farnum Reviews

My Uncle the Alien (1996)

It is really quite good

[28 October 2011]

My review summary says it all. This movie is really very good.

The only thing that would make it better would be if Chris Eliot played some of the roles. Also, they should have re-animated Scatman Cruthers to have a cameo in it. Its also interesting that Roman Polanski has a small (uncredited) part in the movie, toward the end when the alien spaceship lands on the White House. It's surprising that he didn't get arrested, as there had been an outstanding warrant for him since the 70's. I guess that's why he was uncredited. Or maybe they just shot the scene in Europe. It would be interesting to find out either way. Its so funny because it's true! Everyone should go out and see "My Uncle the Alien" today!

The Monkey Mission (1981 TV Movie)

my funky vision of the monkey mission!

[10/10 · 20 November 2008]

I love this movie! This is one of the best of all the monkey/buddy movies and TV shows that proliferated around the turn of the 80's. These include "BJ and the Bear", "Every Which Way but Loose" and its vastly superiour sequel "Every Which Way you Can" (for which Eastwood was robbed of his Best Actor Award by Robert Bulloney's Raging DeNiro), "Goin' Ape", "Goin' Bananas" and "On Golden Pond." Most of the scenes of Gregor were filmed using Coco, the veteran chimanzee actor, who of course stole the show. HOwever some of the more complicated stunts were actually performed by a little known stunt double named Jan Medlock, playing Gregor in a ape costume. This is particularly evident in the tightrope scene, where Gregor and Mr. Carlton do the little dance and shakes their butts all over the place. Its so funny because its true! I think everyone should go out and buy a copy of the monkey mission today!

Howards End (1992)

howard's rear end!

[10/10 · 7 November 2005]

I loved this movie! I swear, I laffed my pants fell off - literally! The best part is when all the English people are playing tennis, and then anthony hopkins comes out wearing a gorilla suit, eating bananas and everything! I never laffed so hard in my life! No wonder they called it howard's end! On a serious note, Siegbert Prawer gave a touching performance as "man asking a question" - a ro^le he has wisely chosen not to repeat. If you want a good time, I suggest you go out, put on your own gorilla suit, and kick back with the good ol' boys of Howard's Rear End! You might even want to eat a banana with it, especially if you mash it up with your fist and then smear it on a frisbee or a mobius strip club.

Humanoids from the Deep (1980)

Inverse scattering for CHUDs!

[10/10 · 4 November 2005]

Three hands down, Humanoids from the Deep (H.f.t.D.)is one of the greatest interspecies copulating movies of all time. Believe me, I ought to know! Back when I was in grad school I did some research about inverse scattering to solve the Helmholtz equation. A lot of people don't know it, but you can actually use my results in the detection of subterranean C.H.U.D.s. Now I know what you're thinking -- a C.H.U.D. is a C.H.U.D. and a H.f.t.D. is a H.f.t.D., right? But tell me this -- next time you're roller skiing down the street and you see a guy with a ventriloquist dummy get his head ripped off in a tent just because he was about to get it on with his hot girlfriend on the beach, and then you find out she was impregnated by the otherworldly beast, are you going to pick nits? or just pick your nose and put it in the booger box? I rest my case. My point is this -- C.H.U.D.s, Humnanoids from the Deep -- who cares what you call them -- if you see their scattering support on the beach you'd best hightail your compact balls out of there. Pronto! The other thing that would have made this movie better would be if there was a guy with a gorilla suit in it. They wouldn't even need to hire another guy, they could just let Doug McClure do it. Heck, I could do it myself. It wouldn't be the first time. Once I was wearing my gorilla suit, drinking a nice glass of Barollo, watching Humanoids from the Deep and thats when I got the idea of using the whole inverse scattering thing for subterranean C.H.U.D. detection. THen I thought naah, I gotta do laundry and buy milk and stuff. It's so funny because it's true! So here's my advice: if you love someone, set them free. Then go out and watch Humanoids from the Deep!

The Fly (1986)

fly digestion

[13 October 2005]

The best part of this movie was when the apple i-pod (or should I say "fly-pod"!) guy threw up on the donut and then ate it anyway. Its so funny because its true! It reminded me of the time that I chewed up a bunch of oreos and didn't swallow them and then drooled them out of my mouth onto the floor and my dog molly ran over and ate them up. My sister was really grossed out, but at least I didn't throw up (or should I say "toss my cookies" ) on them and then eat them! At least I didn't bite her head off! At least I didn't grow giant fly hair out my back, at least not yet, and then get caught in a big spider web and yell "help me! help me!" while my brother Vincent price picked up a big rock and smashed me. And I certainly never married the US President of a dramedy made some 20 years later. No way! By the way, if you eat a chips ahoy cookie with a piece of cheddar cheese on it, it tastes like an orange. But that's a whole other story. I think every one should go out and watch The Fly today. THen nothing will ever bug you again!

