entire thing is this US vs China girls Olympics gymnastics. Already very controversial with their obviously faked birth certificates they would never include this in the documentary if the Chinese side hadn't won the team competition.

Sound of Metal (2019)

Want to love it but....

[6/10 · 13 October 2021]

Acting is great, story is decent. A real life drama about a drummer, Ruben, suddenly losing his hearing (happens but it's super rare and usually this just happens gradually, but I give the movie the benefit of the doubt) and needing to get grip about life without hearing. It's all shot pretty well, video editing is excellent. Riz is THE best actor for this with his wide eyes.

However, for the most part of the movie it wants to believe that you MUST then join a deaf community to come to terms with your new disability. And I use this term lightly because the deaf community likes to think they are not disabled and just a minority - which is where the movie goes entirely wrong. Should you really cut yourself off from your previous life just to adapt to your new issue? I don't believe that to be true. Why not just do some online research "what to do when suddenly deaf" to find that there are help sites. Learn to use sign on your own, get someone to help - but just ditching your life, your phone, your job (how does he make money if not touring anymore?) seems ridiculous. Especially as it's obvious Ruben doesn't want it and that ever wise owl Joe who took him in should have seen that, and then later he gets super upset about him not being one of those "cult" members he is looking for to keep around.

So even if that IS how it has to be, how long, and forever? Why? No real reason is given that one must inclusively stay in the community and be totally shut off the world - like a Native American preservation that doesn't want the world around it to exist. Once you learn sign and have accepting your hearing is gone you would think you can join the "evil" rest of the society that he doesn't seem to be allowed to communicate with. The entire "sit in a room and write" part seems totally useful apart from some kind of rage inducer that he could have done in his RV as well. Why not just read a book or something... Also home videos have these great SDH subtitles these days.

Second problem is the total dismissal of the implants. For one they ARE covered by medical insurance so that's already total BS the movie throws at you. That means no need to sell off your life's belongings to afford it, plus his girlfriend could have easily asked for the money from her dad which isn't really addresses - but I suppose he's not a fan of him and wouldn't just fork over that kind of money. Anyhow, seeing that it would be free this point is moot.

Continuing from that, the implants are seen as totally horrible, distorting sound and not being able to have a proper conversation if there are too many sounds going around the room. That's not true. And think about this: you are blind and given an implant but the implant give you only grey-scale view of the world - are you going to complain and just prefer to be blind? The movie makes it think that silence is better than than hearing "annoying noises". With that they also claim that Nate is totally surprised by how the implants work out - as if NOBODY would have told him about this but in actually there are extensive tests before the operation, numerous consultations to explain what the result will be like - nobody goes into a clinic and says "I'd like a metal arm because it won't break that quickly" and the staff will be like "sure thing" without explaining the downsides of it.

Lastly I find the girlfriend super irritating. If she didn't enjoy her previous life with Ruben she should just tell him rather than always following his lead. I know it's a theme of the movie but that goes against any kind of female empowerment - speaking your own mind and just scratching your arms instead. It makes her look weak and pathetic. Also those eyebrows at the start look fiendish.

Big Trouble (2002)

So dumb

[5/10 · 6 September 2021]

I understand how this is supposed to be funny, and I understand how people don't want to watch it. It's trying to be funny by being hectic, a huge mess, and I don't think the general audience cannot follow that kind of movie. Well, that's not why I didn't like it.

I disliked it because the characters are mainly really stupid. A couple are supposed to be, but so many others act dumb. The cop, the airport security, and ticketing agent, a guy who likes to lick his maid's toes, even the hitmen.

All the other characters are either annoying or unrealistic. FBI agents that use violence by quoting some BS special authority, what is this, MIB? If anyone would really be trying to track a bomb they wouldn't chase it like a 40s movie. After all, that's when they seem to be in looking at the airport security that lets nukes through because they are too busy - definitely shot before 9/11 or else I cannot explain it. Ticket agents that can issue boarding passes to fake names for an international flight - obviously the writers, either from the novel or the movie, or both, want the audience to think we are stupid too.

