The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Proton Regeneration (2017)
Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz
Photos
Quotes
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Sheldon Cooper : They're going to start making Professor Proton's science show again.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I thought he passed away.
Howard Wolowitz : He did. He was cremated, and his remains were put in a baking soda volcano.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Don't make jokes. He meant a lot to Sheldon.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, me, too. I grew up watching his show. He's one of the reasons I became a scientist.
Penny Hofstadter : Aw. Thought you did it just to get girls.
Leonard Hofstadter : Joke's on you. It worked.
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : Where did you get a bell?
Howard Wolowitz : App store.
[showing her the app on his phone]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Fun. Let me see.
[he hands his phone over, and she puts it in her pocket]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : When you catch me, you can have it back.
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Raj Koothrappali : You know who'd make a great Professor Proton? Meryl Streep.
Howard Wolowitz : She's not a scientist.
Raj Koothrappali : Uh, then explain to me why she has chemistry with literally everyone.
Amy Farrah Fowler : It would be nice if they cast a woman.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, you've already got "Doctor Who" and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something.
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Nurse : Howard Wolowitz?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Want me to go with you?
Howard Wolowitz : No. I'll be fine.
Raj Koothrappali : Yeah, we got this.
Howard Wolowitz : Sit down!
[standing up]
Howard Wolowitz : Wish me luck.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [he heads towards the exit] Other way, buster.
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Howard Wolowitz : [at home after his surgery] Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Raj Koothrappali : Really hurts, huh?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [sarcastic] No. He's just saying "Ow can these prices be so low?".
[she helps him into bed]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : It's gonna be okay. A day or two of rest and you'll be fine.
Howard Wolowitz : You know nothing about Jewish people.
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Penny Hofstadter : Hi, guys. Wanted to check in and see how you two were doing.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : We're okay.
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah, hanging out in bed with my wife, thawing out some frozen peas in my pants; living the dream.
[hearing Halley on the baby monitor crying]
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, I'll get her.
Penny Hofstadter : I thought Raj was helping you out.
Howard Wolowitz : No, he had to work. Plus, he has a quota for the amount of Indian servant jokes he can tolerate, and apparently, I filled it.
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Penny Hofstadter : [Over the baby monitor, after she basically had it out against Howard and Bernadette for not trusting her with their baby, she goes in to address a crying Halley] Hey Halley, oh it's okay. Auntie Penny's here. Shhh. Okay, let's get you changed. Your mommy and daddy say they trust me, but they're both full of the same stuff your diaper is.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Now I feel bad.
Howard Wolowitz : Well, she never really liked me. It's kind of nice she hates you now.
Penny Hofstadter : [Continued, with feeling] Oh, but I'm here for you and would never let anything happen to you because your Auntie Penny loves you so much!
Halley Wolowitz : [Almost whispering] Mama.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [Freezing upon hearing that] Was that her first word?
Halley Wolowitz : [Clearer] Mama!
Penny Hofstadter : [Kind of panicking] No, no baby, I'm not your mama. Your mother is a nice lady that we're going to go see right now so I can rub this in her face.
[Bernadette, during this, has picked up the baby monitor speaker and eventually starts looking at it with anger in her eyes]
Penny Hofstadter : [Intentionally addressing the both of them] You hear that, suckers? She called me "mama"!
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : [Howard is scarfing down food] Howie, slow down.
Howard Wolowitz : I can't. I'm not allowed to eat for twelve hours before my surgery, and I only got two more minutes.
Leonard Hofstadter : [seeing Raj eating just as fast] What surgery are you having?
Raj Koothrappali : I'm stress eating. My best friend's getting a vasectomy tomorrow.
Penny Hofstadter : And you're sad you won't be able to bear his child?
Sheldon Cooper : [looking at his phone] Oh, my goodness.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : If it's "vasectomy gone wrong" videos, he's seen them all. Including the one of the guy who's sitting on what appears to be a cantaloupe but is not.
Howard Wolowitz : [putting his plate of food down] And I'm done.
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : [at the urologist's with Howard] You doing okay?
Howard Wolowitz : No, I'm very nervous.
[seeing another patient hobble out moaning, Howard stands up to leave]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Where are you going?
Howard Wolowitz : Gift shop.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : There is no gift shop. Sit down.
[he sits down]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : This was your idea.
Howard Wolowitz : So was having sex, and look where that got us.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : This isn't a big deal. Stop whining.
Howard Wolowitz : When you were in labor and I said that, you kicked me.
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Raj Koothrappali : [reading a pamphlet he got at the urologist's] Okay, uh, this is a bit awkward. It says here that I need to check the area for redness and swelling.
Howard Wolowitz : You know what? It hurts so much, go ahead.
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Howard Wolowitz : How was the doctor?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Good, but I have some news.
Howard Wolowitz : Don't say twins. Don't say twins. Don't say twins. Don't say twins.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : It's not twins.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh. I mean, because I would have loved them both.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : The doctor said I was overdoing it, so she put me on bed rest just to be safe.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, no.
[he hobbles towards the bed]
Howard Wolowitz : It may not look like it, but I'm running to you!
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Howard Wolowitz : [Sitting in bed doing their things] Getting a little hungry.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Want me to get it this time?
Howard Wolowitz : Sure.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [She picks up Howard's phone and rings the bell on the app. Smiling] This IS fun.
Howard Wolowitz : And now you, too, get to see an annoyed blonde walk in the room.
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Penny Hofstadter : You really don't trust me. You had to have Amy stop by?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : We trust you.
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah. You were a terrible waitress and we still asked you to get us a snack.
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Howard Wolowitz : I'm glad my balls hurt. It's all their fault.