The Princess & the Marine (2001 TV Movie)

fall in love ... all over again!

[10/10 · 13 October 2005]

Like most women in their mid-20s (I just turned 25 this week),I obviously try to see everything I can with Zac Morris, ever since he hit the scene back in 1987 with Good Morning Miss Bliss, so the Princess and the Marine was no exception. But what I wasn't prepared for was the depth of his portrayal. I mean, I knew he was H-O-T-T (he's so fine I needed an extra T!), but I didn't realize that he could so convincingly play the part of a US Marine stationed in an small Arab country who falls in love with a princess whom he meets in a shopping mall and subsequently spirits out of the country while she is dressed as a marine (albeit a short one, but she did wear a baseball cap after all). The best part of all of it though is how romantic the whole story is! Its just like that time when I was the applied math department graduate student representative (albeit a short one, and I don't really wear baseball caps that much) and I fell in love with one of the students who complained to me about the use of inappropriate humour and coarse language by other students in the computer lab (I mean, except for the fact that he hasn't spirited me out of the country - YET! a girl can dream can't she?!!) It's so romantic because its true! Anyway, my point is that sometimes made-for-TV romance movies reflect what actually happens in real life, even when they're based on actual real-life events. Its kind of like life imitating art imitating life, except that in the first place the life was about a marine and a princess, and the art isn't really art so much as it is a kind of lousy made for TV movie starring Zack Morris, and the life which imitates the whole thing is about a grad student who doesn't like funny books being put on his desk, and not about a marine at all. But I will always be his princess! I digress. The real point is this - The Princess and the Marine is one of the best movies out there about True Love, and whether you're a marine or a marine biologist, or just a founding member of the like really club, it will make you fall in love all over again. It did for me!

W.W. and the Dixie Dancekings (1975)

shake your groove thang!

[10/10 · 23 May 2005]

This is one of most realistic of all the country music/bank-robber movies made in the 70s. I ought to know, because back when I lived in Georgia (just like Burt Reynolds!) I used to ride around in a van with a band called A**factor 4. We never held up any banks of course, but their name was aptly chosen. It's so stinky because its true! Surprisingly enough, a lot of the hi-jinx that The Dixie Dancekings got into because of WW, like robbing banks and hanging out with Ned Beatty are a lot like what we used to do too, like wearing overalls without any shirt or shoes. I'm pretty sure I never even owned a pair of shoes until I was 18! Anyway, once I saw one of the stars of WW and The Dixie Dance kings on a talk show, and I was in the audience at the taping! It was Ned Beatty and it was at a filming for the Ross somebody show. The next day Adam West was on! But that's of different story. What I like so much about W.W. and the Dixie Danckings (WWatDDK) is the way WW and Wayne get along on screen. Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed have such a natural chemistry that you can tell that the two men really love each other in real life (but maybe not REEL life!). That's why it was so hard to watch Burt smash Jerry's head in the dumpster when they were playing Gator McClusky and Bammy McCaul in the following years classic Georgia film, Gator. And I think it must have been even harder for them, but especially Jerry, because it was his head that was getting smashed all the time. But this movie has no such dumpster-head-smashing, thank goodness. Just good old boy fun like I used to have back in Georgia, wearing a straw hat, smoking a corncob pipe and riding around in a smelly van with A**factor 4. They smell like an A** Factory! I think you should go out and watch WWatDDK tonight.

Hooper (1978)

Hooper - it sooper-dooper!

[10/10 · 29 April 2005]

But seriously, this is one of the best movies ever made about stunt-men. I ought to know - I used to be one! My favorite thing about this movie is that it has my two favourite actors of all time - Burt Reynolds (my idol), and Jan Michael Vincent. A lot of people think I was named after him. Its so funny because its true! JMV does a butt kickin job playing Hooper's arch enemy, Ski CHinsky. And the actor selected to portray Jimbo was optimally selected! THe best part was when the teenaged nerd changed the clapper in his dad's house to one clap instead of two. Its so funny because its true! I think everyone should be a trooper, and watch Hooper! (it ain't no pooper)

Gator (1976)

Gator Rides Again!

