The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Neonatal Nomenclature (2018)
Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz
Photos
Quotes
-
Raj Koothrappali : Dude! Why didn't you call me?
Howard Wolowitz : Well, the only way that I would see my son for the first time and immediately think "I need to call Raj" is if he came out brown.
-
Howard Wolowitz : I can't believe her. She knows I don't want to name the baby after her dad.
Amy Farrah Fowler : What did you want to name him?
Howard Wolowitz : I don't know. We were gonna wait until we saw what he looked like.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, it's a baby. Her dad's a wrinkly bald man. That wasn't gonna break your way.
-
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Okay, if it's not Michael, then what do you want to name him?
Howard Wolowitz : Harry? Like Potter or Houdini.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : It doesn't bother you that I have an old boyfriend named Harry?
Howard Wolowitz : Okay. How 'bout Al or Max or... Ted or Kevin?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Same answer.
-
Bernadette Rostenkowski : What about Paul?
Howard Wolowitz : Paul. Paul Wolowitz. I like it.
Raj Koothrappali : Ooh, like "Koothra-Paul-i".
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Okay, you ruined it.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : So, any day now.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, I don't know. We went to the doctor this morning, and she said it could still be another week or two.
Raj Koothrappali : How's Bernadette holding up?
Howard Wolowitz : It's pretty rough. She's having a hard time.
Leonard Hofstadter : Why are you smiling?
Howard Wolowitz : I had sex twice last night.
Raj Koothrappali : That's not fair! She's on bed rest. She can't run away.
Howard Wolowitz : It was her idea. She read that it can start labor.
Raj Koothrappali : Hmm. Is that true?
Howard Wolowitz : Well, I would have Googled it, but I was busy taking my pants off.
-
Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm sorry this is on such short notice.
Howard Wolowitz : Hey, I just wish I could be there when you present it.
Amy Farrah Fowler : That's okay. It's more important that you spend time with Michael.
Howard Wolowitz : Who's Michael?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Uh, your son?
Howard Wolowitz : No, it's not. My son doesn't have a name yet.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Okay, well, then Bernadette's son.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, what'd you name him?
Howard Wolowitz : Neil Michael. Neil for Armstrong, Gaiman, and Diamond. Michael because Bernie had to get six stitches.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Neil, that's cute.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [off screen] But we're calling him Michael!
Howard Wolowitz : I'm not gonna fight her. That kid's head was the size of a cantaloupe.
-
Howard Wolowitz : Honey, babies don't always come on their due date. Halley was two weeks late.
[seeing her expression]
Howard Wolowitz : But this baby's a boy. They don't take as long to get ready.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : What are you doing?
Howard Wolowitz : I'm making the situation better with humor.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Are you?
Howard Wolowitz : Would you rather me make it better with magic?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Go back to sleep.
Howard Wolowitz : Ta-da!
[he flops back onto his pillow]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [after a moment of silence] You know, I hear that sex can induce labor.
Howard Wolowitz : [popping back up] Anything for my family.
-
Sheldon Cooper : I believe today is Bernadette's due date.
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah. How do you know that?
Sheldon Cooper : Easy. Forty weeks from the date of her last period.
Howard Wolowitz : And why do you know that?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, excuse me for taking an interest in people.
-
Howard Wolowitz : Michael? Really, you think we're naming him Michael?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Not now, Howard. I'm in the middle of a game.
Sheldon Cooper : You wish. You are hundreds of hours away from the middle.
-
Bernadette Rostenkowski : You know what, maybe we should go.
Howard Wolowitz : Did you have another contraction?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No. I'm just worried that Sheldon's gonna say "mucus plug" again.
Sheldon Cooper : And I'm worried one's gonna hit me in the eye.
-
Howard Wolowitz : How you feeling?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Eh. But I am really excited to meet our son.
Howard Wolowitz : Me, too. I thought I'd be super freaked out. But I'm ready for this. Well, not the part where you're in labor and you squeeze my fingers 'till they turn blue.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [sarcastic] I'm sorry. That must be really painful for you.
-
Howard Wolowitz : I'm sorry I tried to sneak the name past you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : That's okay.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I'm sorry I used up so many good names in college. I was really competitive with my roommate.
Howard Wolowitz : Forget about it. Please.
-
Howard Wolowitz : You okay?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Uh, I think that was a contraction.
Howard Wolowitz : Is it time? Do we need to go the hospital?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No. We've been through this before. My water hasn't even broken yet.
Sheldon Cooper : Never mind your water. Has your mucus plug popped out?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Ew, no!
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, you're right. We probably would've heard that.
Penny Hofstadter : It's not a champagne cork. Although, that would be festive.
-
[first lines]
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Howie. Howie, wake up. It's time.
Howard Wolowitz : [waking up] Oh. Did your water break?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No.
Howard Wolowitz : Are you feeling any contractions?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No.
Howard Wolowitz : [she starts to climb out of bed] Wait. Well, where are you going?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : To the hospital. Today's my due date, and this crap needs to end now.
-
Amy Farrah Fowler : Hey, guys.
Leonard Hofstadter , Howard Wolowitz , Raj Koothrappali : Hey.
Sheldon Cooper : Hey, I was just talking about you.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, should I ask?
Leonard Hofstadter : You should not.
-
Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm trying to get our grant proposal together. Any chance you've finished those mechanical drawings?
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, sorry. I was gonna do it last night, but I got kind of busy.
Raj Koothrappali : [winking] Yeah, you did.
Amy Farrah Fowler : What are they talking about?
Sheldon Cooper : I'll give you a hint. It's something that we have done four times.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Watched "La La Land"?
Sheldon Cooper : What? No. No. I've not watched "La La Land" four times. If you find the soundtrack on my phone, that just 'cause our iTunes accounts are linked.
-
Howard Wolowitz : Are there any engineers on the grant committe?
Amy Farrah Fowler : I don't know. Why?
Howard Wolowitz : I didn't have time to figure out the three-input hydraulic manifold, so this diagram is really just the flux capacitor from "Back to the Future."
-
Howard Wolowitz : [Storming into the kitchen] I can't believe you're trying to hijack our son's name.
[seeing she isn't there]
Howard Wolowitz : Bernie?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [From the other room] This is as fast as I can move! Calm down!
-
Howard Wolowitz : So you're just gonna name him Michael? Were you even gonna tell me?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I told you.
Howard Wolowitz : When?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, right. That was Amy.
-
Howard Wolowitz : I don't want to name our son after your father.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I didn't want to say this, but he's dying.
Howard Wolowitz : He is?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Eventually. I mean, you see the way the man eats.
Howard Wolowitz : Okay, is this the hormones, or have you always been a lunatic?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I don't even know anymore.
-
Howard Wolowitz : Bernie, this is our kid's name. I think we should both agree.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : You're right. We both made this baby.
Howard Wolowitz : Thank you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months, sacrificed my body and my job, and soon it's gonna burst its way out of me like the Kool-Aid Man.
Howard Wolowitz : Exactly. Fifty/fifty.
-
Raj Koothrappali : What about Sherman? Like, Sherman Wolowitz.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, that's a kid who's gonna take his mother to prom.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Hey, Howard, you did that, right?
Howard Wolowitz : I didn't take her. She chaperoned. We slow-danced once.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : Some people name their kids after places.
Howard Wolowitz : Like what, Walla Walla Wolowitz?
Sheldon Cooper : If you think that is better than Ozymandias Wolowitz, then you have been breathing in the poisonous gas that my troops illegally dispersed.