- Professor Lipson: Quentin, you're dying.
- Quentin Coldwater: Yeah, well, aren't we all?
- Professor Lipson: You are dying *quickly*.
- Quentin Coldwater: Seriously, you guys, I'm in a cage. You think this is, uh, a tad redundant?
- Dean Fogg: Protocol.
- Quentin Coldwater: For werewolves.
- Josh Hoberman: [Wolfed out] Okay, technically, I have sexually transmitted lycanthropy; a very mild case.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Why are you here anyway?
- Julia Wicker: I killed trees.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Seriously?
- Julia Wicker: That could talk.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: They have talking trees here?
- Julia Wicker: Not anymore.
- King Idri of Loria: I'm sorry I have to kill you.
- Eliot Waugh: I've died before. Doesn't seem to take with me.
- Quentin Coldwater: I just can't do this anymore. Alice, I hope you meant it. I hope you just go and do beautiful magic. Alice... Quentin says go free.
- Heloise: That's the third brownout this week.
- Gillen: If we don't fix the Wellspring soon, Your Majesty-...
- Margo Hanson: One problem at a time, okay? Our soldiers are deserting us in protest, thanks to Julia committing tree genocide.
- Tick Pickwick: Pardon me, Your Majesty. For the official records, may I suggest a slightly less incendiary term? Perhaps "arbicide"?
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Eliot's the king of all this?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Yeah, looking for rock-solid proof there's no justice, that.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Even this dungeon's nicer than any place I lived as a kid - - oh, except for my uncle's BMW. Would've been even nicer if he'd actually been my uncle.
- Quentin Coldwater: I'm not letting you loose. It's bad for the world. I'm not boxing you. I don't want to know a world without Alice.
- Alice Quinn: Keep this up and you won't have to. We'll both be dead. Good plan.
- Fen: How's the battle prep?
- Eliot Waugh: If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be venting to my wife, while preparing to do battle on behalf of my mythical kingdom... I'd have done a lot more drugs.
- Fen: With this spell and this blade, you will be a master swordsman.
- Eliot Waugh: [chuckles] Insert weak double entendre I'd have to explain.
- Margo Hanson: We may be the least trusted monarchs in the history of Fillory. Thank God they don't have polls here.
- Eliot Waugh: Tick, if I did this, how popular would I be?
- Tick Pickwick: No king has ever volunteered for one-on-one combat. If you were to prevail, you would easily be the greatest leader in Fillorian history.
- Heloise, Gillen: The greatest.
- Margo Hanson: God, he's already seeing the statues.
- Heloise, Gillen, Rafe, Tick Pickwick, Margo Hanson, Eliot Waugh: [singing] "One more dawn One more day One day more..."
- King Idri of Loria: I'm confused. Is the duel not today?
- Eliot Waugh: It's a metaphor.
- Senator John Gaines: What the hell is this thing on my neck?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: It's a patch. It blocks psychic interference. It works, trust me.
- Senator John Gaines: I have to be honest, I hope I'm in a mental ward.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: I've been trying to understand you. At least that's what I thought. What I've really been doing is trying to make excuses for you. But I can't anymore, not after what you did to Quentin today.
- Julia Wicker: But he's fine, right?
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: That's just luck, and you know it. You *fed* him to Reynard.
- Julia Wicker: He knew how to survive.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Yeah, by doing what you want. That's all you see anymore, is what you want. You don't feel anymore, Julia, not the way a human does.
- Eliot Waugh: A duel? With Ess's dad?
- Margo Hanson: El-...
- Eliot Waugh: He's gotta be at least 50. And I'm pretty buff from all the living without technology or decent wine.
- Margo Hanson: Slow down.
- Eliot Waugh: [to the council] Is there any rule about not using magic?
- Rafe: No, Your Majesty.
- Tick Pickwick: Highness, if I may, there is a reason we haven't brought up this, uh, option before, especially since magic is not completely dependable. Simply put, you're likely to well... die.
- Margo Hanson: The fairies can bring back the Wellspring?
- Fairy Ambassador: They can.
- Margo Hanson: And in return?
- Fairy Ambassador: A royal child of Whitespire.
- Margo Hanson: The fairies want a baby? They aren't gonna eat it, are they?
- Fairy Ambassador: It'll be raised as a fairy. It'll know great knowledge, and even greater power.
- Margo Hanson: Well I'm not loving this, but I could get knocked up.