The Right One (I) (2021)
Cleopatra Coleman: Sara
Photos
Quotes
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Shad : Just leave Godfrey alone.
Sara : Oh, that's his name? Godfrey?
Shad : Yeah, Godfrey doesn't have no friends.
Sara : Oh, yeah? Then who the hell are you?
Shad : I'm his brother.
Sara : Wait, you're his brother?
Shad : Yeah, so I know everything that goes on in his life. Trust me, you ain't going to be a part of it.
Sara : Oh. Well, are you his brother or his father? Because whoever he is, he's a grown-ass man. He doesn't have to answer to you. And neither do I.
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Kelly : So I'm downstairs, and I hear this noise. I push open the bathroom door, and there's Dan, and he is standing there wiping off makeup.
Sara : Right.
Kelly : Makeup! It was my makeup! And I get it, it's modern times right now, and we're all supposed to be, like, gender fluid or whatever. But you would think, after eight years of marriage, my husband would tell me if he was thinking about crossdressing or whatever.
Sara : Maybe.
Kelly : Yeah. I guess it doesn't matter. It would have been nice if you listened to my story about my husband using all of my foundation.
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Kelly : Honestly, Sara, this self-indulgent, narcissistic phase of yours... Has gone on for too long. Your Simon breakup is messing with my money.
Sara : Simon sold his soul and became obsessed with his 401K and his stock options. So, no.
Kelly : Ooh! Ooh! What an asshole. He grew up and did something responsible. Just like every fucking woman in this world wants! You need to move on, so you have a date tomorrow. His name is Ben. He is an artist, a real one, who actually makes money. I've made you a reservation at that place you like where all the food tastes the same.
Sara : No, no, I'm not going.
Kelly : What'd you say?
Sara : No, I'm not going.
Kelly : Oh, you're going to do it. And do you know why? Because if you don't, I will expose you and everyone's going to see how you live. Is that something you want? People to see the squalor that is your studio apartment? Sweatpants strewn about? Moldy, discarded, expensive meal plan containers everywhere? That pathetic vision board? I will bring your mother to your apartment, I swear to God I will. And do you want her to see that?
Sara : Okay, fine, who is this guy anyway?
Kelly : Mm. Ben. He came highly recommended. Makes musical steampunk instruments. You know, balalaikas, accordions. Some neo-Victorian shit.
Sara : What?
Kelly : And most importantly, he's a potential client's son, so don't be gross. I'm sorry. Don't be late.
Sara : Well, I don't even know what he looks like.
Kelly : I showed him your book jacket photo, so try and resemble it.
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Sara : Right after college, I started this blog, Sara Syndrome. And it was sort of like a satiric look at feminism and sexuality in the age of social media. And now I write these softcore romance novels for dumb millennials. Like, blergh! Now I'm working on my third.
Ben : Oh, wow. Like a series or something? Would I know it? What's it called?
Sara : The debut is called Sext. But it came out when the word was new, so it was cool at the time.
Ben : Got it.
Sara : Actually, the whole thing was written entirely in emojis.
Ben : I can't tell if you're kidding.
Sara : Guess you'll have to read it to find out. The critics were okay with it, but almost everyone hated the ending.
Ben : Why? What happens?
Sara : Well, the protagonist, Sara, she flies into this passionate fit of jealous rage and castrates her boyfriend, Ben, with a paring knife. Yeah! Gotcha! Oh, I'm kidding. That was a joke.
Ben : Whew.
Sara : Obviously, they're not called Ben and Sara, that would be crazy. But she does castrate him at the end.
Ben : I guess I'll just have to read the next one.
