- [Sam sees Ruth and Bash staring at an art piece]
- Sam Sylvia: Are you guys tripping?
- Ruth Wilder: We're appreciating this piece of art.
- Sam Sylvia: Oh yeah. I like art that tells you exactly what it is.
- [art piece is a neon sign that reads 'Neon']
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Can you give us a little alone time?
- Ruth Wilder: Oh, don't mind me. I'm just hiding from Debbie.
- [Sam stares at Ruth]
- Ruth Wilder: I'll go.
- [Ruth walks away]
- Sam Sylvia: So what is this? The old Malibu ambush? You're gonna ply me with some drinks and tell me you don't like my vision?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Sam, I hired you to direct a wrestling show. Which I came up with. It was my idea.
- Sam Sylvia: It was the seed of an idea. I'm... I'm trying to elevate the form.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: And that is so bitchin', but can you maybe also not do that? When I said that I wanted something different, I meant the way Ms. Pac-Man is different from Pac-Man. As in, almost the exact same thing, but with a bow in her hair. Not set in the desert after a nuclear war.
- Sam Sylvia: Oh, okay. So I see, you don't want story.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: The Iron Sheik. right? What's his story? Where does he come from?
- Sam Sylvia: I don't even know who that is.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: He's a fucking wrestler, Sam, okay? And it doesn't matter because he just wears a head scarf and he hates America. That's all you have to do. Bottom line: your ideas are just too complicated. We need to simplify. Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. That's what we're doing here. Gorgeous Ladies. Wrestling.
- Sam Sylvia: Okay. All due respect. Okay, you hired me, because I'm a professional. I know how to do this. I've made eight films; two of which are taught in colleges. I'm not some 25-year-old child who thinks he knows everything. I need a drink.
- [Sam walks away]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Try the punch.
- Sam Sylvia: I'm not twelve!
- Ruth Wilder: Are you having fun?
- Debbie Eagan: Just 'cause we're at a party doesn't mean we're at all okay. If you talk to me again, I'll throw you through the fucking window.
- Jenny Chey: I am one who is cute like panda. I'm in danger. Help me! Save me!
- [grabs sword]
- Jenny Chey: Ha ha! Trick you! Because I am fast like dragon!
- [pulls sword]
- Jenny Chey: I am Fortune Cookie...
- [points sword at camera]
- Jenny Chey: ... and Asian.
- [Bash whistles]
- Sam Sylvia: Yeah?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Yeah. Definitely.
- Melanie Rosen: Hi, I'm Melrose. I'm a bad, bad girl who likes to party, party, party. And Daddy's been a bad, bad boy!
- [pulls out whip]
- Melanie Rosen: Come here, Daddy!
- Sam Sylvia: I think, uh... I should pull back on the dominatrix thing.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Yeah, just a tad.
- Dawn Rivecca: I'm Ethel.
- Stacey Beswick: I'm Edna.
- Dawn Rivecca, Stacey Beswick: And we're the Beat Down Biddies.
- Stacey Beswick: You want a piece of me? I got moles older than you.
- Dawn Rivecca: Oh yeah? I'll come at you. I'm like a good fiber cereal. I'll make you shit your pants!
- Reggie Walsh: I'm a two-time... Olympic... medalist... who loves America. I'm Liberty Belle.
- [Debbie approaches Sam and Bash]
- Debbie Eagan: [whispers] Can I please do this character?
- [Sam and Bash re-take the promo with Debbie wearing Reggie's medals]
- Debbie Eagan: Because I'm a two-time Olympic medalist who loves America. I'm Liberty Belle.
- Reggie Walsh: [looks at Sam and Bash] I'm the athlete. Those are my actual medals.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: She seemed more All-American.
- Sam Sylvia: Just... We're... We got a different part for you. It's a big juicy part.
- Reggie Walsh: Why don't I believe you?
- [Sam and Bash cut a promo with Reggie wearing a Viking helmet]
- Reggie Walsh: I am Vicky Viking.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Yes.
- Ruth Wilder: Men... walk in fear through these city streets. For it is there you may meet me. And though I am only moderately attractive, I am desperate. And there's nothing more dangerous than a desperate woman. And there is no woman more desperate than the Homewrecker.
- [pause]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: It's not working.
- Sam Sylvia: Yeah.
- Ruth Wilder: Did you want me to push it further, or... ?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: No, it's just...
- Sam Sylvia: I don't know. The whole thing's...
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Yeah, it's like, it's like... I mean, who is she?
