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yodergoat
Reviews
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
Poor advertisement for a fun game!
I knew not to expect much from this film, but did so hope for more! It HAD potential, and somehow wasted it. I think that had the writers placed a hidden tape recorder at almost any D&D session and then transferrred this directly to the script, they would have gotten a better story! Heck, they could have even hired a few real gamers to play the characters, and would have saved some money, too.
For those who do game, you can see the set-up forming... unlikely heroes thrown together for a common cause, etcetera. A good beginning, indeed! But, also, those who game can find some serious flaws not just in the context of the movie but also in the way the characters use no imagination, are cliched, and are oftentimes useless. The dwarven character seemed thrown in just to have a dwarf in the movie (and he is the most horrid stereotype imaginable), and the brief encounters with elves would leave those who do not know of them in a fantasy setting wondering more about them, but being sorely disappointed when no more information is forthcoming. So much more could have been done here to portray the melancholy, the timelessness, and the sad disdain for short-lived humans! I guess we have to wait for The Fellowship of the Ring to come out to see what elves are "really" like. The rogues, as main characters, are a good choice, but bumbling and more greedy than skillful. The mages, suddenly forming an elite social class, show us a glimpse of their awesome power, but could have done so much more to demonstrate WHY they are at the top of the social order.
I could go on, but enough has already been written about this, and about how the SPIRIT of the game... working together, improvising, adapting, making choices, and so much more... was left out to show one main character plunging through it while his sidekicks wait behind. That should not be what happens, and saddened me. Sigh.
It is far too often that I am not stirred at all by a movie, but I usually am affected by those in the beloved fantasy genre. Alas, not this! Only one character sticks with me at all, the tracker Elf Norda, who is quite beautiful and acted her part well.
If this movie was intended to draw new gamers into the D&D world, then I hope that those watching understand that it is not a fair representation. Not at all!
I won't even mention the special effects, the acting, or the plot. Not worth the time. This had all of the quality of a "made for TV" movie, which is sad because it could have been so very good.
The Mummy Returns (2001)
Ugh.
Since I was a fan of the original, "The Mummy," I made the mistake of expecting the same witty (and oftentimes silly) action story. I should have known better.
I don't know who the film-makers are aiming for with this film... it certainly does not seem to be the fans of the original, but rather, their children and to those who came to see the film because they love The Rock. It was to "The Mummy" what "Phantom Menace" was to the original Star Wars trilogy, a film seemingly made to appeal to young children and to sell action figures. There was _just_ enough clever banter thrown in, as well as some really great fight sequences, to make this acceptable to older viewers, in my opinion. The introduction of yet another smart-aleck 8 year old kid does nothing for me. A child in the story is fine, but this one was just a little over the top. The kids seem to love him, though, even though I imagine that some of the same children laughing at his antics could hardly have sat through and stomached the original movie with its much more adult humor.
While some of the original characters are retained, only the personalities of the shifty brother, Jonathan, and the solemn tattooed warrior (I forget the name) are left intact. While I can see that the intention was to show that Rick O'Connell had grown in character to become more responsible as a husband and now as a father, it left him rather dry and boring as compared to the dashing Indiana Jones type which he had been. Quite a change, indeed, and it left me mourning for his previous flair. He was rather convincing as a concerned father and husband though. Evie also underwent a major change, going from a somewhat shy and awkward but entirely convincing bookish young woman with an honest appreciation and enthusiasm for Egyptian history to a scantily clad (is that tight, deep cleavage cut top and heavy black eyeliner _really_ what she wears as her excavation gear?) and completely confident woman. While confidence is nice, and shows the strength of a woman, I did not understand the depth of this change from her former sweet and appealing self... I suppose it is meant to appeal to men. I dunno. Or mayhap it was her "mysterious dreams" which instituted the change. She was not very convincing as a mother, either, it seemed. If my husband and I had been through what they had in "The Mummy," I would never leave my curious and foolish young son alone in a tomb whilst I went exploring deeper to find an ancient artifact of great power which I had been dreaming about.... I would know that bad things could arise from such a situation.
Imhotep returns in a much less frightening role, at times seeming to be just confused and lost in the story. It seems like he was just included so they could say that the mummy "returned." I would much rather have seen the O'Connells battle the Scorpion King rather than have the story muddled by a not very frightening (but handsome) Imhotep. He really didn't add much to the story, and toward the end I was actually liking him as much as I did the main characters, just because he seemed more human and somewhat bumbling. His mistress, once reincarnated, is interesting as a character and pulls off her role well.
