andybob-3 Reviews

Gamera the Brave (2005)

Worthy semi-reboot to the Gamera franchise

[8/10 · 30 January 2015]

Decades after watching Gamera sacrifice himself to destroy monsters threatening the world, a recently widowed man's son finds a strange glowing stone with an egg nestled in it, and when a baby turtles hatches he decides to secretly keep it as a pet. But the boy soon discovers that his cute but seemingly normal little turtle is anything but that as it learns to fly, breath fire and grows at an astonishing rate. Suspecting his pet is in fact a descendant of the legendary Gamera he begins to worry if it will ultimately meet the same fate, and when a vicious giant monster begins to attack Japan he is unable to stop his friend from rising to meet the challenge, however unprepared.

Very well written and endearing semi-reboot to the Gamera franchise is far from perfect, having plenty of plot holes and gets a little too silly towards the end, but for me being someone who grew up watching the original films in all their cheesy splendor it hits all the right cords.

I'd give it a 7.5 out of 10 though IMDb doesn't allow 1/2 votes so I gave it an 8, not for everyone but veterans of the originals will almost certainly appreciate it.

Zombie (1979)

Director Lucio Fulci's gore tour de force (5 - 10)

[5/10 · 19 February 2007]

When a seemingly abandoned sailboat drifts in to New York harbor a couple of police officers go to investigate, and are promptly attacked by a living corpse hiding in its hull. The boat is traced back to the father of Ann Bowles (Tisa Farrow), and along with a reporter played by McCulloch they set sail with another couple to the island for which her father was last seen, only to find out the island is plagued with the nasty problem of the dead not staying dead.

Not the worst of its type but not that best either, this "Dawn of the Dead" knock-off basically only has its relentless gore to distinguish itself. However the gore effects are exceptional and there is one incredibly nasty scene involving a splinter to the eye, but everything else is pretty routine and doesn't offer any real scares or surprises.

5 out of 10, this might rank a 6 or higher amongst Fulci fans or people just looking for something extremely gory.

The Head Hunter (1988)

Made somewhat watchable by its sense of humor (5 out of 10)

[5/10 · 19 February 2007]

Plots revolves around an evil voodoo spirit terrorizing a neighborhood in Miami which is mostly populated by Nigerian refugees, chopping off and stealing their heads. Police detectives Crawford and Lenz are given the unenviable task of investigating the murders, and soon find out for themselves that they are in WAY over their own heads.

Sometimes creepy, sometimes boring, but its sense of humor perks things up throughout and helps hold your interest. Unfortunately when you do finally get to see the killer is a big let down, and it most resembles what you'd expect a living-dead pro-wrestler with a machete to look like, except made out of foam-rubber. Crawford and Lenz do an excellent job in their roles and help hold things together despite this films serious weaknesses, with Crawford delivering some pretty good one-liners.

5 out of 10, not for everyone but a passable time killer.

Don't Look in the Attic (1982)

Another snooze-fest with an ironic "DON'T" in the title (3 - 10)

[3/10 · 19 February 2007]

A group of heirs to a mysterious old mansion find out that they have to live in it as part of a clause in the will or be disinherited, but they soon find out of its history of everybody whom had lived there before them having either died in weird accidents or having had killed each other.

You've seen it all before, and this one is too low-budget and slow paced to be scary, and doesn't have any real surprises in the climax. No special effects or gore to speak of, in fact the only really amusing thing about the whole film is the quality of the English dubbing, which at times is as bad as a cheap martial arts movie.

3 out of 10, pretty low in the pecking order of 80's haunted house movies.

Don't Go in the Woods (1981)

DON'T waste your time! (3 - 10)

[3/10 · 19 February 2007]

A homicidal maniac, who never is explained, dresses like a caveman and sounds like a bad impression of a pirate, slices up hikers and campers he stalks in the forest. After barely escaping with his girlfriend one of the victims returns to the woods to find his missing friend and to get some payback on the nutcase who attacked them.