- Sam Sylvia: Yeah. Yeah. Help us out, Ruth. Um... who do you think you are?
- Justine Biagi: I'm Scab, and I'm your worst nightmare. I'll gut your Gucci and blast your Beemer. Die, yuppie scum! Ha ha ha ha!
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: I got chills.
- Sam Sylvia: Yeah, you would.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Ronnie takes out his pen, signs the picture, and he says, 'It's a good thing Bonzo is a Democrat. Otherwise, he'd have won the nomination.'
- [the ladies laugh]
- Debbie Eagan: You're hilarious.
- Sam Sylvia: Ladies. Hi. I see you've met... Sebastian Howard, our producer.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Uh, 'Bash', please.
- Sam Sylvia: Just know that he's the one signing your checks, so, be nice.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: I don't like to talk about money, okay? I'm the patron of the arts. And wrestling is an art, despite my mother's opinion, which is wrong.
- Sam Sylvia: I thought you were in Peru.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Yeah. I... I... I came back early. Loving the casting!
- [grabs Sheila]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Even Miss Serious over here. So, so, so, what, what moves have you guys learned?
- Cherry Bang: We've been mostly learning to fall on our backs without hurting ourselves.
- Arthie Premkumar: And pain faces.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: W-w-what about, uh, powerbombs? Or, or DDTs? Salty's famous for his DDTs. Where is Salty, by the way?
- Sam Sylvia: Yeah, yeah, Bash. Salty didn't work out. Cherry's our new wrestling coach now.
- [Cherry waves at Bash]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Um... d-does she have any wrestling experience?
- Cherry Bang: Um... I'm right here.
- Sam Sylvia: Yeah, all right. Anyway, you know that fans are gonna tune in for the moves, but they're not gonna stay tuned in unless we give them what, ladies?
- Reggie Walsh: Blood!
- Melanie Rosen: Tits!
- Sam Sylvia: Storytelling. Storytelling.
- Melanie Rosen: Oh.
- Sam Sylvia: Now, I know it's exciting to be in the midst of a big-shot producer, but I have something even shinier. A script. Hot off the Xerox. I only made ten copies, so we're gonna have to share 'em. And I'm just gonna cast as we move along, starting with Ruth.
- Ruth Wilder: Yes! Anything you need.
- Sam Sylvia: Uh, yeah. I'm gonna need you to read stage directions.
- [disappointed look in Ruth's face]
- Arthie Premkumar: I am Beirut, the Mad Bomber. I will destroy your American way of living.
- Sam Sylvia: You know what? Let's... let's add the gun back in.
- [Sam gives gun to Arthie]
- Arthie Premkumar: [sighs] So expected.
- [Sheila walks toward the camera, leaning against the wall]
- Sheila the She Wolf: I'm Sheila.
- Sam Sylvia: [looks at Bash] Anything to add?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: No. I... I think it's pretty clear.
- Carmen Wade: They call me Machu Picchu, the Peruvian Fortress. Strong and proud. I'm a good guy.
- Sam Sylvia: Girl.
- Carmen Wade: I'm a good girl.
- Cherry Bang: I'm Ju... What is it?
- Sam Sylvia: Junkchain.
- [pause]
- Cherry Bang: I'm Junkchain, and I bring the pain. Peace.
- Rhonda Richardson: Oh, hello. I didn't see you, because I was looking at my beaker full of a science experiment. And earlier, I was doing algebra, because... I'm Britannica, the Smartest Woman in the World.
- [Sam looks at Bash, then takes off his glasses and hands them to Rhonda]
- Sam Sylvia: Throw those on for a second.
- [Rhonda puts on the glasses]
- Sam Sylvia: Yeah, that sells it.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Now it makes sense.
- Rhonda Richardson: I can't see.
- Tammé Dawson: Y'all stupid for going to work every day and paying taxes. I let the government pay for all of my shit, and I lives like a queen. A Welfare Queen.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: [looks at Sam] This is like half my brain, half your brain. She's our masterpiece.
- [Melrose and Rhonda fiddle with GLOW-Bot]
- Rhonda Richardson: Where are the drugs, robot?
- Melanie Rosen: How does it refill itself?
- [Melrose pushes the red button until a compartment opens]
- Melanie Rosen: Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop! Yes! Rhonda, down here.
- Rhonda Richardson: Where are they?
- Melanie Rosen: Do you see any little baggies?
- Rhonda Richardson: No, there's gotta be a...
