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Reviews
Cube (1997)
Not bad, but could of been better
This movie had some of the best ideas of any sci-fi movie to come along in a while. I liked the fact that they concentrated on what was happening, and leaving it up to you to wonder who was behind it all, and how the characters originally got there. It was also interesting to watch how the characters reacted to their situation, and what was happening to them; it was like watching a sociology experiment in progress. On the downside, though, the ending was absolutely horrible (left me wondering what the point of the whole thing had been) and watching Quentin, the police officer chew the scenery was downright painful. It would also have been nice to take parts of the characters interactions a bit further. All in all, though, an interesting movie, and one I would watch again.
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
A blast (no pun intended!)
I was amazed at the acting in the film. Peter Sellers gives an incredible performance, and George C Scott is great as the goofy General Turgidson. The scene of Slim riding the nuke bronco-style, will always be one of my favorites. A great movie, all around.
The She-Creature (1956)
Almost makes Manos look decent by comparison.
Even MST3K couldn't shield me from this one. Watching Lance Fuller non-act his way through his role (does he ever change expression???) was about as fun as passing a kidney stone. For that matter, no one in this movie changes expression. The most talented performance was probably given by King the dog. Thankfully at least, the directors failed in their attempt to get John Carradine for the role of Carlo Lombardi. Shot on incredibly grainy film--which, so help me, actually IMPROVES things---and apparently with a lighting budget in single digits. another improvement, since it saved me from actually having to watch the people onscreen. Avoid at all costs.
The Killing (1956)
A classic noir movie
Im not normally much for noir movies, so I wasnt expecting too much from this one. I was wrong. I found myself actually rooting for the 'bad' guys for once; it was also fun to watch the heist go off, and see how carefully Sterling Hayden's character had thought everything through. It had the added bonus of Colleen Gray, who I remeber from my MST3K days, apparently the role she played in 'Leech Woman' was one that was familiar to her. The ending of the film was one I'll remember for a long time. Maybe I should start watching more noir films.
The Haunting (1999)
Lets make a rule...
....that whoever makes a movie and claims it is 'based on the book by...' must actually READ the book before making their movie. Has about as much in common with the book, as Star Wars has with the moon landing. A waste of several talented actors/actresses, on one of the most predictable and boring horror films ever made.
Phantasmagoria (1995)
The tagline says it all
By the end of the first CD, I *was* praying it was only a nightmare...that I had actually bought this game. Describing just how bad it is would take several pages! The acting is bad enough to border on the surreal, the puzzles (the few there are)are no challenge whatsoever, the heroine looks like an escapee from a modeling school, as she walks around as if shes trying to balance a book on her head and interacting with the furniture. Only buy this game if you're a MSTie, and feel like mocking a game instead of a movie for once.
The Bat People (1974)
Wonder who thought this one up?
Ok,so.....guy gets bitten by a bat and then turns into a bat (well,sorta). I can only assume this made sense to SOMEONE at the time! Aren't bats supposed to fly, use radar, and eat bugs instead of attacking humans tho?
Street Fighter (1994)
Would be perfect Mystery Science Theater 3000 fodder!
Let's face it--this movie sucks. It's especially painful to me that this is Raul Julia's last movie. His performance is about the only thing to like about this piece of trash. It can't even be true to the video game it's based on (any similarities seem to have happened purely by accident). One of the worst movies I've ever seen--and this is coming from a MST3K fan! I only wish they could get a hold of this one and give it the treatment it deserves.
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)
I don't think I'll ever drink coffee again...
It's not a bad sequel, but they spent too much time rehashing the jokes from the first movie. Plus they seem determined to nauseate you at any cost. Dr. Evil/Mini Me was funny, and Heather Graham is completely Shagadelic, but was Fat Bastard and the jokes involving his bowels really necessary? The best sequence was probably the Springer episode early in the movie.
Zaat (1971)
Mind-numbingly boring....
This piece of trash was hard to watch, even WITH Mike and the 'bots riffing on it. The 'monster' of this movie ranks as one of the most incompetent vilians I've ever seen--to top it off, he throws temper tantrums when he fails (which is very, very often). He can't even run amok successfully, which is the whole point of making a rubber-monster-suit movie in the first place! Throw in the racist cracker sheriff, the Gil Gerard lookalike 'scientist' trying to catch the monster at the end, and the bad fake Vincent Price imitation voiceovers, and you have one of the worst movies ever. Even MST3K had trouble making this one funny.
Uchû Kaisokusen (1961)
What fool decided to use REAL bombing footage in a movie?
Not even Mike and the 'bots can save you from the effects of this one. Put six stunningly annoying children together with the most incompetent Superhero in all moviedom, throw in a group of aliens who couldn't conquer a sandbox in a playground if their lives depended on it, mix in real bombing footage (That footage of Tokyo getting bombed towards the end is the REAL THING,folks, its stock footage of the American WW2 bombing of Tokyo!) and you get this movie. At least I went numb after about the first half- hour or so, which helped immensely.
Batman & Robin (1997)
Would be great MST3K fodder........
I wish the boys at MST3K could get a hold of this movie for riffing on--it's as bad as any movie they've ever done. At least a movie like Manos:Hands of Fate or Hobgoblins has an excuse for being terrible--What excuse does a movie from a major studio like Warner Bros. have? Uma Thurman comes off like a bad Mae West impersonater, Alicia Silverstone is just there for the ogle factor, Arnold has what must be some of the most moronic lines in recent memory,the list goes on and on. The plot set new lows for stupidity--I think the low point was Robin conviently wearing his 'Bat lip-guard' when Poison Ivy kisses him. I understand they spent a million dollars on Mr. Freeze's costume. Apparently they only spent ten bucks (if that) on a script.
Wherefore art thou, Tim Burton?
Hobgoblins (1988)
Like watching a train wreck in slow-motion
This movie is so bad, it's almost breathtaking. Every time something happened I thought, this is the low point, it can't possibly get any worse--then it did. The special effects have got to be some of the worst I've ever seen in a movie, the 'hero' (I use that term VERY loosely) is a complete spaz, the attempts at comedy are awful. At least it provided the MST3K guys with a lot of material. Watch this at your own risk.