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xLeroyx
Reviews
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Wake Up - this movie is terrible ***Spoilers***
Multiple ***SPOILERS*** referenced herein.
the two towers was horrrible. what a piece. it's the flop that the first one was expected to be except it's not a flop because the first part was so good. gag. totally terrible. are all the characters supposed to be bi-polar? just give us flat characters, not flat characters with absurd mood swings. middle earth should become a euphemism for PMS'ing. seriously. somebody who read the books tell me if Rudy's line about there being some 'good in the world and it's worth fighting for' tripe is tolkien's originally or jackson nearly echoing se7en. it's really sad that i wanna see more stuff with freakish elephant riders than frodo and sambone doing what is basically a really annoying version of "YOU DA MAN" "NAW, YOU DA MAN" "I CAN'T BE DA MAN CUZ Y O U D A M A N!!" Gandalf the grey Gandalf the white, what is this magician's Tae Kwon Do crap like a cheesy ninja movie where the guy busts out with the black belt he got in a day after spending 3billion years as a blue belt in LA LA LAND. i dont care if this gibberish is in the book; it's stupid. and speaking of gibberish, has anyone else had enough with the random mumbling in elvish? is that supposed to be interesting or compelling like "whoa he's mumbling in elvish *blinkblink* "? i'm pretty sure that garbage isn't untranslated in the book- whaddaya get to that part in the book and have to read affaleenoratoktokjokolhon? i dont think so, yet we sure get plenty of gibberish-uttering closeups. i'm sure it's great for all of the supernerds who want to learn LOTR's answer to star trek's klingon but i don't. it's cool and fine if someone's casting a spell a la anything else in the fantasy genre. does anybody remember willow? I'd bet the farm on that wicked sorceress to take both gandalf and saruman white hand man who wills the uruk-hai (elvish for negroes) to their deaths in what was one of the greatest siege warfare blunders of all time but only because superflamer white pony gandalf shows up and uses all of his magical powers to reverse braveheart's calvary-killing logic. classic siege warfare people. when your opponent pens himself into a defended corner, you don't throw your army right at him. you wait him out or run amok wherevertheheck else you wanna go. and you especially don't throw yourself at a king whose kingdom basically amounts to a hill with a puny castle and some wooden shacks on it. TRANSITIONS: the transitions and timing in TTT were as bad as the one I used to start this topic. it bounces around the action with little if any regard to transitioning. this was done right in the first part where when you switch locations there is a still shot or a zoomed out view of where you're going. in one part of triple T you've got Ent-riding to Frodo back to Ent-riding for no relevant reason at all. also on that Frodo part, where he's taken to Gondor, i was told by a book-reader that boromir's brother let's him go at the waterfall, a much more logical, consistent and not completely retarded decision. jackson gives us a jerk-around the mulberry bush and a visit from the buck-toothed dragon. this ain't about book vs. movie though. "3 hours of torture featuring Smeagol" is what i woulda called it or how about just "lord of the rings: the suck" and to think i was all hyped up after watching all three and a half hours of the fellowship extended edition.
Trippin' (1999)
Booyakasha!
This movie is truly funny, not a waste of time or overladen with cheese. There are horrible cliches in the plot and a totally worthless subplot but they don't drag on too long. The main character played 'Bud' on the Cosby Show way back in the day. There are a ton of laugh out loud jokes. The dream sequences are hilarious, especially the army dream, and the women in this movie are gorgeous and all that good stuff. Rent this bad boy and watch it with friends. If you're a pimp, watch it with your hoes.
Shaft (2000)
I love Samuel L. Jackson but he is NOT Shaft.
It was cool, it was tight, the gunshots were the best I've ever heard in a movie. It was good, but it wasn't Shaft. Samuel L. Jackson is just way too angry in this movie. Sure, Shaft dealt with racism but it wasn't his driving motivation. [Note: for the remainder of this review, the name Shaft refers ONLY to the original 70s Shaft.] Shaft was more cool than mean and SLJackson is many times just mean. It's cool that he's mean because it's when he's punching a racist or pistol whipping a drug dealer but it doesn't have an ounce of Shaft's lightheartedness. The music is great, but if you don't love it, it might get repetitive. The theme still says, "Whose the private dick..." but SLJackson isn't a private detective, he's a cop! Even without the previews you know he's going to leave the force but it just doesn't seem right that he's ever on the force. The story is strange. It works the way it's done but it's hurried. Everything seems rushed. Where are the gratuitous walking scenes? About what reviews are saying, SLJackson scores, I guess. Whatever the L.D. is-- and it is his "duty to please that booty." Please. Shaft was so cool it was like he was doing the chics a favor and SLJackson, well... never thought of him as having sex appeal. Jeffrey Wright has a pretty cool character with great dialogue but nothing to freak out about. Busta Rhymes SUCKS. He has the worst dialogue and for a guy with such great flow and vocabulary why is every other word phuck or dogg? It makes him look like an idiot. All in all "Shaft (2000)" is just a good cop movie with a gimmick. It is very obvious in the scenes with both Jackson and Roundtree, that Jackson is not at all SHAFT despite how much I like him.