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Reviews
Taegukgi hwinalrimyeo (2004)
Worth a watch for war movie fans - and those starved for Korean cinema
A nice stab at making both an allegory and historical retrospective of the war in Korea.
The story itself is wholly unbelievable, e.g. that two brothers would be pivotal characters in every phase of a three year conflict is a Forest Gump like stretch (an American equivalent would be to be at Pearl Harbor, Land in Normandy, survive the Battle of the Bulge, and then raise the flag on mount Surabachi ) but it has enough realistic detail so as to keep the viewers attention, and a compelling enough, though simplistic story.
War bad.
Not everything the ROK did during its war was admirable.
Brotherhood transcends politics, sometimes good people do evil things for good reasons.
Acting seemed very melodramatic, and dated but I can't speak Korean, though given what little technical terms I recognized, the Korean translator didn't have much of a colloquial grasp of English either.
Great art direction. Hokey "Sands of Iwo Jima" like battle sequences with plenty of gore.
I give it a 7/10
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
Iron Age Snuff Film of the Year
"Best Iron Age Snuff Film of the Year" candidate
This may well be the least inspiring movie of its kind. It's also really boring; granted much of the boredom comes from having a strangely premonitionate feeling about how the film is going to end. I'm not going to join the ranks of those that scream there is subtle anti-Semitism in this film, I'm just going to say it does an excellent job of demonizing Jews, but only bad Jews.
I found myself rooting for Pilate and wishing the musical numbers were better,
Drivel except as a period piece. 5/10
Van Helsing (2004)
Even a man who is pure in heart, and has a huge budget can put you to sleep when the boardroom is full and the box office blooms.
Even a man who is pure in heart, and has a huge budget can put you to sleep when the boardroom is full and the box office blooms.
Van Helsing has everything; classic monsters, huge budget, good casting, built in multiple audiences, great story and script.
Wait a minute, did I say great story and script? I meant to say that it looked like somebody blocked the computer generated action sequences from the up coming `King Kong verses the Pirates of the Caribbean', and Van Helsing stole them, inserting various and sundry soft core monsters where there should be buccaneers and a big ape.
By and large this movie was just stupid. It wasn't very funny where it tried to be, it's continuity was terrible and if you love classic monsters you'll despise this. No longer are vampires part of God's great vengeance, it's all a personal feud between Romanian inbreds. Victor Frankenstein is no longer obsessed with the very nature of life, he's laboring to create a power up for the vampire boss, who has a Bond worthy plot to fill the world with demonic telletubbies, part green gummi bear, part Alien egg sack.
You'll also learn that you can run from Budapest to Transylvania and just barely be out of breath, which is good to know if a flavorless well groomed vampire is about to use an automaton as some sort of cable box to correctly charge his spawn.
I actually fell asleep for a couple of minutes.
If I was 14 and had never seen anything else in the way of horror or action movies, maybe it could get a pass, as it is I give it a 5/10, and that's with a bonus for a great angry mob.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Brilliant Redux - wished I had a few more bites
And now, a clinical dissection of many critic's most common beefs with this film.
These Zombies are fast That also makes them scary; a Romeroesque zombie poses little threat to anybody with a sledgehammer, and actually might be fun to deal with if you've got a twelve gauge, .o6, etc and a good back-up man. Don't believe me? Watch `Night' or `Dawn', the characters themselves are laughing it up in multiple sequences. That slow zombies could overwhelm the combined might of America's hunters, police, military, and tool sheds never made any real sense. I dare you to tell me different.
I miss the `subtle attack on American consumerism!' well rub the sleep out of your eyes and put away your Movie Guide books; first and foremost it wasn't that subtle, it wasn't really even that clever given that 75% of the original dawn took place in a mall. What were they suppose to allude to, the vast wasted space that are America's parking lots? Besides its been replaced successfully with a reinforcement of iron class structure but I won't bore you with a neo-Marxist rant, you can connect those dots.
This wasn't anywhere near as scary as the original Did you even see the original? Sure it was gory, but scary? What part of the pie fight was the scariest for you?
Too many characters and no development Well again, just tell me the top three things that pop into your mind about the original fab four. Not to knock the original script, but characterization was not its strong suit, the characters were nearly interchangeable. Here we get to see a true spectrum of human reaction to overwhelming tragedy. I felt for these characters, I could write a mini bio for each of them compared to the original, I could say Roger was the white cop, what else could you add?
In short, I found this a brilliant and captivating re-visioning and hope it leads to additional films for the series. It was creepy and technically well executed. I only wish it was longer, several non-action scenes I suspect ended up on the cutting room floor. e.g. CJ gets let out of holding cell, Frank's degeneration
Well done
8/10 overall, 10/10 for Zombie horror
House of the Dead (2003)
Way Ahead of Its Time
This movie is way ahead of its time; the appropriate time would be when I'm so senile just planting me in front of a television and its flashing light puts a smile of my drooling face.