Then there is this whole mix of genres. The teenagers seem to be ripped from a teenage comedy with their "don't look at my ass when I walk away" humor, the agents come right from MIB but when I look up special agent in my dictionary it's surely not got a picture of Heavy D next to it. Tim Allen, who isn't really much in the movie at all but the opening scenes makes us think he's the center piece of all this, but is then somehow forgotten halfway through the movie and maybe off filming some episodes of Home Improvement, then later returning for some romcom scenes as filler. The female cop acting like a wooden block, and in the end why did they even get the hitmen involved in the story at all because they don't do anything important. Not to mention they get caught but just disabled their gun and let sprung because - it's funny?!

It's a real shame because the cast is huge and so wasted on this piece of garbage.

Cornwall and Devon Walks with Julia Bradbury (2021– )

Maybe I should have not expected anything about the walks?

[4/10 · 26 February 2021]

In my 20s I did probably 90% of the coastal paths in the southeast corner of the UK (including Wales), and I was hoping for some nostalgia. However, most of the time of the program is spent on chatting with locals and showing one or two spots of the walk rather than get into the walk itself. Pretty pictures and a map of the path are not what I wanted and the program calls itself that. Also I highly doubt Julia ever does any of the walk yet she always sports her tiny backpack, entirely unsuitable for longer walks, even during interviews and I highly doubt she and the film crew walked along any of it - instead going the "American" way and driving to hotspots to look around. At least she shouldn't pretend. The scenery is great but chatting to a painter (who I have never heard of but she calls famous) for 5 minutes is just filler.

Another Stakeout (1993)

Rosie O'Donnell? No thank you.

[5/10 · 25 February 2021]

The first Stakeout was mildly amusing if not odd for trying to pass Madeleine Stowe as half-Mexican. But that's actually what is wrong with the second movie: nothing fits. First off, they break up because Maria "was too young" and "he's too old" - nobody has THAT problem!! Second, Emilio tries to come off as way older than he is and wants to prance around with his mustache, then there is Rosie O'Donnell who doesn't match to the two guys at all and just seems extra baggage for not reason whatsoever - no reason to tag along the stakeout and handling everything so unprofessionally. Who brings a cat to a stakeout?! The "jokes" are misses all the time. Hard to finish this crappy movie. Felt like turning it off after 20-30 minutes.

Barry: ronny/lily (2019) Season 2, Episode 5

Best episode of TV you will watch in a long time

[10/10 · 22 February 2021]

While I love Barry this episode is a special crowning moment. Everything from the beginning shot to the end is one thrilling ride that mixes hilarious fighting with humor and even some drama regarding Barry and Fuch's relationship.

Pretty in Pink (1986)

Lame, Jon Cryer is annoying

[5/10 · 9 February 2021]

I generally like the John Hughes stories and this one didn't seem much different at first. It's all cute and harmless, very 80s, totally unrealistic to how the real world is like, watchable and I can see how it's sort of popular. BUT

Yeah, well, I am not a fan of Ringwall. I think she's totally overrated and while I liked her in Breakfast Club she doesn't fit the role in this movie. Worst, Jon Cryer plays the most annoying character in what must be all of John Hughes movies.

Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)

Some Kind of Wasted Opportunity

[7/10 · 24 January 2021]

I had put off watching the movie because it sounds like a dorky romcom and the cast isn't interesting looking. It turns out to be a good movie but a huge waste of talent and opportunity to film something different.

I personally dislike the cast members but they played their parts really well. Respect to all, especially Lea who I cannot stand in most other movies or Caroline in the City. So, seeing that I actually liked them in this is already something.