[10/10 · 28 April 2005]

I tell you, I've seen a lot of movies in my day, and none of them holds up as well over the years as Gator. Sure, you might say I'm biased since I was the president of the Burt Reynolds fan club high school AND the treasurer of the Jerry Reed Fan Club. But still, you can't deny it - Reynolds kicks A**! But anyway, back to the movie... So it was back in the day when I used to play college basketball in Georgia. The whole team used to go to class in our sweaty gym clothes, if we ever went to class - but that's another story! The part where Gator sticks Bammy McCaul's head in the dumpster is great! And Lauren Hutton was so HOT! Anyway, we were all at one guy's house after a big game, drinking non-alcoholic beer, and we popped in my favorite movie of all time (no, not Stroker Ace) that's right GATOR! Anyway, we just started watching it, and I remember this one guy named steve who always wore a skirt for some reason was complaining about something to do with a translation of Camus, but anyway, we're watching the movie and the pizza guy comes to the door - and who's standing there with a pizza in his hand? Why BURT REYNOLDS! Now I knew he was from Georgia, just like me, but what I didn't know was what a big fan he was of the team! Well, I was floored, I tell you. SO we invited him in, and we all sat around drinking non-alcoholic beer, and he told us all about his favorite parts of making Gator, especially when he stuck Bammy McCaull in the dumpster. Its so funny because its true! Anyway, after the movie one of my teammates found a spare sweaty team uniform and gave it to Burt. It was one of the best times of my life, and that's why I will always love GATOR!

Zapped! (1982)

This movie will blow your mind!

[29 May 2001]

Please excuse my excessive fawning, but I would nominate "Zapped" for Movie of the Year, if I weren't nearly 20 years too late. Like thousands of American men, I first got hipped to the one-two comedy punch of Aames and Baio back in college when I briefly experimented with reruns of the hit comedy programme "Charles in Charge." I had heard about it when it during its prime-time run in the 1980's, but I was too square to check it out at the time. After the first episode "CiC" (which, by the way, was set in MY college town of New Brunswick, NJ!), I was hooked - and it's a habit that always needs a little more each time.

Fortunately, "Zapped" delivers! I swear, you can watch this movie over and over and over, and you'll always catch something that you missed before. Like when Chachi and Lembeck use their psychic powers to get the girls. It's so funny because it's true! I worked on a similar project when I was in college, but the best that I could do was create a dream woman out of newspaper clippings (just kidding!!!). Also, Scatman Crothers gives the performance of his lifetime as Dexter Jones, remeniscent of his earlier portrayal of Dewey Stevens on "The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island" of the year before. I think everyone should go out and rent - no, make that BUY -a copy of "Zapped" today - trust me, your life will never be the same!

Hot Dog... The Movie (1983)

This weiner is no winner!

[25 May 2001]

I've been a huge David Naughton fan ever since he had back-to-back hits with the "Makin' It" and "I'm a Pepper", but I gotta tell you, "Hot Dog" is B-A-D-D badd! (It's so dumb I needed an extra "D"!). Did Naughton disco-dance? No. Did he sing about his favorite soda? No. Did he do ANY of the things that his fans have come to love him for? Sadly, no. All this movie was about was skiing all day, and partying all night, and even that was unrealistic. I should know - I'm a ski instructor, and I definitely know how to PARTY! Yeah! It's so funny because its true! Anyway, if you really want to enjoy some David Naughton's finer work, get yourself a six-pack of Dr. Pepper and tune in to some old reruns of "Makin' It" - they're on all the time!

Cabin Boy (1994)

A bawdy romp that Chaucer would be proud of!

[22 May 2001]

While a number of critics have discussed at length "Cabin Boy"'s allusions to earlier sea epics, such as "Mutiny on the Bounty", "Moby Dick" and "Humanoids of the Deep", surprisingly little attention has been devoted to it's social commentary. Although it may, perhaps, be an overstatement to call Chris Elliot's script "revolutionary", its message has a decidedly socialist bent. In fact, I would venture to say that none of Elliot's other work, prior to OR since "Cabin Boy" has had a comparable impact on the way ship captains treat their crew - or for that matter, on the labor movement in general in this country. It's safe to say that the success of "Cabin Boy" is a product not only of Elliot's vision, but also a fortunate case of being "the right film at the right time", so to speak.

Additionally, the cast must be credited. Brian Doyle-Murray, Russ Tamblyn and many others give the performances of their careers. The stand-out, of course, was Ritch Brinkley in a magnificent portrayal of Captain Greybar, captain of "The Filthy Whore." Far from the stereotypical old salt sea captain, Brinkley's Greybar is hard, harsh, irritable and irrascible, and yet even-handed and even sensitive, giving a textured character which is so clearly missing from many other sea films. Particularly touching is the scene when Elliot's character, Nathanial Mayweather, serves "fish-stick kitties" for the crew's lunch. Words cannot describe the emotion that Brinkley's face conveys. It's so touching because it's true!

