La Gremlin Reviews

Freddie as F.R.O.7. (1992)

Completely, clearly insane.

[2/10 · 10 November 2003]

Wow, my first new review in months. What a great one to start out on! Am I glad to see that IMDB has an entry for this completely demented movie. I was starting to doubt my own sanity.

On to the review. This is one of those movies that is way to incomprehensibly bizarre to hate. If you like insane films, and you find it in the video store, rent it and watch it. Like it's obvious soul-brother, "Sayu-Ki", it might just change your life. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

The Rules of Attraction (2002)

Men = Germs

[7/10 · 30 May 2003]

Here's a rollicking good movie about how women are inherently good and men are inherently horrible, vile little creatures. It's great fun to see James VanDerBeek cast against type, but the one thing I want to comment on is this: Try to tell me that the guys playing Dick and Victor didn't receive their scripts with notes attached saying, "Steal this movie!"

Adaptation. (2002)

"It's about *flowers*!"

[8/10 · 30 May 2003]

This is the funniest darn movie about the creative process in recent memory. The ending is a bit of a cop-out (only because I was expecting something *really* insane), but the overall impact of the film makes up for it. Donald lives!

Catch Me If You Can (2002)

Great fun.

[6/10 · 30 May 2003]

"Catch Me if you Can" is lots of fun for about the first hour and a half, and then it kind of runs out of energy. And this wouldn't be worth complaining about if there wasn't a whole hour left to go. This is still a very good movie, and it is worth watching. It is also the first movie in a very, very long time where there's nothing as memorable or imaginative in the movie itself as there is in the opening title sequence.

Spirited Away (2001)

Triumphant

[9/10 · 30 May 2003]

Let's face facts: Anime is better than live action. Animation is better in the same respect that dreams hold more *truth* than reality. Understand this and (I know it's starting to sound like a broken record, but it's true) you are going to love "Spirited Away".

Rabbit holes are everywhere, according to Miyazaki, and they are just waiting for you to fall inside. You have every reason in the world to do so. You can spare two hours to nurture the child within, can't you?

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Blah blah Wizards, blah blah Magic, blah blah Monsters...

[6/10 · 28 April 2003]

The "Harry Potter" books are still much more fun than the movies, but I liked "Chamber" better than the first one. Of course, this could just be because I don't remember that much from this particular book in the series. It should be noted that while there is a moving (if very brief) final performance from Richard Harris, this film -even more so than the first- is an even bigger waste of John Cleese.

Interestingly, the various "tours" on the special features disk on the DVD set are far closer to the spirit of the books than anything in the movies. Check out the visit to Diagon Alley, make sure you explore everything, and see what I mean.

One Hour Photo (2002)

Effectively creepy

[7/10 · 28 April 2003]

Robin Williams gives a memorable performance here, but I think the real star of the movie is director Mark Romanek. Well known for his visually inventive -and at times very disturbing- music videos, this is a very impressive feature debut. Although the ending is a bit of a disappointment, the overall impact of the film more than makes up for it. Consider Romanek a director to watch.

The Ring (2002)

I want me mum...

[5/10 · 30 March 2003]

Well, it scared the hell out of me. Can't really say that I enjoyed it, but it scared the hell out of me.

And I feel the need to mention (go ahead and call me a little sissy) that I was watching this at noon, it was sunny and windy out, with the blinds open, a window open, and all the lights on. And the more logical parts of my brain are now working overtime trying to convince me that I'll be fine after discovering that nifty little DVD Easter Egg that allows you to *watch the video from the movie* but won't let you stop it or shut it off. Fun!

(Whimpers...)

Metropolis (2001)

Flawed but fascinating

[5/10 · 30 March 2003]

There is some wonderful animation and inventive robot designs in this animated rethinking of the classic science fiction film. That's what makes it worthwhile. See, it's also overwrought and confusing. There are too many disparate film techniques here that don't quite fit together.

Let me put it this way: this is a movie that ends a surprisingly touching scene where the heroine wonders about her nature and purpose with a cheesy iris-out set to cheery jazz music. What?

Donnie Darko (2001)

"Why do you wear that stupid *Man* costume?"