Yet another low-budget attempt to rip-off "Friday the 13th" with extremely annoying shock sounds, jerky camera work, terrible acting, sloppy editing, and characters uttering brilliant phrases like "Come out you jerk you!". Lots of carnage all around but the gore effects aren't up to the task, and the blood is so bright-red it looks like it could have been Hawaiian Punch.

3 out of 10, forget it.

Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981 TV Movie)

Exceptionally creepy! Should have been on the big screen! (8 - 10)

[8/10 · 19 February 2007]

A mentally retarded man named Bubba (played to absolute perfection by Drake) becomes the best friend of a young girl in a small country town, but a local group of rednecks headed by Durning (another excellent performance) decide they don't like it and take it upon themselves to try to break it up. When Bubba is mistakenly accused of murdering her, Durning and crew get together then hunt down and kill him in cold blood as he tries to hide by pretending to be a scarecrow, only to then find out that not only did he not kill her, but she's alive and he saved her life. Before they can be taken to trial they manage to sleaze their way in to getting the charges dropped by a biased judge, despite the fact that they shot him 21 times. But soon find that "there is other justice besides the law" as quoted by Bubba's mother, and begin to meet their fates one at a time.

Its been my experience that whenever I see that "made for TV" note next to the title of a movie it is like the kiss of death, but this forgotten about gem is a big exception, in fact I wonder why it wasn't released theatrically? Visually VERY effective, with little blood but lots of grisly suggested violence, its a perfect late-night movie. Cast, script, and direction are all exceptional and it has one of the creepiest final moments I've seen.

8 out of 10, a personal favorite!

The Incredible Melting Man (1977)

AKA "Attack of the Killer Candle" - Mediocre time waster at best (4 - 10)

[4/10 · 19 February 2007]

Rebar is an astronaut who goes on the world's first space mission to Saturn, but of course this being a horror movie things turn ugly and he returns to earth as the only survivor. Stricken with some bizarre condition that causes him to slowly melt and lose his mind unless he regularly consumes human flesh, he kills what apparently is the only nurse in the hospital and escapes to the neighboring town to stalk more victims.

I liked the premise and the monster and gore effects are actually pretty good, but the space scenes are just pasted together out of stock NASA footage and the hospital looks curiously like a warehouse. A very weak script, little character development and overall poor acting keep this one from rising above being anything other than a mediocre slasher flick with the novelty of having a living candle as the killer, and more or less only has its gore effects to hold your interest.

4 out of 10, strictly for the most die-hard monster movie fans.

The Silent Scream (1979)

Otherwise stylish film undone by flat script and tedious pace (4 - 10)

[4/10 · 19 February 2007]

Four college students rent rooms at an old, creepy looking sea side house, run by an elderly woman and her rather reclusive son. Unbeknownst to them a mysterious stalker hiding somewhere in the house quietly watches and preys upon them one by one in typical slasher fashion.

This movie would have been plenty creepy if there was some payoff every so often, but unfortunately it just keeps building up and building up to a climax that is neither particularly scary or surprising. It does have a few good moments here and there, such as a close-up of the unseen killer peering through a vent, or secretly breaking into the cobweb ridden crawlspace, but these moments are ultimately swallowed up by the relentlessly tedious pace. The cast does it's best with the material but there's simply nothing for them to work with. Balding, who shows plenty of charisma in her next film "The Boogens", is completely wasted in a thankless role that gives her little more to do other than stand around looking cute in spite of ridiculous looking clothes.

4 out of 10, despite otherwise creepy direction this film is just too long, tedious and uneventful to hold you interest.

The Severed Arm (1973)

Doesn't quite cut it (3 - 10)

[3/10 · 19 February 2007]

A group of men exploring an old mine get trapped in a cave in, and after weeks of starvation decide to draw straws, and have the unlucky loser serve up an arm for lunch. After much scuffle the unlucky winner is soon liberated of the offending appendage, and Murphy's law being what it is they are rescued mere seconds afterwards. Fearing for their reputations everyone except obviously the victim agrees to lie and say that they had to cut his arm off because it was crushed in the collapse, but being quite perturbed because he can no longer clap and can only row boats in circles he vows revenge. Things start off a few years later when the man whom first suggested the idea receives a severed arm gift wrapped in the mail, and with few exceptions that's where this movie's creativity ends.