While "Cabin Boy" has its flaws, I have no doubt that it will be greatly appreciated by landlubbers and sea captains alike, particularly those who, like myself, started their careers as lowly cabin boys.

Troop Beverly Hills (1989)

happy campers!

[22 May 2001]

I loved this movie! My mom took me to see this when it came out in the theater. My mom was our brownie troop leader, so we were both really excited about seeing it, and we went one afternoon right after she took the whole troop to be in the studio audience for the filming of the Eddie Albert variety show. I was hoping that Mr. Albert would let me on stage to sing "The Good Ship Lollypop", but all he did was introduce me and my mom to the TV audience at home, and then my brother made fun of me. Anyway, that's a whole other story.

The part I liked best about this movie was the part when the lady from the other camp fell in the mud and ruined all her brand new camping clothes. It's so funny because it's true! The other thing that I liked about this movie was that all those people from like, TOTALLY different TV shows got together to make it - Mrs. Roper, Diane from Cheers, Coach (Coach from "Coach", not Coach from "Cheers!") . It was like watching Battle of the Network Stars - except it was practically a true story.

I haven't watched this movie in a long time, so I can't be sure, but I bet this is the kind of movie that really holds up over the years. Happy landings on a chocolate bar!

So Fine (1981)

"Sew" Funny!

[21 May 2001]

When I saw this movie, I laughed "sew" hard I split my pants! I mean it! As a member of a family in that's been in the clothing business for three generations, I think I'm qualified to say that this is the most realistic depiction of the tailor industry that I have ever seen. And it's "sew" funny becuase its true! The best part is when Ryan O'Neil walks around in those giant pants. I never saw anything "sew" funny in my whole life! Even if you don't really like tailor movies that much, you should still watch "Sew Fine" as soon as you can.

They should make more movies like this one.

Willard (1971)

Rats ...or staR?

[18 May 2001]

This movie scared the pants off me as a kid - literally! Now I like rat movies as much as the next guy, but this one was CREEEEEPY! I suppose it was Ernest Borgnine's performance as Mr. Martin, Willard's boss, that made the whole movie so disturbing. It's so creepy because it's true! I once had a boss who reminded me of Ernest Borgnine, but fortunately I never tried to bring my pet rat to work with me!

Anyway, here's my advice - if you like rat movies, or movies with Ernest Borgnine, then see "Willard" tonight. If you DON'T like Ernest Borgnine and you DON'T like rat movies, then maybe "Willard" is not for you. I don't want to give any more of the plot away, but IF you do decide to watch "Willard", make sure you don't see it alone!

Jingle All the Way (1996)

Ho Ho Ho!

[17 May 2001]

I love this movie! It's so funny because it's true! I took my kids to see it way back in '96, and they were just like the kids in the movie. It's good to see Schwarzenegger finally film a movie in Minnesota. Our family used to live in St. Peter, MN, and we were really proud when we saw the St. Paul Hollidazzle shown in the movie. This is the best thing Sinbad has been in since "Houseguest".

18 Again! (1988)

18...or 81?

[16 May 2001]

This is the best movie of all the switched personality movies. It's so funny because its true! The funniest part was when that old guy did the dance at the party and all the girls wanted to go out with him. I hope I can do that when I'm 81! This is the best thing Charlie Schlater has done since "Fish Police". I think everyone should go out and see "18 Again!", again!

Heroes (1977)

The end was the saddest part

[16 May 2001]

I was a teenager when this movie first came out 1977 and I just HAD to see the Fonz in anything I could. At the time I thought he was just a fox, and then I found he really can act! I actually was fortunate enough to meet him once years later, and I told him that "Heroes" was the best movie I had ever seen him in since "The Lords of Flatbush". I cry every time I watch this movie, but the saddest part is the last scene. Its so sad because its true! I think everyone should go out and rent "Heroes."

Up the Academy (1980)

what a movie!

[15 May 2001]

I think this movie is really funny. Especially the part where all the cadets sit around in the dorm making fun of Major Vaughn. It's so funny because its true! I know - I went to a military school just like the Sheldon R. Wienberg Military Academy. This is the best work that Ralph Machio has done since Eight is Enough. Everyone should rent "Up the Academy" today!

Beer (1985)

A fine film

[24 April 2001]

I think this movie is really funny. Especially the part where all the guys get drunk at the bar. Its so funny because its true! This is the best work that Loretta Swit has done since A*F*T*E*R*M*A*S*H. Everyone should get a case of Norbeckers, and sit down and enjoy some "Beer"!