Family Guy (TV Series)

Big Trouble in Little Quahog (2018)

Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin

Quotes 

• Lois Griffin : [Brian barks at Stewie]  Whoa, whoa, easy, boy, easy. I-It's just Stewie in a kitty costume.

  Stewie Griffin : I'm a calico, and my name is Humphrey.

  Lois Griffin : He got his face painted at a birthday party. It was the only thing this little guy could do. He was too light for the caterpillar slide, too short for the pinata, and too scared to touch the animals in the petting zoo.

  Stewie Griffin : Half of them had erections.

  Lois Griffin : Half of them had erections.

  Stewie Griffin : The pony was magnificent.

  Lois Griffin : The pony was magnificent.

• Brian Griffin : [getting sucked into the vacuum cleaner]  Oh, my god, this is disgusting!

  Stewie Griffin : I just hope she's done vacuuming.

  Lois Griffin : Okay, everyone, dump your toenails in the hall; I'm vacuuming.

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, god.

• Exterminator : Hi. I'm the exterminator.

  Peter Griffin : An ex-Terminator? So you used to be a Terminator?

  Exterminator : No. I kill rats and bugs.

  Peter Griffin : And Sarah Connor.

  Lois Griffin : No, Peter. We have a rat.

  Exterminator : My stuff's in my truck.

  [putting on a pair of sunglasses] 

  Exterminator : I'll be back.

  Peter Griffin : [with a gasp]  See that, Lois? There's more Terminators around than you think there are.

  [cut to Lois' perspective, with a red Terminator-like computer display; response choices include "ask for divorce", "snap his neck", and "make lame mom joke"] 

  Lois Griffin : [selecting "make lame mom joke"]  I hope he can "terminate" some of the bad attitudes on our kids, huh?

  Peter Griffin : [laughing weakly]  Yeah.

• Peter Griffin : Well, what'd you find?

  Exterminator : I'll be honest. I think this is a conversation best had over dinner.

  Lois Griffin : Oh. Okay.

  Peter Griffin : [cut to them out at a restaurant]  So, what's going on with the house?

  Exterminator : I don't like talking business at the table. Let's just enjoy our wine.

  Peter Griffin : You're right. I'm sorry.

  Exterminator : [cut them returning home]  Your wife's asleep.

  Peter Griffin : Sometimes she fakes it so I can't hump her, but this seems legit. So, uh, shouldn't we talk about what you found at our house?

  Exterminator : I don't know. It's so late. I have a crazy idea. Should we talk about it over a nightcap?

  Peter Griffin : Uh, sure, I guess.

  Exterminator : [getting out of the car]  I'm a little chilly.

  Peter Griffin : [taking off his jacket]  Oh, well, I-I guess I don't need this.

  [the exterminator blushes as Peter puts it over his shoulders] 

  Peter Griffin : Sir? Sir, I asked you what you found out about the house.

  Exterminator : [waking from his daydream]  What? Oh. You're gonna have to tent the house.

  Peter Griffin : All right. Thanks for your work. You're very professional.

  Exterminator : Yeah, that's me. Professional. Always professional.

  [as Peter closes the door, he sits down on the stoop dejected] 

  Exterminator : And alone.