The Magicians (TV Series)
The Tales of the Seven Keys (2018)
Hale Appleman: Eliot Waugh
Photos
Quotes
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Eliot Waugh : We have ourselves a bit of a Gene Hackman in "The Conversation".
Margo Hanson : I didn't see that one.
Eliot Waugh : Yeah, right, um... Someone is "xoxo, Gossip Girl"-ing our shit. Remember James Marsden in X-Men? Your Marsden is xoxo-ing us full on that great song by The Police.
Margo Hanson : That Fairuza Balk in "The Craft".
Eliot Waugh : Yeah, more Cersei Lannister.
Margo Hanson : Hey, glad I made you read those.
Eliot Waugh : ...Well, I read the Wiki.
[Margo gives him a look]
Eliot Waugh : What? Those books are like a million pages long. I have a life.
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Eliot Waugh : Anyway, whatever your Marsden would xoxo, Cersei xoxo's. So, we have to keep it very best episode of "Buffy".
Margo Hanson : Musical?
Eliot Waugh : The other one.
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The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods : You are a good king. But it is time to become a great one. In order to do that, you must travel to a land where you are no king, no Magician, just a vulnerable man.
Eliot Waugh : Honestly, that sounds like something I might really fuck up.
The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods : Yes, or it wouldn't be a quest. You have friends, don't you?
Eliot Waugh : I used to.
The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods : The one-eyed conqueror, the traveler, the warrior, the fool, the god-touched, the lover of tomatoes, and the torture artist.
Eliot Waugh : Wait, which one is that? You lost me there.
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The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods : Do you want your magic back or not? Will it not solve all your problems?
Eliot Waugh : I mean, yes, but, it's just how long does a quest like this take?
The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods : A good season.
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Margo Hanson : How do we Lizzie Borden the shit out of this thing? 'Cause I am about ready to go full '07 Britney.
Eliot Waugh : Maybe we could've back when this place was Pottered up.
Margo Hanson : Still. Even without a wand, Harry would figure some shit out.
Eliot Waugh : ...Honestly, I didn't quite finish those books either
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Eliot Waugh : What if they know about this in Loria? If I send Idri a message
Margo Hanson : Worst case he comes here, you look at him naked and cheer up a little.
Eliot Waugh : How dare you make me sound that shallow, but yes.
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The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods : You must find the book with no author. A tale for children, but they're hardly that. There is the key or, the keys in a place called Public Library. In the shire of Chester in the land of New Jersey.
Eliot Waugh : Again, that sure sounds like Earth.
The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods : Eliot, the quest I bestow on you is the task you were born for. Claim it.
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Eliot Waugh : Talking-animal question. So, bunnies.
Rafe : Her Sluggishness has noted that you are aware of their messenger abilities.
Eliot Waugh : So, that is what the Fairy Queen uses them for?
Rafe : Bunnies move easily between worlds.
Eliot Waugh : And do they serve her? And if so, how loyally?
Rafe : Every bunny for itself, Majesty.
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Eliot Waugh : Okay, okay, okay, okay, um... okay. You watched "Battlestar", right?
Margo Hanson : Yeah, I love when they do terrorism allegory with mostly white people.
Eliot Waugh : Mm-hmm. You remember Grace Park in season one?
Margo Hanson : Of course, best storyline.
Eliot Waugh : Why?
Margo Hanson : Duh... because she was actually...
Eliot Waugh : You're Grace Park. Okay? You're Grace Park, Margo.
Margo Hanson : [gasps] I'm Grace Park.
Eliot Waugh : Yeah. And we have ourselves a bit of a Gene Hackman in The Conversation.
Margo Hanson : I didn't see that one.
Eliot Waugh : Yeah, right, um... Someone is xoxo, Gossip Girl-ing our shit. Remember James Marsden in X-Men, hm? Your Marsden is xoxo-ing us full on that great song by The Police.
Margo Hanson : That Fairuza Balk in The Craft.
Eliot Waugh : Yeah, more Cersei Lannister.
Margo Hanson : Hey, glad I made you read those.
Eliot Waugh : [pause] Well, I read the Wiki.
[Margo gives him a look]
Eliot Waugh : What? Those books are like a million pages long. I have a life.
Margo Hanson : [unimpressed] Okay.
Eliot Waugh : Anyway, whatever your Marsden would xoxo, Cersei xoxo's. So, we have to keep it very best episode of Buffy.
Margo Hanson : [excited] Musical?
Eliot Waugh : The other one.
Margo Hanson : Okay. How do we Lizzie Borden the shit out of this thing? 'Cause I am about ready to go full '07 Britney.
Eliot Waugh : Maybe we could've back when this place was Pottered up.
Margo Hanson : Still. Even without a wand, Harry would figure some shit out.
Eliot Waugh : [pause] Honestly, I didn't quite finish those books either...
Margo Hanson : Our Harry, I mean.
Eliot Waugh : Oh! Him. Well, he'd...
[It suddenly dawns on him what Margo's thinking]
Margo Hanson : Mm-hmm.
Eliot Waugh : Consult the creepy pedophile. Mmm.
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Eliot Waugh : It is I, the Great Cock of The Darkling Woods.
The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods : The Great...
Eliot Waugh : Cock. Have you never beheld one, child of Earth?
The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods : No, no. No, I've beheld one or two.
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Tick Pickwick : I thought this excursion was mostly about drinking heavily.
Eliot Waugh : I needed to imply that so we could get away without extra eyes on us.