joelvis Reviews

Konga (1961)

It thrives on meat.

[7 February 2001]

Hokey story, ridiculous special effects, and absolutely wild performance by Michael Gough make this one a must-see for horror/sci-fi/"bad" movie fans. "Dr. Decker" returns from an African plane crash with a monkey, a treasure trove of dangerous scientific knowledge, and a chip on his shoulder. Very, very campy.

Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

A must-see for classic horror fans.

[9/10 · 31 December 2000]

This is truly a film that all fans of classic horror films, and horror movies in general, must see. Since most of the plot details have already been summarized here, I'll just give what I think are the high and low points of "Bride":

High: Dr. Pretorius. What an amazing character..."Do you like gin? It is my only weakness."

Low: That opening scene w/ Lord Byron and the Shelleys. I just don't think it was necessary. Plus, how many people do you know that sit around and introduce themselves when they're the only persons in the room?

From Russia with Love (1963)

In the top 5 or so of the Bond films.

[29 December 2000]

I won't go over too much of the plot of the movie; I'd just say that "From Russia With Love" is, in my opinion, one of the top 5 or so Bond films, along with "Her Majesty's Secr. Svc.," "Goldfinger," "Spy who Loved Me," and "Dr. No." Everything about it is good: locations, plot, supporting characters. I especially enjoyed Robert Shaw as Red Grant, probably the most sinister of all Bond's adversaries. Also, I wonder what happened between this movie and "Goldfinger" that made Q and Bond develop their love-hate relationship. They get along fine here and by the next movie, Q has turned a bit ornery. Oh well. Enjoyable for all Bond fans, and of fans of Cold War/spy thrillers, as this is probably the purest "spy movie" of the Bond series.

Halloween (1978)

Scary slasher fare.

[10/10 · 24 November 2000]

I won't go over the plot details...I just want to say that this is probably the scariest movie I've ever seen. I'm more of a fan of the "Universal Monsters" horror films, and I don't really care for the "slasher" genre. But there's something about "Halloween" that really frightens me. In addition to the fact that the killer moves about in broad daylight, there used to be a house on my block that looked just like the Myers house.

Truly a pioneer in its genre...good without being corny or too cliche. Recommended.

Invasion of the Saucer Men (1957)

Don't take it too seriously!

[15 November 2000]

This silly little movie will probably only please fans of the 50s sci fi genre like myself. Anybody who is a sucker for corny aliens, so-so acting, and black and white atmosphere will want to check this out. There are worse ways to spend an hour and nine minutes.

I won't go into any of the details of the plot, but I must say that the producers should have shown the saucer men attacking a whole herd of cattle. That was by far the most entertaining sequence of the movie (a close second was the teens' realization of what the saucer men are injecting into everybody's fannies).

Orgy of the Dead (1965)

Good lord it's awful.

[13 November 2000]

This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen: horrible acting, cheap sets, and mass confusion abound. I could not believe the absolutely ludicrous Wolf Man and Mummy characters that were tacked on to the "plot." Perhaps the movie's only saving grace is Criswell, who looks a bit bewildered, but campy as always as some sort of "lord of the dead" whose chief concern is his pleasure. If you want to see snippets of Criswell, his Vampira/Elvira-esque assistant, a couple of cheap monsters, and hordes of "dead" go-go dancers, this is the movie for you. Of interest only to the most-hardcore Ed Wood fans. This "torture" did not "pleasure me."

Son of Dracula (1943)

Classic Universal chills.

[2 November 2000]

I taped this along w/ 40 or so others during Monsterfest. Okay: Chaney is no Lugosi or Christopher Lee, but this was still really enjoyable. Decent story, great atmosphere (shadows, fog), and good acting recommend this 80-minute chiller. Monsterfest rules.

Dracula Has Risen from the Grave (1968)

An improvement over "Dracula, Prince of Darkness."

[17 October 2000]

This is definitely better than "Dracula, Prince of Darkness," the film that was released before this one. Christopher Lee was excellent as the Count, as usual, though his little hissy fit over the crucifix near the end of the picture was a bit comical. My other favorite characters were the forlorn priest who is bullied by Dracula and Paul, the atheist upstart. Definitely recommended for horror fans in the mood for eerie, atmospheric chills in a late-60s Gothic setting.

Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire (2000 TV Movie)

Entertaining, yet typical, Disney fare

[16 October 2000]

This was the kind of movie that you can figure out within the first 15 minutes or so, but it's a Disney movie and I don't think they're trying to reach the art house audience here. It's entertaining, though some of the acting seems a bit forced. If you're starved for any kind of horror/Halloween-related programming, like I am, this will do fine. I think the shot of the vampire's hand reaching out from his coffin to check the email was kinda funny. There are definitely worse ways to spend your Halloween viewing time.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1999 TV Movie)

Pretty close to Washington Irving.

[16 October 2000]

I thought this was the best of the "Sleepy Hollow" films that I've seen (incl. the Johnny Depp and Jeff Goldblum versions) at staying true to the original story (however, I really liked Tim Burton's version as well). Though I agree that the legend doesn't especially make for a tight 2-hour feature, this film, which I discovered accidentally on an obscure channel, was very entertaining. Brent Carver was awesome as Ichabod Crane, but the guy who played Brom Bones was a bit too "cutesie." A good choice for adults and children alike.

Dr. No (1962)

A great start to a great series.

[16 October 2000]

I think the Bond films have prospered for nearly 40 years in part because the first three movies in the series were so strong. "Dr. No" is very, very entertaining, balancing its action in a way that some of the later, more over-the-top Bond movies did not. Connery, of course, is awesome (check out his face when he throws down that 9 at the chemin de fer table), and I sure wish Jack Lord would have done more flicks as Felix. For some reason, I think Ursula Andress is terrible, but I guess that's par for the course as far as Bond girls go. Joseph Wiseman was also good, and his lair effectively creepy. My only regret is that there is no such place as Puss-Feller's club, because it sure looks like a rockin joint!

Horror of Dracula (1958)

A must-see for any horror enthusiast.

[16 October 2000]

If I had to choose a favorite among all the adaptations of "Dracula," this would be the one. Though it doesn't follow Stoker's novel completely, I still think it's a classic in its own right. I prefer this version over "Bram Stoker's Dracula," hands down. There is something about the eerie quality of it, from Dracula's castle to his creepy ways of terrorizing the Holmwoods, that makes it awesome. What else can you say about Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing? Both were perfectly cast. I did miss Jonathan Harker after his early exit, though. Also, I think the final scene is one of the greatest in the annals of horror film. Not perfect, but not very far from it. "Horror of Dracula" should be seen by every horror movie enthusiast.

The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

A movie series w/19 entries has to have some weak ones.

[23 June 2000]

Shame, shame. This could have been a pretty good movie if they would have left out J.W. Pepper and Miss Goodnight (and perhaps that shot of Tattoo in his sumo-like briefs). Christopher Lee is awesome as "Scaramanga," and Maud Adams is good too. Moore, as usual, is very smooth in this one. I was most impressed with M's headquarters in the half-sunken liner. On the whole, this is not in the upper echelon of Bond movies, but, like I said, when you make that many, some are going to be turkeys. I just couldn't figure out why that Hong Kong agent and his 2 "nieces" stranded Bond after they escaped from the judo/ninja school...

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

Not that bad...

[13 June 2000]

OHMSS is not as bad as some people think it is. Granted, Telly Savalas is quite awful, but I think George Lazenby did a better job than most people give him credit for. Though his one-liners seemed a bit forced, I was able to accept him as James Bond. I think it was good that Connery didn't do this one, because he seemed to be aging as quickly as Roger Moore did later on; consider his worn-out appearance in "Diamonds Are Forever" just 2 years later. Also, the Piz Gloria location was about as spectacular as you can get for a Bond location (except perhaps for "For Your Eyes Only." In short, OHMSS overcomes Savalas and a rather typical plot to rank as one of the better Bond films (I think only "Goldfinger," "Spy Who Loved Me," and "FYEO" are better. I wish Lazenby had hung around for "Diamonds Are Forever!"