Not particularly bad but overall pretty slow and boring, although there is a little bit of a haunting surprise at the end it's not enough to make it worth while. Be weary of the severely edited 83 minute version missing all the gore, its like the editors took a hacksaw to the film stock and made an already extremely weak movie worse.

3 out of 10, strictly blood and guts, although it doesn't do that all that well either.

Creation of the Damned (1974)

Surprisingly good post-nuke drama (6 - 10)

[6/10 · 19 February 2007]

A husband and wife along with their son and another couple find themselves stuck in a rather sophisticated underground bomb shelter after a nuclear war, with there only contact with the outside world being a somewhat temperamental short-wave radio. But an affair between the son and the wife of their friend, along with boredom, drug abuse and diminishing supplies cause tempers to flare and things slowly descend in to desperation.

Although very low budget and almost entirely taking place in the shelter, this film struck me as oddly affective and kept me involved all the way through. 6 out of 10, relatively well written with the characters being for the most part interesting and well acted.

The Lift (1983)

Pretty good... for a movie about a killer elevator! (6 out of 10)

[6/10 · 19 February 2007]

Elevator serviceman Stapel takes it upon himself to investigate when the elevators at a stylish high-rise building begin to have lethal malfunctions for no apparent reason, but inexplicably finds his efforts resisted by both his boss and the manufacturer of the elevators.

Silly to say the least, but surprisingly creepy and atmospheric despite its rather ridiculous premise, showing the occasional glimmer of imagination and humor, not to mention some nasty gore effects. The acting is adequate and although his voice is dubbed, real life racecar driver Stapel seems pretty laid-back and convincing in his role. However one character who gives a lecture on experimental microchips that is unintentionally hilarious, see if you can count how many times he says the word "chips"? 6 out of 10, fun if you park your brain in neutral and don't take it too seriously.

Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981)

Fast paced, unintentionally hilarious gore-fest! (4 - 10)

[5/10 · 19 February 2007]

While doing research in some ancient tombs surrounding his isolated mansion, a professor stumbles upon some kind of shocking secret (never explained) the causes the dead to rise and kill the living. Despite his last plea of "Don't! I'm your friend!" he's immediately eaten and doesn't have time to warn the friends and relatives he invited to stay there for the weekend, and soon they too line up to be zombie chow.

This is yet another entry in the endless parade of 80's Italian zombie schlock, although this one stands out slightly for its fast pace and unintentional silliness. The zombies are a little more interesting too because unlike most in films of this genre they use tools and weapons, even getting together at one point to use a battering ram on a door. Bark, who I've read was 25 at the time, is absolutely hilarious trying to play a toupee-wearing "child" who has a rather twisted relationship with his mother. She learns to regret that big time in the end, which is another scene this film is infamous for, but I won't give it away here.

4 out of 10, might rank of 5 among some viewers for its relentless gore and tons of laughs, but for most large quantities of alcohol will be required beforehand.

The Boogens (1981)

A guilty pleasure! (7 - 10)

[7/10 · 19 February 2007]

A group of four mine surveyors are hired to explore a long abandoned silver mine to see if whether or not it is worth reopening. Two of the men, along with a girlfriend and her best friend, rent a secluded cabin not too far from the mine, but soon find out the hard way that they've released strange, tentacled creatures which once again stalk people in the tunnels, as well as their cabin's basement.

Like other cult films such as "The Boogeyman" I had a real hard time writing this review, because for some reason I had a lot of trouble putting my finger on exactly why I liked this movie, despite the fact it gives plenty of reasons not to. There are plot holes galore, with one blatant example being why would the miners have dug tunnels from the mine to the town's houses? The script is the standard B-movie issue, "let's all line up for a slaughter in the climax" type of formula, although there is a good laugh here and there, and sort of a good rapport between Balding and McCarren. The cast does a fairly good job with the material they're given, with Balding stealing the show with her perky, big-eyed charismatic charm, and "Creepshow" icon Jon ("I want my cake!") Lormer standing out whenever given the screen.