The House of the Dead, named for the `house music' played during the movie's pivotal rave party rather then after any architectural feature, is certainly the weakest of Clint Howard's one armed fishermen tales of the Pacific North West.
Bare breasts, yet a weak selection of off-the-rack firearms make this a difficult movie to reconcile or compare to other representatives of the zombie island film genre (with the notable exception of `Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island' of course). Instead, it would better to compare this cinematic gem with what I ate for lunch today. My lunch was much better.
The digital special effects were quite impressive; for instance Jurgen Prochnow was added digitally in the otherwise uncastable role of Captain Kirk, the fifteen hundred dollar ferryman to the stars. The visual transition from movie to video game to staring at the ceiling of the theater wishing it would all end was seamless, and should also really warrant some special technical consideration.
2/10
Big Fish (2003)
Billy Redden is Hopelessly type-cast
This movie is rich with humanity, and is a refreshing breath of fresh clean air in American Film making. The wonderful cast takes a back seat to great storytelling to weave a quilt that in the end is just a great movie. Subdued performances from both Buscemi and DeVito were nice surprises and help made this extra touching.
The film reminds us that the good old days never were, but they were wonderful all the same; and that memory is just as important as food clothing and shelter. Thank you Mr. Burton, I'll put this one on the shelf somewhere between `To Kill a Mockingbird' and `The Princess Bride'.
10/10
S.W.A.T. (2003)
Weaker than a weak TV show
No excuse for this movie to be as bland as it was, for a movie centered around action, the sequences would put you to sleep. I like the big ambush scene much better the first time I saw it in "Clear and Present Danger".
5/10
Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Darker and Harder Sci-Fi, and a Surprisingly Good TV Mini
Much has been written about superficial changes to the basic Battlestar Galactica story in this made for TV remake of a made for TV rip-off, outraged fans complaining about gender changes, technical updates, and casting issues etc. Despite all the alleged public uproar, I'd like to take a minute to remind readers and viewers alike that the original 1978 television movie/series was HORRIBLE. Acted by a who's who of rotating TV hacks that reads like the credits from a Love Boat compilation, dialog that belonged on the Superfriends, and continuity problems you could drive a Star Viper through; the original boasted such value I am prepared to set aside every bit of fandom's criticism as simply coming from persons who really need a lot more exposure.
That said, I initially found the Battlestar redux something that would hold little interest for me. Yes, it still feels like television, but the opening sequence had greater intensity and more thought displayed than the entire original show. This is good sci-fi television; no ifs, ands, or buts. Solid acting, great writing, detailed set design and certainly special effects on par with today's expectations, which is far more than I could say for the original. This isn't a Star Wars rip-off, nor is it even a remake of the original so much as it is truly a re-imagining of what the original might have been if it didn't suck.
I give it 8/10 overall, but 10/10 in the world of the small screen.
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
Certainly Not the Lesser of Two Weevils
Peter Weir's Master and Commander is a wonderful movie to behold and participate in. Having not read either of the books this movie is based on, I approached the film as a young mid-shipman might, full of anxiety, excitement and fear.
Which Russell Crowe would be at the helm? The over the top Maximus? The head thumping Bud White/Hando? The little man in lifts wearing his father's Victoria Cross out on the town for Oscar night? I'm pleased to say it was none of them but instead a fresh face and true Master and Commander of His Majesty's Royal Navy, a genuine man's man. Hat's off for Crowe's turn, he's definitely found his sea legs. And where has Paul Bettany been hiding? What a performance!
Strong supporting cast, script, effects, and pacing makes this a true epic film that somehow manages to maintain a sense of intimacy known only by a small group a of people trapped for months at a time enduring great common struggle with humor, faith, courage, setbacks and triumph.
Score was a bit wanting and repetitive, but not distractingly so, and it's highlights outweighed its low points.
9/10
Mystic River (2003)
One of Kevin Conway's Best!
SPOILERS
A man (KEVIN CONWAY) loses a family friend in an old bear cage and brings beer to the grieving family as part of a cavalcade of product placements. Another guy (TIM ROBBINS) watches old scary movies and thinks himself a vampire, so he drives with two Irish werewolves to the set of `The Accused' for more product placement and a classic reenactment of SEAN PENN's greatest moments from `At Close Range'/'State of Grace'. There then is a parade of fire trucks and Lady Macbeth menaces ROBBIN's grieving widow, many people become one degree closer to KEVIN BACON
Solid performances by all, in a pretty stock murder mystery. It's a thing from the neighborhood, you wouldn't get it, unless of course you watch television or movies. Killers recycled from KEVIN SMITH's "Dogma", but that's more of a Jersey thing.
Conway Sobriety 9/10 Tribute to Vampires 5/10 Police interrogation 6/10 Eastwood's Score 9/10 Overall 8/10
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
I only counted 762, but a pretty good start.
