kchynes Reviews

The Golden Bowl (2000)

do yourself a favour! Go see this movie!

[1/10 · 13 May 2002]

Do yourself a favour: go see this movie.

The story, the acting, the costumes, the cinematography, the subtle directors wit. Its all there.

All these things combined will enable you to have the best sleep you've had in years....

Though be warned, if you can't sleep, watching paint dry (or the grass grow) may be a preferable pastime...

Made (2001)

Two hours of my life that I will never get back

[1/10 · 28 February 2002]

I would rather have bamboo shards stuck under my nails than

watch this piece of [unmentionable] again.

so painfully unfunny and irritating was the "comedic banter"

between the two lead characters that I was reduced to shoving my

fingers in my ears and closing my eyes.

Please, do yourself a favour and paint your bedroom - because

watching the paint dry on the walls will a much more enjoyable

experience than this utterly unfunny, dull, pointless, long,

unoriginal waste of good film stock.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

Spielberg meets Kubrick?

[4/10 · 26 September 2001]

Curiosity got me through the door.

A Spielberg/Kubrick production? Surely that's not a possible combination?

Wouldn't it mean a film that was middle America meets post-apocalyptic modernism? Schmultzy family values meets amorality? ET finally gets home to discover his home planet is destroyed and his family is under the control of HAL 9000 (no wonder it took him so long to phone home...)?

It got my curiosity going. It got me to pay my $10. And, boy oh boy, if AI was on thing it was certainly weird.

the best way I could describe it is: imagine if Kubrick and Spielberg collaborated on a film...

Long Night's Journey Into Day (2000)

Powerful, heartbreaking, frightening and utterly devastating

[10/10 · 20 October 2000]

This is an impressive documentary - there can be no argument about that. The question is whether its because the subject of the documentary (the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission) is enough to make you sit back and rethink every thought you have ever had on pain, suffering and the vengefulness that invariable goes with it. Or perhaps it is the film makers' extraordinary ability to draw from the people involved an honesty and openness which is as impressive as it is devastating to watch.

You can not possibly watch this documentary without being changed by it and hopefully no opportunity will ever arise to make a documentary like this one again, so it is a must see.

This is definitely the best documentary I have ever seen. Enough said.

Feeling Sexy (1999)

Middle-class wonderful

[8/10 · 24 January 2000]

A beautiful, colourful, sexual and wonderful retort to the stereotypes of stay-at-home mothers that dominant our screens. Davida Allen & Co have produced a film that sings to an audience of urbanites suffering under the mantle of mediocrity. At only 50 minutes in length the film resolves perfectly without the audience having to trawl through hours of middle-class navel-gazing.

Desserts (1999)

The quintessential Short Film

[8/10 · 16 November 1999]

If you want to make a Short Film, start by having a look at this one. A Short is hard to make and this one is a fantastic demonstration of a great idea explored by excellent film making. Definitely the best short I have ever seen.

Two Hands (1999)

The Blackest of Humour

[16 November 1999]

This hillarious film captures the Australian personality perfectly. From Bryan Brown in his Hawiian Shirts and thongs to Blue Monaros and boys (Heath Ledger) too busy chasing girls to worry about their life, this film is wonderful. There are no Koala Bears or Boomerangs in sight in a lame attempt to convince foreign audiences that Australia is a great place with loads of character. It does what it does and says what it says which is just about as Australian as it gets. If you don't get the humour in this film you should go back to watching episodes of "Funniest Home Videos" as the humour must obviously be beyond you.