Director Conway does give this movie a creepy edge, showing ominous point-of-view shots from the creatures quietly stalking their victims, and he wisely leaves what they look like up to the imagination of the audience up until the climax. Unfortunately in the end the monster special effects aren't up to the task, and when you do finally get a good look at them you just have to laugh. They're very imaginative but look too phony and turtle-like to be taken seriously, one wonders how this film might have gotten more overall notice if they worked a little harder on them? Given the same cast, director, better monster FX and a more thoughtful script this could have been a monster movie classic.

7 out of 10, you need to be a forgiving sort to enjoy this film despite of its many flaws, but for some it will still manage to strike the right chords.

The Alien Dead (1980)

Unfortunately this movie is not rare enough

[1/10 · 19 February 2007]

Here's another 80's gem from the king of cheese director Fred Olen Ray, in which one suspects the most costly item in its production was having the artwork made for its rental box. A meteor strikes a house boat deep in the swamp killing everyone aboard, but soon thereafter they come back to "life" as poorly made-up living corpses to munch on the living, whom for the most part just stand there and let them do it.

The script, editing, acting and makeup effects are breath taking in how awful they are, yet its way too long and tedious to be unintentionally funny, life is too short to waste it watching a film like this. Only note worthy thing is that former "Flash Gordon" Buster Crabbe almost ended his career like a dying scream doing this one, fortunately it can at least be said that this wasn't his last film.

1 out of 10, even fans of movies like "Plan 9 from Outer Space" will be appalled by this one, avoid it at all costs.

Spaced Out (1979)

Twisted enough to be fun (5 out of 10)

[5/10 · 26 February 2004]

Three gorgeous female aliens accidentally crash land their spaceship on earth, then try to hide their presence by kidnapping 3 men and a woman whom witnessed the crash, planning to hold them until they can make repairs and leave. But of course this being a comedy/borderline soft core porn the aliens come from a world where there are no men and find themselves totally fascinated by the strange anatomy of their male guests, whom are none too reluctant to demonstrate to them what its all about.

Yes it's cheap, juvenile and crude, but it has sort of an oddball charm and good nature making it enjoyable, well at least to undemanding numbskulls like myself. There was a lot of lost potential for big laughs but its not without its share of moments, in particular a scene where the aliens are arguing over exactly what the humans in the photos of a porn magazine are doing, and one character's HUGE mistake when choosing a place to sit.

The cast is likable, in particular Tony Maiden who's funny as the nerd suddenly turned space stud, and Bob Saget whom does the voice of a drugged out jukebox/advice machine, who's only words of advice are more drugs. The female cast is quite attractive and manage to play out their roles with straight faces, with cute but aggressive Kate Ferguson looking like her character should be a member of a British punk rock band. And yes you do eventually get see them all naked, but by today's standards this movie is actually pretty tame.

5 out of 10, it could have been a lot better but its good for some laughs if you're in the right mood.

Zombie Toxin (1996 Video)

Complete trash by anyone's standard (1 out of 10)

[1/10 · 1 October 2003]

A dead horse infects two men with a disease that turns them in to overacting, poorly made up zombies. As they carry on defecating and vomiting on each other they contaminate a field of yeast (?), giving two Nazi-wannabes the idea of buying the infected field, selling the yeast in home wine-brewing kits and destroying the rest of humanity by spreading the infection. A man buys a kit and makes the wine and, in yet another act of creative genius by the writer, the bottles get up on their own and start attacking people. I'm usually pretty forgiving when it comes to movies that are clearly made by amateurs that are working with extremely low budgets, but this is probably the most juvenile, unimaginative, and pointless piece of garbage that I've ever seen make it on to commercially produced video tapes. And if the terrible acting, zero budget and non-existent plot didn't make this bad enough, writer/director Thomas Moose seems to have a sick obsession with defecation and vomiting, which leads to some of the most excessive and needlessly disgusting scenes I've ever watched. 1 out of 10, if director Moose has any talent he's done a pretty thorough job of making sure it didn't show itself here, all he does is provide proof that some people should stay away from camcorders as well as sharp objects.

