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Deep Blue Sea (1999)
The script matters
19 October 1999
Warning: Spoilers
A lot of people are trotting out the old "So the dialogue and characters are lame, what do you expect in an action movie?" excuse for Deep Blue Sea. Do these people have no minimum standard for writing? Would they be happy if the characters just came on and grunted like caveman?

Action films with good scripts do better at the box office than ones with bad scripts. It's actually a good investment to have a good script. So why do films like this still spend more on make-up?

Just a few of the things which didn't make sense: SPOILERS AHEAD!

The "shark researchers" spend millions of dollars on an underwater titanium cage for the sharks, and above water they have an eight-foot fence. For a forty-foot shark. Have any of them ever been to Marine World? Or seen Free Willy?

Because the sharks have bigger brains, they develop the ability to swim backwards. The reason sharks can't swim backwards is because their gills only work one way, and they would drown. It's not because they simply haven't figured it out yet. A Harvard education doesn't mean you can breathe water.

In his "stirring" speech, Samuel L. Jackson says "if you think water moves fast, try ice", and recounts his mountaineering story. This is ludicrous. A, ice doesn't flow, it just kinda sits there, so obviously water is faster. B, the avalanche was snow, rather than ice. And C, ice IS water.

And on, and on...

But of course you could put up with any number of errors like this if you were interested in the characters or the situation, or entertained by the dialogue. Sadly, this film has one of the worst scripts I have ever heard. Example: Saffron Burrows: "Have you ever known someone who suffered from Alzheimer's?" Samuel Jackson (after a lot of thought) "Well...no." Samuel Jackson (on entering the amazing underwater laboratory): "Wow."

To all those people who say that this is an action movie, what does it matter what the script is like, I would ask: Can you give me an example of an action movie that was ruined by a good script?
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1/10
Easily the worst film of all time
17 August 1999
Many Irish films have failed because they try to be too commercial - The Courier (attempt at an Irish gangster film), I Went Down (attempt at an Irish Tarantino), the list is elsewhere. The makers of Finbar have obviously learned a lesson from this, and have made a film that is totally un-commercial. The settings are boring (nondescript Dublin housing estate, Sweden). The acting is execrable. The plot is feeble.

The main character is trying to find Finbar (after a lot of tiresome teenage angst), but the scintilla of suspense that this search might have evoked is spoiled by the fact that Finbar is an obnoxious bore, and not worth finding. In short, too much Finbar, not enough disappearance.
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She's the One (1996)
A fabulous, truthful, instant-favourite movie
24 November 1998
A beautiful woman gets into Ed Burns' cab, and asks him to drive her to New Orleans. What guy wouldn't relate to this fundamental fantasy? This is a guy's movie. It has brilliant observations on the love-hate relationship between brothers, and also on the Irish-American family. "You don't even believe in God," Ed Burns says to his sermonising father. "That doesn't mean I can't be a good Catholic," his father replies. There are countless twists, and countless funny lines. Ed Burns is some kinda genius. A fabulous, truthful, instant-favourite movie.
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