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NyQuilDriver
Reviews
The Bat People (1974)
What Bat People? I just saw a bat hand and bat mask.
Never before has so much NOT happened in a movie. I mean, can we get to the Bat People part yet? How many times are we going to be interested in seeing Dr. Beck have repeated seizures and not turn into a bat. Some comments were made earlier about the jarring and disjointed filming locations. The cave is Mitchell Caverns, CA in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and the town is about 200 miles away in Bishop, CA on the eastern slopes of the Sierra Nevada mountains. (Very distinct scenery.) I know because I've been to both places a few times. I took the cave tour and the guide said a dream sequence from "The Doors" movie was filmed there. He didn't mention "Bat People." Not very good PR I guess. I shudder to think that while taking the cave tour I could have ended up becoming an idiot wandering around with a bat mask on, wearing a brown suit jacket. The lesson here is: Stay with the tour group! It's too bad really, because Dr. Beck and his wife could of had a beautiful 70's life together listening to folk tunes.
The Clonus Horror (1979)
Parts of the movie were good
Wacky Chet from TV's "Emergency!" stars as a lunk-headed clone in this movie that explores the ethics of cloning-70's style. The movie has a cool premise but was poorly executed. Maybe with a bigger budget, better sets, better acting, and better directing this would have been a good film. However, I did enjoy how much this film revels in that most glorious of decades-the 70's. There were plenty of extra wide neckties and plenty of ten-speeds ridden by bikers wearing those way-too-short shorts everyone wore back then. Another thing that really made this a lame movie was the aforementioned lunk-headedness of the clone. After a death defying escape from the evil Clonus complex and the revelation of the murderous goings-on at Clonus, the guy heads back!!! Oh well, guess he got homesick for his regimented clone lifestyle.
Shark: Rosso nell'oceano (1984)
Well it's not really a shark, more of an octopus-like-thing
I'm still trying to decide which is the worst "monster in the water movie," this or Jaws 4. If you like having your head squeezed in a vice, this movie is for you. This movie is the Italians entry into the already crowded Jaws rip-off market. Their spin: the creature is an artificially created being that combines the deadly qualities of both a shark and an octopus. It was created by a mad scientist played by an actor who never really got the mad part or the scientist part down. Please notice the super-beefy sheriff deputy try to say his lines with one brain cell working overtime. Also notice the supposed "medical doctor" who looks either like a serial kidnapper or cult leader. After the first ten minutes you won't care how they catch the monster.
The Skydivers (1963)
Coleman Francis, visionary auteur
When I was a kid I used to watch the the parachuters do their thing from the back yard of my grandma's house in Lake Elsinore. I often thought that I would make a movie about skydivers. Who wouldn't want to see footage of skydivers floating gracefully through the air over and over again. It turns out that Coleman Francis beat me to it. I mean this is the definitive skydiver movie. No other movie gets into the heart and soul of what it means to be a skydiver. The triumph, the tragedy, the love triangles, the wild parties. My heart was pounding when Beth's plane had engine trouble while she was taxiing down the runway. Would she be able to simply not take off? Pure drama! Then there is the sinister plot of the acid in the parachute! This movie is a must see for all skydivers who own a small airport and are cheating on their wives. Only the drunken haze of Francis' vision could bring us all of this. Coleman Francis' bio says he died of heart disease. Why am I not surprised?
Werewolf (1995)
A...unique...take on the werewolf genre.
Yes, a werewolf movie that takes place in of all places: Phoenix, Arizona. In this movie one gets "werewolf-itis" merely by getting cut by the skeleton of a werewolf, or by drinking a "werewolf elixir" that is distilled somehow from the bones. (And I thought you turned back into a human after you died so everyone could go, "Oh look! It was so-and-so!") There are many great things about this bad movie: See actors of undetermined national origin butcher lines with their strange foreign accents. See people flail around in dumb costumes. See a man who's hairdo changes with every scene. See werewolf transformations that seem to take well over two hours. See Joe Estevez in a vain attempt to match his brother Martin Sheen's acting prowess. And the best thing about this cinematic disaster: The scene where the security guard drives his car while turning into a werewolf. I think he must be in denial; he stubbornly drives his car even though he is turning into a fearsome beast. (With disastrous results.) Guess that explains some of the bad drivers I see all the time.