- [Rose is packing herb, potions and magic books from her father's library to due battle with Sarah who is possessed by a demon]
- Rose Dooley: Rose, you can do this now. Just go over there, save the girl, don't slaughter anybody again, yeah, fall in love, get the guy and be home in time for a something to eat... maybe something light like a yogurt or something.
- [last lines]
- [holding an engagement ring]
- Martin Martin: Rose Dooley, will you marry me?
- Rose Dooley: No.
- Vincent Dooley: [Martin and Rose watching an old recording of her father, Vincent] Hello! I'm Vincent Dooley. This week, I'm visiting the O'Callaghan farm in West Cork, investigating a gloating.
- Martin Martin: Gloating?
- Rose Dooley: Yeah, a goat floating.
- Vincent Dooley: Do you ever have nightmares after eating cheese? You might've eaten a ghost. Even the weakest ghosts can possess cheese quite easily! Due to the living bacteria in the cheese.
- Rose Dooley: We need ectoplasm. It's this type of goo that ghosts leave behind when they go off to the spirit world.
- Martin Martin: Like in 'Ghostbusters'.
- Rose Dooley: Oh, I haven't read that.
- [Rose is giving Christian a driving lesson]
- Rose Dooley: Yes, that is the clutch, now press down with your left foot... Your other left.
- Sailor Dooley: Anyway, listen! Noreen's just saying to me there that Christie Berk's wife has gone to jail for infanticide, so he's practically single now. And no kids or nothing.
- Rose Dooley: I think I might have met someone maybe.
- Sailor Dooley: Wait. What?
- Rose Dooley: I'm not sure but this gentleman, like, Martin - Martin Martin - when we touched there was something... I don't know what. He was only pretending that he couldn't drive so he could talk to me.
- Sailor Dooley: Oh, pretending is good. Go, Martin. So, what did he want to talk about?
- Rose Dooley: Oh, his wife. She's dead, but she's still into him.
- Sailor Dooley: Oh, for fuck sake, one of them. That's easy. Do an ex-wifeism.
- Rose Dooley: Sailor! You know I can't do that.
- Sailor Dooley: Why, Rose? What's the worst that can happen?
- Rose Dooley: I kill him with my supernatural powers and leave his daughter to face life alone.
- Sailor Dooley: Fair enough.
- [first lines]
- Vincent Dooley: Why don't we see ghosts every day? The truth is ghosts are around us all the time, but most hauntings are so small they go unnoticed. For example, a pen, a pen lid, a gravel, a trapped sound, a child's ball or balls, a wheeled bin.
- Martin Martin: Sarah! What have you done to her?
- Rose Dooley: Yeah and give me back my scrunchy!
- Christian Winter: Can't I just sacrifice a virgin in peace?
- [Rose happily greets various possessed objects as she drives through town]
- Rose Dooley: Hello, toaster. Hello, branch. Hello, old ghost lady.
- Old Woman: Hello.
- Rose Dooley: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were dead.
- Rose Dooley: Hello, sleepy head. You up?
- Martin Martin: Oh, I'm sorry. Turns out taking a ghost into your body and puking up their ectoplasm when your daughter is under a satanic levitation spell will take it out of you.
- Astaroth the Demon: You have broken our contract. Now we will feast on your soul!
- Christian Winter: I-I-I sent you a virgin. I followed instructions, my lord.
- Astaroth the Demon: Did you really think you could deceive us?
- [points at Sarah]
- Astaroth the Demon: She is no virgin!
- Christian Winter: What?
- Martin Martin: What? Yes she is.
- Sailor Dooley: Uh-oh.
- Martin Martin: Sarah, is that true?
- Sarah Martin: Ahh...
- Martin Martin: My precious flower...
- Sailor Dooley: Deflowered more like, Martin
- Rose Dooley: He was crying and I told him, like, "get out of my car"! And then I ate a sandwich that he left. And then I started crying too.
- Martin Martin: You unsacrifice my daughter right now before I come in there and pull those stupid bloody eyebrows off!
- [Christian enters the room and sees the girl he intended to use for as a sacrifice has exploded]
- Christian Winter: Ohh! The virgin! What on God's green earth did you do?
- Claudia Winter: What? I went in to ask her something and she kind of exploded and fell apart. It'll still work, yeah? I just sacrificed her a bit early.
- Christian Winter: The moon is tomorrow night - the ceremony can only happen then. Now I shall have to procure another virgin!
- Claudia Winter: I said, "Sorry!"
- [the Martins are haunted by their dead wife/mother]
- Sarah Martin: We can't go on like this. If you're too scared to call someone, I'm going to call someone.
- Martin Martin: Who you gonna call?
- Sarah Martin: Rose Dooley, that psychic driving instructor, whatever.
- Martin Martin: Those Dooleys - the whole family is mad.
- Sarah Martin: You know her?
- Martin Martin: No, but I used to see her father on telly. Crazy fella, goin' on about talkin' to ghosts.
- Sarah Martin: Right. "Crazy father talks to ghosts".
- [speaking to his manager on the phone]
- Christian Winter: Bernard, old friend. We're in the final stages here. It's all been surprisingly easy. I did the incantation to summon the chosen girl and as if by, well, magic, she arrived. Oh, the book's power is really quite impressive.
- [Christian enters a room where a high school-aged girl is levitating over a pentagram drawn on the floor of the room]
- Christian Winter: After the sacrifice, I'll send you the new album.
- [Rose refuses to help Martin because she made a mistake with a magic spell that caused her father's death]
- Martin Martin: Rose, I know you think I'm crazy... .
- Rose Dooley: I don't think you're crazy but, actually, I think that you're scared of what your life would be like without her.
- Martin Martin: Yes, I'm scared! I am afraid and I'm fine with that. If you don't help me, Sarah is going to die - that's all I meant. But this wouldn't be making a mistake; this would be not even trying.
- Martin Martin: My daughter is about to be deflowered by the devil and you're telling me you won't help?