As for the introduction, what a BAM! Not often does a movie start off with a huge hit song and really introduces all the main characters. Abuse by Propaganda is a perfect way to start off the movie. Within a couple of minutes you already know all the characters and what the movie is about: boy likes girl, girl is with a jock, would do anything to be with girl. Now that isn't very original and boy, without spoiling anything, does get his chance to score with girl, but then the rest of the drama is very predicable and the ending, again, without spoiling anything, is highly lame and takes a cheap romance end. This is probably what turned me to write the review, not being satisfied with the ending and leaving it as if the drama is a pilot for a TV show that will continue the story later.

Midway it can get slow and boring. The main character is a bit of a weirdo. He likes art, he is a mechanic, needs kissing lessons (who needs that? Only on TV and not if you are already grown up!) and he flat out REFUSES to even look at colleges which his dad arranged for him. His dad doesn't seem to care that much in the end and it's more about the money set aside being used for something else that ends the entire college idea. Now the way I understand is that the money was earned by himself and not by the dad but I still find it a fruitless way to spend it and I smack my forehead to think about it.

Totally recommend it.

If Beale Street Could Talk (2018)

Wanted to like it but...

[5/10 · 26 October 2020]

The movie has high reviews, that's usually why one would pick this up and spend 2 hours watching it right? Well, I'm disappointed, and I'm not alone. It's basically too slow, too dull, stretched dialogue, music mix that doesn't MIX with the visuals, random background images that want to shock you into "oh no, black people had it tough on the streets" rather than tell a real story, then you get a typical "girl gets pregnant but boy is in jail" story, where is the originality? Also I found it tough to believe the family's reaction to the pregnancy, that having a kid is great rather than "oh, well, the kid's father is in jail and who will take care of it, pay for stuff around here..." now that's realistic and instead they live in some fairy tale.

Lastly, if a movie starts with some statement about how every Black Man in America is underprivileged then I guess it's gotta be bad, because then you get some biased movie. Luckily it wasn't that bad. I know plenty of rich black people.

David Attenborough: A Life on Our Planet (2020 TV Movie)

Too optimistic view of our future

[6/10 · 10 October 2020]

Let me say first, I LOVE David Attenborough, and I love that he fights for nature and wants to make a point even at his rip golden age of 90+. The footage he shows is brilliant and mostly new (due to being on Netflix I suppose). The biggest flaw in this new installment of "let's save the planet" is that his view on how humans will turn the corner and not face extinction is entirely flawed.

First we start with slashing forests down for more cattle and coffee plantations - that's not going to stop. Costa Rica is a bad example and even if they were a great example, Brazil will never stop it, Indonesia will never stop it, they prefer to grow tobacco instead of having some "useless" trees. In the end, the government wants money, the people want to earn money, not look at trees and live like hippies around them. Which is actually the problem with most of David's ideas - the governments, the corporations, they will not follow! Nature can recover, we've seen that not only in Costa Rica but also in Malaysia where they created a "fake" rainforest to see if it would turn out the same, and I don't need to go to Chernobyl 40 years after the disaster to check if nature takes back the space - I can see that in my garden after just half a year of neglect. Mr. Attenborough, nobody wants to go to Chernobyl because it's radioactive, but you cannot assume that people would leave alone free land in e.g. Oregon, for nature to grow a forest if it could be used for agriculture or new housing developments instead. That's not how our society works.

Fishing is the WORST solution he provided, enabling no-fish zones to provide spill-over to fishing. The example he made was PALAU of all places. Fact is that Palau receives almost all of their food from the US - Hawaii if I'm not mistaken - by boat. Once the boat didn't come for a month and they all didn't have vegetables for that time period. The locals all live on welfare rather than farming on their own and they all burn their trash to cause more harm to the environment. The fisherman in the documentary throws a tiny net out to catch his fish - that's not the problem anyway - it's a huge Chinese vessel coming along, ignoring any kind of no-fish zones (Palau, Tonga, Galapagos, Antarctica just to name a FEW examples, they are everywhere and will NOT stop!) and the poor fish are all gone. You cannot have this working if rogue nations like China and to many extend Japan just fish whatever and wherever they want.