A Fire in the Sky (1978 TV Movie)

Superb 70's disaster movie (7 out of 10)

[7/10 · 8 July 2003]

A long forgotten about classic disaster movie, this one was certainly far superior to bigger budget, moronic trash like "Armageddon". Scientists discover a large comet is heading towards a possible collision with earth, while many believe it will ultimately miss or burn up hitting the atmosphere, two astronomers are convinced its going to hit just outside Phoenix Arizona, and with the help of a news station owner try to warn a skeptical public. If you watch this movie expecting spectacular effects like "Deep Impact" you'll be disappointed, although the special effects it does have are very good for its time, they are not really this movie's highlight. But what this movie does do exceptionally well is explore the kind reaction one would expect from the public and officials to the prospect of such a bizarre, massive and seemingly unlikely disaster, which is total disbelief and denial. Then panic and chaos sets in as they realize that not only is the destruction of Phoenix inevitable, but they may have waited too long to evacuate everyone. The final 30 minutes or so are particularly effective, even grim at times as evacuation crews and the military run out of time and are themselves ordered to leave, with one peering down from a helicopter at thousands trapped on a jammed highway saying "These people are on their own". Performances range from effective to rather weak, the late Richard Crenna is pretty good as astronomer Voight whom desperately pounds-podiums left and right trying to get people to listen to him, and delivers some of the more memorable one liners, such as "You can't miss us, there's a big white arrow pointing right down at us!" 7 out of 10, perhaps a bit too long and not for everyone, but a personal favorite and worth a look if you can find it.

Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love (1994 TV Movie)

Absolutely, positively awful, even by TV sequel standards (1 - 10)

[2/10 · 25 June 2003]

I won't waste a lot of time on this one except to say that this has got to be one of the worst sequels to a good movie I've ever seen, sitting through it was about as fun as having a tooth slowly drilled for 88 minutes. It is completely mindless, unimaginative and without even the slightest bit of humor, it is amazing how an otherwise talented cast can be totally nullified by amateurish writing. Even Curtis (aka "Booger") Armstrong can't save the day, he seems to aimlessly wander through it with a pleading look in his eyes, as if to beg "PLEASE Just give me one funny thing to do!" In fact most of the cast looks embarrassed to be there, and they should be, I just hope they were paid well and fed a decent lunch for their humiliation. 1 out of 10, a superb example of why TV is sometimes known as "The Idiot Box"

6ix (1999)

Hilarious quicky! (8 out of 10)

[8/10 · 20 December 2002]

A man wakes up one morning to find he has numbers 665 written on the side of his head, and that's about as much of the plot I can give away without blowing the hilarious finale of this short film. Fewer obviously had a ball making this and really lives it up playing a whole host of characters, including his own parents, his wife and even his baby. 8 out of 10, Fewer at his wackiest and definately worth a look if you can find it!

Return of the Boogeyman (1994 Video)

Worse than garbage, a blatant rip off (0 out of 10)

[1/10 · 16 December 2002]

I won't waste a whole lot of time of this one because as far as I'm concerned it isn't really a movie to start with, just a careless mish-mash of borrowed footage and embarrassingly amateurish new footage made solely for the purpose of pasting the whole mess together and call it a "Boogeyman" sequel. Literally 80% of this film is stolen from its far superior predecessor "The Boogeyman", a film that the writers of this garbage apparently didn't even bother to watch because they couldn't even get actress Suzanna Love's original character's name (Lacy) right. And to add insult to injury the killer is invisible in the original footage and visible in the new footage, apparently they think their audience is as stupid as they are. 0 out of 10 and I wish IMDb's rating system went that low, the most callous and blatant attempt to rip off people's money I've even seen, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Aftershock: Earthquake in New York (1999)

Surprisingly good, especially for something made for TV!

