- Meg Griffin: I'm a bi...
- Stewie Griffin: Knew it.
- Meg Griffin: ...athlete.
- Stewie Griffin: Didn't know it.
- Lois Griffin: I have to say, I'm very proud of Meg.
- Peter Griffin: Who knew she was good at something? Yeah, does anybody else in the family have any secret talents we don't know about?
- Chris Griffin: I'm the Quahog edging champion.
- Peter Griffin: That's great, Chris. Now what's that?
- Chris Griffin: It's the practice of erotic sexual denial.
- Peter Griffin: [disapprovingly] Go wait in the car. And no edging!
- Ron Howard: But he did continue edging. Bringing himself to the verge of sexual pleasure, only to stop at the last moment. I'm Ron Howard, and I do voice-overs for this show now too.
- Kristen Bell: But that was the only voice-over Ron Howard did for the show. He asked for too much money. I'm Kristen Bell, and I do reasonably-priced voice-overs.
- Josh Robert Thompson: But her voice-overs were not reasonably priced, so they turned to me. A guy who sounds like Morgan Freeman, but is not, in fact, Morgan Freeman. My name is Josh Robert Thompson, and I perform for scale.
- Stewie Griffin: Well, I have to say, you two are the best thing to happen to sports since the New York Knicks finally changed their name.
- Basketball stadium announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your 2018 New York Pieces-Of-Dog-Shit!
- [everyone boos]
- Peter Griffin: That's it. Like your missiles, I'm about to go ballistic.
- [bird flies across screen and crashes in between his legs]
- Peter Griffin: Oww! A northern bird flew into my nuts! Ahh, go to commercial!