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Ahem.
- Melanie Rosen: Hey! What? No, we're not molesting your robot.
- Rhonda Richardson: What? It kissed me, I didn't kiss it.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Well, I got something even better for you to fondle. Who likes glittery fun things?
- [Rhonda raises her hand while Melrose looks at the dresses Bash is carrying]
- Melanie Rosen: Holy shit! Is that a fucking Bob Mackie gown?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Uh, yeah. Why do you think my parties are so legendary?
- [Bash throws some dresses at Melrose and Rhonda]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: We drink, we smoke, we dance and get naked. Then we put on these awesome costumes, and the cycle repeats itself. Now why don't you go tell the ladies that there's a costume closet on the second floor?
- [Melrose and Rhonda run back to the mansion]
- Melanie Rosen: You guys! Costume party! Get naked!
- [the ladies enter the costume room. Tammé puts on a white fur coat]
- Tammé Dawson: Now this I can get used to.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Play around. Try on everything. Okay, maybe these could help inspire you in your wrestling personas.
- Rhonda Richardson: Ooh.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: That's right. Your wrestling personas.
- Tammé Dawson: And would Madame Xenothrob, the slaver-pimp, wear fur?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Is that what the fur's telling you? Go with what feels right.
- Tammé Dawson: Yes.
- Rhonda Richardson: [wearing astronaut helmet] Look, I'm a beekeeper.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Hmm.
- [Bash notices Carmen wearing a hockey mask]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why so Friday the 13th, huh?
- Carmen Wade: I'm a heel. I'm the evil Ogress. I gotta find something that'll scare the kids.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: [removes mask] No, no, no. Kids are gonna love you. You're not a serial killer. Look at this face, huh? Look at that smile. You're smiling all the time. No, we need... We need bright colors, fun. Oh, here. Here, try this on.
- [Sam grabs a hat]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Here. I got this after I dropped acid and hiked up Machu Picchu.
- [Carmen puts on the hat]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Here we go!
- Melanie Rosen: I really thought I was gonna like this. I thought I was gonna like... 'Oh, Bob Mackie! I need that!'. But it's like, I don't even know who this is. It's a stranger...
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. We just gotta strip you down to your essence here.
- Melanie Rosen: Naked already?
- [Bash grabs a whip and gives it to Melrose]
- Melanie Rosen: Wow. You see me.
- [Sam snorts some cocaine, then looks at Sheila]
- Sam Sylvia: Am I good?
- Sheila the She Wolf: Yeah.
- [Bash, wearing an Elvis jumpsuit, comes downstairs with the other ladies]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Ladies and gentlemen! Introducing the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling! Yes! Yes! Glorified, get in here. Get in here.
- [Bash notices Rhonda carrying an Uzi]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Whoa, a gun! Cool!
- Sam Sylvia: What the fuck is this?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Costumes, characters.
- [Sam looks at Tammé]
- Sam Sylvia: You look ridiculous.
- Tammé Dawson: This is my new character, Sam. I'm not a pimp. I'm a queen.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: We're exploring some ideas.
- Sam Sylvia: We don't need new ideas! I have ideas!
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Sam, your ideas are so complicated. Okay.
- [points at Melrose]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Check this chick out, right? This is clear. She's a sexy party girl. And she's a ripoff of Madonna, who is so huge right now.
- Melanie Rosen: What?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: And this one.
- [points at Jenny]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: She walks into the ring. There's no backstories or dialogue about where she came from. You look at her, what's the first thing that jumps out at you?
- Rhonda Richardson: Her eyes.
- Jenny Chey: Aw!
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Bingo! She's oriental!
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: [points at Reggie] You're a jock.
- [points at Arthie]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: You're an Arab.
- [points at Tammé]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: You're a big black girl.
- Tammé Dawson: The fuck you say?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: It's not a judgment. It's just what I and the entire world see with our eyes. And in wrestling, that is the foundation upon which we need to build.
- Arthie Premkumar: But I'm Indian, not Arab.
- Jenny Chey: I'm Cambodian.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Backstory. Wrestling is not about backstory. It's about type. And your type is...
- Arthie Premkumar: Intelligent and whimsical?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: No. No. Terrorist, or or genie or some sort of other evil Arab.
- Arthie Premkumar: You mean stereotypes.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Yes! Bingo! Exactly! Here, look...
- [Bash hands Arthie the Uzi]
- Sam Sylvia: Don't take that gun.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Take the gun.
