- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: My life completely fell apart today. Did I mention my husband left me? Okay, did I mention that he left me for his secretary? She's 21 and dumb as a brillo pad. And I'm not naive, I know that men like stupid girls, right?
- Guy with Blonde: Uh...
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: But I thought Joel wanted more than stupid, I thought he wanted spontaneity and wit. I thought he wanted to be challenged, you know what I mean?
- Blonde in Front Row: Uh...
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: You two are gonna be together forever.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. It's Yom Kippur. I'm supposed to be fasting, atoning for my sins in the eyes of God.
- Susie Meyerson: So?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: So, I'm eating peanuts.
- Susie Meyerson: You showed your tits to half of Greenwich Village. You think the fucking nuts are what's going to piss Him off?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Do you love it?
- Lenny Bruce: Do I love what?
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Comedy. Stand-up. Do you love it?
- Lenny Bruce: Seriously?
- [Midge nods]
- Lenny Bruce: Well, I've been doing it awhile. Ok, let's put it like this: If there was anything else in the entire world that I could possibly do to earn a living, I would. Anything! I'm talking dry cleaners to the Klan, crippled kid portrait painters, slaughterhouse attendant. If someone said to me, "Leonard, you can either eat a guy's head, or do two weeks at the Copa," I'd say "Pass the fucking salt." It's a terrible, terrible job. It should not exist. Like cancer. And God.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: But do you love it?
- [Lenny shrugs, grins sheepishly, and walks away]
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Yeah. He loves it.
- Abe Weissman: Life isn't fair. It's hard and cruel. You have to pick your friends as if there's a war going on. You want a husband who'll take a bullet for you, not one who points to the attic and says 'They're up there.'
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Everybody steals his act?
- Joel Maisel: Yes! No, not steals. Borrows. It's no big deal.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: It's not? When I found out June Friedman used my meatloaf recipe, I almost stabbed her in the eye with a fork.
- Miriam 'Midge' Maisel: Tonight was an isolated incident. There are medications I can take to make sure that never happens again.