I was REALLY views today, ama I purposefully decided to inflict some mental torture on myself.
I did this first, by putting on a free streaming channel, and then looking at the collection of 'horror' films, they offered. Then - after scanning the brief synopsis of each (BTW; that comment I just made - about 'BRIEF synopsis' was meant for some idiot by the nickname 'H-ggo', who's apparently got NO life. He's made it his 'mission' to summarise EVERY single film. One - VERY big problem; this egotistical dummy doesn't know WHAT 'synopsis' mean's - as well as a few others. A 'synopsis' is a VERY brief summary -2-3 sentences, MAX - instead he writes the longest, most adjective-filled GARBAGE imaginable. He's writing VERY bad - and still MORE info than is asked for. Anything longer is a 'plot summary'. You can find this idiot's garbage all over IMdB, as well as others who use hinds role model. If you JUST want to know - BRIEFLY what a film's about, let IMdB KNOW this).. I came across this thing, and just from the brief synopsis, I could tell before I even saw a minute of it, it would be AWFUL...
...and it IS!
Aside from their being not one professional actor in it (a 'professional' is one who makes their livelihood doing a certain job. Actors - professional one's, that is, are also all members of a union. None of these people are either).
This is what your get when you have WAY too many media outlets, all of whom need 'product' to promote. The pathetic thing is, in the last hundred years, ALL the major film studios in the States, in the UK, and in many other nations around the world, have been making films, many of which sit in vaults - unwatched.
Rather than filling the need for material with GARBAGE like this, there should be streaming channels (like Criterion and a very few others) who offer up these vaults' material to viewers around the world.
Instead, we get a laughably awful production, such as this.
I can only describe this by saying it was made by 'born again' people.
I don't care what, per even if, a person has any religious beliefs. I grew up in a very big cosmopolitan city, made up of people from all over the world. A person's religious beliefs are between themselves and their belief - PERIOD.
It's NOT something you need (or SHOULD!) FOIST into others faces!!!
Moreover, a lot of these aforementioned types aren't accepting off others beliefs. They'll say something like you can believe whatever you want, but it's is the one true one's, or something similar.
They're very narrow-minded, ama someruing'like this only shows HOWclosed-minded they are.
A 'film' such as this is the product of people who have VERY limited world views.
What I mean is, it's very clear, after having watched this, that its made up from combining the worst possible clichés in film and putting this... 'melange' onto a generic story, all in the service of a born again religious bent.
Let me be clearer; the first 20 minutes, or so, play out like this; first, there's nothing close to a real film set. It looks like it was shot in someone's home, and fast food joint.
We see some 'kids' (a 20-something man and woman, actually) break into an 'abandoned house', and they're almost IMMEDIATELY set on by a genetic, psychotic-looking farmer-type, who kills them - though we don't see it (remember; this isa religious film).
The two lovebirds are just there to introduce the farmer, as a group of people (all wearing blazers and buttoned shirts and skinny tires, and sunglasses (even though the house is dark, and it's nighttime when they're outside). They shoot what look like lawn darts at this psycho/farmer; HUGE pointed-tipped... projectiles. I'm a 'real' film, or TV show, this would've been filmed with ruby little blow-dart sized projectiles.
They're apparently coated with some tranquillising drug.
We're immediately outside, with good ole 'Eb' (I'll call him that) in the front-centre, and a pair of the aforementioned blues brothers/MiB-types behind him in the distance - still wearing their sunglasses, though it's clear it's night. Some guy - dressed the same, except he's got a red skinny tie, and he's apparently the 'boss', tells 'Eb' he's got 'plans' for him.
Next, the viewer's fooled because it appears an infomercial's starting. We see animated (done quite well!) kitchen items - utensils and salad... stuff, 'dancing', and then the words, 'Cooking with Alex Creed'. Apparently, he's a film star, like an Arnold Schwarzenegger-type, now reduced to doing George Foreman-type commercials (if only he was that fortunate! Mr Foreman's made SO much money from that alone).
This one's with a woman, who's standing next to Alex, as he introduces her (wearing WAY to much makeup😫, and opening her mouth likes porn actress, and who can't stop touching her... shoulders and hair,, oddly) named 'Winney Swinney'.
I've no clue WHO, or WHAT she's supposed to be, but the ONLY pluses in this dreck are for BOTH it's these people. He's a serviceable, generic actor, and she's just...nuts. She's got this wonderful, scratchy-sounding 'Witchiepooh-type voice, and even though she ('Winnie', that is) keeps picking up and holding the cutlery in ominous ways, she doesn't stop cackling..
.
Right after watching this, we see 'Alex', sitting in a chair, kind of depressed that his life's come to this.
Trying to cheer him up is his 'agent''.
First, about the guy who's 'playing' the agent; his entire.... acting...'skill' - and I say that VERY, VERY loosely, is too attend there, and them thrust his arms, VERY fast, as of here's punching an invisible target
He does this several times, and his entire onscreen time is under two minutes.
I don't oredicta great future in film and TV for him.
I said, 'first', a couple of paragraphs ago, and this is the other thing; I'm not found to bore you with his (NON)-talent, I do want to say he's supposed to be Mr Creed's 'agent', and as someone involved in this business (professionally, that is), for quite awhile, it annoys me whenever I see something on-screen which is SO off from how/what a REAL agent does.
It's cluelessness like this which only helps to show how utterly without ANY understanding of ANYTHING the people involved in messes such as this are!
What do I mean?
Say you're a screenwriter, and you've decided to write a script about a small town bank robbery.
People, such as the ones who made this, think all they need do, is learn from watching films and TV shows.
Theirs A HUGE difference between reality and film and TV., and often-times things in realty are 'amped-up' - made bigger, simply because it works make the film's story pay better
All they get is from what they've seen, so their finished product will ALWAYS seem likes cliche - BECAUSE they used clichés they've seen, but don't realise there clichés.
A good screenwriter does something known as 'RESEARCH', and finds out as much as possible about how a bank operates in a small town. Then, the writer needs to find out everything they can about how a bank robber would plan it or, etc.
Even if they've very little money too work with,a small film can be just as good - and oft-times, these Lupé films are far BETTER, because of the pre-filming work done!
People who made this garbage didn't do any research, didn't do anything, except begging born agains, they decided to graft their Bible to a terrible, generic 'film'.
Instead of that small film I just mentioned, these idiots took what they've seen in big budget Hollywood films, and improvised.
They couldn't get hi-tech laser-scoped weapons, but they DOO have lawn darts! They've no makeup artist, so rather than trying too develop 'scary-looking', they took one of those life-like masks, put a little bit of green paint on it, sick it on some poor schlubs head, and voila! Instant monster (only this 'monster' can't make ANY facial movements (it also reminds me of Winbey Swinney, or more accurately, the person who portrayed her. I'm guessing either there person who wrote this thing never personally heard someone say 'VOILA' - pronounced 'vwa-LA', NOT like Winnie says, 'vuh-LA'.
First, you've got to remember; if you treat an audience as if they're idiots, they'll know, and they WON'T be happy.
The film's makers have one point and one goal; spread their myopic world view.
That's all.
1 out of 2 found this helpful.
Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