[7/10 · 30 March 2003]

Scary, funny, and ultimately unforgettable tale of a fairly normal kid who sinks deeper and deeper into paranoid delusions. This has become a recent cult favorite and deservedly so.

The only problem is that it might just ruin "Harvey" for you...

The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys (2002)

Skeleton Boy LIVES!!!

[8/10 · 30 March 2003]

Here's the best recent movie about what it is *really* like to be a teenager since "the Virgin Suicides". And interestingly, in the cases of both movies, the titles give you exactly the wrong idea. This is really an energetic comedy about a bunch of best friends trying to write the next big fantasy epic while surviving school. I love the way the movie brings us into the characters' heads. If you can keep a straight face during the first few animated scenes, I don't know what to say to you.

Set It Off (1996)

It has its flaws, but when it works, wow.

[5/10 · 30 March 2003]

Here's a movie that bombed because nobody had any idea how to advertise it. It turns out that "Set it Off" is the devastatingly sad story behind a string of unusual bank robberies. I highly recommend it as you really grow to care about the characters, which makes the final act all the more harrowing. My only problem is that the romantic subplot seems out of place. Other then that, make sure you have a box of tissues ready.

Into the West (1992)

Very, very unusual

[7/10 · 30 March 2003]

So here's a movie about two poor kids who befriend a snow-white horse. The kids love fairy tales and cowboy movies, and they escape from the projects on the back of the horse, who takes them on sort of a tour of Ireland.

And the horse is named after Fairyland.

And the horse might just be the reincarnation of the boys' mother.

There is a reason why "Into the West" isn't nearly as hellish as it sounds here, and it's Gabriel Byrne. He plays the boys' father, a former "gypsy" (more correctly, a Traveler) who gave up the road after his wife died. He has sunken ever deeper into depression the more his youngest son grows to remind him of her, and this is the real focus of the film and it's emotional core. "West" is truly beautiful and has some great pathos.

Reign of Fire (2002)

Less roar, more bore.

[2/10 · 8 March 2003]

I'm going to keep this brief. It works out because one of my complaints about this movie is that it's really short. It is REALLY short; it doesn't really have a real ending as much as it looks like everybody just ran out of ideas.

I have a request for anyone who is planning on making a monster movie from now on. Look, guys, when we go to see a monster movie, we want to see the *monsters*! We don't give a pair of fetid dingo's kidneys about the humans. The humans in these movies are there to build things for the monsters to trash, and also to be monster food.

I'm giving "Reign" a two because, I'll admit, these are some *COOL* looking dragons. I just wish they were given more then twenty minutes of screen-time (by my estimate, it feels like less) in what's supposed to be their own movie.

About a Boy (2002)

Funny, ironic, and ultimately touching.

[7/10 · 23 February 2003]

Here we've got a movie by the creative team behind "High Fidelity". I'm glad to see they haven't lost their touch. Once again, we get great characterization and instantly quotable dialogue. Be prepared to wince in empathy with the long-suffering title character.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

"I'm a snow-beast!"

[6/10 · 23 February 2003]

Well, the hype machine has dragged this poor movie deep into the ground. With that said, it is very funny and charming. You'll especially like it if you have a massive family and have a very hard time naming ten friends who aren't somehow related to you. I think the aunt and the cousins are my favorite characters.

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002)

Horsies are pretty.

[4/10 · 23 February 2003]

Here's the good news first. "Spirit" is the most visually incredible animated film in current home theater release. The artwork and effects are revolutionary, and I recommend that you give this movie a look by virtue of the visuals alone.

And now for the bad news. I really mean it when I say that the animation is the only thing this movie has going for it. You may remember that "Spirit" got badly trounced by "Lilo and Stitch" last summer. The first person who argues that it was because Disney is more well-established and had better advertising can write me a four page long essay entitled "Why 'Lilo and Stitch''s Script Didn't Stink".

For all the incredible new animation technology on display in "Spirit", the story is almost *astonishingly* dull. There is a lesson here, and (needless to say) it doesn't just apply to animated movies. You can have the most mind-blowing visual effects ever to grace the eyes of a mortal, but if your story is boring and, more importantly, we don't care about your characters, it's bad film-making. Simple as that. The animation is still mind-blowing; I just can't wait to see what somebody with more imagination does with it.

