Happy! (TV Series)

What Smiles Are For (2017)

Jerry Springer: Jerry Springer

Quotes 

• Jerry Springer : Well, we're gonna find out who hit what and from what end, but first, here's another winner at life who claims the kid ain't his. Give it up for Nick Sax.

  Nick Sax : I got no idea why I'm even here.

  Jerry Springer : Well, you're not really here. This is a metaphor. You've experienced a near-death bodily trauma.

  Nick Sax : Yeah.

  Jerry Springer : After hearing the best news any guy can ever hear. Let's give a nice hand to the new papa.

  Nick Sax : Sorry to disappoint. I ain't nobody's daddy.

  Jerry Springer : [the audience jeers]  How can you be so sure? You shooting blanks?

  [the audience laughs] 

  Jerry Springer : Which is pretty funny, considering your line of work.

  Nick Sax : Now, look, any alleged incidents of erectile dysfunction, that I am in no way admitting to, would be a fairly recent development from me, and totally beside the point. I'm telling you I don't belong here. The only thing I am a father to is a baseball-sized colonic impasse that's getting worse every minute of this conversation.