- Amy Farrah Fowler: [after Sheldon invites Bert to join them for dinner] Sheldon, that was so sweet of you.
- Sheldon Cooper: I could deduce by his facial expression and body language that he was sad.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So the part where he got stood up didn't clue you in?
- Sheldon Cooper: You want me to look at him and listen to him?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: When you moved here you didn't have a lot of money; how'd you get by?
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, sometimes you can get free food and wifi from the neighbors... Just know you might have to marry one of them
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, look. It's Bert at the bar. We should say hi.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Because that's what you do when you see someone you know in a public place.
- Sheldon Cooper: I have multiple restraining orders that say otherwise.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, there's a difference between greeting a friend and following a celebrity to the bathroom.
- Sheldon Cooper: The judge couldn't explain it to me, I don't see how you will.
- Raj Koothrappali: And before you start, I am not interested in you arranging a marriage for me.
- Dr. V.M. Koothrappali: Oh, I gave up on that a *long* time ago.
- Raj Koothrappali: You did?
- Dr. V.M. Koothrappali: It's too much work. You're an adult who can't get by without an allowance from his parents. Women don't want that.
- Raj Koothrappali: Wha- what are you saying? That you- you're giving up on me? What kind of father gives up on his son?
- Dr. V.M. Koothrappali: I have six children, five of whom are married and self-sufficient. I don't think I'm the problem.
- Raj Koothrappali: I can't believe what I'm hearing; this is deeply hurtful.
- Dr. V.M. Koothrappali: You're also too sensitive; women don't want that either.
- Sheldon Cooper: Two years ago... I got my driver's license.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What? Why didn't you say anything?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, I like being chauffeured around. It makes me feel important.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So, when I got up at 4:00 a.m. to drive you across the desert to an antique train museum, I didn't have to?
- Sheldon Cooper: No, you didn't. But keep in mind, I felt extremely important.
- [first lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Go!
- [Raj takes a deep breath and holds it]
- Howard Wolowitz: Come on, Raj.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You can do this.
- Sheldon Cooper: There's no way.
- Penny Hofstadter: What is happening?
- Leonard Hofstadter: This is an Euler's disc. It's a physics toy that demonstrates angular momentum, potential energy and kinetic energy.
- Penny Hofstadter: Aw, look at you watching sports.
- Howard Wolowitz: We're betting to see if Koothrappali can hold his breath longer than the disc can spin.
- Sheldon Cooper: Its weight and smoothness along with the slight concavity of the mirror mean it can spin for a long time.
- Leonard Hofstadter: But Raj is from India which means he's no slouch at holding his breath.
- Penny Hofstadter: OK, I want in. Ten bucks says I'll lose interest before that thing stops spinning.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Amy enters] Hey, Sheldon, I found a great restaurant for date night.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, eh, kinda busy right now.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, an Euler's disc; fun.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, we're seeing if Raj can hold his breath longer than it.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, immature.
- [last lines]
- [Sheldon has been haranguing the cafeteria]
- Leonard Hofstadter: What brought that on?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, last night Amy was angry with me because I've been foolishly telling people about certain personal matters.
- Howard Wolowitz: That's understandable.
- Sheldon Cooper: Mmh, I know that now. At first, I thought she was cranky because of her horrific menstrual cramps, but... it turns out no, she was genuinely mortified.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: The food here's supposed to be great. Don't fill up on chips.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh I won't. I have a trick. I only eat equilateral triangles. Isoceles, isoceles, scalene...
- [tears a corner off one chip and eats it]
- Sheldon Cooper: You didn't see that.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry you were embarrassed, and now I understand that some things are just between you and me, and in the event of redness and swelling, Dr. Fink.
- Sheldon Cooper: Thank you, Bert. You're a good man. That woman who stood you up and humiliated you last night really missed out.
- Bert Kibbler: That doesn't paint me in the best light.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Correction, that woman not only had vigorous coitus with Bert, but she also tipped him a dollar for a job well done.
- Bert Kibbler: I'm meeting someone too.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh really, anybody we know?
- Bert Kibbler: I doubt it. I met her on gHarmony. That's a website for geologists to find love.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That's a real thing?
- Bert Kibbler: Yeah. Their slogan is: We're all about dating, and not the carbon-14 kind.
- Raj Koothrappali: [walks in with a Gucci bag] Hello-o!
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, someone's been shopping at Gucci.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, I saw something for Halley, and I couldn't resist.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: That's so sweet of you.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, it's a crushed velvet baby cape.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, no. Now we have two.
- Penny Hofstadter: That must have been expensive.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, it was, but it's my father's money and I'm mad at him.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What's going on with your dad?
- Penny Hofstadter: And if you really want to hurt him, I look great in Chanel.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why aren't you talking to me?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Because I'm mad at you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh. Now I'm sorry I asked.