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Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
Sumptuous film-making at the wrong price point
This movie gets it right with a few exceptions. I'm not here to talk about the few exceptions -- okay, the villain is pretty weak. You could teach a dozen different classes on the themes and imagery of this movie. But what were they thinking? A $150 million budget on a cerebral science fiction movie that continues the plot thread of a 35 yo cult classic? I would be hard-pressed to green-light this picture at half that budget. As an audience member, I made out, and I had to watch a half dozen trailers of stupid sh*t blowing up and people yelling things like "there is no cure!" Sometimes I feel like we don't deserve movies like these. I'm glad it got made, don't get me wrong. But I think they just shot themselves in the foot.
Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005)
If you saw Jumanji, you saw the better version.
Whoever wrote this thing really did a disservice to kids. Do they act in this sort of illogical and ludicrous fashion? Granted this movie puts these children in a ludicrous situation, but their actions and their dialogue never had me, not even for a second. With meteorites falling, a house flying through space, and monsters attacking, are children going to launch into dialogue about respect and love? And this is my major beef with this movie. It had a pretty cool concept going, but the dialogue rings hollow and there just isn't enough substance between these two kids to carry it. The writers don't give the Zach Braff lookalike anything to work with and everyone else is throwaway. 4/10 for cool CGI and a little twist at the end.
Empire Records (1995)
Rough going
I guess this is the kind of film you see when you are a teenager and think: "Wow, this is really in touch with my generation". Boy did I miss that boat. Sitting in a room, in a hostel, in Budapest, I watched this movie and then experienced one of the worst nights of sleep I've ever had (2 and a half hours to be exact). Americans came barging into the room at 2 in the morning and proceeded to make out in each other's beds for the next 5 hours. When I left at 6am the following morning two thoughts were racing(actually more like plodding) through my head: "I hate American teenagers and I hate this movie." I can't list anything redeeming about this movie, and frankly I'm wasting my time trying to care enough to write a paragraph about this amateurfest. It was the perfect movie for my hellnight in Budapest.
Firefly (2002)
A flash of light in a void of darkness
9 distinct characters; 5 of them male, 4 of them female, all of them crackling with energy. A society part Chinese, part Cowboy, and all Heart. This is the universe of Firefly. From episode one each character speaks with clarity and a fullness that belies fiction. The viewer sees this. The universe contracts and expands in the mind's eye. I understand these people. I understand their plight. Are freedom and honor so important? Is expression of the individual, the minority, the bone and marrow of a great society? These themes run deep in the current of Firefly. The best part is, it all works. I'd pay a lot of money to see another season of this show, to watch another movie crafted in this universe, and there are people who would be right there with me, our hearts open with passion for one more glimpse into the window of magic, the paragon of storytelling: Firefly.
Timeline (2003)
Crapline
You take a puzzle apart, throw the pieces on the ground, and make up your own puzzle, jamming pieces together that do not fit. This will give you some idea about the screen adaptation of Timeline. Saying this movie is mediocre is too much. The acting is atrocious (with a blonde-haired Keanu Reeves wannabe), the editing is probably the worst thing about this film, and the story, ohh man did they butcher that novel. I thought these words would never be written down but here it is: Sphere was a better movie. I'd write more but it really isn't worth my time.
Underworld (2003)
Action? Were we watching the same movie?
In the beginning I thought I was watching Lord Of The Rings. In the end I thought I was watching Terminator 2. In between I was waiting for something to happen. I'm not going to bash the unoriginality of this movies because 1)I already kinda did, and 2)It would probably be overkill by now. I just read some of these reviews and I wonder if we watched the same movie. Everytime I thought there was going to be action, there was a cut away. Oh boy! Werewolf vs. Vampire in subway, nope sorry, cutting to Kate looking perplexed. Oh awesome! A dude with whips is taking on a werewolf! Nope, sorry, cut away when the werewolf approaches. I can understand the limited budget this thing was made on, and the fact that they probably dumped all of the money into cinematography and costume design, but don't market it as something it's not. Action? romance? Underworld contains not these things.
Smallville (2001)
Pretty contrived
I saw the pilot of "Smallville" the other night and I think they need new writers already. The graphics were cool but that's about it. Predictability is an understatement, and I'm not talking about the plot. Every character talks like they're reading from cue cards. The conversations border on the forced and mundane. I found myself wanting to fast-forward the dialogue and go to the next "I'm going to get hurt and be humble" moment for Kent. I'll watch a couple more episodes, but the pilot was nothing special. Just a bunch of WB vanilla-flavored soap opera talk.
Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987)
Laying the foundations for modern Science Fiction
This show was my introduction to science fiction mainstream so I'm obviously biased against the other Star Trek spinoffs. With Q, The Borg, and other great innovations (including my favorite episode "The Perfect Mate": What can I say, I'm a romantic at heart) TNG is a cut above all other Star Treks. Never before has the Captain been given such a commanding presence. (Lets face it, Kirk with his toupee and girdle was more of a bad Marlon Brando rip-off than a real captain). Picard was the perfect mix of composure and compassion. Major kudos go to Stewart and the writers for giving the leader of the enterprise such emotional depth. Riker, Data, Worf, Troy, LaForge, and Crusher also developed into their roles nicely. The captain and the crew grew stronger with each passing season and when it all ended I was left with a hunger for science fiction and fantasy that has only been quenched with the best books in fantasy and scifi. No other TV series has affected me quite like Star Trek(except maybe Serling's Twilight Zone episodes). I'm a huge fan of this show and even made the trek out to the Las Vegas Star Trek experience (I strongly recommended spoiling yourself by going there). Some improvements on the up and coming "Enterprise" series (which looks eerily similar to Farscape in design and execution): I'd like to see darker and edgier science fiction, more attention paid to plot detail(there were some gaping holes in the later star trek shows), and more pushing-the-envelope graphics. Ok, I'm starting to ramble, and if given half a chance, I can ramble on about the star trek universe for eternity so let me just finish with the ultimate pitch: You owe it to yourself to watch the last 4 seasons of TNG; it's still the best scifi show out there.
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
This movie tore me apart.
I thought I had a realistic point of view in movies like Traffic or Trainspotting. Requiem makes those movies look like Disney films in retrospect. This is by far the most difficult movie I've watched. No matter how hard, I tried I couldn't pull my eyes away. I kept looking down at the dvd timer, waiting for the thing to click over to 102 minutes. Please let the suffering stop!! The direction, the writing, and the acting are all incredible. (Who thought Marlon Wayans could act??) I could drone on about the camera movements and the use of colors and images, but do you really care? Go watch the movie if you haven't seen it. And if you have seen it, I feel your pain.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
Beautiful
Thousands of man hours were spent in Honolulu to produce this breathtaking work of art. The virtual people that inhabit this movie are stunning; their eyes glow with life, their hair sways in the wind and glistens as the virtual lightsource envelopes them. Final Fantasy is poetic celluloid.
Scary Movie 2 (2001)
Mindless fun
Is there a plot? Not really. Do we care? Not really. Scary Movie 2 strings the audience along from one gag after another. There are some big laughs in this film but sometimes it's tedious getting to them. See this late at night with a full theatre and you're going to have a good time. It's just as raunchy as the first one and just as tasteless. That's why the first one was so popular. It's a mouth full of laughs (just ask Tori Spelling).
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
My glow-in-the-dark wristwatch entertained me.
You know your in trouble when the narrator says "2000 years later". The movie just didn't know when to quit. There must be 5 or 6 different stories in here and nothing to link them together. The directing/cinematography/music/editing are all first rate, but what is all that without a story? I think Spielberg was going for a dream quality...to bad it turned into a nightmare.
Memento (2000)
Unique, emotionless film
Memento hangs on the shelf somewhere between The Usual Suspects and Being John Malkovich. The pacing, the timing, and the feel of the movie is unlike anything I've seen before. Memento is a one way trip into a void of memories you wont soon forget. But when it's all done and the credits are rolling, I couldn't help but wonder "Whats the point?"
The Mummy Returns (2001)
Didn't I see this movie a couple years ago?
Campy, cheesy, and preposturous. Wow, sounds like the first one! The kid wasn't bad, the story was incoherent, and Brendan and Rachel have wonderful chemistry. If you were a fan of the first one, turn your brain down to an even lower setting and go see this one. The first summer blockbuster of 2001.
Meet Joe Black (1998)
Doesn't Really Work
The pace of this movie is deliberately slow. The shots take there time. The actors settle in for the long haul. The problem is awkward glances and intimate moments(long ones at that) where very little dialogue is exchanged doesn't really work for this movie. Hopkins is excellent as usual, but the movie doesn't rest on his shoulders. It rests on the chemistry between Joe Black and Susan Perrish. I didn't feel that chemistry. I thought Claire Forlani bit off more than she could chew. Oh and the whole scene in the hospital and the "business scam" seem thrown in, like the writers knew they didn't have enough for a movie. They were right.
Gideon's Crossing (2000)
Best show on television
The high level of writing, the intricate and complex characters, and the superb cast make this show worth watching. With the exception of this show, I don't watch network tv anymore. But I make it a point to sit down every Monday night so that I can watch and admire the quality of Gideon's Crossing. Do yourself a favor and watch it to.