Overpopulation, Mr. Attenborough, may peak soon but that's not because of society educating young women or family planning - it will be because there is no food, no space, no health care system to care for all of it. His example, a horrible one again, is that Japan stopped having babies! Well, that's their attitude, a lot of women work and don't want children, true, but they are also facing a disaster of no young generation to fill the gaps in the pyramid. Is every nation going to be like Japan? No, Europe has parts of their populating declining but that's mainly because of family planning and understanding that you don't want to have 3-4-5 children anymore. China's controversial one-child policy may actually have worked to level the population growth but I suppose nobody wants to talk about that. Does the rest of the world follow? No. India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, they still have a huge amount of kids. Religious believes, no access to family planning, contribute to an oncoming disaster. Let's face it, the Catholic Church banning contraceptives is medieval.

The elephant in the room is that politics and corporate greed will always destroy our planet rather than individuals. We can recycle our trash as much as we want but BP oil spills are worst than us not having recycled our entire life. Brazil says they cannot control the Amazon burning down - I'm sure the plantation owners are happy to see new land becoming available for more cattle that make your burgers (which is horrible again because cows cause more harm to the environment than humans due to constantly belching methane, so do your part and switch to chicken meat).

Lastly, people are selfish and greedy too - let's not lie about it. Maybe you personally reading this are a kind soul, bless you, but there are enough individuals who seek opportunities to gain money, spread their seeds, exploit nature if necessary. That's going to take a lot of effort, and David is maybe trying to reach us for this point but I think he definitely failed in his approach. New York will be cleaner when we switch to renewable energy? Let's hope so!

Much Ado About Nothing (I) (2012)

Shakespeare shan't be bad

[3/10 · 30 September 2020]

I know what you are thinking, how can someone rate this so low? I'm sure he's wrong! Well, if you sort by bad reviews you will actually find someone giving you the truth rather than what brainwashed Whedon-lovers write. Basically Joss Whedon took some of his MCU B-list actors and threw it onto a Shakespeare script. Noah Galvin is just a fan-favorite for playing Coulton but not a great actor in any way. It's extremely pretentious for one, with laughable actors speaking laughable lines that don't fit their characters at all. Just have a look at the poster - yes, the Guardian does review it highly but the other "accolades" are basically film festival SELECTIONs not winners, and the other two top ratings are from a rather shoddy and unremarkable critic. I couldn't watch past half an hour thinking I'm going to waste more time and I'm glad I switched off. Search for 1-5 ratings to get a real idea rather than "oh it's so great because of actually no reason" you wish could be deleted. Too many top ratings for the sake of it being Shakespeare.

Mars: One Day on the Red Planet (2020)

Failed Promises

[4/10 · 26 August 2020]

Was really excited to see this and I switched it on with my daughter (7) who is really interested in space exploration. What was promised are "never before seen images" and what appeared to be a lot of story on Opportunity Rover.

Now the first part isn't hard to do because there are thousands of images so showing something new isn't difficult, but they go into such details on the wrong info - the names of the places are hard to remember (not their fault but why make the show too scientific), have rando people show their face and make comments about it, these intercuts totally take away the experience of seeing pictures of Mars because let's be frank I don't want to see a close up of some lady if I am watching a show about Mars! The show claims they use satellite footages to recreate Mars - it wasn't impressive - the CGI are rather poor and perhaps fake. The top-down image are real but the others were re-created from these so they are not 100% correct and just look lousy. Not as "amazing" as they keep telling you.

As for the Rover story, it takes maybe 5 minutes screentime. It's still probably the best part but nothing new. Instead one should find a documentary on Opportunity Rover. It's almost sad it stayed up there 14 years and eventually broke. If you children saw WALL-E they will see a connection.

In the end "One Day" has nothing to do with the show either, they just place an hour timer in-between sequences that are unrelated to anything. Don't waste your time.