Signs (2002)

Good the second time around

[5/10 · 31 January 2003]

The thing you need to know about "Signs" is that this is probably the first alien invasion movie in a long time that isn't any fun at all. Also, you need to watch it twice.

See, the first time you watch it, you end up disappointed. It takes a good ninety minutes or so to get scary. And it's a more sublime kind of scary than the "Anything can happen, oh, %&$@!" kind of scary you might be expecting.

So watch it again, later on, now that you understand the tone of the movie. See, it's less "Oh, no, the aliens are coming!!!" than "Independence Day" as a clumsy (but effective) 9/11 allegory.

Mr. Deeds (2002)

Watchable, but not much fun. I give it a four.

[4/10 · 31 January 2003]

I haven't yet seen the movie "Mr. Deeds Goes to Town", which this is allegedly a remake of. But, a little less than halfway through, it was starting to remind me of an older movie.

"Hey," I said. "This is basically 'Billy Madison' with a bigger budget."

That said, "Deeds" is a lot less funny than "Billy". See, they tried way too hard in bringing in some kind of romantic subplot. It's still reasonably entertaining. I liked the bit about Steven King.

Minority Report (2002)

Really good. Could be the underrated movie of the year!

[7/10 · 31 January 2003]

Hard science fiction, usually defined by taking a scenario from reality and bringing it to a logical conclusion, doesn't really translate well to film. When even a reasonably good hard sci-fi movie comes along, it's darn near a miracle.

I say all that because "Minority Report" does have a few flaws. But it's still really good. I vote it the scariest serious science fiction since "GATTACA" (if they aren't working on animated cereal boxes in real life, I'm missing a bet). Check it out!

The Big Lebowski (1998)

"All the Dude ever wanted was his rug back!"

[5/10 · 31 January 2003]

Here we have a typically Coen Brothers story of an easygoing hippy who finds himself in several layers of deep trouble with porn directors, scary bowlers, performance artists, scary German electronic musicians, a cranky old millionaire, and the mysterious Bunny Lebowski. Rude, crude, and very, very funny (especially the bowling-themed hallucinations), this movie is a must-see.

The City of Lost Children (1995)

Absolutely mind-blowing. Don't miss it!

[8/10 · 31 January 2003]

The best fantasy films (and this movie certainly makes the short, short list) challenge us. Here we have an almost aggressively bizarre film from the creators of the considerably more accessible "Amelie" (not that I didn't like that film, but it's much more easily lovable).

It's rated R, apparently for some very brief nudity and the few salty words that pop up in the subtitles. There are a couple of scenes that are really more upsetting than outright violent; for example, one main character is enslaved and made to fight another. But I think the real reason is that this is a great fairy tale for adults.

By turns disturbing and surprisingly moving, if the rumored film adaptations of Philip Pullman's lyrical and haunting _His Dark Materials_ trilogy REALLY have to exist, they should look like this.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Sam lives too!

[8/10 · 5 January 2003]

I won't get too crazy here. We're at part two in a really, really long story, so this is basically all building up to what happens in "Return of the King". That said, it's not as interesting as "Fellowship of the Ring". It's still very good. You can't say anything bad about something that involves talking trees.

The Mask (1994)

Still Smokin'

[7/10 · 5 January 2003]

Sad news first: "the Mask" is destined to go down as the OTHER live-action/animated tribute to classic cartoons. "Roger Rabbit" looms too large. While "Rabbit" has better special effects and is, admittedly, a more fun ride, "Mask" is much darker and funnier. Somewhere, Tex Avery is nodding apreciatively.

Ice Age (2002)

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..."

[8/10 · 8 December 2002]

I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. The animation (while not as polished as that of PIXAR; it resembles a really advanced PS2 offering) is loose and energetic.

But the best thing about "Ice Age" is the humor. I swear, this is the best movie for people who are going into "Far Side" withdrawal pangs. That said, this might not be the best choice for really little kids.

As for the rest of us, enjoy the movie "Dinosaur" had mad delusions of being. And watch out for a great "Goonies" reference.