Letterkenny (TV Series)

Way to a Man's Heart (2017)

Jacob Tierney: Glen

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Quotes 

• Glen : Allow me to begin my three step tutorial on preachin'. So here's how you start. Step one: Guilt blasting. Take to the pulpit, present yourself to the congregation, and you really just let 'em have it. Goes something like this: "You're all guilty, you're all sinners. You're all guilty of sin. You're all guilty of not asking for forgiveness. Oh, I know, I know, I know; here we go, we skip into doopa-doopa-do, acting like he isn't even there, he doesn't matter who cares about Jesus? Till somethin' goes wrong. Till you're served the lemons and then suddenly it's 'Oh, Jesus, help me. I need you now. I can't remember how to make lemonade. I need your help Jesus. I've been bad and I'm scared and I'm afraid. Where's my Jesus? Help me, Jesus'"

  Roald : Kind of mean.

  Stewart : Enticing. Step two?

  Glen : Step two: Guilt blasting through prayer.

  Stewart : Five star.

  Glen : So this one, you wanna dig a little bit deeper; maybe crank everything up to a eleven. Something- Something a little like this, see if you can follow.

  [Praying] 

  Glen : "Oh Lord, it's us again. Stinky little sinners, human sacks of garbage! Probably halfway to Hell. You know the drill Lord; when everything's good, poof! We act like your grace is our birthright WHICH. IT. IS. NOT! - Oh I'm sure you're tired Lord, you must be exhausted! You already went ahead and died for our sins, then you went and brought yourself back from the dead, I'm tired just thinking about it! So you rest for a bit, Lord. You rest, and we'll just keep doing what we do best: Paving our own roads to Hell. You know the drill. AMEN!"

  Stewart : Bewitching.

  Roald : Oh, what's step three?

  Glen : Step three is the collection plate.

  Stewart : Wondrous.