- Prince Fomar: Oh, something bit my manhood.
- Eliot Waugh: Congratulations, son. You just had sex. The first time's always painful. It's all those teeth they've got down there.
- The Incubus: You've got two minutes.
- Julia Wicker: Henry Fog said that you might be able to help us power our spell. We just... we need to use your... thing.
- The Incubus: My what?
- Julia Wicker: Uh, your thing. Your... business.
- The Incubus: Sorry?
- Alice Quinn: Your "little friend". Uh - I mean - your big friend. Well, I'm - I'm sure your friend is perfectly proportioned to your body.
- Fairy Queen: Welcome back. I see you've misplaced your wife and child.
- Eliot Waugh: You'd be shocked how easy it is to misplace people when your mind's on tax collection and annexation and unforeseen seafaring confusion.
- Margo Hanson: Vaginas. The leading cause of death in men. They spread disease. They explode during childbirth. But worst of all, they bleed. Every month. In fact, mine's doing it right now.
- Prince Fomar: Well, that's okay. I like blood.
- Margo Hanson: [Is stunned for a second, then comes up with an idea] But do you like teeth?
- Dean Fogg: You want to rid yourself of the one thing we all so desperately want?
- Julia Wicker: If you understood what-...
- Dean Fogg: You understand. I'm a Magician with no magic. A dean without a school. Just a blind, unemployed black man in America. Which, shockingly, was actually being kept 38% more tolerant through a series of enchantments which have now died.
- Eliot Waugh: Listen, pro tip. Let Margo out of there immediately. You know her. Force isn't going to work.
- Fairy Queen: True. Force may not work. But the clever coercion on the part of a trusted friend...
- Eliot Waugh: I am not going to coerce Margo into having sex with a 15-year-old. Have you never heard of statutory rape?
- Fairy Queen: Fomar isn't a statue.
- Margo Hanson: You don't need a wife. You need a pile of socks and a sex-ed class.
- Prince Fomar: What's a sex class? Who's Ed?
- Julia Wicker: Did you just use that fish as a doorbell?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: I've been trying to warn you guys for like an hour. Being the fish button is the first thing in this entire room that's worked.
- Alice Quinn: What are you trying to warn us about?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: This spell. I've seen it, in person.
- Julia Wicker: Are you serious?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Yeah. A couple months back on a book stealing job, I saw a group of magically starved idiots do the transfer. And by the end of it, everyone was on fire.