What if you took the following -
Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hills Have Eyes, Funhouse, Carny, Motel Hell, Psycho, Tourist Trap, My Bloody Valentine, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show
And mixed them all in a bowl? You'd have a good start on a house of 1000 corpses. If you are looking for Shakespeare, this ain't it, but it is a good'ol fun ride that reminded me of my childhood movie habits. Good performances from some of my favorite cult actors and interesting film style.
9/10 for the genre, 7/10 overall, 0/10 for tourism locals featuring both chicken and gasoline
28 Days Later... (2002)
Most Chilling Science Fiction since Alien
I liked this movie a lot. It seems a common criticism that it is a poor zombie movie, I would add to the cacophony; and say it is also a poor shark movie and an even dumber pirate movie.
It is a science fiction/horror/social thriller, that sticks together quite well if you take the time to think about it all at the end of the film.
It does explore very familiar ground, but in a great way. and it borrows much more from Romero's `The Crazies' than it does any of his zombie movies.
Solid film making and one of maybe six actually scary movies I have seen in my life.
Wannabes (2000)
They took a shot
A nice little movie, that isn't as mobbed up as the sales pitch. Really a good story about a small family in a changing world, where clinging to the past isn't such a good idea no matter what side of the law you fall on. Strong performances by both Ray Serra and Joe Viterelli, and decent production values. 7/10
Vulgar (2000)
Not your daddy's bad clown movie
A long time ago I saw a preview for a movie called "Clerks" right before getting the wind kicked out of me by "Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer". Saw "Clerks" 'bout a year later and thought, OK, sort of funny, don't get the fat guy and the idiot outside the store, but OK. Saw "Mallrats" and could only wonder where Mike Rooker's career would go from there...
Before VULGAR, I had recently, seen both "Dogma" and "Chasing Amy"...So, suddenly I'd been after Kevin Smith associated stuff like a foaming monkey in a banana bazaar.
"Vulgar" is not your typical clown gone bad movie, despite its cover art. It is instead a movie about violation juxtaposed against absolute innocence. It is also a movie with terrible dubbing. With a better audio track and more exposition I would have given this movie a ten despite its low end production values, as it is I'll give it a hard eight. The performances were by and large quite good, and I'll never hurl a beer bottle at somebody on my stoop the same way again.
Training Day (2001)
Looking to redo your Kitchen?
SPOILERS HEREIN SPOILERS HEREIN
At first glance this movie is really good. Certainly the performances and cinematography are top shelf, the movie is well paced, and individual scenes are very well scripted. But then you start to notice everything seems to be taking place in the kitchen. There's a phone call in the kitchen, breakfast in a kitchen, money in the kitchen, a mistress cooking Salvadoran style in the kitchen, a poker hand and the Mexican mafia hanging in the kitchen, and the movie nearly ends during a shootout in the kitchen. Certainly the LA Kitchen genre has been played to death!
My biggest problem with this film is that the underlying premise makes no sense. Alanzo doesn't need the rookie cop to take the fall for anything, and even if he did he risks both the Rookie's life and the possibility of him not being lured into Alanzo's world way too much during "The Training Day". It is unrealistic too to think that even though Alanzo has just gotten in trouble in Vegas he could set up a transfer of a trainee to fill the role of..., the role of,...well I'm not sure what role he is supposed to fill. Renegade newbie who shouldn't have shot Scott Glen and then was killed mysteriously in east LA, allowing Alanzo to skate? If you think back, or try to outline some resolution other than Hawk escaping, I am sure you will get my point.
Something is definitely cooking in this film, but despite all the spice, it is really lacking a fundamental principle. Make sure it makes sense. I give it a Seven (7)
Hannibal (2001)
I kept waiting for the elephants
Certainly the worst of the three movies based on Harris's characters from a plot standpoint, but technically superior in it's sweeping panoramas to Demme's "Silence".
Infantile as the book it was based on, I would have to characterize it as a good film translation of a book that was in itself a sequel to a movie rather than the previous two books in the series. Hannibal of this film would make an excellent Bat Man villain, as he and the Verger character walk in a two dimensional comic book world rather than the real worlds created by Michael Mann and Jonathan Demme in previous works. A solid 5
Left Behind (2000)
Everything I needed to know I learned in Sunday School
You have to laugh at a movie/book who's premise in part consists of "international bankers", being manipulated by the anti-Christ; a United Nations who's strings are pulled by these same "international bankers" and the greatest evil of all consists of getting off the gold standard and having one currency.
Nice to learn too that 95% of the world is not going to heaven, if you lack faith in a rather narrow Christian dogma; I guess we're stuck here with the devilish Jews...er, I mean "international bankers".
Bad cinema is one thing, but bad anti-Semitic cinema disguised as righteousness is more dangerous than amusing.
I give it a 3, but only because it has a nice establishing shot of Chicago and a cool staged car crash.
The Beach Girls (1982)
Tessa Richarde NEKKID!
There is little else to say about this movie in a favorable light. I think it would have given Ronald Reagan a heart attack with its silly approach to drugs, sex, and really bad new-age meets porn sound track. They just don't make'em like this one anymore! (For good reason)