I was hoping that even if the story was not good, the action and special effects would still make the movie worth watching. True for the fights... they really were awesome and intense. But the special effects? Sigh. Nope! If anything, they pulled it down. The backdrops were fuzzy and too pale (they actually made my eyes hurt), the creatures looked as if they had a few more computer-imaging steps to go through, and the Scorpion King was just plain fake looking. Scary, though. I think that the battle scenes betwixt the army o' Annubis and the Magi were well done, but closeups of the jackal warriors left something lacking. Very smooth and battle-droidy, if you know what I mean. The airship was just silly, silly, silly. Why an airship? Why, oh why? It looked like something off of some made-for-TV adventure movie, and just made me want to giggle.
Aside from the effects and characters, the story itself was disjointed and weak. Too many coincidences, too many subplots that amounted to very little, and horribly strained dialog and chase scenes that smacked of being forced. Take out the suddenly rather lame Imhotep, take out the whole reincarnation and "chosen one" deal, take out the whole ludicrous airship sequence, and take out most of the pygmy mummies... and perhaps that would have made it worth watching. As it was, I was ready to be done with it not even halfway through the film, and caught myself thinking about other things... my garden, whether or not to go to Wal-Mart after the movie, and so on. Not minding when you need to get up to go to the restroom is not a good sign.
I think that the return of the Scorpion King and his legions of minions with their world domination plan would have sufficed for a good story without throwing in all of the riff-raff about Imhotep and past lives. It was simply rambling and long, much like my comments here! This film really semed like it wasn't finished, that there was still some MAJOR editing left to do, and of course the CGI needed to be actually completed rather than seemingly just thrown together for a test run. And the blaring, clanging music was driving me insane with its insistence.... WATCH THE ACTION! BE EXCITED! BE SAD NOW! BE SCARED! BE HAPPY! When the music tries to drive me along like that with its volume and clamor.... argh!!! I am not a fool and can deduce at which times I am supposed to feel a certain emotion without being led along by the hand by overpowering instrumentals.
I am very disappointed, and I can honestly say that even if I HADN'T liked or even seen the first movie, I still would not have enjoyed this one.
I gave it 5 stars out of 10. Right up there with Mission to Mars!!!
The Pit (1981)
A film to be mocked, mocked, and mocked yet again (and you don't even have to be tired or drunk!)
This movie is mayhap the funniest I've seen yet. Regrettably, I lost my copy of it, but I shall doubtless get another! There is little to be said here that would not be a blatant repeat of the comments of others... it is just plain fun! And (as I said above) one does not have to be giddily tired, drunk, or high to enjoy it! Scarily enough, I have a stuffed toy beaver that has eyes remarkably similar to "Teddy's," but it has yet to compel me in a soft but undeniable voice to lure hapless victims to a mosnter-filled pit in the forest. Sigh.
Mother's Day (1980)
An awkward movie to watch with Mom and Dad, INDEED!!
This happened to be the first film I viewed on a VCR, whilst visiting relatives in Arkansas in the very early eighties. Mayhap I was six or seven...
After making our choices at the video store, the entire fmaily retired to my uncle's living room to enjoy the splendors of the VCR. We reclined on the floor with snacks and Cokes and began the night of films with "Mother's Day." Many times I was made to cover my eyes during gruesome scenes, as was my (also young) male cousin. Finally my parents gave up this futile effort at "protecting" me from this film and just let it roll on. I recollect little, except a dismembered hand, a trail o' beer cans, a freaky old woman crying, "SLAP! SLAP!" and a few other disjointed fragments. The strained looks on the pale and drawn faces of my parents are imprinted strongly upon me, though, as was the uneasy laughter of my uncle, who kept "reassuring" my cousin and I that it was not real. Of course I knew it was not real... I was young, but not an imbecile.... but it was obvious to me that this was NOT a family movie. The rape scenes left me agitated, the craziness of the family disturbed me, and the torture was gruesome enough to make me wince, but what has made the biggest impression upon me was the sheer AWKWARDNESS of the situation. Whatever else... try to avoid watching is film with your parents and other assorted family members. That much I know. Perhaps I should rent this movie now and watch it again, because I DO recall some funny, cheesy scenes that I had dared not laugh at then! Oh, lament! If only I had remembered to watch it during sleepovers with my friend Abbie along with "VICTIMS!" and "THE PIT" during high school... 'twould have been funny, I'm sure.