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Reviews
Star Trek: Picard (2020)
Lacks good writing and an ensemble cast
The first season was not promising but we've all seen the first season of ST:TNG so I was willing to see where this went. Sadly, nowhere good. Inexplicably, this seems to be a vanity piece for Patrick Stewart, and the rest of the cast are left with scraps, which is not the ensemble work that has served Star Trek so well. The wonderful Alison Pill is the only cast member whose performance transcends the terrible material. Patrick Stewart does not look or sound well and seems barely able to deliver his lines. Brent Spiner provided some much-needed spark in Season 2. I understand most of the cast will not appear in Season 3 and I imagine there was a stampede to be the first out the door. The creation of this series was a mistake and a terrible way to remember Patrick Stewart in the title role.
Grace Kelly: The Missing Millions (2021)
3 minutes of information in a 1-hour program
The information about how much Grace earned as an actress and model is quite interesting, but the producers hit a brick wall when the Monaco authorities refused to allow access to Grace's will, so the question of what happened to her money is never answered. There is also a sleazy amount of gossip about her affair and pointless comparisons with Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton.
Get Organized with the Home Edit (2020)
Home Edit Needs a 'Like' Edit
Now I understand why the home-owners leave while the Home Edit team are working - they can't stand to hear the word 'like' 500 times an hour. While you're editing something, Home Edit team, maybe you could edit the word 'like' out of your vocabulary? I barely made it through two episodes, because I couldn't stand the 'likes' any more. I was also disappointed by the lack of practical information (other than 'buy our products') and appalled at the lifestyles of the celebrity clients. Reese Witherspoon is an executive producer on the show and was the first celebrity client. Reese had moved to a new home and had retrieved her showbiz memorabilia (clothes and accessories) from storage. She has an enormous spare closet in her enormous home. The Home Edit team hang the clothes in the empty closet. Reese is amazed. And it doesn't improve - an actress hires them to reorganise her refrigerator and Khloe Kardashian's one-year-old daughter's miniature cars are a mess. Uninspiring, uninformative and truly irritating to listen to.
Underworld (2003)
Vampires take over the world by boring everyone to death.
I usually love vampire flicks but I couldn't wait for this one to end. There was not one original moment in the entire film, the setting (everything is black and it's constantly pouring rain) is obviously supposed to be suitably gothic but is actually laughably cliched, and the costumes and special effects are straight out of "The Matrix". The gaps in the plot made the story very hard to follow in the early stages, but this may have been a decision made in the cutting room to keep the audience from realising that they'd seen it all before. At times it was so bad that it was actually funny and at the screening I went to, the supposedly dramatic climax had the entire audience laughing. Two hours of my life that I'll never get back.
Scary Movie (2000)
The worst film I have ever seen.
This is without doubt the unfunniest, vilest, most revolting film I have ever seen. The script appears to have been written during a drunken frat party - it is puerile, misogynistic and offensive. I had to go home and take a shower after seeing it. If you credit yourself with having any taste at all, give this one a miss.
Mission: Impossible II (2000)
Very disappointing
Apart from a few of John Woo's trademark beautifully constructed action sequences, this film has nothing to recommend it. The plot is pedestrian and the writing is disappointing - quite a bit of time is spent explaining the blindingly obvious and supposed "plot twists" are telegraphed to the audience so far in advance that you're bored before they happen. Although the special effects are an improvement on the first movie, this is the first time I have been in danger of falling asleep during a John Woo film. The representation of Australia is cringingly embarrassing - apparently we all speak with very broad accents, call everyone "mate" and hang around sheep farms. Some lovely shots of Sydney didn't quite make up for the stereotype. Enjoy the scenery because there's absolutely no suspense.
CI5: The New Professionals (1998)
A weak, silly mess
Apparently, CI5 is no longer hiring members from the police or armed forces, and has started recruiting at modelling agencies. The plot-lines are ludicrous, the scripts are laughable and the cast, supposedly portraying the dangerous, highly-trained peak of global law enforcement, have all the menace of rice pudding and are about as attractive. A pathetic attempt to relive the original series of "The Professionals", this latest series is totally lacking any drama, suspense, wit or talent. George Cowley would eat this bunch for breakfast.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Interesting, but not scary.
An excellent example of how good a low-budget film can be, and that nobody needs to pay an actor $20 million to ensure big box-office. An interesting way to make a film - taking your cast out into the woods and terrorising them, but it's a pity we didn't get to experience some of that as well. I had heard so much about how frightening this film was, but found it about as scary as "The Sound of Music". I'd be interested to see how the rumoured sequels turn out.