- Sam Sylvia: Don't take the gun.
- Arthie Premkumar: Um, which one of you is in charge?
- [Ruth shows up]
- Ruth Wilder: Did somebody call for a meeting?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Oh! Yes! Here we go. Perfect! Uh, I don't know. Farmer's daughter. A girl next door.
- Ruth Wilder: No, I'm Kuntar, a vision of hideousness.
- Sam Sylvia: See?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: There's no world where people look at her and see hideous or evil. She's apple pie and ice cream.
- Sam Sylvia: Look, I didn't take this job to be bossed around by some wannabe producer who takes fake phone calls at the polo lounge.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Those calls are real! You took this job because no one else would hire you.
- Sam Sylvia: And who are you now? Robert Evans? You haven't done this before. You haven't done anything.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: GLOW is my idea!
- Sam Sylvia: So what? Ideas are cheap. Everyone's got ideas. Your idiot butler probably has ten Oscar-winning ideas.
- Florian: I do.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: You leave my butler out of this, all right? Florian kicks ass!
- Debbie Eagan: I am raising a baby with someone I can't even talk to. And if I leave him, where do I live? Do I live here with you?
- [Florian laughs]
- Debbie Eagan: Why am I feeling guilty about leaving that asshole? And he's... what's the word? Stupid. He is so stupid. Flor, when you cheat on your wife, don't admit everything to her. Lie. Lie to her, Flor.
- [whispering]
- Debbie Eagan: Flor, I'm gonna sit down on the floor.
- [Debbie sits on the floor]
- Debbie Eagan: I feel like I'm losing my mind every 20 minutes. Twenty minutes is... about as long as I can possibly pretend that everything's okay. And I don't have anybody to talk to about it. Except you.
- Florian: Oh.
- [Florian grabs champagne bucket]
- Florian: Here. This is for when you start puking. These carpets are really expensive.
- Debbie Eagan: Okay.
- [Sam joins Bash in the backyard fire]
- Sam Sylvia: I'm not easy to work with. I know that. I'm cranky, and I-I don't take criticism well, and I don't like being told what to do.
- [pause]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Is that an apology?
- Sam Sylvia: Apologies, compromise... not my bag. As my ex-wife will tell you. I-I just don't get it, man. I mean... why'd you hire me if you don't like my work?
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: What are you talking about, Sam? Your fucking movies are hysterical.
- Sam Sylvia: They're not comedies.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Oh.
- [pause]
- Sam Sylvia: I'll tell you what. We'll do it your way. All right? I'll make your show. I'll listen. I'll... compromise. In return...
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: You can't have Florian, okay? He's too valuable to me.
- Sam Sylvia: I don't want your fucking butler. I want you to read my script.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: The one from this morning?
- Sam Sylvia: No. No, another one. I-I've been trying to get it made for years, alright. But nobody gets it and no one wants to pay for it.
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: I don't need to read it. I'll make it.
- Sam Sylvia: You should read it. It's pretty fucking wild. There's, there's, like, uh, time travel, Oedipal shit...
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Sam, look at me. You make GLOW, I will make any... crazy time-travel sex-romp movie you want. What's it called?
- Sam Sylvia: Mothers and Lovers. Don't say anything. I don't want notes. It's a great title.
- [pause]
- Sebastian 'Bash' Howard: Sam, I love it. It's deep.
- [Sam is typing his script when he hears a knock on his door. He opens the door and sees his ex-wife]
- Sam Sylvia: Oh.
- Carolyn: You were supposed to drop the dog off on Tuesday. This is getting ridiculous.
- Sam Sylvia: I've been busy.
- Carolyn: Can I have Lenny, please?
- Sam Sylvia: No, you can't.
- Carolyn: Why not?
- Sam Sylvia: Because he's dead. He got hit by a car, a Saab, and I just didn't have time to call you. I'm sorry. I know this is probably devastating for you. I mean, I've had a week, so, I've kind of... moved through it. But, uh, I have the number of the woman that hit him, if you wanna call her and cry. Do you wanna call her and cry? 'Cause I don't really want you to cry here.
- [Lenny barks from the hallway door. Carolyn picks him up]
- Carolyn: You belong in an asylum.
- Sam Sylvia: Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you? Just me all chained up and drooling and, and lobotomized with my balls cut off.
- Carolyn: You never had any balls to begin with.
- [Carolyn walks out of the house with Lenny]
- Sam Sylvia: I did before I married you! But there's one ball you can't castrate. That's the mind!