Home (II) (2015)

Bad grammar and bad characters

[4/10 · 15 July 2020]

Rather unique story and good main character in Tip (although is Gratuity a real name??) but all the aliens speak in bad grammar which makes me NOT want to show it to my kids ever again - how counterproductive to have them teach "I want to" for months and months only to have a silly cartoon teach them "I wants" within seconds because someone thought it was funny....

Al the other characters are dumb. Either selfish or stupid or both - nothing wants me to care for them. Tip is the only one I care about because she makes sense.

Movie drags on a little towards the end too and someone tries to throw all the music into your face as a selling point. There are sometimes 2-3 songs in a single scene!

I can see the production value and it's watchable but very forgettable.

Bend It Like Beckham (2002)

For girls only...

[2/10 · 13 June 2003]

First off, this movie is for girls ONLY, girl who think soccer is great, love happens the cute way & indian culture is something precious only to be thrown out at the end in 2 minutes. Let me get that in details, without the Beckham image this movie would be the biggest flop ever, thus going into the famous ManU star the movie actually gets attention. The football scenes are really bad, staged of course and the camera focuses on the ball so as for directing I'm going to give it the worst mark for sure. Then the love conflict are dating back from the 1980s british dating, getting annoyed at another girl so immature shows the screenplay was writted on a a beercoaster with ripped off corners. Every teen girl is going to love this but everybody else will be feeling cheated at the story. Then the culture has always been a talked about issue, arranged marriages, inner culture marriages etc...nothing new and then as a stupid twist in the story the whole issue is forgotten for the sake of a happy ending...stupid stupid stupid...'nuff said!

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

Just as bad as the first one!

[1/10 · 12 June 2003]

Stick a bunch of bad acting rappers, some busty-nasty young girls and a white boy into a car chase movie and you get the same result as this over-hyped junk. Having at least *some* originality and the cool Vin Diesel in the previous installment, this one just doesn't have anything to come by.

Do yourself a favour and watch anything else and you'll be happy, not supporting this kind of movie might spare us from another sequel being made, or rent Wishmaster 5 if you feel you need more quality.

Big Shot's Funeral (2001)

if you are chinese...

[1/10 · 12 June 2003]

...then you might enjoy this movie, everyone who understands the language will laugh for 90% of the movie, otherwise you are gonna be very disappointed and get bored after 5 minutes, especially as Donald Sutherland disappears and there is no more english-chinese translation joke happening on screen.

Street Fighter (1994)

Who messed this up?

[8 July 2002]

The characters could have had enough to make this work, but if you let a movie be written and directed by a newby this would have been messed up from the start... Vega, Guile, Bison...all those could have been made cool...but it's too cartoony and the action is the lamest I have seen around.

I wonder if this would have had sequels without the death of Raul Julia... Very very disappointing movie...

Exit Wounds (2001)

Seagals best by far, too many plot holes here and there!

[4/10 · 23 April 2001]

You can't rate this movie a 10 as there is just too much wrong with this, a government funded anti-police corruption organisation? What if they are corrupt? And why would the get the money to buy 300,000 dollars cars? But on the other hand the action is very good, Seagal never looked so good and the action-scences make you begging for more, great stuff! But just watched the beginning and the plot holes start already! A good 7.

Gorgeous (1999)

Good fighting

[8/10 · 21 October 2000]

I just like Jackie Chan and I can surely imagine him as a business man, but the whole love story isn't his kind of thing. I can't watch the parts anymore and mainly skip to the good parts and show it to my friends. But what saves this movie is the fighting scenes, mainly Alan vs Jackie, both scenes feature superb fighting from both sides and sometimes aren't cut for at least 10 seconds which just shows the class these guys are in. Would Brad Allen be a taller guy he could be in many more movies. So I'd split the movie in two halfs, Action 10, and Love Story 3. The end credits don't even feature good bloopers, mainly funny chinese lines from the business meeting, disappointing, lucky for us, we still have his US films like Shanghai Noon.