Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2019 Video)

Kyle Mooney: Michelangelo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Batman : This is not the time for pizza.

  Michelangelo : I totally don't understand that sentence.

• Commissioner Gordon : Ninjas. As if we didn't have enough problems in this city.

  Batman : Commissioner Gordon.

  [Gordon Turns and sees Batman] 

  Batman : What have you got for me?

  Commissioner Gordon : It's Arkham. Alarms went off an hour ago, but when...

  [Sees the Turtles] 

  Commissioner Gordon : What are those?

  Michelangelo : Teenagers.

  Donatello : Mutants.

  Raphael : Ninjas.

  Leonardo : Turtles.

  Commissioner Gordon : Just think about your retirement. Some place where the turtles don't talk and clowns are funny.

  Batman : It's okay, Jim, they're friends. Arkham.

  Commissioner Gordon : Right. When my people tried to move in, they were attacked by ninjas. Like the ones that have been knocking over laboratories.

  Leonardo : Shredder!

  Commissioner Gordon : We've got the perimeter locked down, but we have to assume there are hostages inside. Guards, doctors, nurses. I need you to...

  [Sees the roof is empty] 

  Commissioner Gordon : Sure, leave before I finish. That never gets old.

  Michelangelo : I'm still here.

  Commissioner Gordon : AAAAAA!

• Michelangelo : [attacking Batman]  THINK FAST!

  [Batman wrestles him] 

  Michelangelo : Ugh... he thought too fast...

• Donatello : [the Turtles are researching Batman on a computer, while Michelangelo draws on a nearby whiteboard]  They call him... The Batman.

  Raphael : Oh, Batman! Yeah, no, I'm glad that half-an-hour research pulled up the name I could've guessed in two seconds!

  Donatello : I've read rumors about a supernatural bat creature in Gotham, but I assumed it was an urban legend or that he was a mutant like us.

  Leonardo : That guy was definitely human, and I think his supernatural powers are just his gadgets.

  Michelangelo : Uh, we already know what he is: he's awesome! Unless he's a bad guy. That'd make him, like...

  [Counts with his fingers] 

  Michelangelo : 40% less awesome.

  Donatello : No one knows his motives, but it appears that he only attacks criminals, especially this clown guy.

  Raphael : So he wears a Dracula costume and punches clowns, who cares! The dirtbag stole my sai!

  Donatello : [Quietly]  Dracula costume? What kind of Dracula movies are *you* watching?

  Raphael : Look, all I'm saying is ever since Shredder stole the Ooze from TCRI and came to Gotham, we know he's been working with a new partner, right? It's gotta be this Bat-creep.

  Leonardo : I'm not so sure. The way he fought, avoiding lethal blows; he wanted to figure us out. Like a detective.

  Michelangelo : [Shows his drawings on the whiteboard]  Okay, bros! I broke it down. Awesome: little-bat throwing things, cool car, sweet bat hat. Not awesome: kicked our butts, may be evil, mean voice.

  [Smiles proudly] 

  Leonardo : Either way, after Wayne Enterprises, we have no idea where the Foot will be next. The Batman is our only lead.

  Donatello : Agreed. Whether friend or foe, he was at the scene of the crime.

• Batman : [Seeing that the Batmobile is trapped]  Michelangelo, press some buttons.

  Michelangelo : [about to explode with joy]  I'M GONNA HIT ALL OF THEM!

• Michelangelo : [Upon seeing the Batcave for the first time]  This is amazing! I don't know what to put my grubby paws on first.

• Michelangelo : [Michelangelo is atop the T-Rex robot in the Batcave, wearing a batcowl]  Hey, guys, check it out. I'm Batman and I'm riding the T-Rex. I've never been so happy in my entire life!

• Pizza Delivery Girl : That should be everything. Can you handle all that? It's a lot of pizza.

  [Alfred holds several pizza boxes] 

  Alfred : Young lady, I assure you. There's no amount of greasy cheese bread that could surpass my abilities.

  Pizza Delivery Girl : You're the boss, weird butler.

  [takes the payment and leaves] 

  Alfred : I offer to cook a gourmet meal but they want pizza.

  [frowns] 

  Alfred : Teenagers.

  Michelangelo : [sliding down the banister on his skateboard]  Cowabunga!

  Alfred : Oh, no.

  [Michelangeo smashes into him, spilling pizza] 

  Michelangelo : Ooh, pizza. Mmm.

  [slurps a slice] 

• Batman : I'm still recovering from whatever Shredder did to me. I've never seen an attack like that.

  Leonardo : It must've been the Sato Oshi strike. It's a powerful ninja technique that dates back hundreds of years. Said to be created by the founders of the Foot Clan. It focuses all the body's energy into a single blow and can prove as fatal to its wielder as it is to the opponent. Because of that, it's been lost to history. Only two living ninja masters know how to utilize it's full power. My father Splinter and The Shredder.

  Batman : Good to know. Shredder may have ancient ninja moves, but I've still got a utility belt.

  Alfred : [dragging Michelangeo down to the Batcave and confiscating the skateboard]  And furthermore, I am keeping the skateboard until you learn not to use it in the house.

  Michelangelo : Dude, no.

  Alfred : Calling me, "dude" is not helping your case, young master Michelangelo.

  Michelangelo : Come on, old Master Alfred.

  Alfred : Oh, that's not how that works.

  Michelangelo : [presenting the pizza boxes in his hand]  Look what I got.

  Alfred : Ahem, would the young masters care for some napkins?

  Michelangelo : What for?

  [the turtles gobble down the pizza, and Alfred sighs in disgust]