Wonderland (2000)
Well written series about life in a psychiatric ward
I'm not sure how long this series was on abc...but it was brief. The problem? This series was way to intense for prime time. The writing was top-notch, and the characters were involving, but I don't think America was ready for something like this. I almost broke into a sweat just watching it. Its in-your-face style constantly assaulted the viewer, and its gritty images and dark themes challenged mainstream television. People would rather not break the happy little bubble that is network television. And that really is a shame, because this show had a lot of potential.
The Patriot (2000)
Less passionate Braveheart set in America.
The Patriot took just as much liberty in historical accuracy, or lack there of, as Braveheart. A lot of the emotions seemed forced, and the movie didn't have the beautiful art direction nor great script that Braveheart had. This probably would have been considered a good film, but the comparison to its counterpart (Braveheart) is inevitable and makes the film less appealing.
The Cell (2000)
Part Silence of the Lambs, Matrix, and cereal commercial blended into a crappy frappe.
Do not be fooled by the commercials, do not be fooled by gullible film critics...this movie is bad. Hey, look! I can film everything in slow-motion to and become an "artist". I sat through this movie getting more and more digusted with the screenplay (or lack of one). The characters would fall with a gentle breeze, and this movie rips off more movies than I could list in this limited space. The first drop of blood in slow-motion is ok, but 4 or 5?? Well we've outdone the slow-motion milk into the cereal bit, so why not show helicopter blades spinning in slow motion over and over again?? The makers of this movie saw fit to speed through all the important aspects of the movie and slow down at the parts that didn't really matter. The only cell I noticed was the one I was locked into while watching this movie.
Almost Famous (2000)
The tale of an intelligent, young, aspiring journalist journey on the road with a rock band in 1973.
I just saw an advanced screening of this movie. It was still labeled "untitled" in the opening credits, but the name Stillwater comes from the name of the band that is documented during the movie. This is a very good movie. Whenever it seemed the writing might turn dull or the plot might veer off, Crowe injects some humor or something unexpected happens to keep you interested. Frances McDormand is awesome as an over-protective mother and I think Jason Lee has really come a long way since Mallrats and Chasing Amy. Patrick Fugit is also good as the central character William Miller. There are some very funny scenes in this movie, especially the Airplane scene, and when Sapphire is running and waving at William while he's on the bus. None of that makes too much sense but when you see the movie you'll know what I'm talking about. It has a good soundtrack, and stays true to the Rock N' Roll theme. Go see this movie, it has some brief nudity and a little profanity but I think young teenagers and up would enjoy this film. This wasn't the final cut of the film. Some music was missing and I'm not sure if the editing was complete. Bottom line...I liked what I saw and I recommend this film to people of all ages.
Gladiator (2000)
Braveheart meets the 13th warrior!
If you've seen Braveheart, then chances are you'll think this film is eerily similar. I wouldn't rate Gladiator up there with Braveheart, that's why I say it's a mix. The 13th warrior had plenty of action, but it lacked a central theme and a strong character. Gladiator has these faults to a lesser degree, and it has the same muddy look to it. It is a good film...just not a great one. So, if you liked the 13th warrior then you'll like this film, but if you think 13th warrior was a little shallow and convoluted, then chances are you'll come out of this movie with similar thoughts.
The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)
Mildy Entertaining
The Thomas Crown Affair is a mildly entertaining remake. There are a few serious flaws. First of all: The sound-track is one of the worst sound-tracks I've heard in a long time. Everytime I hear the Jazzy score I cover my ears and cower. This flaw almost ruins the movie. The second flaw, more minor...and even a pleasure to some people, is the abundancy of sex scenes in this movie. Now, if I remember right, there are two or three sex scenes, but they never end. I think the script writers lengthened the sex scenes when the movie came out too short in length. Anyway, worth seeing once, but I recommend the frequent use of the mute button.
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
A classic that is under-appreciated.
This movie is definitely on my best of the decade list. It borrows heavily from a couple movies and makes a fresh, dramatic approach to story telling. Excellent directing, writing, and acting. Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman are awesome in this film. This is film-making at its best. I own the VHS and DVD versions of this film, and I highly recommend this film to everyone.
The 10th Kingdom (2000)
Ambitious 10-hour mini-series that dazzles the imagination.
The makers of Gulliver's Travels and Merlin do it once again-this time on a much grander scale. The graphics in this mini-series are awesome, and the blend of older fairy-tales and modern humour make this film worth seeing. If the dvd comes out, I'll be one of the first ones to buy it. You owe it to yourself to see this film. It has a little bit of everything in it.
Elizabeth (1998)
The female version of "The Godfather"
Great Movie. Strong central character starts out hesitant/ innocent, and slowly over the course of the movie becomes "The Godfather" of England.
Complete with the ceremonial termination of all enemies and the complete emotional shutout of all who were close and dear to the main character.