[7/10 · 3 August 2002]

I bought this on DVD because it was cheap and I couldn't find anything else, but I pretty much thought it would be wasted money. But this movie is surprisingly well written, effective and does its best to avoid disaster movie clichés, albeit not always successful. Like its predecessor "EarthQuake" it focuses on the effect of a disastrous earthquake on the lives of several groups of people whom struggle to survive and find loved ones amongst the devastation. The stories range in degrees of interests, ranging from engrossing to rather weak and familiar. The one that stands out the most is about a pampered rich girl and a young Russian taxi driver whom takes it upon himself to protect her. The contrast is interesting as she finds herself in a totally alien world of sudden death and chaos while her companion seems wearily used to such calamities, and instead of panicking he immediately tries to regain control of their situation. As far as the special effects go it doesn't have all the flashy effects other quake movies do but what it does show is pretty convincing, they seemed to realize their own production limitations and wisely try worked around them without pushing it too far. 7 out of 10, escapes the "made for TV" curse and is overall worth viewing.

Frogs (1972)

Weak, very overrated cult film (3 out of 10)

[10 May 2002]

Inheritance-minded family celebrates the birthday of crabby old geezer Milland at his home deep in the swamps of Florida, while nature photographer Elliot becomes an uninvited guest due to a boat accident. For some reason which is never explained various animals such as snakes, lizards, alligators, and yes frogs turn the tables on them and begin to knock them off one at a time, which the people make easy by always wandering off on their own to where nobody can help them. This film has gained some cult status for the fact that it was out of print for so long, but the reality is this is just another poor attempt to rip off "The Birds" and is neither scary or imaginative. Ray Milland is the only highlight of the film, obviously having a ball playing the cranky old man. Unfortunately the rest of the cast seems to wish they weren't there, in fact Elliot is so stiff he would have been better cast as a wooden Indian. And as far as the script goes, it might as well have been written out in Crayon. 3 out of 10, good for a few laughs maybe but not as much fun as it looks.

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000)

First rate on all levels, perhaps the best of its genre

[9/10 · 7 May 2002]

The story takes place in the distant future and centers around the tortured soul of a half vampire, half human bounty hunter who is hired to rescue a woman supposedly kidnapped by a powerful vampire named Meier Link. But his mission is further complicated by the vampire's mutant bodyguards as well as competition from another band of fellow vampire hunters named the Markus brothers, one of which develops an uneasy kinship with D. Seldom do you see a sequel surpass its predecessor, especially one that was in itself pretty good, but this one just blows it away. This movie is superb on so many levels, the characters, script, music score, detail of the animation and the underlying story are top notch even compared to most live action sci-fi, let along others of its genre. If they want to make any more Vampire Hunter D sequels like this one, I'll be first in line on opening night. 8 out of 10, when it comes to animated SCI-FI, or just SCI-FI in general, you will be hard pressed to find better.

Vortex (1976)

It tries, but overall way too long and tedious (4-10)

[4/10 · 6 February 2002]

Taylor plays a United Nations bio-warfare disarmament expert who's lonely wife (Anderson) has a steamy affair while she's away in France. But soon she finds out the hard way that her lover is not quite the charming and stable guy she thought he was, and starts to fear him and wonder about his true motives. Unfortunately this movie aimlessly plods along for about two-thirds of its running time, which is only livened up by an occasional amazingly explicit sex scene, before picking up steam in the final 20 minutes or so. Despite its rental sleeve artwork and the tagline "More potent than "The Andromedia Strain"" this movie is as much of a Sci-Fi/thriller as "Regarding Henry", and is more of a mystery-drama than anything else. 4 out of 10, not without its moments but still it just drags on way too long to hold your attention.

The Demon (1981)

Yet another lousy "Mike Myers" wannabe (2-10)

[2/10 · 23 December 2001]

Yet another attempt to duplicate "Halloween", and like most other rip-offs its unimaginative, pointless and extremely boring. It's claims of the victims being "made to experience their worst fears while being tortured to death" are a blatant lie and have nothing to do with what actually happens, not to mention this film is virtually gore-free. And despite the title there's nothing supernatural about the killer other than the fact he's very strong and likes to growl, but those are probably the least of this movie's problems. Only points of interests are the film's unbelievably amateurish editing and Cameron Mitchell's laughably bad performance. 2 out of 10, bad by even "Halloween" rip-off standards and overall just incredibly boring, don't waste your time and money.